Beauty is unlucky, yellow-faced woman resigns, funny quotations.

1, in love, some people' die'; In marriage, some people' see death as death'.

A man's face is his life resume, and a woman's face is her life income statement.

3, don't go out on rainy days, although the rain is not poisonous, wet body is small, gonorrhea is big.

4. There are two kinds of men, one is lascivious and the other is very lascivious; There are two kinds of women, one is pretending to be pure, and the other is pretending to be impure.

5. What is cruelty? If it's a man, I'll break his three legs; If it is a male dog, I will break his five legs!

6. Attention robbers: Our employees only know Spanish. Please be patient when grabbing, and you'd better bring an interpreter. Thank you.

7. I am forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to take an umbrella when I go out to work in rainy days, so now I have ten umbrellas at home.

8. I have done many stupid things, but I don't care at all. Friends call it "confidence".

9. Tourist: Master, is that straw house over there a toilet? Monk: Except that thatched cottage, all the places are toilets.

10, on the road, driving is not difficult, but there are' newcomers'!

1 1. Those who work in public institutions are called "iron rice bowls" and those who work in private enterprises are called "disposable tableware".

12, my principle is: I won't attack if people don't attack me; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!

13, the tragedy of life lies in: I worked so hard to have a sweet dream all night, but I woke up the next morning and I couldn't remember it at all!

14, the experience of rolling in officialdom-Lu Yao knows how to flatter, and people are jealous for a long time.

15, smoking on the balcony after dinner, very enjoyable. Suddenly I saw a flash in the night sky, and I was excited: a meteor! So I made a wish at once ... I made six or seven wishes, opened my eyes and threw the cigarette out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard a girl's voice downstairs: "Wow! Meteor! Make a wish ... "

16,' People who respect others will always respect others'. Today, when the world is getting worse, this virtue can only be seen in the banquet hall.

17, I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes when training. How dare you? If there are still loose clothes, then why should I sign up?

18, menstrual blood is the uterus crying for loneliness, and wet dream is the seminal vesicle crying for depression. Menstruation once a month, but wet dream is irregular, which just shows that men don't flick when they have tears. ...

19,' Don't let your right fall asleep', this sentence is usually used on the wedding night.

20. Wife, I shouldn't shine shoes with sheets, but I just got back from a business trip and I can't change them for a while. I was wrong.

2 1, some people say that burying your girlfriend in the ground in spring will bring many girlfriends in autumn. I heard that someone believed it and did it. In spring, he buried his girlfriend underground, and in autumn, he was buried underground by a police uncle. ...

22. I can't bear to let my children catch wolves and my daughter-in-law catch hooligans. I can't bear to update my collection. ...

23. I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys' attention, but boys want to see girls without clothes.

24. I changed her from a girl to a woman, and she changed me from a boy to ... a poor person.

25, buddy, to be honest, we really don't drink and burp when driving ... You think, if you hit a telephone pole, this wine will spill and burp ... What a pity!

26. The unfairness of this world lies in: God said: I want light! -So one day. The beauty said: I want a diamond ring! -So she got a diamond ring. The rich man said: I want a woman! -So he found a woman. I said: I want to take a shower! -Actually, the water was cut off!

27. Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

28. Only when there is a long queue can we truly realize that we are descendants of the dragon.

29. A beautiful, pure, gentle, sexy and lovely virgin is like a ghost. People are talking about it, but no one has seen it with his own eyes. ...

I'm in a bad mood today. Last night's short message let me know that the girl I secretly loved had fallen, and even told me 400 ... At that time, I was very sad and rummaged through my wallet: so I was even sadder, and I didn't even have the capital to fall with her once. ...

3 1, Wildcat: Sleep wherever you go. Wild dog: Eat whatever you catch. Savage: Love everyone you meet.

32. I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." This can be very sad. ...

33, beautiful women are more unlucky, and yellow-faced women are more resigned.

Menstruation is not only a woman's pain, but also a man's pain.

35. If you need suggestions or opinions, we will provide them free of charge; If you need the correct answer, please pay extra.

36. Men are lewd. A stronger one is called a pervert, a stronger one is called a pervert, and a stronger one is called a pervert. Especially strong, they become perverted perverts and are called human aesthetic artists.

37. I like to leave my life to fate: I will flip a coin when I wake up in the morning and go back to sleep face up; If I have a backache, I will lie in bed and watch TV. If the coin stands up after landing, I will get up and tidy up the house.

38. Is it cruel for a female mantis to eat a male mantis after mating? But some women swallow countless offspring during mating. ...

