Drama or campus or musical script, urgent

Narration: Act 1 of "Zou Ji satirizes the King of Qi for accepting advice"! Ready? Go!

(The music played the prelude to "The Year of the Year", and Wu Meiniang and the Little Pervert appeared from both sides of the stage)

Wu Meiniang: No matter what questions you ask us——

Little pervert: We will answer them all!

Wu Meiniang: The crime of insisting on love and truth——

Little Pervert: The most charming villain——

Wu Meiniang: (like a cute little girl) Wu Meiniang!

Little pervert: (showing a lewd smile) Little pervert!

Wu Meiniang: The two people on the rocket pair across the galaxy are——

Little Pervert: There are 38 widows waiting in the black future!

Wu Meiniang: Wait, why are you a widow?

Little pervert: Just like you, the two widows are pretty good.

Wu Meiniang: Oh, by the way, what mission are we going to perform this time?

Little pervert: Do you know the four most beautiful men in ancient China?

Wu Meiniang: Who doesn’t know this? Looking for bacteria, cicadas, loose feces, expensive fertilizer!

Little pervert: (patted Wu Meiniang hard) Fart, those are four beauties! !

Wu Meiniang: Oh~ who are the four beauties?

Little pervert: Zou Ji, Xu Gong.

Wu Meiniang: Are there two less?

Little pervert: (patted Wu Meiniang again) Idiot, the other two are of course you and me~~

Wu Meiniang: Oh (struck a pose with the little pervert )

Little Pervert: This time we want to change history and destroy the story of Zou Ji mocking the King of Qi and accepting remonstrance.

Wu Meiniang: Oh~~~How to destroy it?

Little pervert: (Hit Wu Meiniang again) Fool, follow my instructions then!

Let’s go!

Narration: All departments pay attention to lighting and sound. Act 2, Zou Ji’s home, Action!

Zou Ji: (Looking in the mirror) (Excited) Wow! ! ! What a handsome guy is this! So beau-beau-beau-beau-beautiful!

Oh, it turns out to be me. It is true that the Zou family has a handsome man, who is always independent and cares about the Qingren city and the Qingren country.

I don’t know how to have a beautiful city or a beautiful country. It’s so rare to find a handsome guy! (Singing in front of the audience:) The girl opposite looks over, looks over, looks over------

Wife: (Coughs loudly) Hum, who is looking over when you sing?

Zou Ji: Of course, you, look, look over.

Wife: Fart, I am already 88 years old and I am still a "girl". It seems that you want to cheat on me. I must kill you today! Look at my Nine Yin White Bone Claws (pronounced zhua) (waving my palm to hit Zou Ji)

Narration: Freeze! (My wife's hand stopped when it was 1 centimeter away from Zou Ji's face) At that time, Zou Ji thought to himself, that hairy claw - oh no - the hand was only 0.01 centimeters away from his face, but after a stick of incense, this crazy woman would fall in love completely Fuck him! Will the wife finally beat Zou Ji? Can Zou Ji still come out alive? What on earth would Zou Ji say to his wife? Don't go away, the answer will be revealed after the ad!

Wife: Damn narration, it’s very tiring for people to raise their hands like this. Are you finished? ! Really, today’s young people don’t know how to show mercy to their loved ones------

Narrator: (Just finished vomiting) Let’s get back to the plot! The time for one stick of incense is over, Zou Ji——

Zou Ji: (affectionately) Oh~Darling~Listen to me, even though you are a mature lady, you still have charm in my eyes. If you don’t believe it, listen - (singing and dancing) There is only you in my heart and not her. You have to believe that my friendship is not fake. My tears are shed for you, and my eyebrows are painted for you, never for her. ~Cha Cha Cha Cha!

Wife: Oh~ I believe it! Xiao Tiantian, didn’t I scare you just now?

Zou Ji: No, I'm scared now ------ (vomiting)

Wife: If you have any requests, just ask.

