How to pretend to be cool?

Pretending to be B is a kind of human behavior, which has two meanings: one is to show off and pretend to gain vanity, self-satisfaction and even deception, and to show others what they lack and don't have. Another layer means that others hide their talents, so as to cover up their true strength and deceive each other, and sometimes it is also a sign of modesty (mostly the former). It should be noted that the two meanings of pretending to be B are almost opposite.

Playing B these days is actually a special hobby of China people. Intentionally or unintentionally, but everyone will pretend twice occasionally. Some people stubbornly feel that they never pretend to be forced. If they are not lying, it is mostly because they pretend to be B. There are two things, intentional and unintentional. Even if they pretend, they don't think so.

First of all, there are three realms for loading B.

In more fashionable language, it is the style of pretending to be B, which is divided into three levels from low to high.

1, coquetry, selling cute, all mean pretending.

But I have to say, people are pretending to be B, which is a bit like going online. Strictly speaking, not exactly. However, it is human nature to be an old cucumber, but if it is really tender and feels tender, you can enter the threshold of playing B. Similarly, people are human nature, have no money, and don't want others, especially former acquaintances, to look down on it. It is human nature to buy a high imitation brand name and wear it later. However, if you walk around with a fake brand name and see a luxury car, you can take photos and pretend to be your own. This is also in the play. Of course, a rich girl sleeping in a pile of money and taking photos on Weibo is just a show. Yes, this kind of dress-up, no matter how excessive, can only belong to the first level of B-self-decoration.

2, wrist, master, belongs to the second realm of B.

It is not an act of pretending to hire three or five people in a small company and print the business card of the chairman or general manager. No one said that small companies, small and micro companies can not have a chairman and general manager. At best, it is beyond the standard of the famous Shanxi Wanrong joke: for a county-run enterprise, the manager's famous brand can be written from the central government to the State Council, from the province to the city and then to the county. In fact, it is not enough that the natives wear one or several luxurious coats. Really pretend to be an academic. Anyone who is a little famous and has published two books and more than a dozen articles feels like a master. Strictly speaking, there are no masters in China now, but there are many people who call themselves masters. If others don't call you that, let your students call you that. Those who are energetic can also buy out magazines and publish their own albums, all of which are articles written by students and teachers. As for those who can let the government hang the master brand at home, it is already a sky-high figure. There have been many masters of Chinese studies in recent years, such as crucian carp crossing the river. What is Lian Guoxue? I don't understand outside. Master has been flying all over the sky. Anyone who feels like a master must be graceful and have a myriad of gestures. A unique pipe, whether it contains tobacco or not, must always be held in your hand or sometimes in your mouth. No matter what the occasion, you should cough before speaking. Then open your mouth and say: "I'm sorry, I arrived earlier than you today, because time is tight. Half an hour later, Premier XXX and I made an appointment to talk about tax reform ...? "This state of pretending to be B is called being unattractive and obsessed.

3. The performance of pretending to force B's third realm is pretending to be patriotic.

Patriotism is not a rare thing, and ordinary people can do it. How many people in the world are unpatriotic? However, a group of people insist on making patriotism a monopoly company and a national brand. The company's business is not patriotism, but swearing unpatriotic. Wholesale and retail, regular distribution of big hats and sticks. If you see anything that is not pleasing to the eye, put on your hat first, and then hit the stick. Others curse the streets that pollute cyberspace. They cursed the streets as patriotic and just acts. Even if their mouths are full of genitals, they are genitals full of a sense of justice. Of course, the highest state of this patriot is to send his children, even his wife and mistress, to the United States, Canada and Australia as soon as he has time, so that his family can go deep behind enemy lines, live in luxury houses, drive luxury cars and eat big meals, and completely disintegrate imperialism. This state of pretending to be B is called putting all your eggs in one basket. At this level, even if you fail, you can't find your opponent. It belongs to the high-end atmosphere and takes a height-high-end.

Second, young people nowadays have seven ways to pretend to be B. (Literary Youth and 2B Youth)

1, inadvertently show your body between the lines.

It can be appearance, figure, skin and so on, and even sometimes stomach pain, insomnia and depression can be classic condiments of B.

Normal Edition: It's past 9 o'clock when I get up in the morning. I put on loose pajamas and poured a glass of honey water without combing my hair. When the messy card got stuck, I started to turn on the computer, knocking on my thigh and browsing the gossip on the Internet. ...

