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Ancient classic jokes
Ancient Classic Jokes (Selected 33)
What is humor? Humor is a kind of ability, and humor is a kind of power. I believe that there is no shortage of humorous people around us. Let's appreciate ancient humorous jokes.
Ancient Classic Jokes Part 1
In ancient times, there was a county magistrate who returned to his hometown after his term of office expired.
He found a strange old man at home, whom he had never seen before, so he asked: "Who are you?"
The old man said: "I am the one you just resigned from. The county's 'land god'!"
The county official said: "Why are you here?"
The land god said: "You have scraped away all the land there. Why don't I come with you?" Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 2
There was a stingy man who invited his friends to dinner. The servant asked him if he would bring out wine, but he was too embarrassed to speak directly and said: There is a mountain outside the door, and there is water in Youshi. side.
He said: One stroke and one stroke, night after night. The awareness is that there are too many people to drink.
A friend understood their code words and said: Wenxiakou, the wall has no soil. Tian Shangxuan, Niu Duoyi. Ancient Classic Jokes Part 3
The four masters and disciples of Tang Monk passed by a village and rested for the night.
Early the next morning, they were all tied up by the local villagers and went to see the officials.
Villager Wang Er pointed at Bajie and said to the county magistrate: "Master, something was lost in my house last night. It must have been stolen by the fat man. I saw him holding it in his hand this morning. "
The county official asked: "What did you throw away?"
Wang Er replied: "A hoe for farming!" Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 4
Dogs eat calligraphy and painting
In the late Ming and early Qing dynasties, there was a smart man named Bi Aiao on the wall of Lanxi, Zhejiang, who often went against the rich.
One day, the rich man Zhou Daosheng was saying bad things about Bi Diao in a tea shop. Bi Diao happened to be passing by, so he walked in and said, "I encountered a strange thing today."
Zhou Daosheng asked hurriedly : "Brother Bi, what's weird?"
Bi Aiao said: "My neighbor's dog has been stealing paintings and calligraphy recently. Today, my neighbor took out all the paintings and calligraphy collected at home
I came to dry it, but the dog ate it all. The owner killed the dog and cut open its stomach. What do you think is inside? Haha, it’s full of bad paintings (words). ”
The tea guest understood that Bi Aiao was mocking Zhou Daosheng and burst into laughter. Ancient Classic Jokes Part 5
Blessed are the dogs
One day, Rich Master Sun was preparing to host a banquet. Bi Aiao, the long-term worker, went shopping with him on the street and bought a whole basket of fish and meat.
On the way back, Bi Aiao saw a yellow dog not far away, so he deliberately lowered the basket and carried it. The yellow dog rushed over and took the meat away in one mouthful. Rich Man Sun ordered Bi Aiao to chase him. Bi Yao chased for a while and came back empty-handed and said: "Oh, what a blessing it is for a plague dog!"
Rich Man Sun asked inexplicably: "What did you say?"
Bi Yao said: " Well, we are long-term workers who work hard all year round and have never eaten a meal of meat. Now, as your boss said, we are destined to be unlucky. "
The rich man nodded and said: "Yes! Eating meat brings you the blessing of eating meat. Why do I keep drinking and eating?
This is 'destined'!"
Bi Xiaoxiao He said: "Master, that damn plague dog took the meat in its mouth, just like you, hey, hey, you are also lucky to eat meat."
The rich man was stunned. Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 6
Zhou Gong and Zhou Po
Yang Langzhong’s wife, Zhao, was very jealous, and the concubines and maids in the family did not dare to approach Yang Langzhong.
One day, Langzhong Yang took a book of "Mao's Poems" and read several passages from "Zhou Nan" over and over again, saying: "This passage talks about how the concubine treats her subordinate maids and concubines. , praising the concubine for not being jealous.
