A cold joke or sketch that needs two people to perform, super funny. We will perform on Friday!

Netizen, please accept my question! ! !

1. It is said that there is a polar bear. Because the snow is too dazzling, he wants to wear sunglasses to see things, but he can't find sunglasses, so he crawls around on the ground with his eyes closed and crawls until his hands and feet are dirty. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

3. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice. When he was really bored, he began to pluck his hair, one, two, three, and there was no last one left, and then he froze to death.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird that passed through a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! After the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Spider asks: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who fool around on the Internet all day are not good people.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then peeled bananas become dried bananas ~

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third kind is an indecisive person, who can't decide what he likes after thinking about it. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

9. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

10. The panda loves the deer deeply, but it is rejected when expressing its love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad teenagers.

1 1. One day, Xiao Ming was walking on the road. I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why is this happening? Because Xiaoming stepped on a lemon!

12. Which Chinese character is the coolest? Thong (cool)

The towel said to the coin, son. If you put on a doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

The "ruler" said to "do": Sister, the results have come out. You are pregnant with twins.

The minister said to the giant: the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten birds in the tree and one was shot dead. How much is left?

The student asked: Is it silent pistol? No, how loud was the shot? 80- 100 decibel. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No offense. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Of course. At this time, the teacher was impatient: "Will you just tell me how many birds are left?" Are there some deaf birds in the tree? No. Have you ever been caged and hung from a tree? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the tree? No, if a bird is pregnant, is it a bird in its belly? Not exactly. Are there any flowers in the bird swatter's eyes? There are no flowers, only ten. The teacher was sweating all over, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any stupid birds that are not afraid of death? Fear of death. Would you kill two with one shot? No, the student said confidently, if your answer is not a lie, "if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and doesn't fall, there is only one left." If it falls, there will be none left. " . The teacher immediately foaming at the mouth fell to the ground!

14. One day, someone passed a crossroads and found something super scary. He found Kakashi and the Monkey King laughing!

15. Once upon a time, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Ha ha ha, a female ghost farted to death.

16. A female alien engaged in biological research came to the earth. Turning around, she felt that there were many things worth learning from human genes, so she arrested a person and wanted to take him back with written information about human genes. But the ship is too small to take him away, and the information is too huge to take away at one time. Just when she was anxious, the computer help system of the spaceship said, "This man has a small stick, which can solve all your problems …" Then she suddenly realized and smiled and said to the drooling man. . . . . Give me the flash drive! " .

17. A potholed man was crossing the road, but he was accidentally run over by a truck. When he died, he looked at his body and said, "I was stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

18. Brother, stop touching it! You touched the top and the bottom, and your hair fell out. Such tender skin, you have touched all the water! How do you want me to sell it later? These peaches are all fresh, don't buy them!

19. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! ! ! The lamb is frightened! Guess what happened? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

20. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was cold, his heart was cold, his sword was cold, and finally he died of cold.

2 1. Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer on the road! The deer was frightened, ran faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway.

22. One tomato was smashed by a stone, another tomato was smashed, another tomato was smashed, countless tomatoes were smashed, and the last tomato fell! Tomato sauce!

23. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

24. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.

25. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

I've been calling for a long time, so adopt it!

1 said that there was a polar bear who had to wear sunglasses to see because the snow was too dazzling, but he couldn't find his glasses, so he closed his eyes and climbed up on the ground, looking for sunglasses with his hands and feet dirty. Put on a pair of sunglasses and look in the mirror. It finds: Oh, I am a panda.

A polar bear stayed alone in a daze on the ice. He was really bored and began to pull out his hair, one, two, three, and finally one left. Then he died of cold.

Once upon a time, there was a bird. He passed a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day the cornfield caught fire and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! The bird flew over later ... The snow was freezing.

Li Xiaoming's new hairstyle came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and said with a smile: Xiao Ming, your head is like a kite! Xiao Ming felt wronged and ran out to cry. When he cried, he flew.

The spider fell in love with the butterfly, and the butterfly refused it. The spider asked: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that it is not good to mix online all day.

