Three humorous jokes and stories

Humorous short joke story 1: Still a hero Many people know the phrase "I will be a hero again in twenty years", but few people know how this sentence came from.<

Humorous short joke story 1: Still a hero Many people know the phrase "I will be a hero again in twenty years", but few people know how this sentence came from.

A long time ago, there was a county magistrate who thought about greed for money all day, but couldn't find a name, so he found a bosom friend to open a shop and cooperate with him. Unexpectedly, after several moves, the confidant was found out and sentenced to three years. The county magistrate was afraid that his cronies would bite him out, and privately assured him desperately: "It will be fine, and you will be a hero in three years!" " "

Sure enough, three years later, as soon as his cronies left the prison, the county magistrate immediately gave him a lot of benefits and arranged a virtual post for him. It really rained, and he was very proud.

These two men continue to take bribes and pervert the law. However, Skynet recovered, and soon found out its confidant. This time, the sentence was even heavier, and one sentence was sentenced to five years. The magistrate still told him, "I promise you will be a hero again in five years."

Five years later, the county magistrate has been promoted to the county magistrate. Of course, it gives more benefits to the confidant and higher fake posts. A bosom friend is not only a hero, but also a bull.

These two men still don't repent and do whatever they want. Soon, the confidant was caught red-handed for being suspected of a major case. Because of his notorious criminal record, he was sentenced to 20 years in prison despite the magistrate's efforts. The magistrate once again swore to his cronies: "Never mind, you are a hero again in 20 years."

I didn't expect to find other evidence soon, and I was punished for several crimes and directly commuted the death penalty to my cronies.

The cronies really panicked this time, and the execution date is approaching day by day. He scolded the magistrate for not helping himself. It seems that he must quickly threaten the magistrate! How can I scare the sheriff without screwing things up He decided to shout a signal when he marched in the street before the execution.

The day finally came, and the people who executed the prisoners were crowded with people. Because the magistrate was not found out, he presided over the execution and stood above the court. How awesome! Seeing that the magistrate had no intention of saving himself at all, the cronies quickly shouted at the top of their voices: "Lao Tzu is a hero again after 20 years!" " Twenty years later, another hero-"

The cronies thought that everyone would feel strange when they heard this: they are going to die soon, how can they be heroes after 20 years? Unexpectedly, as soon as the voice fell, several prisoners immediately shouted: "Yes! I am afraid of a bird, and I am a hero after 20 years! "

The believers were puzzled. Looking back, they saw a few ruffian hooligans who were beheaded with themselves. Do they have problems with the sheriff like me? Thinking, the cronies asked one of them in a low voice, "Hey, what are you yelling about?"

"Didn't I learn from you?" The gangster looked at him adoringly and said, "Brother, I admire you so much. This last time we all want to be heroes, but we don't know what to shout. Twenty years later, we are heroes again, Niu! This is so cool! " As he spoke, the gangster shouted this sentence several times.

The onlookers listened and couldn't help cheering in unison: "Good courage!"

The scene was in chaos, and the cronies wanted to say more. Unexpectedly, the county magistrate made a decisive decision and shouted: "Execute immediately!"

By the time the token flew out, the cronies had fainted, but the phrase "another hero after 20 years" has been circulating until now.

Humorous short joke story 2: Be careful that I can't pass you. When I was in primary school, there was a teacher with a high surname and low education, but she was very resourceful.

On one occasion, a friend's house was in conflict, and his wife ran back to her family and didn't come back for a month. At first, my friends thought it was a shame to wash our dirty linen in public. This matter has been hidden in my heart and I haven't told anyone. Later, I found that things were too big to be redeemed, so I asked Miss Gao for help. Hearing this, Mr. Gao quickly criticized: "Look at your stupidity. Why didn't you say so earlier? " ! You have been with the dolls for so long, I don't think you can even eat a hot meal. "The friend said," What's the use of complaining about this now? Help me think quickly and let the mother come back. " Miss Gao said "OK" and was busy cleaning up. Finally, she said, "Come on, now I'll do it with you." The friend said, "You have to say hello to your sister-in-law first." Miss Gao said, "There are three things at home, the place to pick first. Your father-in-law lives far away. If you leave late, you will miss today's bus. "At that time, there were no buses in our village, only two cars modified privately by personal agricultural vehicles, and they went to town early every day. If we miss this time, we won't be able to go to town this day.

They got on the local bus and train in a hurry and ran all the way to their friend's father-in-law's house. The situation there is even worse. There are not even local buses and other means of transportation dozens of miles away from the railway station. They had to walk all the way until their back ached and their legs ached, and finally they reached their destination. In fact, my friend's wife's fire has long passed. When I saw her husband's colleagues coming, I was busy entertaining them in other places. Finally, I said something stupid to enliven the atmosphere. Finally, I added that there is nothing at home, but it is too far away to visit the elderly. I plan to stay for a few days, so I'm sorry to keep you so busy. Miss Gao said, "You are comfortable. The dolls can't see their mothers, but they can't eat well and sleep well. They are all purses. "

Child health care. As soon as the mother heard this, her tears came down, she beat her husband and scolded him: "You are a living dead man." Miss Gao said, "You have to go home tomorrow."