Zou Ji: Nothing special.

By the way, let me ask you a question, am I familiar with Xu Gongmei?

Wife: Of course you are beautiful (quickly lean over and act like a little bird clinging to someone)

Zou Ji: (quickly pull her away) Really?

Wife: Of course~ Look~ you look like Andy Lau from the left, Chow Yun-fat from the right, Tony Leung from the back, and Ng Meng-tat from the front!

Zou Ji: Madam is indeed wise!

Wife: If there is nothing else, I will go down~

Zou Ji: Madam, go slowly! (The wife exits)

You can’t just listen to what the family says and then ask your concubine. By the way, it's time for her to come back after going to the temple to burn incense. Concubine~~Concubine~~

Concubine: (steps forward to salute) Concubine, you are so polite.

Zou Ji: What kind of lot did you draw for me when I went to the temple today?

Concubine: After drawing the lot, I shed all my tears. I am a sad person through the ages, but I still look at the present. Inside and outside the temple, there was a rush of people rolling up thousands of small white sticks. As the saying goes, some families are happy and some are sad. Listen to the wow sound inside and out. I remember when I first got the signature, I opened my eyes and took a quick look and saw that it was a top signature. I was so happy that I looked at it again and found that it was upside down. Husband, don't blame me for being so unlucky. I might as well go draw lots tomorrow.

Zou Ji: (approaching the concubine step by step) (suddenly raising his hand to smooth his hair)

Concubine: (crying loudly) Wow~~~Wow~~~

Zou Ji: I haven’t hit you yet!

Concubine: (stops crying) Huh? oh.

Zou Ji: Well, if you answer a question, I won’t blame you if you answer it correctly.

Concubine: Husband, please ask.

Zou Ji: Between me and Mr. Xu, who is more handsome?

Concubine: That is of course Mr. Xu——(Seeing Zou Ji’s angry expression) Not as beautiful as you~

Zou Ji: Really? I want to hear the truth.

Concubine: Look at you, your eyes are as bright as the stars, your eyebrows are curved with willow leaves and your cherry mouth is like a cherry mouth, and you are one meter and nine meters tall——

Zou Ji: Huh? !

Concubine: Oh, I am 1.9 meters tall. No one would find me ugly. The eucalyptus trees stand in the wind, beautiful and romantic. After dusk, Dong Li drinks wine and looks so handsome. Born with a devilish face, Beckham bowed his head when he saw it.

Zou Ji: (angrily) You are really good at flattering me. I have always disliked flattery from others. This is definitely not acceptable to an upright person like me! Go down and reflect!

Concubine: Got it, I resigned (hurriedly left the stage)

Zou Ji: (suddenly laughed after seeing the concubine leave the stage) Hahahahahaha, I am really charming. No, I have to look in the mirror again and appreciate my exquisite face.

Guest: (entering the stage) (speaking on mobile phone in Cantonese) I’m so tired, so tired. Is this Boss Andy Lau? This is Zhu Guli, the owner of Zhuzhu Pig Farm. The two hundred old sows you want will be delivered to you right away~ Oh, yes, yes, yes. Piggy is in a little bit of trouble, but I promise she'll be fine soon. Well, don't worry, then bye bye hahaha (immediately withdraws his smile) (knocks on the door)

Zou Ji: Who is it?

Guest: Oh, chocolate.

Zou Ji: Oh ~ never heard of it!

Guest: You must have an impression, look - (singing:) Pig! Your nose has two holes, and you still have snot when you have a cold.

Pig !You have dark eyes, and you can’t see anywhere when you look and look (turn it up too high, and the sound will break)

Zou Ji: Oh, I remember, it’s Boss Zhu. Ah~please sit down!

Zou Ji: Do you smoke?

Guest: No!

Zou Ji: Do you want to drink water?

Guest: Bring your own!

Zou Ji: Eat fruit?

Guest: Nausea!

