The funniest English joke in history?

Cold jokes are a new language phenomenon, which has penetrated into the daily life of young people with the popularity of the Internet. I sorted it out below, I hope you like it!

draw

Scared me half to death * * * Chinese and English * * *

A woman was walking along the beach when she saw a bottle on the beach. She picked it up and removed the top of it. Whoosh A thick smoke came out.

A woman was walking along the beach when suddenly she saw a bottle on the beach. She picked up the bottle and pulled out the cork. With a loud cry, a puff of smoke came out.

"You let me out of prison," the genie told her. "In order to show my gratitude, I promise you three wishes. But be careful, because for every wish, your partner will get twice as much as you ask. "

"You saved me from prison," the genie said to her. "To show my gratitude, I will grant you three wishes. But you know, every time you realize a wish, your husband will get twice as much as you ask. "

"Why?" The woman asked. "He left me for another woman."

"Why? He abandoned me for another woman. " The woman asked.

"That's what it says," replied the genie.

"That's it." The genie replied.

The woman shrugged her shoulders and asked for a million dollars. There was a flash of light and a million appeared at her feet. At the same moment, in a distant place, her Hu * * * was knocked to the ground again and saw twice as much at his feet.

The woman shrugged helplessly and asked for a million dollars. There was a flash of light and a million dollars appeared at her feet. Meanwhile, in a distant place, her husband is looking at the double amount of money at his feet.

"What's your second wish?"

"What's your second wish?"

"Genie, I want the most expensive diamond necklace in the world." Another light flashed, and the woman was holding a precious treasure. And in that remote place, her husband * * * is also wondering what made so many precious stones come to him from scratch.

"Monster, I want the most expensive diamond necklace in the world." There was a flash of light and this precious baby appeared in the woman's hand. In that distant place, her husband wondered where so many jewels came from.

"Monster, does my husband really have $2 million and more jewels than me? He will get double money for everything I want? " ?

"Monster, my husband really has two million dollars, and there are more treasures than me, and no matter what I want, can he get twice as much?"

The genie said it was true.

The genie said it was true.

Ok, genie, I'm ready to realize my last wish. Scared me half to death. "

"Well, monster, I have made my last wish." The woman said, "You scared me to death."

Distinguish and appreciate

Who stinks the most * * * Chinese and English * * *

A grocer, a banker and a politician got lost in the forest. Finally, they came to a farmer's house and asked him if he could let them spend the night.

A grocer, a banker and a politician got lost in the forest. Finally, they came to a farmhouse and asked if they could live here.

"Of course," said the farmer, "but my house can only accommodate the two of you. The other one will have to sleep in the barn with the animals. The barn outside is terrible. "

"No problem," said the farmer, "but there are only two people in my family. The other person has to sleep with the animals in the barn. The smell there is terrible."

"I want to sleep in the barn," the banker volunteered.

"I want to sleep in the barn." The banker volunteered.

Half an hour later, someone knocked on the farmer's door, and the banker stood there, panting and saying, "I can't stand it."

Half an hour later, they heard someone knocking at the door, and the banker stood at the door, panting and saying, "I really can't stand that smell."

"All right," said the grocer. "I'11'slept in the barn." Then he left.

"Well," said the grocer, "I'll sleep in the barn." He turned and left.

After a while, there was another knock at the door. "I've put up with the smell of some bad food," the grocer complained, "but that barn smells worse than them."

Before long, there was another knock at the door. "I can even stand the stench of bad food," he said, "but the barn smells as bad as ten."

"You two sissies," said the politician, "I slept in the barn. "

"You two are useless," said the politician. "I'll sleep there."

Thirty minutes later, there was another knock at the door. All the animals in the barn stood there when they opened the door.

Half an hour later, there was another knock at the door. They opened the door and saw all the animals in the barn standing at the door.

Make an appreciative comment

Help yourself * * * Chinese and English * * *

An old friend from abroad called me from the airport to tell me that he had arrived. I had expected him to stay with me. I was still in the office at that time, but I had made arrangements for his arrival. After explaining where my new apartment was, I told him that I had left my keys under the carpet in my room. Because I really came home late, I suggested that he go to the kitchen to help him get food and drinks.

An old friend from abroad called me from the airport and told me that he had arrived. I've been looking forward to meeting him. I was still in the office at that time, but I had made arrangements for his arrival. After explaining the location of my new apartment, I told him to put the key under the mat to wipe his feet. As I might come home late, I suggested that he go to the kitchen to get something to eat and drink by himself.

Two hours later, my friend called me from my apartment. At the moment, he is listening to some of my records and has just had a really wonderful meal. He found a pan on the gas stove, fried two eggs, and then took some cold chicken from the refrigerator to eat. Now, he said, he is drinking a glass of orange juice, and he wants me to drink it with him. When I asked him if he arrived at the apartment smoothly, he replied that he couldn't find the key under the room mat, but luckily, the living room window next to the apple tree was open and he climbed in. I was surprised to hear all this. There is no apple tree in front of my living room, but there is one in front of my neighbor's house!

Two hours later, my friend called me from my apartment. He said he was listening to some of my tapes after dinner. On the gas stove, he found a frying pan, fried two eggs and ate the frozen chicken in the refrigerator. He said that he is drinking a glass of orange juice now, hoping that I can enjoy it with him. When I asked him if he had successfully entered my apartment, he replied that he didn't find the key under the mat for shining shoes, but fortunately, the living room window next to the apple tree was just open and he climbed in. I was stunned by these words. There is no apple tree in front of my living room, but there is one in front of my neighbor's house!