So it's settled. I didn't expect it to rain at night. It rained for two days in a row. This is a mountainous area. When it rains, the road disappears and becomes a channel for flood discharge. Three people are in a hurry, but they can't move. Everyone kept apologizing to Mr. Gao, and Mr. Gao had to pretend to be generous and say, "As long as you two are good, I don't care."

After the rain stopped, the three men hurried back to their hometown. When Mr. Gao came home, he was talking about his strange experience. He didn't watch out for his wife's sweeping scolding: "You old bastard, did you fall into the boar pit or eat the fox's meat?" I haven't even touched my home for three or five days, and I can't even touch a shadow, just like wolves eat ghosts. I haven't seen this scene yet ... "Miss Gao is waiting for an explanation, but where is he interrupting? Mr. Gao is not usually the kind of timid person, but something went wrong this time. I can't bear it when I think about it. I smoke stuffy cigarettes. For a long time, my wife's nagging seemed to fall into the cornucopia, endless. Finally, Miss Gao couldn't stand it any longer. She stood up and shouted, "You, who are you cursing? "! !"

When his wife saw that he was actually right, she was tit for tat, and her voice was louder than his: "What do you want to do by calling you a shameless thing!" " "

Miss Gao faded and said, "Nothing. I'm just saying, who are you cursing To be honest, it doesn't matter if you scold me. " In a different tone, he said loudly, "If you scold my son, I will have a hard time with you!"! ! "

My wife was still angry. I thought her husband had some big moves. I didn't expect him to say such a name, so I couldn't help laughing: "You ..."

Story 3: There are some things you can't understand. As soon as the son entered the room, he saw his father sitting on the sofa glaring at himself. As soon as he found something wrong, he wanted to hide in the room.

"Stop!" Father suddenly stopped him. "What have you been doing?"

"No, nothing, just meeting friends." The son replied, feeling sick all over.

Father sneered, "Did you go to the bar to fill the cat's urine again? Why are you so unreasonable? When you grow up, you should know something about being a man! Don't go to places like bars. It goes without saying that those cases of drunken fighting and murder may be put on the witness stand at any time, and it will be too late for you to regret it! "

The son bowed his head and listened to the training. I was in a panic when the phone in my pocket rang.

"Hey, oh, okay, okay, why don't you go? I can't go because I have something to do …" My son hung up and stood still.

"Who called? What game do you want to play? " Father's tone is as cold and stiff as interrogation.

"It's Xiao Zhang, saying that he will go to ktv to sing the day after tomorrow." The son confessed honestly, as if he wanted to be forgiven, and he added, "I won't go this time."

Father's tangled eyebrows finally stretched, and then he seemed to be thinking about something, "Xiao Zhang? Which Xiao Zhang? " He finally remembered and asked anxiously, "Is it Zhang, the son of Director Zhang?"

"yes." The son answered uneasily.

"Bastard!" Father shouted on striking table. "Who do you think you are? You are kindly invited. When you are friends, don't you just let people's hot faces stick to your cold faces? Can't you learn something about being a man? How can I raise a son like you and do stupid things! "

My son turned pale, sweaty and trembling.

Father pressed the cigarette butt hard and his chest fluctuated violently. He suddenly found that his son had been holding something in his hand.

"What's that?"

"No, nothing, a friend sent it." The sweat on my son's forehead began to drip.

"Why, fall in love again? Do you still feel like a person? You think about women all day! You know something, can you learn the truth of being a man? Young people should concentrate on their own careers. What love should they talk about and what feelings should they have? Can love be eaten as food? Your father and I ... "My father suddenly stopped and asked in a different tone," Who are you in love with? "

"Xiaolian." Son whispered:

Lian Xiao?' Father exclaimed, "Is it located in the daughter of Section Li? So you were just together? Is this a gift from her? I see. Did you send her home? "

"No ..." My son was still tongue-tied, and he couldn't say a complete sentence for a long time.

"You son of a bitch!" My father was shaking with anger, howling and jumping. "You let a big girl go home by herself? What should I do in the dead of night? Can't you understand something? "

The son took a deep breath and finally spit out a complete sentence: "It's not Li Xiaolian, it's Chen Dashu's daughter Chen Xiaolian."

"No, but Xiao-Chen Lian?" Father stopped, sat back on the sofa and said, "In any case, men should be considerate. Fortunately, the public security has been good recently, and it is estimated that it will be nothing serious. Forget it if you don't send it. "

My son is in a daze. He staggered back to the bedroom, but he couldn't sleep. Grab a novel and read it. Just after reading a few lines, the door was suddenly pushed open and my father's angry face stuck in.

"Still reading! What book to read? " Father waved away the book, and when he saw the title, he immediately flew into a rage. "What are you doing reading these useless books? Will you understand? Read useful books if you want, and give them to ... "He said, throwing some books to his son and leaving angrily. My son picked up the books and read them, namely "Masterpiece of Stock Market", "Secret of Entrepreneurship" and "Book of Management". Before he could look, the door was knocked open again. Father threw the novel on the table and said; "Why only the next episode and the last episode?"