Zou Ji: ------

Zou Ji: Then why do you come to me? (Drinking tea)

Guest: My very cute, beautiful, and lovable Dongdong is sick.

Zou Ji: (continues to drink tea) Dongdong? Am I cute, am I beautiful, am I lovable?

Guest: By the way, my stuff is an old sow! (Zou Ji spit out the tea) I would like to invite you to take a look.

Zou Ji: Well, answer my question first.

Guest: What’s the problem?

Zou Ji: Am I familiar with Xu Gongmei?

Guest: (claps hands and shouts) Xu Gongmei——(looks at Zou Ji’s face) It’s impossible. look! Up, down, left, right, right, front, back, etc. It is most difficult to tell the difference between the two handsome men. He is a beautiful man in Qi, but he is not as good as you who came from behind. You know, the most beautiful one is brother Zou Ji. Look, everyone: his face is red like a pig's head, and his slender hands are like pig's trotters. He is really handsome and cool. Let me ask you, dear friend, how can you be handsome alone? With the face of a devil and the body of an angel, the chance is one in ten thousand. Zou Ji, how come you are so handsome?

Zou Ji: Gu Limei is really interesting. That old sow is wrapped around me!

Guest: That’s great! Brother Zou is so handsome, I think that old sow will be relieved of all her illnesses immediately when she sees you!

Zou Ji: That’s right, as long as it’s maternal, I’ll take it all!

Guest: (To himself) It’s over, I’m a female too! ! !

Brother Zou Ji, farewell! (Turn around)

There is a perverted wolf~ (yell and run off the stage)

Zou Ji: Hahahahahaha, it would be great if Xu Gong appeared in front of me. I also let him know that it is me who should hold the title of the most beautiful man in the country. Hey, that handsome man over there, could it be Mr. Xu? What a coincidence!

Xu Gong: Today’s society is so bad, how much do handsome men know? Last night, the girl sent flowers again (a girl ran up to the stage to give flowers). Hey, this girl is so beautiful~ She is still charming as before. I heard that Zou Ji is also very handsome, but I have never met him. Asking him how handsome he is is like getting a hundred points on a test paper! ——Hee hee, two hundred and fifty papers.

Zou Ji: A male from the Biyu family, the male Zou Ji is the Duke of Beixu. The fragrance of lotus flowers fills the road every step of the way, water hibiscus emerges, and handsome men dance all night long. The falling rain makes the wild geese shy of the flower moon. It is as beautiful as a jade that overwhelms the national city. The crowd searched for him thousands of times, but suddenly looking back, Mr. Xu was in the lighted toilet! (Xu Gong is smelling the flowers at the moment)

Xu Gong: Stand on the stage and perform a show, looking at the audience, there are as many beauties as jade. Hey, this girl, what’s your surname?

Narration: Taking the opportunity to engage in personal relationships during the performance, disrupting the normal performance! Yellow card warning!

Xu Gong: If you have a good guide, I will pay attention to it. The green hair beside the eyes and ears, I am speechless, who dares to try to compare. Her beauty and style are unstoppable, she sings and drinks, a beautiful woman and a handsome man!

(The music reminds me of "Youth Dance", Mr. Xu dancing with a MM***)

Mr. Xu: Thank you, pretty girl, for taking the time to treat you to dinner.

Narration: Second warning, don’t take advantage of the performance to have sex!

Mr.

Narration: I KO, and I’m not a woman! The show goes on!

Xu Gong: Countless girls never regretted it and made them haggard for me.

Zou Ji: Zou Ji is equally charming, attracting countless girls to bend their waists (some girls in the audience shout: Zou Ji Zou Ji~~"Airplane" will always support you~~) I cherish the martial arts of Emperor Qin and Han Dynasty, but his appearance is slightly inferior to that of Emperor Zong of Tang Dynasty and Song Dynasty. Ancestor, slightly less tall. A generation of handsome men, Xu Gong in the north of the city, only knows how to pretend to be cool and shoot birds

Xu Gong: (makes a bow gesture) Whoosh~~~

Zou Ji: Let’s go together, let’s count the romances Handsome guy, let’s look at today.