"
Then he said: "This article talks about not being jealous, and you will have many descendants. "He also said: "If there is no jealousy, then the order in which men are superior to women will be correct. "
After hearing this, his wife asked him what book he read. He replied: ""Mao's Poems". The wife asked again: "Who did it?" He replied: "Gong Zhou." "
Mrs. Zhao said: "No wonder, it turned out to be Zhou Gong. If it was Zhou Po, she would definitely not say this!" Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 7
True and False Taoism
The two Taoist teachers had different academic opinions and argued endlessly. Each boasted that he had the true teaching of Taoism, and both claimed that he was a true Taoist, while they cursed the other as a fake Taoist.
Noisy. After a long time, with no outcome, they walked to Confucius's forum together and asked Confucius to judge.
Confucius hurriedly walked down the steps, bowed deeply to the two of them, and said respectfully; "My Confucian school is vast, harmonious but different. Both old gentlemen are genuine Taoists. I, Confucius, have always admired me very much. How could it be fake?"
The two Taoist gentlemen listened and said, Smiling and very proud.
After the two left, all the disciples complained to Confucius, saying that they should not flatter these two Taoist teachers.
Confucius said: "For such shallow and ignorant people. People, just coax them away, why provoke them!" Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 8
"There is a prostitute in my heart"
A group of people are drinking and having fun together, and there is a singing prostitute to accompany them.
Everyone was talking and laughing together, except for an elder sitting at the head of the table, with his eyes closed and his hands folded, pretending not to look at the banquet.
After leaving, the geisha asked the elder for a reward. The elder was very angry and said, "I didn't look at you. What reward do you want!"
The geisha retorted: "It doesn't matter if you look at it, but you keep it closed. My eyes are full of thoughts!"
Seeing this scene, his younger brother Cheng Yi thought it was insulting to be polite and walked away; but Cheng Hao drank and laughed, contented himself and returned home happily.
The next day Cheng Yi went to question his brother about this matter. Cheng Hao smiled and said: "Yesterday, there was a prostitute in the room, but there was no prostitute in my heart; today, there is no prostitute in the room, but in your heart There are prostitutes'. "
After hearing this, Cheng Yi looked ashamed and bowed to his brother.
If the heart is stained, the world will be stained; if the heart is pure, the world will be pure. Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 9
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The Rich Man Is Sick
There was a wealthy man who became famous far and wide.
One morning, the rich man got up and looked at the flowers and suddenly complained that he was sick.
His wife asked him what illness he had, and he said: "I was hurt by the dew on the rose flower when I was looking at the flowers this morning. Please go and call a doctor quickly. "
The wife said: "Have the officials forgotten that when I was begging for food with you, I was soaked in the heavy rain all night under the bamboo forest, and I never saw you become like this?" In ancient times! Classic Joke Chapter 10
Portrait of Taiwei
Taiwei Dang wanted to draw a portrait, so he summoned the painter, but as soon as the painter gave him the total amount of paint to use, he bought the paint, etc. When asked how much money he would need, he became unhappy and said he would not paint anymore.
Later, he summoned a painter. The painter knew that he did not want to pay, so he said, "I don't need much money to paint your portrait." , only a piece of white paper, a pen, and a piece of ink are enough. "
The Taiwei was very happy when he heard this and asked what he should be painted like. The painter said: "Black gauze hat, black robe, rhinoceros-colored belt, black boots, and draw a black boy next to you. . "
The Taiwei asked: "What color should I paint on my face?" The painter said: "Draw a black lacquer table. You are sitting at the table, with your head leaning on the table.
"
The Taiwei said: "The most important thing is face. If you lower your head, how can others see you?" The painter said: "How can I see others with such a face as my husband?" Ancient classics Joke Chapter 11
Laughing at the seats
One day, a question suddenly came from mouth to nose: "The most accomplished people are at the top, and the incompetent people are at the bottom. This is common sense. What virtues and abilities do you have?" , why is the position above me?"
Bibi replied: "I can smell the fragrance and smell the smell, and then I tell you to eat what you should eat, so I should be above you, I I would rather hear what talents you have first?"
He replied: "If your heart wants to speak, use your mouth first, read books, history and articles; eat all the delicacies in the world, and offer eloquent speeches to the king of heaven. "
Bi also said: "Don't laugh at your nostrils for no reason. Knowing the fragrance and smell is the tip of the nose. If there is no three-point Qi in the tip of the nose, the world's best articles will always be useless. "
Nose to eye, he said: "Why is Brother Xian's position still above mine?"
