Niu Niu Feng Gong's worst crosstalk lines.

Author: Niu Niu Feng Gong Xiaogang Feng Xiaofan Xu Li Yi

Performer: Niu Niu Feng Gong Niping

Ni: We all know that he won Chen Shimei for Qin Xianglian. Of course, many years have passed, and there are very few people like Chen Shimei. However, there is still discrimination against women in our real life. Recently, among some gay men, we held a competition for the worst gentleman. The so-called worst gentlemen are all elected by men who have the least respect for women and the least understanding of women. Then, after evaluation by the masses and discussion by experts, only two gentlemen got the most votes, namely Niu Niu and Feng Gong. Everyone's opinion is very consistent. Don't worry, so which one of them can be elected as the worst gentleman tonight depends on the final result. Once the production is completed, Mr. Worst will get a small straw cutter sponsored by the Qin Xianglian Foundation. Ok, now I declare the contestants come in, Niu.

Niu: No.

Feng: No, I'm on a business trip. I leave at seven o'clock.

Ni: According to the regulations of the organizing committee, if one party abstained, the one who abstained was elected as the worst Mr., if both parties abstained, they were tied as the worst Mr. .. then I declare the worst Mr. Niu. ...

Niu and Feng: Er ... (disease) started ... no. ...

Niu: Sister, I have long wanted to pay a New Year call to you.

Ni: (laughs)

Feng: Are you sour? At your age, you call others elder sister. Ignore him. I will tell you about my aunt.

Bull: Go (push the wind)

Feng: No, our children call him aunt.

Ni: You two, it's no use making friends with me, because all the lesbians present today are judges. It's up to you who will be chosen as the worst.

Niu: Oh, oh, they have the final say. Say it earlier.

Feng: This is a pure waste of our time.

Cow: Female compatriots, female compatriots, you have worked hard.

Feng: Dear friends, dear friends, I miss you very much.

Niu: Oh, you can live a long life when you see this lesbian. Saying you can live to be 200 is like playing with you.

Feng: Here you are, sir. Why don't you sit beside us and squeeze our young lady? This young lady, at first glance, is very beautiful. It's better to look at it carefully than at first sight.

Ni: Wow, you are both very enthusiastic about lesbians today!

Niu: I always do, because I'm not interested in men.

Feng: I'm ashamed to say that. As a homosexual, I am not interested in men. You think I'm interested.

Niu: I think so.

Feng: Ah.

Bull: A man who is not enthusiastic about lesbians is by no means a good man.

Feng: That's right. A man who is particularly enthusiastic about lesbians is probably not a good man.

Ni: Yes, the working lesbians are judges, but I am not the director of the jury.

Niu: Er, Director Ni.

Feng: What are your instructions?

Ni: You two, relax. It was this little lawn mower that caused them trouble. Whether you two want to or not depends on the result of tonight's final. Let's start the game now. In fact, it is very simple, that is, four words "praise women"

Bull: Which woman needs praise? I always thought that women hold up half the sky.

Feng: Serious contempt for women, comrades. Have you ever heard that women can hold up half the sky and still hold up half the sky? I think at least half.

Bull: You look down on women more seriously. More than half, at least one and a half.

Feng: Seven or eight.

Bull: Twenty-nine.

Feng: Thirty-seven.

Ni: Stop, stop, stop. That's a compliment. I have to tell the truth. Even criticize. Ok, let's call it "criticizing women" in another way. Because to some extent, criticism is also an attitude.

Bull: Criticism, not criticizing me is the worst.

Feng: criticize, criticize that little straw cutter, I'll take it.

Ni: You two don't agree, do you?

Bull: Absolutely not.

Feng: Who said who approved it?

Niu: Just don't approve.

Ni: tied for the worst sir.

Bull: Well, criticism.

Feng: Criticism.

Bull: Criticism.

Feng: It's outrageous. And it's getting worse. How many times have I criticized Ni, but I just won't listen. Tell me who I approve of.

Ni: Well, this one. All-China Women's Federation.

Feng: Specifically. Ten is enough. 1. What does the Women's Federation do?

Ni: Director Liu, specifically, ten mistakes.

Supplement:

Feng: Rule number one.

Ni: The first one.

Feng: You have gone too far.

Niu Heni (at the same time): To be exact.

Feng: Eh, it was quite serious last time. Niu, you keep criticizing, and I'll calm down first.

Bull: Alas, he wants to abstain, he.

Ni: Stop talking about him, Niu, and continue to criticize.

Feng: Eh, you keep approving.

Niu: I will continue to approve.

Ni: You continue to approve.

Feng: You come.

Ni: Director Liu.

Feng: He is still wagging his head. He's here.

Niu: Director Liu, Director Liu. Have you got all the new year's goods?

Feng: Hmm. ...

Ni: You criticize it.

Niu: Ah, yes, criticism. In my opinion, criticizing you is likely to offend you, even lesbians all over the country. But I still have to criticize you. Because you are really outrageous. You don't pay attention to rest when you work. If you don't eat on time in the future, I will eat everything.

Feng: Are you criticizing this?

Ni: You continue to approve.

Feng: Ah, I will continue to approve. Who do you think I agree with?

Ni: This.

Feng: It's outrageous.

Ni: Female soldier.

Feng: Female ... I will criticize you when you stand up. Female soldier. Your army didn't come. I just want to criticize you. You are always like a man. Rescue and disaster relief, donate money to help the poor, be brave and help others, go up when you see difficulties, and let them cash them when you see difficulties. Gave us all the honors, didn't it spoil us men? Ah. It's over, it's over. I offended my aunt in the People's Liberation Army.