Mr.

Zou Ji: One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers!

Xu Gong: I am extremely jealous when I meet this handsome man!

(Zou Ji and Xu Gong started to fight, and after a few back and forth)

Xu Gong: Shaolin's unique skill - (changes voice) Lan~~Hua~~finger~~

p>

(Zou Ji was hit and lying on the ground)

Narrator: Okay, the PK between the two is over, let the public judges vote!

(The two sides tied 2 to 2, and the last vote went to Xu Gong)

Zou Ji: (in pain) He is often said to be cool by others, and he is so proud that he forgets his grace. When I met Xu Gong today, I realized that the whole class was very clever. Wake up, wake up, stop being stubborn.

Xu Gong: Haha, I am the winner! Friends above, how are you? Friends below, please speak louder! Hey, that pretty lady over there, can you dance with me? What is your name, age, height, measurements and phone number?

Narration: Three fouls, red card! ! (Xu Gong was called off the stage by everyone)

Xu Gong: (Shouting) Oh my God, I still have a few lines that I haven’t read yet------

Zou Ji: Ah I finally got it! You must quickly enter the court to see King Wei.

"Act III" "Inside the Palace"

Narration: Act III, location, palace. One to three, start!

King Qi Wei: Hey Queen, why are you covering your face with a fan today?

Queen: Returning to Your Majesty, my concubine’s face is full of youthful and beautiful bean sprouts, she is so embarrassed~~~

King Qi Wei: (I don’t know where to take out a bottle of moisturizer Cream) There are always a few days a month where my face hurts like pins and needles, which is a symptom of malignant acne. Use Qiwang brand skin purifying cream to nourish yin and kidneys, detoxify and nourish the skin. All the little beans are gone! Look here, look here, look here! (Speaking affectionately) Women should be kinder to themselves.

Queen: Really, Your Majesty, you won’t let anyone use such a good thing~~

King Qi Wei: Didn’t I just know about it? Hey, why have I never seen this palace maid? Why is she so ugly?

Palace Maid: Your Majesty is aware! The little girl is beautiful from the inside out ------ (everyone vomited)

Queen: Oh, this is the maid I just recruited into the palace, and she is specially used to pour water for His Majesty's feet~

King Qi Wei: Forget it, just keep it for yourself. Oh, by the way, there is a man named Zou Ji who wants to meet. Summon quickly!

Guard A: Pass it on, pass it on, Zou Ji comes to see you!

Zou Ji: Long live my emperor, long live him~

King Qi Wei: Pingsheng. What do you want to see me for?

Zou Ji: (Singing Allegro) (Everyone stretched their necks back and forth to the rhythm) It’s a long story/Let me tell it from the beginning/The villain was born in a commoner family/Has no money or power/ A boy in the Zou family has grown up for the first time/raised in a boudoir, unknown to anyone/born beauty is hard to give up/six palaces of pink and white have no color/face like hibiscus and eyebrows like a palace, face full of red light smiling in the spring breeze/a man of the romantic and suave generation/a wild flower stuck in cow dung Up - oh no, it's a wild flower on top of a crabapple!

Your Majesty, Your Majesty? (Everyone came to their senses at this moment)

King Qi Wei: Well, what next?

Zou Ji: When I asked who was more beautiful between me and Mr. Xu, my wife, concubines, and guests all said that I was more beautiful than Mr. Xu. But I know this is not true.

Queen: For these one thousand readers, there will be a thousand Hamlets.

