Why can’t I see any funny jokes now? Who knows and can share it? hey-hey

1. Before getting off work every Friday, I would go to the toilet and take home the remaining half of the toilet paper roll; (Because I don’t have a partner, I never got the half roll in the women’s toilet... ) 2. One time, my wife forgot to bring her keys when she came home, so I asked the company’s courier company to courier the keys home; (the fees between the courier company and the company are paid monthly, and I wasted 10 yuan of the company’s money) 3. In order to save the electricity bill at home, I charge my mobile phone at work; 4. In order to save the water bill at home, I wash my face, brush my teeth, shave, and go to the toilet after arriving at work every day; 5. I squander the money given by my work unit. A small gift from the customer - an ear pick; later, I kept extending my black hand. . . 6. My employer can reimburse 200 yuan in taxi fares every month. After I get off work every day, I lock a taxi and follow it. The driver is usually puzzled and stops, so I just ask him for a ticket for the day; 7. When I was at work, my mobile phone was only used as a pager. I often called my mother in my hometown for hours at a time; 8. During lunch, I took the initiative to buy food for my boss; (I always Each time he swiped his card twice) 9. A batch of new computers came to the unit. I stole two 16M memory sticks from the "retired" computers and replaced them with a 32M memory stick from someone else's machine; I stole another 32M memory stick. Yes, I changed it to someone else's 64M one; now my computer has 256M of memory; 10. I stole some gasoline from the car at work, and went home and wiped my old 28-year-old car. 11. I'm at work every day Go to pornographic websites and subscribe to pornographic emails. 12. I often download some novels from the Internet, print them out, and bind them into volumes; the longest one is the complete set of Jin Yong’s novels; 13. I bring a washbasin from home, and there is no one around at night. 14. I used public funds to subscribe to countless newspapers and magazines, and the addresses were all at my home. I only sell waste paper once every six months; what comes is great liberation! The dirty sequelae are as follows: 1. Last Saturday, I worked overtime and surfed the Internet until late at night. . . I went to WC and there was no toilet paper in the single room. Yesterday afternoon, I took the half roll home! I hurriedly ran downstairs, and there was nothing on the 17th floor below! I crossed my legs and ran down to the 16th and 15th floors. . . 1st floor! My own mother! I can't find any toilet paper. Finally, I ran to the mailbox, took the letter and went into wc. When I opened it, I saw it was an invitation card! That's 200g of coated paper! I had no choice but to use it. . . 2. The boy from the express company turned out to be a part-time worker, and his profession was a thief! Within two days, my house was stolen, and there was no sign of damage to the doors or windows. Aunt Zhang from the neighborhood committee said, "I saw that guy. He said he was your colleague! That's what he told your wife when I gave you the keys last time..." 3. I was the only one in the unit with a mobile phone charger, but there was no one. What do people say, but when I go out to have fun with my colleagues at night, they always say to me, "My mobile phone is out of battery. I can borrow your mobile phone to use it..." 4. The equipment in my drawer is so complete that later , the young men from the business department report to me first when they go out! That’s pretty cool! I took my shampoo and razor and ran to the toilet. . . 5. Because I am very familiar with the quantity and storage location of these things in the unit, I was transferred to work as a warehouse manager. What's annoying is that in the financial statistics table of the leadership warehouse that I handed over, the bald director had to add a zero to each item in the quantity column! ! ! 6. The driver that day was a novice. When he saw me waving to him, he hit the brakes and the car behind him hit me. I was also called to the Traffic Management Bureau for an education. . . 7. A bunch of girls in the workplace and crazy MILFs knew that I was calling my mother, so they always called me with their crop in their hands, trying to trick me into calling me mother. Later, I answered the phone and called "Auntie!" That day, when I answered the phone, I saw the little girl at the front desk holding the phone and having fun. I got angry and said, "Auntie! Are you here?" The other person on the phone was silent for a long time and said, "We don't have this kind of relative in our family." ah?!". . . 8. Not long ago, my boss was on a business trip. I still used his meal card, but when it came time to pay my salary, my bonus was gone. . . 9. My computer case is never covered, heat dissipation is a secondary reason! The main reason is that I am afraid that others will replace my hardware. In this way, I have to be the first to come and the last to leave every day. . . 10. That broken-down donkey I have? It looks so new after polishing! He was abducted the next night. . .

11. All pictures are stored in my computer. The path is d:sex. There was something wrong with the computer that day. The c and d drives were all shared. When I was about to shut down and restart, the computer showed that there were 58 machines connected to my computer! Kao! 12. That day I saw a model company recruiting people on the China Talent Network, so I typed up a resume tailored for the company’s photographer position. After printing it out, I excitedly sent the letter. After I came back, the bald director held a meeting and gave me a hard lesson as a ** who was wavering in my thoughts. It turns out that I typed an extra resume and it was left behind at the printer. . . 13. That night, I soaked my feet and surfed the Internet at work. The bald director brought a girl with heavy makeup back to the unit to spend the night. The boss was the boss. Without saying anything about himself, he scolded me with all his face, "What a boy! His trousers were rolled up, his feet were bare, and he stepped on the carpet." . (The leader likes karaoke and really likes Zheng Zhihua) You thought you were asked to plant rice!" . . 14. It must be said that Aunt Zhang of the neighborhood committee is very scheming. I got off work very early that day. She stopped me and said, "Among the residents in our building, you are the only one who is a cultural person!... Our neighborhood committee plans to enrich the lives of our people." Entertainment life, but more elegant, can you give me some ideas? "How do I know what medicine she sells in her gourd?" She asked her to speak frankly, asking me to be a cultural promoter and build a neighborhood committee reading room. I was also worried that there was too much waste paper at home, so I agreed. Unexpectedly, half a year later, when the Great Liberation came to our community again, they would no longer look for me, but instead look for Aunt Zhang. . .