One day in summer, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt very hot. He said, It's so hot. I want to take off your clothes. He peeled off the skin. The result fell behind the banana. Then, the unprocessed bananas become dried bananas.

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, just stand on the edge of the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley in large numbers to get what you want. So the three of them decided to give it a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted, "A woman! That woman! " There is a large number of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second one is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and have a lot of books.

The third is that a person is always indecisive and indecisive, thinking that this way and that way are not their favorite decisions. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful, so he walked to the edge of the valley. Accidentally kicked a stone, and he scolded "Shit!" But the unstable center of gravity below the valley.

Xiaoming, there will be an exam tomorrow, but I will watch TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked: Have you finished reading the book? Exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I'm finished.

Xiaoming's mother praised Xiaoming happily: OK, then you will do well tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I said,' Mom, I know.

10 The panda loves the deer, but the expression of love is rejected. Panda roar ~ why? Why is all this? The deer said timidly, My mother said that wearing sunglasses is a bad boy.

One day Xiaoming was on his way! I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why? Because he stepped on a lemon!

12 Chinese characters, which character is the coolest? Thong (cool)

Towel says to money: My son. You wear a doctor's hat, and your social status suddenly rises.

"Rules" said to "Do": Sister, the result came out. You are pregnant with twins.

"I" said to "Giant": It has the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

13 one day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten birds in the tree, and one was shot and killed. How many were left?

The student asked: Is it silent pistol? How big is it without gunshots? 80- 100 decibel. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? Stop it. Are you sure that bird was killed? Sure. By this time, the teacher was impatient: "Will you tell me how many birds are left? Are there no deaf birds in the tree? No. Not locked in a cage hanging from a tree? No. There are no other trees. Trees have no other birds? No. If the bird is pregnant, is it counted in the bird's stomach? Not really. Do human birds have flowers? There are no flowers, only ten. The teacher was sweating like a pig, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any silly birds that are not afraid of death? Everyone is afraid of death. Can't shoot two? I can't. The students said confidently: If you answered no lies, "If the bird hanging on the tree doesn't fall, there is only one left. If you fall, there is no left.". The teacher was foaming at the mouth and fell to the ground!

14 On this day, people passed by the crossroads and found a super scary thing. He found Kakashi and the Monkey King laughing!

15 One night long ago, there were only three shrimps in the pond. Hahaha, a ghost farted and died.

16 a female alien who studies biology came to the earth and turned around. She felt that there were many lessons in human genes. She arrested a person and wanted to put him back in the written materials related to human genes. But its size is small, don't take it away, the data is too big, not a band. Anxious, the computer help system on the ship said, "This man has a stick that can solve all your problems …" Then she suddenly saw the light and smiled and said to the man, "… Give me the USB flash drive!" .

17 There was a depressed patient who was accidentally punctured by a truck tire when crossing the road. When he was dying, he looked at his body and said, "I am stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

18 eldest brother, don't move! You feel the hair on it, making you feel lost, so tender skin, you feel running water! How do you want me to sell it? This peach is fresh, don't buy it!

19 Once upon a time, there was a little sheep. One day, he went out to play and ran into a big bad wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! ! ! Big surprise! Guess what, what's the result? The wolf ate the lamb.

Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was cold, his heart was cold, his sword was cold, and he was so cold.

2 1 Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer in the street! Surprised, the deer ran faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway.

A tomato was smashed by a stone, a tomato was smashed, and a tomato was smashed. The last tomato fell! Tomato sauce!

The commander of the 23 rd soldier asked: Did you step on a mine in the battle? Even growing up angry: Shit, what can I do? Trample compensation.

On the 24th day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid the wolves. The wolf easily destroyed the grass, wood and brick house. The three little pigs ran desperately, but they were caught up by the wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, you did it. No matter what you do, we will give up. At this time, the wolf grinned and kept drooling and said, please tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is?

Twenty-five elephants were sitting in the middle of the road, and an ant was passing by the top of the mountain. Looking at the clouds, it couldn't help singing: Ah Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~ ~ ~ ~