39. Chastity varies from person to person. For example, people will praise a girl as a virgin, but they will also laugh at a boy as a virgin.

40. For a long time, we separated. I looked at your blushing cheeks and asked you softly, do you feel happy? You gently lower your head and answer in a charming voice: You ate garlic today.

4 1, you are lying opposite the theater, occupying four positions. When someone calls you up, you just, uh, don't move twice. The security guard came up and said, "Brother, it's not easy. Which way? " You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down in the upstairs corridor!

42. Girls care about the happiness in the second half of their lives, while boys care about the happiness in the second half. ...

43. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I haven't had a chance to interrupt her.

Shop assistant: Miss, all your ten hundred-dollar bills are counterfeit. Pretty girl: Ah! ..... I was raped!

45. I can't talk I stutter when I see a lot of people, like a sheep shitting, which is not to everyone's taste. I hope you can forgive me.

46. Why don't you be rational? My uncle is here. Why did you think of going to the zoo to see bears?

47. For men,' godsister' means-you can attack when you enter, you can defend when you retreat, and both' courtesy' and' personal use' are appropriate.

48. Cruel people-nothing to kill. Romantic people-nothing to find a beautiful woman to sleep with. Rich people-nothing to buy a new car to drive. I'm fine. Pick up a cigarette and smoke it. ...

49, blind date is' distribution', love is called' direct selling', throwing hydrangea to attract relatives is' bidding'.

Classic funny quotations, don't talk to me about feelings, it will hurt more money.

1, the crowd looked for him, looked up and saw him flying in the sky ... a bird man!

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

I don't ignore you, I don't ignore you, I don't care about you, and I don't look down on you. In fact, I have already ignored you.

I have many shortcomings, and I am distressed enough. Please don't remind me at any time.

5. Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough.

6. Grandpa comes from his grandson ...

7. If you get married, marry someone else first, then marry me, and take his savings to lead his sister to drive that BMW.

Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum.

9. It may seem so, but not necessarily.

10, before, take off your underwear and look at your ass; Now, take out your ass and look at your underwear. Because of the thong I'm wearing

1 1. Summer is coming and the weather is very hot. A group of idiots flew north, one minute in S, the other minute in B. ...

12, live and die. ...

13, I came quietly and left quietly, waving a dagger and leaving no one alive.

14. If every girlfriend uses a word instead, my love story can be written into a novel.

15. The cashier said there was no change. Here are two plastic bags for you!

16, I don't know whose wife is in my bed, and neither does my wife!

17, don't talk to me about feelings, it will hurt more money!

18, everyone says I'm an actor, because my eyes roll at the sight of beautiful mm. ...

19. When I grow up, I want to marry Tang Yan as my husband. If I want to play, I can eat him, if I don't want to play.

20. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

2 1, if you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future!

22. I fool around with mice every day to rest dogs and cats. This is also a sign of caring for small animals.

23. Recalling past feelings is like drinking Leng Cha. Even if you just soak for a while, it will taste overnight.

24, there are many women, while saying that men have no good things, while saying that my mother wants TM to be a man, how many girls are spoiled.

25. It's really hard to find the same kind, but there are many similarities.

26. How did you come into this world? Your father is not like that either.

27. Hello, everyone. As the ugliest rich woman in the world, my secret to getting rich is to hold a man in the street and say, "Either you marry me or you give me 50 yuan."

28. There are too many pleasantries, and the thickness of the face is obviously not enough.

29. Girl, please look in the mirror. It's clothes, not facial features, that match well.

30. Husband, you should work hard to earn money. Money can't be so little that we have to worry about our livelihood all day, just like we don't need other charming women to spend.

3 1. When you introduce me to new friends, please hug my waist and don't stand by and point at me.

When I feel unwell, you should dress up as a doctor, touch my forehead, take my temperature, and then send me to a real doctor for medicine and injection.

33. My life has a side and a side, and so does yours.

34. I curse you for buying instant noodles without seasoning all your life!

How hot it is outside, how hot my heart is.

1, tattooed people are afraid of heat, people who use apples have no pockets, people who like to pat their legs with watches, and people who love to grin!

2. The ugliest place for everyone to take pictures is the ID card.

I typed on Baidu to find someone more shameless than me. Baidu said, "Sorry, I didn't find anyone more shameless than you."

4, singing to the computer, singing and singing, the screen will be black.

I couldn't write multiple-choice questions in previous exams. Ask the sister on the side, she doesn't lift her eyelids, pointing to her chest ... I see, the answer is.

6. "Do you like water?" "Of course I do." "Great, so you have fallen in love with 72% of me!"

