Will parents' dishonesty really cause lifelong harm to their children?

A piece of news on Weibo once aroused heated discussion among netizens.

A boy in Fuyang, Anhui, was sitting on the edge of the 27th floor holding a fruit knife. When firefighters arrived at the scene, they found that the child's legs had been hanging outside the building and the situation was very critical.

Why do children do such dangerous things?

It turns out that the boy has lived with his grandparents since he was a child. His parents are away from home all year round, and there are only a handful of opportunities to meet them.

Because the school is going to hold a parent-teacher meeting this time, but the parents who originally promised that their children would come back broke the promise.

In the end, the boy was willing to go home only after the fire department coordinated and asked his parents to write a letter of guarantee.

Just imagine, the parent-teacher conference that makes many children feel "as if they are facing a formidable enemy" is actually the moment that these children are counting the stars and looking forward to the moon, and are extremely looking forward to it.

As a result, expectations turned into disappointment. In the end, it was just my own "empty joy".

Driven by emotions such as sadness, disappointment, and anger, boys adopt such "extreme" methods to "threaten" their parents.

But how miserable are children who can only rely on "threats" to remind their parents to keep their word?

Untrustworthy parents are "poisoned" parents

There are many such parents in life who go back on their word to their children, break their word, and treat their children as "Pavlovian" "Dog" is as tame.

"As long as you do well in your homework, I will let you play games." "When you advance to the top five in the class, I will give you a big red envelope." For this bowl of rice, I will take you to the amusement park on the weekend?...

But in the end, when the child really did it, he didn’t care about it, and he felt smugly that he was really “smart”. In fact, he didn’t do it. It is "poisoned" without knowing it.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Forward said in "The Toxic Parent":

"Children cannot distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what their parents tell them. Talk about yourself and turn it into your own ideas."

Zhang Xinyi is now a well-off female star, but she still feels bad about her mother's unfaithfulness.

It turns out that when Zhang Xinyi was a child, her mother promised her that as long as she got the best number in the exam, she would buy her a pair of coveted white shoes.

During that time, Zhang Xinyi, who had never studied so hard, sacrificed almost all of her time and devoted herself to studying.

But when she came to her mother with her report card showing that she had achieved the agreed rank, her mother broke her promise.

Nowadays, Zhang Xinyi, who has grown up, has bought herself many pairs of white shoes out of a "compensation" mentality, but what she wants to embrace most is the little girl she was back then.

It is difficult to look back on the past. A child's childhood is only once, and the harm will always be with the child throughout his life.

How much harm can untrustworthy parents cause to their children?

Many parents take it for granted that their children are young and easy to fool.

But in fact, your children see everything you say and do, and remember it in their hearts. They are like a time bomb, dormant and waiting for sparks to detonate.

In early September this year, a 14-year-old boy in Jinan, Shandong Province skipped class on the first day of school. With only more than 100 yuan of pocket money in his pocket, he went to climb Mount Taishan alone.

The reason why the child did this was because during the summer vacation, his parents clearly promised to take him to climb Mount Tai, but for two months, they kept using the "delay strategy" and never succeeded. Make time.

Seeing that school was about to start, the child was dissatisfied with his parents' breach of trust, so he "ran to" Mount Tai alone.

It wasn’t until the next night that all the money he brought with him was spent when he went down the mountain, and his cell phone battery ran out of battery. The exhausted boy walked for more than 30 kilometers before he met a kindhearted person who called the police and was rescued.

Thinking about this makes people feel scared.

What if a child encounters a bad person? What if the child does have an accident?

Your lack of trust is actually pushing your children into a dangerous abyss.

The China Youth Research Institute once conducted an experiment, which was a survey on the current status and expectations of primary school students’ learning and life.

The research results show that the behavior that children are most dissatisfied with their parents is that parents always do not keep their words and lie to their children. This choice topped the list with a ratio of 43.6.

In the eyes of a child, parents are their world.

The untrustworthy behavior of parents is tantamount to the collapse of the world.

Some children will choose to be outwardly aggressive, use extreme methods to "resist their parents", and even become the people they hated most back then, and learn to deceive others;

And some children will choose Introverted aggression, thinking that oneself is insignificant, self-doubt and denial, this sense of "unworthiness" and "worthlessness" can even affect a child's life.