Palace Maid: Yes, everyone has their own preferences for radish and green vegetables. I really like you~~~

Zou Ji: (running away in a hurry) I sincerely know that I am not as beautiful as Mr. Xu. My wife says I'm beautiful because she prefers me; my concubine says I'm beautiful because she's afraid I'll beat her up; my guests say I'm beautiful because they want something from me. What they said was not true. From this, I thought of His Majesty.

Queen: You dare to seize the people. It doesn’t matter whether you are handsome or not, our old man - Oh, your majesty, what’s wrong with you?

Zou Ji: Return to Your Majesty, Queen. Qi is a superpower, and there are two beauties in the harem. Who wouldn't favor you? There are four ministers in the imperial court. Who is not afraid of you? The country is ten miles in circumference, and who doesn't have anything to ask of you? So Your Majesty, you have been deceived for a long time!

King Qi Wei: What a word that wakes up the dreamer! Okay, I will give you an order now, open up your voice and listen to public opinion!

Palace Maid: (yelling) No! !

King Qi Wei: You, a little maid, dare to have fun in the court! If you don't take me seriously, if someone comes, push him out and kill him!

Queen: No! Who dares to kill him? !

King Qi Wei: Queen, you, how is your face?

Queen: See clearly who is your queen! !

(The queen and the maid lost their decorations - they turned out to be the little pervert and Wu Meiniang respectively)

King Qi Wei: You----you are----

Wu Meiniang: No matter what questions you ask us——

Little Pervert: We will answer them one by one!

Wu Meiniang: The crime of insisting on love and truth——

Little Pervert: The most charming villain——

Wu Meiniang: (like a cute little girl) Wu Meiniang!

Little pervert: (showing a lewd smile) Little pervert!

Wu Meiniang: The two people on the rocket pair across the galaxy are——

Little Pervert: There are 38 widows waiting in the black future!

King Qi Wei: Hurry, escort!

(Only two guards were left among the civil and military ministers present)

King Qi Wei: Ah, you two are so loyal and brave! Everyone else has run away, but you are still here.

Guard A: No, Your Majesty, I, I was too scared to run------

King Qi Wei: What? (Kicks Guard A off the stage) I'll send you down! Useless stuff.

And you, you won’t--

Guard B: No, Your Majesty, I have a firm stand, and I will serve the country loyally!

King Qi Wei: Great!

(Guard Yixiong walked up to the little pervert and Wu Meiniang in an arrogant manner, and suddenly knelt down with a plop)

Guard B: Boss, accept me.

Little pervert: Okay, those who know the current affairs are heroes. Stay here and watch how we deal with the old emperor.

Guard B: Thank you, boss (ran off)

Wu Meiniang: Huh? Where did the old man and Zou Ji go?

Zou Ji: Are you talking about me?

Little pervert: Who?

Zou Ji: (makes a grand appearance) As long as there is darkness, there must be light! Justice defeats evil Sailor Uniform Sailor Soldier Sailor Ji, I will act on behalf of the moon and destroy you!

Little Pervert & Wu Meiniang: It doesn’t matter whether you are a sailor chicken or a sailor duck, we take them all!

Zou Ji: Crown of the Moon~Attack! (Taking out two large kitchen knives from his arms) I'll fight you!

Little Pervert & Wu Meiniang: (Escape) We will come back ------

(The Emperor got out from under the chair)

Qi King Wei: Ah, Zou Ji, you not only gave me good advice, but you also protected me with merit. I specially designate you as the general who protects the country!

Zou Ji: Thank you Lord Long for your kindness. But I will only be a messenger to protect flowers, and I’m afraid I’m not qualified to protect the country.

King Qi Wei: It’s almost the same, just get used to it. Walk.

Zou Ji: Why go?

King Qi Wei: Prepare for Beijing 2008? Our country, Qi, depends entirely on you.

Zou Ji: I don’t know any sports.

King Qi Wei: It would be a pity not to use your face. Well, I will grant you permission to join the synchronized swimming team today!

Zou Ji: Huh?

King Qi Wei: Why don’t you go quickly? let’s go!