7. Don't say that I don't deserve you as soon as we break up. Are you a dog?

8, the so-called holiday, the family suspects that going out without money is particularly free every day.

9. I don't like talking when I eat chocolate, so as not to let people think I'm eating shit with my mouth open.

10, the best way to ruin a song is to set that song as an alarm.

1 1. Since you stopped chatting with me, my internet speed has been much faster.

12. We didn't have a date on Valentine's Day, and we didn't confess on April Fool's Day. Tomb-Sweeping Day had better be worshipped.

13, the emperor died and died, the civil servant died and died, and the mistress died and died.

14, the person who will marry me in the future: I don't know who you love now. Don't waste your feelings on others. Let's get to know each other sometime. ...

15, the so-called natural awakening is actually awakened by urine.

16. If you meet your deskmate again, kill him. He knows too much.

17, I am online, you are offline, I am invisible, you are online, I am alive, why don't you die?

18, parents fool their children to call education, children fool their parents to call deception, and mutual deception is called generation gap.

19. If you wake up in the heat at night, don't forget to cover your roommate with a quilt.

20. My ex-boyfriend sent me a message asking me to attend his wedding. I calmly answered three words: next time.

2 1, big brother, do you know? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

22. Many people in school dress so dangerously. Fortunately, they are safe!

23. The difference between Sherlock Holmes and Conan: Sherlock Holmes-where the dead go; Conan. -Where to? Where is the deceased? ...

24. Newton died, leaving behind a bunch of formulas. Qu Yuan died and took three days off. China people are still good to China people!

25. If you like to chop mosquito bites into small pieces with your fingernails, please raise your hand.

26. Do you know how hot Nanjing is? Today, an old lady touched porcelain on the road. She just lay on the road and stood up with a whoosh!

27. I play too much computer and want to fast-forward watching TV.

28. When I was a child, I always blew into my mouth and thought I could fly higher.

Classic Quotations: Love is lonely, because it is full of passion.

Introduction: This world is so unfair. I like it at first sight. I don't like it at first sight, but I can't like it after a hundred eyes. But some people don't know if they can love until they try to love, and some people don't know if they can love until they try not to love. The only thing we can do is to cherish the present happiness.

1, I hope we can go home together instead of sending you home.

Do you know what it's like to miss someone? It's like drinking a large glass of ice water and then turning it into tears, which can't be dispersed for a long time.

The child fell down, if there is no adult around, he won't cry, just get up by himself. When someone cares about your pain, you will suffer more. No one, you owe pity, but you are strong and live up to expectations.

4. Love When you are in love, you can care nothing. As long as you want it, as long as I have it, because I love you, so I am willing. Once the feelings calm down, there will be constant disputes in my heart, why I pay more than you; Why can I give you everything, but you have to hide something ... and then the cold war, quarrel, break up, make up, the cold war. All you can do is hold your hand. If you can't, you can only remember the beginning.

Giving your heart can get your heart, but it may also hurt you completely. Keeping your distance can protect yourself, but it is also doomed to be lonely forever.

6. If 26 letters stand for 1 to 26, then love is 12+ 15+22+5=54, while luck is only 47, knowledge is 96 and effort is 98. What can get full marks in life is your attitude towards life and work, which is attitude. Look:1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100. Different attitudes make different lives.

7, you don't put me too low, look up for a long time, my neck will be sour, I will re-adjust the direction of search; Don't be too far away from me. If you wait too long, your patience will run out and I will deviate from your expected turnaround. Don't hurt me too much unintentionally. If I feel pain for a long time, I will feel numb. I will summon up courage to let you down at the last minute ... I am just an ordinary and ordinary person. I don't have many luxuries, but you must give me everything that belongs to me.

8. What we like is either missed or taken away; People who like us always feel that they lack a feeling. So we look for love with the attitude of pursuing the truth, but we always feel that the communication surface is too narrow and we don't know the ideal type; Therefore, we take a wild attitude, free and lonely. ...

9. Everyone is lonely. In a person's life, it is not uncommon to meet love and sex, but it is rare to meet understanding.

10, it's not mistress who is hateful, but a little beggar who can't stand the temptation. Don't hate Xiao San, it is Xiao San who proves a love that can't stand the test.

1 1. When you wake up every morning, the greatest happiness is to see you and the sunshine. This is the future I want.

12, in this world, we only need to have three things to be truly happy: to have our own yearning career; Have someone you love; There is hope.

13, thinking of love on the road, I think the best love is that two people are each other's partners. Don't bind, don't entangle, don't possess, don't rush to dig meaning from each other, it is doomed to failure. It should be, the two of us, standing side by side, looking at this lonely world.

