Somebody tell me a joke. It is so boring. Short and funny. Surfing the Internet is boring.

1, Confucius said, don't sleep at noon, collapse at noon; Mencius said that Confucius was right!

2, 9 oranges for 13 children, how to divide it fairly? -Killed four children.

3. "Love" is a very powerful word. The upper part of it is taken from the "change" of "change _ state" and the lower part is taken from the "state" of "change _ state".

4, guest officer, are you pinching people or staying in a hotel ——————————————————————————————————————————————————————— I have a bowel movement.

5. I have gained weight recently, and I can touch the hang-up button by calling and smiling.

6. It is not necessarily a good thing for everyone to stand on one side, such as standing on the side of the ship.

7. You said ... Do you like me? Actually ... first of all ... actually, I also ... I told you, actually, I like myself.

As a typical loser, you are really successful.

9. It is very important to remind everyone to learn how to repair notebooks! Once upon a time, there was a man who couldn't repair his notebook ..... Everyone knows what happened afterwards.

10, you can play with your nose for a while if you are bored.

1 1, Jesus and Sakyamuni guess boxing. If you lose, let the other side bounce your head. Jesus always wins, and Sakyamuni is bounced all over his head. In the end, Sakyamuni won once. When Jesus saw that he lost, he said, "Wait for me for a while, and then hit me when you come back." Jesus never came back, so for thousands of years, Sakyamuni's hand has been kept in that position ready to hit Jesus on the head.

12. A child selling tofu always thinks that a nun is a monk's daughter-in-law. One day, a nun went to buy tofu, and the child called her "monk's daughter-in-law" This made a nun very angry and left without giving tofu money.

Children cry when they sit on the ground. At this time, a monk happened to pass by, and the child grabbed him and said, "Your daughter-in-law doesn't give money for eating tofu!" " "

The monk asked, "Where can I have a daughter-in-law?" "That's the nun." "You call her aunt and she will give you money." The child went to the nun happily: "Aunt, please give me the tofu money."

Seeing that the child no longer called her "monk's daughter-in-law", the nun happily gave money and asked, "Who told you to call her that?" "Uncle."

13, late at night, a bus got on the last bus and was ready to deliver takeout. The driver looked back and saw a lady in white sitting in the last row. The driver continued to drive and looked in the rearview mirror. The woman disappeared again, scared ~ ~ brake quickly. Looking back, she sat there again. The driver turned his head guiltily to continue driving and looked at the rearview mirror carefully. That woman is gone again. What a shock! Hurry and brake again. Looking back, the woman appeared again. Facing the collapse, the driver turned his head in a cold sweat and continued driving. The driver looked in the rearview mirror for the third time, and the woman disappeared again. The driver had collapsed. Another emergency stop, but she didn't turn her head away. At this time, the woman came slowly, her hair was messy and her face was covered with blood, dripping on his feet. The driver was stiff and didn't dare to turn to look at her. The woman said in a very low voice, "I have enemies with you!" " As soon as I squatted down to tie my shoelaces, you braked hard. As soon as I squatted down, you braked again. "

14. As a woman, you should look like a painting. Don't make clothes. Men tried and tried, but no one bought it. It's worn out and it's difficult to sell it at 50% discount.

15, my friend forgot to hide the pp of Yanzhaomen, and his father saw it. He trained a little more and continued training the next morning. This friend couldn't bear it, and told his mother, I think what's wrong with this? I'm 24 years old. It's time to pull the dog out for breeding!

16, when I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful girl in a liberal arts class. Although I know her, she has no chance to get close. For a long time, she could only look at it from a distance. My deskmate and I have discussed many ways to approach beautiful women, but most of them are too shameless and few are feasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, that is, I met her and took the initiative to strike up a conversation. The content of the conversation is: hey, what a coincidence, you are XXXX, too. The content of XXXX depends on the specific situation. For example, when we meet in the library, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also come to the library. When you meet at the station, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also take this bus. Then we can start talking.

With this in mind, I want to meet her every day. Finally one day: I came out of the toilet and saw her washing her hands by the pool. I was so excited that I quickly went over and turned on the tap to wash my hands. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly, hey, what a coincidence, right ... You ... you ... peed on your hand, too?

17, you become a big cripple when you slip, and then turn around and flash your waist.

18. The iron fences on a university campus are all sharp, and the warning signs on them are like this: if a boy accidentally turns over, he will become a girl … if a girl accidentally turns over, she will become a woman …

19, just graduated: Brothers, see you soon; One year after graduation: brother, and a wife in the future; Later: brothers, regret marrying a wife; Later: brothers, there will be a stepmother; Finally: brothers, regret having a stepmother ~

20. When I was a child, my father taught me: "The ratio of male to female in China is 107: 10 1. If you don't study hard, you are the' 6'! "

2 1, when I grew up, I was admitted to Tsinghua and found that the ratio of male to female in Tsinghua was 7: 1, and I was still that "6"!