Eye replied: "I can see good and evil, look east and west. , the credit is not small, so it should be above you. The poem goes: The autumn waves are deep and clear, I know books, treasures, gold and silver; if the world doesn't walk with me, I can't go to the blue sky in the daytime. "
The mouth said: "Why are the eyebrows above me?" The eyes said: "I will go with you and the nose brothers to ask about it. "
Eyebrow replied: "Don't insult your eyebrows because you have no ambition. I have accumulated ancestors over the past years and I am the one on top. If you move your eyebrows down, we will look very good when we meet. Bi said: "What we are discussing with you is about merit, not appearance!"
Everyone was quarreling and quarreling. When the two ears heard it, they persuaded them: "A gentleman has nothing to do." Fight, this is the clear instruction in the book. Or as the saying goes: Every time I have been divided into two sides since I was young, I will gather the heads and send them to this body. I advise you to stop fighting between the big and the small. You are all the people in front of you. "Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 12
"Buyu Zen"
There is a monk who is called "Buyu Zen" because although he is a Zen master in name and the abbot of a temple, in fact He had no knowledge at all, so he relied on his two waiters to answer questions on his behalf.
One day, when the two waiters were out, a wandering monk happened to come to him for advice.
Monk You Fang asked: "What is Buddha?" The Zen Master couldn't answer. He was confused and looked around.
Monk You Fang continued to ask: "What is Dharma?" Still unable to answer, he looked up and down.
The monk asked again: "What is a monk?" Still unable to answer, he closed his eyes.
Monk Youfang finally asked: "What is blessing?" The Zen master still didn't know, so he just stretched out his hand.
Monk Youfang said goodbye and walked out of the temple. He happened to meet two waiters coming back and told him. They said: "I asked the Buddha, and the Zen master looked east and west, which means that people have things and the Buddha has no north and south; I asked the Dharma, and the Zen master looked down, which means that the Dharma is equal and there is no distinction between superior and inferior; I asked the monk , he just closed his eyes and rested his mind, which meant that the person lying high in the white clouds was a highly respected monk; I asked for blessings, and he stretched out his hand, which meant to guide all living beings. This great Zen master's knowledge has truly reached the realm of knowing one's mind and one's nature. "
The waiter returned to the Zen master, and the Zen master cursed: "Where have you been? If you don't come to help, you are asking me to make a fool of myself." He asked the Buddha, who taught me to look east and see you, and to the west, you did not see me. He also asked the Dharma, teaching me that there is no way to go to heaven and no way to enter the earth. He asked the monk again, but I had no choice but to pretend to sleep. Finally, he asked for blessings. I feel ashamed that I don’t know anything, so why should I be an elder? It’s better to go door-to-door begging for food and just be a beggar!” Classical Ancient Jokes Chapter 13
Who is the villain?
Who has the position? The old man was kind and charitable.
On a snowy day, he saw a shivering man sheltering from the snow at the door. He felt pity for him, so he let him into the house and warmed him up with wine to keep him warm. He warmly stayed for one night.
The next day, it was snowing heavily and we couldn't go on the road, so we kept him for another day. The same was true for the third day.
On the fourth day, the weather cleared up. The man said goodbye and wanted to leave, but he specifically asked the old man to lend him a knife.
He took the knife from the old man, played with it in his hand, and said to the old man: "We are strangers to each other. I have received your warm hospitality these days. I have nothing to repay you, so I can only I'll kill you in retribution." He said that he was about to commit suicide with a knife.
The old man was very frightened when he saw it, and quickly stepped forward to dissuade him: "If you do this, you will hurt me!"
The man asked: "How do you say this?" The old man Said: "If a person dies for no reason in the family, it goes without saying that he will be sued; even if nothing happens, he still has to spend twelve taels of money to burn and bury him in vain. Therefore, he must not do it!"
That The man no longer pretended to commit suicide, and instead said: "In that case, I would like to thank you for your care, give me twelve taels of burning and burial money, and let me go."