14. It's nothing to miss those who have passed away and those who have left. The worst thing is to miss someone you meet every day.

15, this world is so unfair. I like it at first sight. I don't like it at first sight, but I can't like it after a hundred eyes. But some people don't know if they can love until they try to love, and some people don't know if they can love until they try not to love. The only thing we can do is to cherish the present happiness.

16. People who know me don't need my explanation, and people who don't know me don't need my explanation.

17, before marriage, Liang Sicheng asked Lin, "If I have something to say, I will ask it this time, and I will never ask it again. Why me?" Lin replied: "The answer is very long. I have to answer you all my life. Are you ready to listen to me? "

18, he sat in a chair in the shade and said to me, "You are my crutch in this world." I said, "What crutches!" He said, "Yes, because this is strength."

19, if you are ready to accept a love, then please look up at the road ahead and think about whether you are ready to be dull and bear loneliness; If you want to give up a relationship, please look back at the road you have come and think about every day you have walked hand in hand and every storm you have walked together. Standing at the crossroads, you must know where you are going and take a crucial step bravely.

20. I was so affectionate and scarred that I finally learned to be ruthless. One day, I am not so young, I still love you, but I always tell myself: I can live my own life. Only in this way, when I am disappointed and lonely, can I tell myself with a smile that it is not that you are not good to me, but that love is illusory and how lonely it was.

2 1, love is not the first sweetness, but it still sticks to the prosperity.

22. About how much I miss you, all the words seem pale and powerless.

23. There will always be a person who makes us want to use all our courage and emotion to see through love and time.

24. In your life, there will at least one time that you forget yourself for someone. Ask for no result, no company, no belonging or even love. I just want to meet you in my most beautiful years.

25. This road is just to bid farewell to the past and enter the next section of scenery. Don't say that time is ruthless, perhaps the most beautiful wishes must be the craziest. But I'm not afraid, because you are far away.

26, happiness, not immortality, not big fish and big meat, not the power of the ruling and opposition. Happiness is the realization of every tiny wish in life. Eat if you want, and be loved if you want to be loved.

27. No matter who you meet, you are the right person; No matter what happens, this is the only thing that will happen. No matter when things start, it is the right moment; It's over, it's over.

28. If I can be with you, I would rather let all the stars in the sky fall, because your eyes are the brightest light in my life.

29. Don't look for some entertainment that doesn't suit you just because you are lonely, and cater to some groups that don't belong to you. Love some people within reach. Everyone is lonely sometimes. Many people are no longer fans in your memory. Cynical. You didn't see their unknown loneliness. Don't disturb your persistence and your thoughts because of temporary emptiness. We are all the same. Learn to bear the inevitable loneliness of life. After that, you can see the beauty.

30. True love is not letting go when you feel tired, and parting when you feel inappropriate, but staying together when you feel tired, and fighting for it when you feel inappropriate. Tired because I care, inappropriate because I don't love enough. True love doesn't have so many excuses.

3 1, I want to live, have fun cooking, have the mood to read, and have time to travel. Most importantly, all this is accompanied.

32. Life is full of ups and downs. The key is to enjoy it at the top; Don't lose heart at the bottom.

33. All girls who have reached the age of love are always divided into two categories: one category says that loving each other more is happy; The other school says that the other person loves me a little more, which is happiness. Maybe, we are all wrong. The form and weight of love have never been set in our hearts. What kind of love will you have when you meet a man?

You will never grow up unless you try to do something beyond your ability.

35. To judge whether a person loves you or not is not to show off how good the other person can be to you at first, but how long the person is willing to accompany you.

36. When two people are often together, it is inevitable that they will be careless. They will eat together, go shopping together and attend classes together, but they often ignore the spiritual communication. Communication is the most important thing for a true love. You can keep the freshness of love and let the other person know what kind of person you love now. Only by understanding each other can there be no misunderstanding in love and no missed love.

37. Being a man needs simplicity, not indulging in fantasy, not being at a loss about the future, taking a good road today and living a good life now.

38. Life is not a race, but a journey. You should know how to appreciate the scenery along the way.

39. The happiest moment for a person is to find the right person, who gives in to your habits and loves everything about you.

40. Love is never a simple matter. It must stand up to not loving, leaving and waiting.

Editor's note: When I think of love on the road, I feel that the best love is that two people are each other's partners. Don't bind, don't entangle, don't possess, don't rush to dig meaning from each other, it is doomed to failure. It should be, the two of us, standing side by side, looking at this lonely world.