Carson McCartney said:

“Children’s young minds are very delicate organs, and a cold beginning will distort their minds into grotesque shapes.”

This is indeed the case.

Psychologists Chelsea Hays and Leslie Carver of the University of California, San Diego, found that:

As children grow older, they become more and more susceptible to the liar's template. Not only will they imitate lying, but they will also think that there is no need to be honest with those who have lied to them.

As adults, they tend to distrust others and become more sensitive and suspicious.

Just like a sentence in the documentary "Mirror":

"I am a mirror, and my face can reflect how loyal I am to my parents, both in appearance and in my heart. How similar they are.”

Good parents are parents who do what they say

Bad parents all have their own shortcomings, but good parents all have their own shortcomings. They are parents who keep their word.

Every promise made to a child is about the beauty of trust;

Every breach of trust to a child is the bankruptcy of a parent’s image.

Therefore, if you want to be a good parent in the eyes of your children, you need to keep the following three points in mind:

Don’t make promises easily, and don’t treat promises as a joke because your daughter is not doing well in kindergarten. When it comes to eating, in order to encourage his daughter to be independent, a father in Shanghai made an agreement with his 3-year-old daughter that as long as her daughter eats well in kindergarten and obeys the teacher, she will be granted one wish.

My daughter’s wish is innocent and childlike: she hopes that a dinosaur will pick her up from school.

As a result, my daughter really did it during that time. In order not to disappoint her, her parents racked their brains. One day, they suddenly saw the dinosaur costumes in the mall, and they had an idea and bought one online. Exactly the same.

So, on Halloween, my father transformed into a two-meter-tall dinosaur and, as agreed, went to pick up his daughter from her kindergarten class and take her home.

The daughter was surprised when she first saw the big dinosaur, but she became very happy when she recognized her father.

How can the children of such trustworthy and heart-warming parents be unhappy?

If you can't keep your word, please don't be perfunctory and apologize promptly. American child psychologist Rhoda Dunn said: "When parents make a mistake or break a promise they made, if they can tell their children Saying sorry can help children build self-esteem and cultivate the habit of respecting others. "

Parents are not saints and will make mistakes sometimes, but the key is your attitude towards your children.

In "Reply 1988", Deshan was asked by her parents to celebrate her birthday with her sister because her birthday was just a few days apart.

But she wanted to live on her own this year, so she mentioned it to her parents several times, but her parents ignored her. Finally, Deshan broke out and couldn't help but cry and complain:

"I said the same thing last year, and the year before that. Am I someone who can treat me casually and it doesn't matter?"

My father, who knew everything, was also very guilty. He didn't deal with it, but told De sincerely. Shan apologized and said:

"Dad, I am not a father from birth, it is also the first time for me to be a father.

”

In fact, many times, after children are hurt by deception from their parents, they just want a sincere “I’m sorry.”

Don’t let Chinese-style parents apologize with just one sentence: Come out to eat."

Parents must set an example so that their children will keep their word. Do you remember the little boy who took the step of "disowning his relatives"?

Because he scored 77 points in the mid-term exam, his mother wanted to encourage him The son promised that the child would buy a bicycle as long as he got a score of 90 or above in the final exam.

And it was because of his mother’s promise that the child really got a score of 90 in the final exam and returned. Overfulfilled the "task" and received the certificate!

My mother kept her word at a textbook level and took her child to buy the bicycle she wanted at the first opportunity.

Seeing the "vigor" of children riding bicycles makes countless netizens who have missed appointments with their parents feel envious.

Your attitude determines the height of your child's life.

Through deception, children see fooling;

Through perfunctory, children see indifference;

Only through sincerity can children see love and trust .

Tolstoy once said:

“All education, or nine hundred and ninety-nine percent of education, comes down to example, to the integrity and integrity of the parents themselves. On perfection. ”

The so-called successful parents are to “live like children admire” and be their children’s guide in soul and spirit.

What kind of person do you want your children to become? , you should be the kind of person you want first.

Teaching by example is often more important than words. Telling your children ten times about trustworthiness will not be as good as doing one thing with trustworthiness.

Finally, I hope that all parents can be true to their words, be resolute in their actions, never hurt others with their words, and never make promises lightly;

I hope all children can meet such parents.