The old man was kind-hearted. When he didn't get any good reward, he got angry and started arguing with the man, which suddenly alarmed the surrounding villagers.
The villagers gathered around to try to persuade him, and finally reduced the amount by half and asked the old man to give the man six taels of silver.
Not only did they provide food and accommodation for three days and three nights, but they also paid six taels of silver in vain. The more the old man thought about it, the more he felt that he had been wronged. He sighed helplessly: "Who would have expected that he would encounter such a cruel person?" Man!"
After hearing this, the man also blamed him and said, "Instead of saying that you are evil, you say that I am evil. It is really unreasonable!"
The old man asked: "Why am I the evil one? ?" The man said: "Since you are not cruel, why did you keep me here for three nights and deduct 2 taels of silver per night?" Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 14
Suffering the punishment on behalf of others
A prisoner who was about to be executed learned that there was an idiot somewhere, so he brought a hundred taels of silver to him and coaxed him, saying: "With these silvers, I will give you a lot of good clothes to wear. Buy a lot of good clothes." If you have food to eat, even your wife, children, and the whole family will benefit from it. After a while, the officials will come to check the person. I just ask you to name me and let them tie you up. Then they will let you go home. You will have this money for the rest of your life. I can’t enjoy it.”
After hearing this, the fool was moved when he saw the silver lined up on the table. He quickly agreed and took the silver away.
When an old man from the neighbor learned about this, he came to dissuade him and said: "Return the money to him quickly. If you are undecided or misunderstood the man and used the money, you will soon be If you risk your life, what's the point of leaving ten thousand taels of silver? If you don't change your mind now, no one will be able to save you."
Listen, idiot. After finishing, he shook his head and said: "If I watch this lot of money being returned to others while I live a hard life, that would be really stupid. I don't believe your rhetoric."
The more the old man tried to persuade him, the more he refused to listen. Finally, the old man sighed helplessly and left.
The idiot had the one hundred taels of silver, and he ate very luxuriously, and the whole family was very happy.
Not long after, the official documents from the government arrived. When the prisoner's name was called, the fool agreed on his behalf. As a result, he was sentenced to beheading by the executioner and kidnapped to the execution ground.
All relatives and friends complained that idiots should not be greedy for money and lose their lives. The idiot cried and said: "It's all because I didn't listen to good words that I ended up today. Fortunately, I have learned a lot now, and this is the only time I suffer." Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 15
The Jade Emperor ordered Zhong Kui to come to the human world to catch ghosts. Zhong Kui received the order and led the ghost soldiers to the lower world, holding a sword and arresting them everywhere. But who knows that the ghosts in the Yang world are more numerous and more fierce than those in the underworld.
When all the ghosts saw Zhong Kui coming to catch him, the reckless ghosts rushed forward to seize the sword. The smart ghosts came up and pulled their waists and legs, begged the cheap ghosts to pull up their boots and take off their hats, and they acted like ghosts, taking off their belts and robes, all the same. The ghosts lifted their beards and plucked their eyebrows, the desperate ghosts stole swords and knives, the naughty ghosts picked their noses and gouged their eyes, and the ghosts with ugly faces chattered. All the ghosts pounced on Zhong Kui, making it impossible for Zhong Kui to use even his spells. All the evil ghosts Also howling and barking.
Zhong Kui was in trouble when he suddenly saw a fat monk with a big belly walking over with a smile. He helped Zhong Kui up and asked, "General Fumo, why are you in such a mess?"
Zhong Kui replied: "I didn't expect that the ghosts in this world are so difficult to catch." The monk said: "It's okay, wait for me to catch them for you."
When the monk saw the ghosts, he just laughed. He opened his big mouth and swallowed all the ghosts with a "Gulu" sound.
Zhong Kui was shocked when he saw it and said: "Master is really powerful!"