B: The morning sun shines on me. When I woke up from my sleep, the sunshine shed through the curtains made me feel comfortable from the bottom of my heart. I put on Victoria's secret pajamas. For many years, I have only worn this brand of underwear. This kind of pajamas is different from the sexy style of underwear, which vaguely reveals the pure taste of girls. The neckline is a little wide, revealing my slender neck, smooth shoulders and slightly curly black hair. Wearing a delicate hairpin on her head, she picked up a quilt from Starbucks, put in a spoonful of concentrated satin tree honey, and drank sweet honey water to soothe her sexy belly. I opened Sony's notebook and began to welcome a new day. Occasionally, I get up on the sunny floor, stretch my legs, stare at healthy and firm skin, and can't help but touch it, sighing to myself like this.

2. Anyone who can translate a name with a foreign accent will never speak a Chinese name.

You can use foreign units instead of China units!

Ordinary Edition: Yesterday, Xiaoli bought a white cashmere scarf in a department store. It's a lot of money, and I'm sad ... but when I feel soft, I'm happier ... On the way home, I saw that strawberries were cheap, and the old man selling strawberries looked pitiful ~ I bought a bag to take home when I was digging my feet while watching TV.

Version B: I passed by the store again yesterday and bought a scarf I had long wanted. The scarf is cashmere, and the white feels so gentle. Once again, I fell into my faint expectation of life, and my mood was soft, as if it were like this. On the way home, someone sells strawberries by the roadside. The fruit is tender and full, and the water drops roll on it. Under the dim light, the fruit farmers' faces are hesitant and vicissitudes. Is his life different from mine? Or do we all swing in the same way? I bought about three pounds of strawberries and walked home. I have my sofa, my happiness and my warmth at home. I want to rest my tired feet.

3. Make good use of parallelism to create the feeling of finding marriage.

Talking to yourself, asking yourself and answering yourself, and monologues from the heart will make people feel that you have won more than half of your success with the omen of insanity.

Normal Edition: It's Grandma's Sunday again, and I'm going to school again. Dad said, why don't you leave? You'll be late.

B: I want to leave this noisy city again and go to that quiet place where people can't breathe. I can't remember how many times I have been there. There are no colorful neon lights and no place for you. Baby, you said that if I wanted to leave, you would let me go. Baby, actually I don't want to leave you. I'm not as beautiful as I look, but in my heart, loneliness is unbearable. You once asked me why I love this city so much. I looked down and didn't answer. I heard my own voice, and I resisted the impulse to answer you. I can't tell you.

In fact,

What I miss is sevenp's clothes,

What I miss is the food in Wujiang.

I miss you who drink Libo,

I miss you deeply, the real me, the DJ- drinking me.

But how can I tell you all this? Your eyes are dazzling and bright, and I can't open them.

Inexplicable, sentimental and helpless, I don't want you to help me when I was a child when I heard my heartbreak.

Picking up the salute and closing the door, my body slowly slipped, but my tears never fell. Someone once told me that when I want to cry, I just need to look at the sky so that my tears won't fall. I looked up at the sky, trying to raise my mouth and smile at myself.

4. If you can break a sentence, break it, and if it is inappropriate, break it.

Normal Edition: I was awakened by the alarm clock of the old Nokia mobile phone in the morning. After getting up, I hung my head, brushed my teeth and washed my face, ate soaked rice and soybean milk fried dough sticks, and then rode my bike to work.

B: Good morning. There is fog outside the window.

My Nokia rings gently. Wake me up from my dream.

Hair stands up at will, forming all kinds of exaggerated, crazy, messy and gentle angles. I shook my head gently and walked to the pool. Fill the cup with water and start using Colgate's toothbrush and toothpaste.

There are still drops of water on his forehead. Round. Like dew on a lotus leaf in the morning. I soaked a little rice in cold water and put it in the microwave oven to start heating. Yellow light. It warms my heart.

Take out the bowl, start making soybean milk for yourself, take out half a fritter from the refrigerator and start chewing. My life, like this fried dough stick, is golden but soft, full of weakness and deformity.

Go out of the house. Today. Here we go again. One. Cloudy day.

My permanent bike, quietly parked in the corner, waiting and expecting. Go to the next place today.

