Humorous and funny sentences

1 A gambler asked his wife for 100 yuan to gamble. After a few hours, the gambler returned home. His wife asked him humorously: Did that money give birth to a child? The gambler said with a sad face: "They are still twins." As he spoke, he took out two 10-yuan bills from his body. Then he went on to say: Unfortunately, the childbirth was difficult and their mother passed away.

2 Cats and pigs are good friends. One day, the cat fell into a big pit. The pig brought a rope. The cat asked the pig to throw down the rope, but he threw the whole bundle down. The cat said very depressedly: How can you pull me up when you throw it like this? Pig said: What else to do? The cat said: You should hold on to one end of the rope! The pig jumped down, took one end of the rope, and said, "It's done now!" The cat cried, crying happily - some people are not very smart, but they are worthy of your life.

3 Before I had been there, the Heaven and Earth had been sealed off. Before I had even been on it, the Jiu Steel cruise ship had sunk silently. Before I had even sailed on it, the Flying Leopard fighter plane had crashed. I hadn’t even been married yet. , the abbot of Shaolin has already taken care of him. Before he even got a loan, the boss from Wenzhou started running away. Before he was elected, he was appointed as a deputy to the National People's Congress. Before he even swam, the South China Sea was snatched by others. Before he even bought it, The rise in prices took advantage of the rocket, and all kinds of hardships were endured before death.

4. My son is two years old. He pees before going to bed at night. Me: Son, would you like to pee? Son: No. Me: Be good, just let it go, otherwise you will wet the bed, catch a cold, and then you will catch a cold, and then you will have to take medicine and injections. Son: No. When the fight entered a stalemate, my wife came over, rolled her eyes at me, and said in one sentence: I will take a photo of you when you wet the bed and post it online. Son: I need to pee! The network is powerful.

5 of the strongest reasons for breaking up in history: Boy: Let’s break up. Girl: Why should we break up? Give me a reason. Boy: We are not suitable. Girl: It’s not appropriate. Boy: Our gender is inappropriate.

6. You are born as a rural person, and you die as a rural soul; there are pigs in the countryside and cows in the countryside, and there is no shortage of fuel in rural life; brothers in the countryside, girls in the countryside, can’t sleep well even if they don’t have to, and the mountains in the countryside The water in the countryside and the girls in the countryside are beautiful; the flowers in the countryside and the grass in the countryside, rural people live better and older; there are not many people in the countryside, all of them are handsome guys; if there is no rural soul, there are city people; clear mountains, clear water, clear young people, green onions Garlic costs nothing.

Reporter 7: Uncle, if you have ten acres of land, would you be willing to donate half of your harvest to the party? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: What about the two houses? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: Where are the two cars? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: What about winning the 00,000 grand prize? Uncle: Yes. Reporter: Where are the two cows? Uncle: I don’t want to. Reporter: Why? Uncle: I really have two cows!

8 One day, Ultraman suddenly felt that his knowledge could not keep up with this rapidly developing era, so he decided to go to school again to study. During the break, the teacher asked a question. When Ultraman raised his hand, the teacher Damn it! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

At noon on the 9th day of hoeing, let’s see who among us has the hardest time; we work hard every day, hanging beams and cones pricking our buttocks; when the leader gives an order, we walk and shake our buttocks; we are fired at every turn, and we shed tears in the soil. Drink until you vomit while socializing, and save enough rice to count. Thinking of Gaddafi, is it painful or not?

10 Since our relationship is so strong, of course I have to share good things with you. I'm eating at a restaurant near your home. Come here quickly. . . Come and pay for me! Ha ha! Have fun!

11 Lin Daiyu’s brokenness lies in her unforgettable love; Sanmao’s brokenness stems from her moment of clarity and detachment after experiencing vicissitudes of life; people will be broken one day, and your brokenness lies in me I really want to eat walnuts.

12 I turn a blind eye to your kindness? I dig my heart out for you, I can’t sleep at night for you, I don’t think about food and drink for you, I prepare meals for you. But you actually ignored me and haven’t contacted me for a long time! snort! Next time I will let you work overtime alone and be alone!

13 The boss was drunk and hugged the woman next to him: Pick any famous brand you want? After saying this, the woman pushed him away in disgust. Boss: You are quite stubborn. I want to be the department head! Woman: Dad, don’t bring your professional habits home.

14 The tortoise invites the hare to race. Hare: Your ancestors took advantage of loopholes and beat us once, so don't think so. The turtle threw out a hundred-dollar bill: This is your appearance fee! The rabbit immediately smiled and said: Mr. Turtle, I will run wherever you tell me.

Teacher 15: Why did you pour a basin of water on Xiaoqiang’s head? Xiao Ming: His clothes were not wrung out and water dripped on my head. Teacher: Is this worth your revenge on him? Answer: My father said that a drop of kindness should be repaid by a spring!

16A: Why do you always do housework? B: When I play scissors, rock, and paper with my wife, I always lose. If I lose, I have to do housework! A: You haven’t won once? B: Yes, my wife stipulates that I can only produce rocks every time!

17 Xiao Ming asked his grandma to sing to coax him to sleep. Grandma sang about two tigers and two tigers running fast. . . Shi Xiaoming said: I want to listen to two butterflies! Grandma sang with dissatisfaction: Two butterflies, two butterflies run fast. . .

There was a girl who was chasing a boy at 18. One day she blocked the boy and asked: "Do you like me or not?" ?The boy said: ?Guess? ?The girl answered boldly: ?I guess you like me! The boy said: Guess again! ?

19 Funny Quotations: There is a kind of woman who says goodbye and never sees her again; my girlfriend says I am too young and not suitable for her, and MD never understands that I am obviously older than her; yes This useless man gave me the energy to be a shrew.

20 Gender Quotations: If a woman marries the wrong husband, her life will be ruined. If a man marries the wrong wife, three generations will be ruined. People's looks can be divided into two categories: one is naturally beautiful, and the other is naturally inspirational. Loss of integrity is a small matter, but unemployment is a big deal.