How to overcome the comparison mentality?

Material comparison is a relatively common phenomenon, which can be viewed from two perspectives.

First, values ??

Children’s comparison mentality must come from adults, and adults’ comparison is largely related to social trends. If you imagine China in the 1950s, when everyone was proud of the poor and lower-middle peasants, you will understand how the money worship consciousness in the commercial culture of today's commodity society affects the public. Therefore, in order to prevent children from having a comparison mentality, they must establish their independent values. For example: Materials only meet the needs of life. Material superiority is insignificant in the face of spiritual superiority. Everyone should pursue self-improvement and self-progress. The most popular children on campus are not the richest, but those with complete personalities, pursuits, and kindness to others. Of course, the prerequisite for the transmission of values ??is that we ourselves must have clear and firm values.

Second, self-esteem

Self-esteem and vanity have many subtle relationships. Without self-esteem, there is no vanity, and without inferiority, there is no need for vanity. If self-esteem is improperly based on the pursuit of being superior to others, comparison will naturally occur. If self-esteem is based on self-identity and self-improvement, people will not care how they compare with others. True nobility is not superior to others, but due to your past self.

“Not just vanity”

Have you ever been to Northeast China? The laid-off workers there can wear clothes that cost 10,000 yuan. It’s not because they have financial resources, but because they have to borrow money to dress up. Do you still remember the “You can tell me if I have anything” at the Spring Festival Gala a few years ago? It’s not that I’m not afraid of suffering, but I’m more afraid that I won’t be appreciated by others. Have you ever heard of female college students selling themselves for high consumption? It’s not that he was born a scoundrel, it’s that everyone around him laughed at poverty but not at prostitution.

On the eve of the Dragon Boat Festival in 2006, a college student from a certain university stopped his mother, who was visiting him from Hebei, at the school gate before her birthday because she was worried that her shabby clothes would be seen and ridiculed by outsiders. She also asked her to take a basket of rice dumplings back intact. In the end, the mother had to leave in tears.

A mathematics teacher who witnessed the whole incident said that he taught the college student's class. The boy's hometown is in rural Hebei. He has good academic performance. He is a poor student in the school. He usually has a high self-esteem and rarely communicates with his classmates. That day, he found that the student was stopping a rural woman in her 50s at the school gate. The two were arguing, so he stood behind the male student. After listening for a while, he realized that the woman was the boy's mother. Because her son did not come home during the Spring Festival, her mother traveled from her hometown thousands of miles away to see her son. The Dragon Boat Festival is coming, and she is carrying a basket of rice dumplings. His mother's arrival made the college student unhappy and very angry. He felt that his mother's shabby clothes would "embarrass" him and make him laugh when his classmates saw him, so he refused to let his mother enter the campus. After more than ten minutes of stalemate, the mother turned around and left in tears at her son's repeated urging. The mother also carefully asked her son repeatedly: Do you want to keep the rice dumplings to eat? But the son muttered: Go away quickly, who will eat this?

Later, the teacher caught up with the mother who was wiping tears while walking, and wanted to persuade her to go into the school and have a look. When the mother saw someone chasing her, she quickly wiped away her tears, repeatedly said "It's okay, it's okay", and repeatedly declined the teacher's kindness. "I still have a lot of farm work to do when I get home," he said and left in a hurry.

People with self-respect have their own values ??and moral standards, as well as the joy and confidence of self-development. Therefore, to be able to enjoy yourself and not easily envy others, you don’t have to be like others, and you don’t need to chase the wind unnecessarily. Although people with self-respect also need approval from others, they will not deliberately cater to others. The only people who can achieve the goal of "praise the whole world without persuading people, and criticize people without discouraging people from all over the world" are those who have self-respect.

Vanity is completely different. Vain people care too much about other people's opinions, for fear that others will look down on them, for fear that others will not agree with them. For a vain person, if others despise him, he will be greatly depressed, so he will create conditions for others to think highly of him at any cost. As everyone knows, for a wise person, doing this just exposes his inner weakness and inferiority. The college students in the story belong to this category.

It is difficult for vain people to be magnanimous. From time to time, they need to cover up the void and keep up their face, which often requires paying a price, sometimes a high price, and once the secret is revealed, they will be ridiculed to the point of embarrassment.

Vain people like to show off, but this kind of showing off is very ridiculous in the eyes of discerning people.

Vainous people often talk empty talk, like to compare, and are not pragmatic, which invisibly sets up obstacles for their own development, because many "faceless" things are necessary, and vain leaders often put on airs. , but they don’t know that this actually reduces their prestige; vain entrepreneurs love to show off, but they don’t know that this is a taboo in entrepreneurship. Packaging and building momentum are sometimes necessary. The problem is that vain people greatly exceed the limit of "needs". They pay too many "costs" that are unnecessary or even unaffordable.

Needless to say, today's society has its obvious utilitarianism and impetuosity. Impetuousness makes people shallow, and utilitarianism makes people vain. However, while the times have made it more difficult to overcome vanity, they have also made it more valuable to not be vain. If someone has more self-esteem and less vanity, he will be extraordinarily different. He will have unique power and charm. This is God's inevitable reward for those who are wise and cultivated. .