5. Can use English and never use Chinese.

When you say something, you must say the brand and origin of the thing together, no matter how awkward.

Ordinary version: A wretched man in slippers went to the store and bought a bottle of Robust mineral water of one yuan and a paper towel of fifty cents, then took a sip and wiped his mouth. He began to consider going to the underground shopping mall to buy that pair of big underpants with a price tag of 12. Or 13 big shorts?

B: In the afternoon, I felt a little thirsty. I went to robust to buy pure water. Take a sip, it's really better than Wahaha's. It seems that my favorite brand is really right. After wiping my mouth with a pure handkerchief, I began to vacillate between two brands that I also like: should I buy the limited edition of Wolf Child released by Jianong or choose Keaoor?

6. Be sure to pile up with the most gorgeous adjectives, and the whole article should be empty.

To skillfully use simile, metaphor, analogy and other skills, the most important thing is never to say what you want to say directly!

Regular edition: Oh, unfortunately, I have a stomachache. The water is boiling, have a cup of hot milk and go to bed to read a novel.

B version: Lonely phoenix tree deep courtyard locks clear autumn. More lonely than clear autumn is the late autumn night with continuous and dense rain.

On such a rainy night, the monthly letter arrived as scheduled. The fine cold spread from the soles of the feet to the lower abdomen, biting me unattended. Just, even if I don't have a steaming glass of milk at hand, can't I be self-sufficient?

Stand up, the kitchen is within ten steps.

Stainless steel kettle, under the pale fluorescent lamp, reflects my lazy face. Who will the messy hair curl up for?

The sound of water is like years that never look back.

Turn on the power, and within five minutes, a cup of my rich fragrance can soothe my cramped stomach.

Within ten steps, nothing grows.

Have pity on me. I know I respect my grass. Are you within a billion steps?

Looking at the bed piled with Chen Zhe's delicate silk and cotton, and the bed with gorgeous items, it is better to go home.

7. If you want to pretend that you have a good foundation in Chinese, try to use written language, at least the old-fashioned spoken language.

Especially "wandering", "wandering", "wandering", "wandering", "estrangement", "wandering" and "resentment" can show your great distress caused by your special thoughts.

Onomatopoeic words should be used in places that people absolutely don't need nowadays, such as "the rustling sound makes it sound like a rustling sound" and so on, pretending to be proud. If you can't help laughing, you can't be "haha" and "dumb". If you want to pretend to be a dog with a deep knowledge of Chinese studies, don't bark, but be stubborn. If you want to be like Lu Xun or the May 4th Movement, write "go" as "go" and call "she" Yi ","or "if" instead of "if". For example is an example, and "because" is "because". This is not for exquisiteness, but for exquisiteness, which has been put in this position, so "already" is changed to "already" and "often" has to be "often".

If you are tired of copying the May 4th style, you can also invent words or phrases, such as "stop rebellion" and "Guo Meng" if you are bold, huh? Someone's already done that? Then turn the mire into a mire, and then twist the slaughter into slaughter. To show your personality, you should use different words for different reasons. For example, since everyone says it's dark at night, you might as well say it's dark with sauce, even if it sounds lame. What matters is not whether the effect is good or not, but that it is different from others.

Normal version: I slept in the morning 10, and I was constipated for several days. I had a sudden stomachache and was overjoyed. I ran to the toilet with a draft paper and squatted for a long time. Except for a big fart and a few small p's, I just didn't pull it out, and I was disappointed. Today is another day of constipation!

B version: I woke up in the morning with a dull pain in my stomach. For many days, it seems that the pain is like a butterfly in love with flowers, hugging me tightly and refusing to hide.

Only today, the pain in my stomach is different. Delicate me, I will understand that there may be a turn for the better. So I went to the bathroom happily, hoping to get rid of the source of annoyance.

However, the dream is to wake up after all. I have been worried for a long time, but what I get is the reality as light as air. Those big and small, warm but tearful gases shattered my dream of a day.

Well, it will take a day after all.

In a word, pretending to be B means to describe people putting on airs, posturing and putting on airs. It is often used to describe act young, pretending to be innocent, pretending to be naive, and pretending to be ignorant of some things that are deeply understood. Obviously very powerful but pretending to be ordinary; It also describes that people around you are tired of demonstrating what they can't do, but they should not use it more. After all, it hurts people's self-esteem. A good cover-up does not violate the principle of being a man.