Niu: I want to criticize that female construction worker.

Feng: Then I will criticize the female nurses.

Niu: Listen, construction worker. I have the biggest problem for you. Overpasses are everywhere in Beijing. I turned when I got up and walked back to me.

Feng: Mammy, aren't you angels in white? Anyone who has a fever will get an injection to reduce the fever. Our kettle is very hot, please try it. So you can't drink it?

Niu: I want to criticize the female teacher.

Feng: Then I will criticize women farmers.

Niu: I criticize female entrepreneurs.

Supplement:

Feng: I criticize self-employed women.

Ni: OK, OK, OK.

Niu: Ni, don't stop me. Let me continue. ...

Ni: Stop. It seems that I can't say the outcome at the moment. Guess what? Let's play overtime. The herd starts with you. come

Bull: Hmm.

Ni: Your test topic is also called Understanding Women.

Niu: I know women.

Ni: Alas. To reflect Ni's understanding of women. From now on. You are not a group of people.

Niu: Then who am I?

Ni: You play your wife. As your wife, you should answer my question. Say what your wife wants to say most, do you understand?

Niu: (pretending to be a girl) I see.

Feng: Yo, it's Mrs. Niu now. Oh, honey. Great, it's really "the cow has changed eighteen times, and the uglier it gets."

Ni: You are a typical professional woman.

Niu: Professional woman.

Ni: Your husband is very graceful. Good for you, too, but you slapped him hard. what do you think?

Niu: I think so. I want to slap him hard. How can I say that?

Ni: What you said.

Bull: Ah, no, no, no, that's impossible.

(Ni holds up a small straw cutter)

Niu: Yes, I, I, I, I told you. But I have a reason. Why should I slap him? Because my husband's style is too decent, I will slap him severely. It's not like that. That's what I do.

Ni: Professional woman.

Niu: Professional woman. Yes, because I am a professional woman. Comrades, professional women. Doesn't mean a professional killer. No, this, that, right. Professional women, it is too difficult for us to be professional women. You need a career and family. Work hard at work and work hard at home. I have to help my children with their homework and take them to learn piano, chess, calligraphy and painting. Anyway, the children haven't learned anything in the past two years, and I know everything about piano, chess, painting and calligraphy. So I'm going to slap the father. Why don't you just slap me?

Feng: I'll give you this small straw cutter.

Niu: By the way, I met Feng Gong the other day when I went out. That Feng Hong said sister-in-law, Niu Ge, he is so outrageous. Now it is widely rumored that he follows the wheel in the morning, the plate at noon, the dice at night and the skirt at night. You are so kind to him. Do you think he is good enough for you? I said, Feng Gong, you are talking nonsense. Cows are not that kind of people. He is so enterprising that no matter how busy I am, I will take time to take care of him. Well, what I said was that I took time to take care of him, or simply "slap him"

Supplement:

Feng: Are you tired? This doesn't count. This doesn't count.

Ni: Hey, Feng Gong, stop it. It’s your turn. Your test topic is also four words, called "Evaluate Mom". Come with me. Feng Gong, a person may have no wife, no sisters and no children.

Feng: Will it be too boring?

Ni: But everyone has their own mother. Maternal love is the greatest love in the world. Please evaluate your mother. All right, these four viewers, now play four mothers. Please stand up and give me a hand. All right.

Feng: Oh, this mother is quite young. Thank you for your cooperation.

Ni: The first one is Liang Sanxi's mother in The Garland under the Mountain.

Feng: (Salute) Hero's mother, if you don't mind, I'm Sanxi's own brother. He is Sanxi and I am Sixi. It is broken. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm meatballs.

Ni: Yue Fei's mother in Song Dynasty.

Feng: (kneeling on one leg) A sensible mother, you stabbed me with four words from the beginning. You can't believe in "serving your country faithfully" and stab me with four words, "Friends of Women".

Ni: The mother of crosstalk performer Feng Gong.

Feng: (Salute) I haven't seen him before. Glorious mother. You have a good son. Friends, let's be proud that the old man has such a son.

Ni: The mother of crosstalk performer Niu Niu.

Feng: (Salute) Shame mother.

Ni: Please start the evaluation.

Feng: Then I'll start here.

Ni: Sanxi's mother.

Feng: Thanks to you, you are happy.

Ni: Yue Fei's mother.

Feng: I have a deep understanding of justice and a good education.

Ni: Feng Gong's mother.

Feng: Like son, like mother.

Ni: The mother of cattle.

Feng: Shame, shame does not belong to you. The mother is not chilling. Whose mother doesn't want her son to become a dragon, and the cow becomes the worst husband. It's unfair to keep your head up. Comrades, it really doesn't matter. Male compatriots, don't be discouraged. When a cow fell, thousands of Feng Gong stood up again.

Ni: Audience friends, everyone watched their performance. Do you think this small straw cutter is for cattle or Feng Gong?

Bull: Feng Gong, Feng Gong.

Feng: Cows, cows.

Ni: To whom?

Feng: Ni Ping.

Niu: Ni Ping. Oh, by the way, I suggest that Ni Ping Jr. take it home.

Feng: We gave your husband a holiday present.

Niu: We sincerely hope, sir, that the alarm will go off.

Feng: Niu, come out, come out.