Ancient and modern Chinese and foreign jokes

1, a woman said to her cheating husband: If you dare to divorce and marry that little demon, I will marry her father. From now on, my son will call you brother-in-law and you will call me mother! My husband fainted on the spot and behaved himself from then on?

2. My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and turned into a beautiful woman to go home in a few days! When I entered the door, I said to my husband with a puzzled face. How come? Don't know me? The husband was stunned for a while, and then said in surprise, come in, my wife is not at home. ?

The teacher asked me to show me the composition "Tell the truth to the teacher" written by my 10-year-old daughter. You're not beautiful, your class is average, you haven't had time to find a boyfriend, and no one will want you if you drag on! It is serious for a girl to find a reliable marriage. ?

I tried to apologize to the teacher after reading it. The teacher is expressionless:? There is more content on the next page! ?

Turn it over: Teacher, if you don't mind, let me introduce my father to you. He is so handsome! ?

My daughter didn't do well in the exam. I don't want to blame him, just say, try again next time!

The daughter said: Mom, am I stupid?

Me: Why, your father and I were both top students. With this excellent inheritance, you must not be stupid!

The daughter actually said: Mom, are you implying that I am not your own daughter? . .

I have a four-year-old daughter who didn't quilt her just now.

She said, if you don't tuck me in, I'll be too cold to see you and my daughter! ?

Me. . .

6. Xiaoming went to the fruit shop and said to the boss. If I buy 3 Jin of apples with 5 yuan money, 4 Jin of grapes with 6 yuan money and 5 Jin of pears with 7 yuan money, how much should I pay you?

The boss said, 74 yuan. ?

Xiao Ming turned away and said, thank you, boss, for helping me solve this math problem! ?

When I was a child, my brother told me that if I had pocket money, I would bury it in the ground, saying that it would increase my money. I listened to his words, buried twenty cents in the ground and wrapped nearly ten layers of paper. When I saw it the next day, there was still paper. My brother knew, patted his thigh and said, Oh, no, maybe the earth god took it away. . . ?

8. When I was a child, I taught chickens to swim and drowned them. Poke the bottle cap on the arm; Draw on my sister's face with my mother's lipstick; Watching my mother wash clothes by the pond, dozing off and falling into the pond. . .

9. When I was a child, I was best at composing folk songs and swearing: XXX's father was a policeman with a monthly salary of 0.8. XXX's mother, a mathematician, one plus one equals twenty-eight. I bought a broken Jetta, which exploded as soon as I stepped on the accelerator and fell apart as soon as I opened the door.

10 One day, I suddenly found that I had a big aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt and a fifth aunt, but I didn't have a third aunt. So I went to ask my dad: Why don't I have a third aunt? I thought for a moment: Did Third Aunt die when she was young? My dad said angrily, your third aunt is your mother!

1 1. A girl met a gangster at night. The gangster asked fiercely, stop! Why are you going? The girl didn't want to be robbed of money, and said piteously, go and borrow money. The gangster still asked fiercely: What do you borrow money for? The girl was afraid of being robbed. She said that she had no money to treat sexually transmitted diseases. The gangster roared: get out!

12, Mr. A found that his wife's mobile phone often had text messages from strangers, and the content of each text message was the same: Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me. ? One night 10: 30, Mr. A caught the cheating wife and the man who was having sex and cursed: TMD, do you think I can't read that message? Just read it backwards? I'll help you take off your bra at half past ten!

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