22. When the university came down from me, I told my pants: You can go, but your youth must stay. At this moment, I suddenly realized that it was not that I went to college, but that college fucked me!

23. A professor said with emotion that boys and girls are not allowed to enter the opposite sex dormitory after 1 1: "Do people's physiological needs only attack after 1 1 at night?"

24. When you were born, were you thrown three times and only caught twice?

25. In the bank, the robber said, "Robbery, get down!" When he saw a lady kneeling, he shouted, "Be fucking civilized. I only rob money, not sex!" "

26. The man can't go home for a long time, and his wife is very sad. One day, a man asked his wife to take off her clothes and stand upside down in front of the mirror. The wife is happy to do so. The man put his chin against his wife's nakedness and said to the mirror, do I look good with a beard?

27. Ascaris and his son look out of their asses. The son asked what is blue. Father: Blue sky. Son: What is the green one? Father: Earth. Son: The outside world is really beautiful. Why are we staying in the ass? Father said solemnly: Because this is our motherland!

28. A Japanese went to the hospital. The doctor asked: What's the matter? M: Don't laugh after listening. Doctor: Of course. When a man takes off his trousers and his genitals are only as thick as matchsticks, the doctor will laugh. The man is furious: it's swollen for several days, and you still laugh!

29. A man looked at the prescription prescribed by a female doctor for a long time and came back and asked, "Where is the 13 supermarket?" The female doctor smiled and said, not 13, but B-ultrasound. "The man was furious and said," Shit, your "B" score is too wide.

20. Friends and relatives are dating in fast food restaurants. The young man is modest and decent. In order to test whether he smokes, the future father-in-law handed me a French fries: Do you want one? The young man swallowed and said, no thanks.

3 1, the couple have no children for many years. The husband went to the hospital for examination. The doctor said: You have too little sperm, and you may be infertile forever. Husband said: TMD, I wouldn't have wasted so many condoms if I had known!

When two beggars went out to beg, they saw a pile of sour and smelly rice. Party A enjoyed eating, while Party B watched and did not compete for food. After a few minutes, A suddenly felt unwell and vomited! Exultation: This is exactly what I expected!

33. The old monk regretted that he had never seen a woman before. The young monk went down the mountain and found a prostitute to show him naked. When the old monk saw it, he said with emotion, How can you be like a nun? Then I closed my eyes.

34. In a restaurant, woman: Are you going to marry me or not? The man was silent. W: Don't think that nobody wants me. If I get angry, I'll find someone to marry here right away! The waiter came over and said, miss, you scared away all the guests in our shop.

35. The explorer got lost in the desert, and a beautiful fairy brought him a cup of cranberry juice. The explorer felt good after drinking it and said, "Have another drink!" " The fairy said shyly, "it won't start until next month!"

36. Someone works in a funeral home. When he was cremated, he saw a huge thing under his crotch and cut it back for his wife to see. His wife was surprised and said, "Lao Wang is dead."

Early the next morning, the bride walked out of the bridal chamber in pain, holding the wall in one hand and covering her nakedness in the other, cursing: liar! What a liar! Before I got married, I said I had thirty years' savings. I thought it was money!

38. Late at night, my husband was reading in bed, and from time to time he put his hand between his wife's legs, and her wife undressed and spoiled. The husband asked, why? The wife was angry and asked, What are your hands doing? The husband replied solemnly: wet hands are good for turning pages.

39. The farmer has a visitor, and the owner wants to kill the rooster, but the rooster can't fly down on the roof. The master scolded: If you don't come down, I will kill all the hens and make your life worse than death! Cock laugh wildly: Wow! Great, I can finally find a pheasant.

40. One day, the rancher was feeding the cows in the cowshed when he heard footsteps outside. The cow said quickly, don't touch my husband.

A soldier is practicing climbing a tree. Suddenly, he fell from the tree. The officer asked him why he fell. He said that two squirrels ran into his crotch, and I put up with it. They went in and said, Let's share the fruit.

42. A man went to the hospital for circumcision. The female doctor was surprised and said: I have never seen such a long one. The man proudly said, isn't Asia magnificent? The female doctor said contemptuously: I said foreskin!

43. A doctor confessed: Father, I am guilty. I had sex with a patient. Father: Other doctors have the same crime, but I am more worried about you. Those doctors are not veterinarians like you.

44. Play the sitcom Mulan with Xiao S. Mulan played by Xiao S takes off her clothes to prove her daughter's identity, and then Wu Zongxian shouts .. "Wow! ! What big two thumbtacks! !

45. When the fat man was drinking in the bar, a foreigner looked at him carefully through the glass door. The fat man was about to have an attack when the foreigner suddenly knocked on the glass and asked the bartender, is this glass a magnifying glass?