Want to hear a joke?

1. The headmaster and English teacher visited a middle school in France. The headmaster spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated.

Principal: "Teachers and students!"

English teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!"

Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen.

! "

English teacher-_-! Thought for a moment and said, "Good morning!"

Subject: "

! "

English teacher: ... = = "Sweat.

2. Say there is one

Because the snow is too dazzling, it must be

Go to see something, but he can't find it.

So I crawled around with my eyes closed until my hands and feet were dirty.

. put on

Looking in the mirror, I found: Oh, I am a panda.

3. One

A person was in a daze on the ice, and when he was really bored, he began to pull out his hair, one, two, three, and there was no last one left, and then he froze to death.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird. He passes through a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn became useless.

! ! ! After the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: yours, Xiao Ming.

It looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Spider asks: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who fool around on the Internet all day are not good people.

7.

One day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then the peeled banana becomes

~

8. One day, three days

Finally, I found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as I stand on the edge of the valley, shout what I want and then jump into the valley, I will get what I want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " arrive

There is really a beautiful woman waiting for him.

The second one is

, shouting "book book book!" Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third one is

People,

Always unable to decide what he likes best, after an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

9. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

10. The panda loves it deeply.

I was rejected when I expressed my love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for?

Said timidly, my mother said:

They are all.

1 1. One day, Xiao Ming was walking on the road. I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why is this happening? Because Xiaoming stepped on a lemon!

12. Which Chinese character is the coolest?

(Cool)

The towel said to the coin, son. You put it on

, also worth one hundred times.

The "ruler" said to "do": Sister, the results have come out. What are you pregnant with?

The minister said to the giant: the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten birds in the tree and one was shot dead. How much is left?

The student asked: Yes.

Really? No, how loud was the shot? 80- 100 decibel. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No offense. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Of course. At this time, the teacher was impatient: "Will you just tell me how many birds are left?" Are there some deaf birds in the tree? No. Have you ever been caged and hung from a tree? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the tree? No, if a bird is pregnant, is it a bird in its belly? Not exactly. Is there a flower in the bird photographer's eye? There are no flowers, only ten. The teacher was sweating all over, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any stupid birds that are not afraid of death? Fear of death. Yes or no

Two people are dead? No, the student said confidently, if your answer is not a lie, "if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and doesn't fall, there is only one left." If it falls, there will be none left. " . The teacher immediately foaming at the mouth fell to the ground!

14. One day, someone passed by the intersection and found a piece.

Things, he

Kaxi river

I cann't believe I'm laughing

15.

One night, there were three shrimps in the pond, hahaha, one.

I farted to death

16. Women engaged in biological research

After a tour of the earth, she felt that there was much to learn about human genes, so she arrested a person and wanted to bring him back with written information about human genes. But the ship is too small to take him away, and the information is too huge to take away at one time. Just when she was anxious, the computer help system of the spaceship said, "This man has a small stick, which can solve all your problems …" Then she suddenly realized and smiled and said to the drooling man. . . . . Give me the flash drive! " .

17. There was a trap crossing the road and I was accidentally run over by a truck. male

He looked at his body and said, "Me too."

Son, no

Son's "

18. Brother, stop touching it! You touched the top and the bottom, and your hair fell out. Such tender skin, you have touched all the water! How do you want me to sell it later? These peaches are all fresh, don't buy them!

19. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day he went out to play and met him.

.

Say: I want to eat you! ! ! The lamb is frightened! Guess what happened? result

Eat mutton.

20. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was cold, his heart was cold, his sword was cold, and finally he died of cold.

2 1. Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer on the road! The deer was frightened, ran faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway.

22. There was a tomato, which was stirred by a stone.

Shit, there's a tomato.

It's broken again. There's a tomato.

Countless tomatoes were broken, and the last tomato fell. Da da da!

Yeah!

23. The soldier asked

What should I do if I step on a mine in battle?

Greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

24. One day,

In order to avoid big

Catch up and build three more huts. big

Blowing down the hut effortlessly,

, brick house,

The children run as hard as they can, but they are still big.

Caught up.

Desperately, it's up to you. We gave up. Whatever. At this moment, the wolf came.

Then, drooling, he said, tell me quickly.

Where is it?

25. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alaso, here it is.

! ~~~~

26. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

27. There are two structures.

Accidentally made it face value 15 yuan.

The two decided to take the bias.

The area was spent. At that time, they took a 15 yuan and bought a 1 yuan one.

Well, they cried, and the farmer gave them two seven-dollar bills.

28. Someone's newly-installed phone has just been rented out by the cinema, so people often call to ask about the movies being shown. At the beginning, he always explained politely that this phone is no longer his, so please don't call again. After a long time, he also felt annoyed and simply said, "You have the wrong number!" " This will also save some saliva. One day, a familiar voice came from the other side: "What movie is showing now?" As usual, he said, "You have the wrong number!" After a moment of silence, the other party replied: "Is it a domestic film or?"

And then what?

29. One person

When I left school, I was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why not go from the school gate? Answer:

. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall cross over? He pointed to his trousers and said:

The headmaster asked again:

What is it like? He pointed to the shoes and said:

The feeling of flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, why not?

Is it? He said:

I choose, I like. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume. The headmaster said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said, you are what you wear, Mason. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, man, simple is good, love fort clothes. The headmaster said I would give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said:

Life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4000 yuan from me and said he would make one.

As a result, I don't know what he has become now, Oh4000 yuan.

3 1. Notice to robbers: Our employees only understand.

Please be patient when grabbing, it is best to bring an interpreter, thank you!

32.are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!

I think I should lose weight, last time.

When, actually out of the one hundred ml.

34. Tourist: Master, what's that over there?

Is it a toilet? Monk: Except that.

The rest of the places are toilets.

35. Without hair, dandruff is more prominent!

36. defecation and urination are

One day, I was killed by a car while crossing the road. When I urinated, I said, I really want to shit …

I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes when training.

? If there are still loose clothes, then why should I sign up?

38. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I haven't had a chance to interrupt her.

39. thief a: count how much money was robbed today? Thief B: No, just read the newspaper tomorrow.

40. Stand higher and pee farther.

4 1. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

43.

A young woman passed by a house.

Suddenly there was a "wow" from behind. The woman turned to look, a

That man is chasing her. The woman began to run in fear, and the man behind her followed. No, there's a dead end ahead, woman.

Kneeling on the ground, crying and pleading: "Whatever, just please don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? Then you start chasing me now. "

44. once

Announce on stage: Please enjoy the following:

, set off your

! All the audience

! ! ! Cold ~ ~ ~

45. Tigers don't send cats. You think I'm dying!

46. A person in our dormitory is drunk and wants to leave.

Then he brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you drink too much wine.

47. Go with my sister

When buying shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

48. In the past, others visited menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

49. In college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! I spit on your face.

When I was a child.

Ice cream makers usually push.

Yes, once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is on sale. (I guess my aunt used to sell it.

).