Collect philosophical jokes!

1. Father and son passed the gate of a five-star hotel and saw a very luxurious imported car. The son disdainfully said to his father, "People who ride in this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs!" "The father replied airily," People who say such things must have no money in their pockets! "

-Does your view of things also reflect your true attitude?

After dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together, and father and son watch TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence. The son looked at his father and said, "Mom must have broken it."

"How do you know?" "She didn't swear."

We are so used to seeing people and ourselves by different standards that we are often strict with ourselves.

My wife is cooking in the kitchen. Her husband has been nagging: slow down! Watch out! The fire is too big! Turn the fish over! Shovel up! Too much oil! "Husband," the wife blurted out, "I know how to cook." "Of course you know, wife." The husband calmly replied, "I just want you to know how I feel when you are chattering around while I am driving."

It is not difficult to learn to be considerate of others, as long as you are willing to seriously look at the problem from the other side's point of view and position.

4.a: "The new neighbors are so hateful. Last night, in the dead of night, he suddenly came over and rang my doorbell hard. "

B: "How hateful! Did you call the police immediately? "

Answer: "No, I think they are crazy. Keep playing my trumpet."

Everything happens for a reason. If you can see your mistakes first, the answer will be different. When you are faced with contradictions and disputes, first think about whether you are wrong or not, and maybe you can put it down soon.

One day, Zhang San was driving on a mountain road. Just as he was enjoying the beautiful scenery, a truck drove up to him. The driver with black teeth rolled down the window and shouted at him, "pig!" " Zhang Sanyue thought more and more puzzled, more and more angry, so he rolled down the window and turned to curse: "You are the pig!" " No sooner had he finished cursing than he ran into a group of pigs crossing the road.

Don't misinterpret the kindness of others, it will only hurt yourself and humiliate others. Before unknown so, you should learn to hold back your emotions and observe patiently so as not to regret it afterwards.

1, architect

A lady called the architect and said that her bed would shake whenever the train passed by.

"This is nonsense!" The architect replied, "Let me see."

After the architect arrived, his wife suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling when the train passed by.

Hardly had the architect gone to bed when his wife's husband came back. Seeing this, he snapped, "What are you doing in my wife's bed?"

What? "

The architect replied trembling, "I said I was waiting for the train." Would you believe it? "

Suddenly realized

Some words are true, but they sound false; Some words are false, but there is no doubt.

Step 2 seduce

An English gentleman and a French lady share a box. The woman tried to seduce the Englishman. After she took off her clothes and lay down, she complained that she was cold. first

Sheng gave her his quilt, but she kept saying it was cold.

"How else can I help you?" Mr. Wang asked in dismay.

"When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm."

"Young lady, I can't help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I? "

Suddenly realized

A man who knows amorous feelings is a good man, and a man who doesn't know amorous feelings is a good man.

ladle

Mike went into the restaurant and ordered a soup. The waiter brought it to him right away.

As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike shouted, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter brought him another soup, but he still said, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter had to call the manager.

The manager nodded respectfully to Mike and said, "Sir, this dish is our best and very popular with customers, isn't it?"

You ... "

"I mean, where is the spoon?"

Suddenly realized

Correcting mistakes is of course a good thing. But we often remove the right ones and leave the wrong ones, and the result is wrong and wrong.

Step 4 wear it wrong

In the restaurant, an extremely humble person timidly touched another customer wearing a coat.

"Excuse me, are you Mr. Pierre?"

"No, I'm not." The man replied.

"Ah," he breathed a sigh of relief, "then I'm not mistaken. I am him. You are wearing his coat. "

Suddenly realized

It proved not easy. People who are straightforward tend to feel inferior; And unreasonable people are as strong as cattle.

Cattle.

Step 5 take it back

A Scotsman went to London and wanted to visit an old friend by the way, but forgot the address, so he sent a telegram to my father:

"Do you know Thomas's address? Quick report! "

On the same day, he received an urgent call back: "I know."

Suddenly realized

When we finally found the most correct answer, we found it was the most useless.

6. Sad stories

Three people went to new york for a holiday. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel.

One night, the elevator in the building broke down and the waiter arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby.

After discussion, they decided to walk back to their rooms and agreed to tell jokes, sing songs and tell stories in turn to reduce the fatigue of going upstairs.

After telling jokes and singing songs, we finally climbed to the 34th floor, and everyone felt exhausted.

"All right, Peter, tell a humorous story."

Peter said, "The story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I left my room key in the hall."

Suddenly realized

We are miserable, so we are humorous; We are humorous, so we are happy.

Step 7 sell books

A famous writer is coming to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was flattered and quickly removed all the books and replaced them with the author's.

Books. When the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy to ask, "Does your store only sell my books?"

"Of course not." The bookstore owner replied, "Other books are selling well, and they are all sold out."

Suddenly realized

"Flattery" is a strange word: you seem to flatter and insult him.

Step 8 help

In the lobby of the post office, an old lady walked up to a middle-aged man and said politely, "Sir, please help me write down the ground on the postcard."

Is the address good? "

"Of course." The middle-aged man did as the old man asked.

"Thank you!" The old lady said, "Write me another short paragraph, will you?"

"all right." After writing according to the old lady's words, the middle-aged man smiled and asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Well, there's one little thing." The old lady looked at the postcard and said, "Help me add another sentence below: the handwriting is scrawled, please be original."

Forgive me. "

Suddenly realized

If you refuse help, people will hate you for a week; If the help is not perfect, it is best. ...