The monk said: "You don't know that there are the most evil spirits like this in the world. You can't argue with them. There is no reason to talk about human feelings, just pretend it with a big belly! Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 16
There was a young monk who took a long bamboo pole and ran into the yard in the middle of the night and waved at the night sky. They beat each other again, and finally the old monk was alarmed. The stars in the sky, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't knock them down..." When the old monk heard this, he became furious and cursed: "You big idiot, you don't even know such a simple question, you are so stupid. It’s unforgivable. How could you stand in that place..." Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 17
Calligraphers and painters of the Qing Dynasty. Zheng Banqiao's family was very poor when he was young. Because he is unknown and has no power, even though his calligraphy and painting are very good, he cannot sell them at a good price.
There is nothing valuable at home.
One day, Zheng Banqiao was lying on the bed, and suddenly he saw a sneaky figure reflected on the window paper. Zheng Banqiao thought: It must be a thief. What is there in my house that is worthy of your taking? So he chanted a poem loudly. :
The wind is blowing and the moon is fading, and a wealthy gentleman comes to a poor family!
There are thousands of volumes of poems and books, and there is not even a money string on the bedside.
The thief overheard, turned around and ran away. Zheng Banqiao read two more poems to see him off:
Don't be afraid of yellow-tailed dogs when you leave the house, and don't disturb the green flower pots when they climb over the wall.
The thief hurriedly jumped over the wall to escape, accidentally knocking several wall bricks to the ground. Zheng Banqiao's yellow dog barked and chased the thief and bit him. Zheng Banqiao put on his clothes and went out, drank the yellow dog, helped the fallen thief up, carried him to the road, made a bow, and
recited two lines of poetry:
Late at night, I have to wear my clothes to send you away, so I can pack up my ambitions and become a new person again. Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 18
Zheng Banqiao Recited a Crab Poetry
When Zheng Banqiao was the magistrate of Wei County, one day a messenger reported that the magistrate was passing by Wei County, but Zheng Banqiao did not go out of the city to greet him. It turns out that the prefect was born in a donation class, and the money he paid to buy an official position was enough to lift a sedan chair, but he had no real talent or knowledge, so Zheng Banqiao looked down on him.
The prefect came to the back hall of the county government office and was very unhappy that Zheng Banqiao did not go out of the city to greet him. At the banquet, the prefect became more and more angry as he thought about it. It happened that the officer brought a plate of river crabs, and the magistrate thought: "Why don't I let him compose an impromptu poem with crabs as the theme? If he can't compose it, I can humiliate him in public, so as to relieve the sullenness in my heart! So! He pointed at the river crab with his chopsticks and said: "This thing is flowing across the river, and no one is paying attention. I have heard for a long time that Mr. Zheng is very talented. Why not write a poem about this thing to help the wine?"
Known to Zheng Banqiao After thinking about it for a while, he chanted: The eight claws were running wild, and the two pincers were dancing majestically. Who knew that there was nothing in the belly, so I dipped it in ginger vinegar and chanted it with wine.
The prefect was very embarrassed. Joke Chapter 19
"Removed by Order"
When Zheng Banqiao was a county magistrate, he encountered a year of famine. He was dismissed by the emperor because he opened a warehouse to distribute grain and help the poor. So, I hired a small boat and headed back to my hometown in Yangzhou along the Grand Canal.
One day, I saw an official ship moored at the pier in front of me, with the flag of "I am here by order" hanging on the mast, and I asked all civilian ships. Avoid. Zheng Banqiao said to himself: "You took office according to the emperor's order, and I was dismissed according to the emperor's order.
Aren't they all 'in accordance with the decree'?
What are you so proud of?" So, he took a piece of silk, wrote the four characters "dismissed from the post in accordance with the decree", and hung it on the mast.
The person on the official boat was the son of a traitorous official in the imperial court, named Yao Youcai. Although this man was uneducated and incompetent, he had made a fortune by relying on my power. He was about to take up his post in Yangzhou at this time. The mast of a small boat had a flag of "dismissed from office". He felt strange and found out it was Zheng Banqiao, so he sent someone to ask him for calligraphy and paintings.
Zheng Banqiao heard that Yao had money, besides eating, drinking and gambling. He didn't know anything about anything except bullying, bullying and searching the common people, so he quickly wrote a poem: "If you have money, it's hard to buy a bamboo. If you have too much money, you can't buy a green flower pot. If you lack branches and leaves, you can't have many bamboo shoots. If you have little virtue, you can't be polite." "The first word of each sentence is "having wealth but lacking virtue". Yao Youcai took it and looked at it, and almost fainted. Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 20
"No money can save you"
There was an old rich man who was very stingy. One day when he went out with his son, he encountered a new river with high water. He couldn't bear to spend money to take a ferry, so he tried his best to wade into the middle of the river, but the flood unexpectedly killed him. He rushed into the rapids and drifted for more than half a mile. His son chased him on the river bank, trying to hire a boat to rescue him. The boatman asked for one cent, but the son only offered five cents. After negotiating for a long time, the price was not settled. When the old rich man was sinking and floating in the river and about to drown, he turned around and shouted to his son: "My son, my son, I will save you for five cents, but not for one cent!" Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 21
Auspicious words
Once upon a time, there was a landowner who hired two long-term workers. Because he liked hearing auspicious words very much, he specially gave them two nice names: one. On the morning of the fifth day of the first lunar month, the landlord would greet the God of Wealth and say auspicious words. Before dawn, he would shout in a strange voice: "Gao Sheng! Gao Sheng!" Gao Sheng lived upstairs. When the landlord heard the shout, he quickly replied: "Come down! Come down!" When the landlord heard this, he was filled with anger and could not say anything, so he had to shout again: "Get rich! Get rich!" Fa Cai lives in the horse pen, there. There were no windows, and when he opened his eyes, everything was dark. He thought it was still early, so he loudly replied: "It's still early, it's still early!" The landlord was so angry that he couldn't even speak. 22 Ancient Classic Jokes
It’s an advantage for you
Once upon a time, when a military attache was supervising the battle on the battlefield, he caught a deserter. He was furious and wrote a handwriting: "Who knew he would be punished with death with a stick?" I couldn't write the word "kill", so I wanted to use a military stick instead, but the word "stick" was not easy to write. In the end, I had to say to the deserter: "Go! I'm giving you an advantage today." "Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 23
Two Eggs
The emperor issued an imperial edict: Whoever can lie to make him disbelieve will be rewarded with 100 taels of silver. Nowadays, there is an endless stream of people who come into the palace to lie every day, but No one was rewarded. One day, Lao Lie came to the palace and said to the emperor: "I heard from my grandfather that 64 years ago, the emperor's father was in trouble in Miaoshan and ate two of my eggs. The old emperor said that after returning to the palace, he would pay back a hundred times his capital and profits. The emperor thought to himself, what do two eggs mean? He said, "I believe it." "The old lie asked the minister to settle the accounts immediately. The minister was shocked when he calculated to 50 years. When he calculated to 64 years, the emperor saw that the number was so big that he couldn't read it out at once, so he hurriedly said: "You are telling a big lie. I don't believe it. "The old lie laughed loudly and finally got a reward of 100 taels of silver. Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 24
The Monk is Pregnant
In ancient times, a monk was seriously ill and was rescued and returned home. He was placed in a On the lady’s bed, the master invited a doctor to treat the monk. Since the monk could not see the wind, the doctor had to touch the monk’s delicate hand and said, “Yes. If you have irregular menstruation, you may be pregnant. "Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 25
Dare to give birth to a child
A certain family married a rich man's daughter, and a year later, she gave birth to a child. After receiving the news from the guests, her mother's family sent a child The young master brought eggs and millet.
This young master only knew how to give things, but didn't know what they were for. When he saw his sister hugging a child on the bed, he was shocked. He immediately scolded his sister in front of many people: "How dare you give birth to a child? The year before last, for Didn’t our father kill you when you gave birth to a child? Why did you forget about the pain again in less than two years?" Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 26
A load of jokes
There was a man in ancient times A farmer had three sons, the eldest was called Wealth, the second was called Fool, and the third was called Joke. One day the three sons came back from cutting wood. The old farmer asked his wife how much wood they had chopped. His wife replied, the old man has no wealth at all, a bit of stupidity, but a lot of jokes. Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 27
The Story of Wine
The story goes like this: In the late Qing Dynasty and the beginning of the Qing Dynasty, a man had been married for more than a year and did not see his wife giving birth, so he discussed with her: "Since you are not giving birth, , I have no choice but to marry another person." Although the wife was dissatisfied, she had no choice but to agree: "It's okay for me to add another room, but I have a condition - you can't like the new and be disgusted with the old. The code is: Master. If you drink white wine, it means you choose me, and if you drink red wine, it means you choose "the little one." How about that?" "Win!" The master agreed. As soon as the voice fell, the "little one" got married and went home. At dinner, the family asked: "Sir, what kind of wine do you want to drink?" "Red wine!" In this way, the supply of red wine at the master's house was running out. The wife looked at the "little one" with a happy face, but she didn't do anything at all, and she could only swallow the sourness in her stomach. On this day, my wife's cousin came to visit, and the master prepared four side dishes - peanuts, tofu skin, small salted fish, and chicken. Seeing the opportunity, the wife hurriedly asked: "Master, what kind of wine are you drinking?" "Of course red wine," the master replied without thinking. The wife was so angry that her belly was bulging. Fortunately, she suddenly came up with a plan: "It doesn't matter if I want to drink red wine. I have no choice but to treat my cousin with white wine!!!!!!" Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 28
What weapons will our army use?
During the Three Kingdoms period, Zhou Yu was jealous of Zhuge Liang's talent. It coincided with the period when Sun Quan and Liu Bei were united against Cao Cao. Zhou Yu wanted to make things difficult for Zhuge Liang on the grounds of insufficient weapons, so he discussed with Zhuge. : "Prime Minister, the war is about to begin. What weapons will our army use?" Zhuge Liang said angrily: "Why the hell are you looking for me if you have nuclear weapons?" Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 29
The Emperor's Reply
p>An official’s black gauze hat was stepped on by his wife during a fight. He was very angry and wrote a book to the emperor: "Your Majesty: My wife is very wordy. She had a quarrel with me yesterday and broke my hat." When the emperor saw it, he sent a message: "My dear, you must be patient. , the queen also has this problem, if she disagrees with me, she will smash the crown to pieces. Your gauze hat is nothing, at most it is a cloth bag!" Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 30
Where has the country's money gone?
Qianlong asked Liu Yong: "Where has the country's money gone?" Liu Yong replied: "It fell into the river." Qianlong asked again: "Why not fish it out." Liu Yong replied: "The river is deep (He Shen) ) Ah!" Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 31
Uncle and brother made it
Ah haha! The eminent monks of the Tang Dynasty are polite and courteous! I am the magistrate of this county, and these twenty-five people My colleague is the deputy magistrate of this county. Well, those hundreds of people outside are all assistants to the county magistrate. In exchange for customs clearance documents, why don't we invite eminent monks and four eminent disciples from the Tang Dynasty to accompany me to the Yingge Garden above the county government office for entertainment? Of course! We have everything you need, and they are all the great ladies of yesterday. Safe! Absolutely safe! It was made by my uncle and brother... Ancient Classic Jokes Chapter 32
The most henpecked man outside the city
There was a man who was afraid of his wife, so he wanted to find someone who was just like him. People, worship ten brothers. After searching around, I found nine people in the city, but one was still missing. So, everyone went out of the city to search. I saw only one person rinsing the toilet. Everyone said in unison: "This person must be just like us!" They came forward to meet him and explained their purpose. The man waved his hand and said: "Why don't I be the first outside the city, but I want to be the tenth in your city?" Ancient Classic Joke Chapter 33
The truth about the empty city strategy
At this time There are only remnants of soldiers and weak generals left in the city.
Zhuge Liang put on the crane cloak himself and played the piano slowly and leisurely on the tower. Sure enough, when Sima Yi arrived at the bottom of the city tower and saw the city gate wide open, he turned back. Afterwards, the counselors around him asked Sima Yi: "Why didn't the general lead his troops and rush in?" Sima Yi angrily yelled: "You are stupid! There is no one in front of them. What if they are offside!" ;
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