The main content of this article mourning Zhimo

Mourning for Zhimo is an essay written by Lin, a talented woman, after learning that her friend Xu Zhimo was killed. This article is included in Lin's poetry collection "You are an April Day on Earth".

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1 month 19, our good friend, a new poet loved by many people, Xu Zhimo, was abrupt, unbelievable and cruel, and died on the plane. The news touched the hearts of many friends like a needle on the morning of the 20th, making the morning as dark as ink, and the sad throat locked everyone's throat.

Mo Chi ... Death ... Who would have thought to connect these two sentences! He is such a lively person, such a person who has just stood at the peak of his prime. Friends are often surprised by his activities, his childlike spirit and seriousness. Who would have thought of his death?

Suddenly, he rushed out of our world and fell into eternal silence, without giving us any warning, any preparation or any last hope. How many friends were shocked by this almost heart-wrenching decision that day? Now the undeniable fact still stands before us mercilessly. No matter how bitter we mourn his tragic death and how eager we are to get in touch with his original voice and appearance, the fact is that there is no possibility of being moved by our grief! This embarrassing eternal silence and depression is the most cruel part of death.

We are not superstitious and look at the curtain of death without religion, but we are not sure at all. We won't appeal with our mouths open, and we won't fall asleep with our eyes closed, wandering on the edge of reason and emotion. We can't expect the future. We just stare blankly and swallow dry tears for this eternal death; Wait for time to develop the sharpness of sadness and heal the wounds we grieve every time. Didn't many friends who got the news at the beginning of that afternoon run to Mr. Hu Shizhi's house? But in addition to wiping away tears and sitting silently, no one has any thoughts, and no one knows what to say to this death!

No one has an idea, no one has something to say! Facts do not allow us to place any hope, emotions do not allow us not to mourn this sudden misfortune, and reason does not allow us to have supernatural fantasies! Quietly facing each other, sitting around silently ... and Zhimo is still dead, never looking back, never looking back, never hearing from him again.

None of us absolutely believe in the theory of destiny, but who is not surprised by this unexpected life, and why can't we feel the fragility of manpower and the limited wisdom on the traces of many facts? Everything has a destiny, okay? Everything is accidental? When can we fully determine this eternal problem?

What is in front of us is just a pile of iron facts:

"Yes, he sent me a telegram on the morning of the 19th. ...

"19th morning, yes! He said he would arrive at Nanyuan at three o'clock in the afternoon and send a car to pick him up. ...

"The telegram was sent from Nanjing Airport at nine o'clock. ...

"Just after he started flying. ...

"Send someone to pick it up, wait until 4: 30 ... said the plane didn't arrive. ...

"I didn't arrive ... the airline said it was foggy in Jinan ... it was heavy ..." It was only an hour's difference; Arrive at Nanyuan at 3 pm, Jinan is foggy! Who believes that such different facts will happen in this hour, Shima, my friend!

I met him the night before he left Pingping. He didn't know that his plane had been rescheduled three times. He once said that if he changed it again, he would not leave. I came out of a tea party with him and broke up in the alley of the main cloth. In this tea party, we invited a Dr. Berry for the Pacific Conference, because he is the sister-in-law of Mansfield, the most admired female writer in Shima's life, and Shima is very attentive; I hope to get more information about Mansfield's early years from Berry. Because time was limited, we parted in a hurry after drinking tea. I went out for an appointment at night. I came back late, and the page said that he had been here again. Just after my husband and wife left, he sat for a while, drank a pot of tea, wrote some words on the table and left. I went to the table and looked at it.

"I'm scheduled to fly at six o'clock tomorrow morning, so I can't survive ..." I was shocked. I was upset for a while, but I was busy calling him.

"Don't worry." He said, "It's very safe. I have to save my life to see greater deeds. How could I die? " ……"

Speaking of which, he has been dead for two whole weeks!

Now this fact is getting stronger, more fixed and more undeniable every day. Stone horse is dead, this simple and cruel reality has long been added with the color of time, which has been growing for a week or two. ...

I shouldn't be incoherent here, just lamenting the sadness that we are friends. At the end of the day, readers want to hear more about Zhimo from us, just like asking Berry of Zhimo. I understand this, but I'm afraid I can't satisfy you, because there are so many beautiful things in him that young people know that there is a rare personality here that can never be expressed in thousands of words. Everyone has to admit that there are not many people like him in the world, whether at home or abroad.

I have known him for ten years this year. At that time, he was at the London School of Economics and had not yet gone to Cambridge. The first time I met him, that is, he met Mr. Dickinson for the first time, which influenced him to move to school. Needless to say, he and my father are best friends. Although they are very different in age, they became bosom friends as soon as they met. When he arrived at Cambridge, Dickinson introduced him to the Royal College. At that time, my sister Zhang Wenjun was with him. Until the last two months, Yuan Ning often told many jokes at that time. Although it is a joke, it is also his earliest amazing impression of Zhimo. Mo Chi's earnest poems never contain any falsehood. His stupidity and childlike nature are surprising. Yuan Ning said that one day when he was studying in the school building, it began to rain cats and dogs outside-only in an island country like Britain would it rain like this-suddenly he heard someone knocking at his door and jumped into a guest who was wet by the rain. Needless to say, he is Shima. As soon as he entered the door, he grabbed Yuan Ning and ran out, saying, "Come here, we'll wait on the bridge." . This mistake shocked Yuan Ning. He asked Shi Ma what he was waiting for in such a heavy rain. Mo Chi opened his eyes wide and said happily like a child, "Look at the rainbow after the rain." Yuan Ning not only said he wouldn't go, but also suggested that Shima change his wet clothes and put on his raincoat to go out as soon as possible. Is the humidity in Britain a joke? Shima ran away before he finished.

Later, I asked Zhimo curiously about the truth of this story. He acknowledged the truth of the whole story with a smile and a nod. I asked: What about the following? How long have you been waiting on the bridge? Have you seen the rainbow? He said he didn't remember, but he did see the rainbow. I was surprised to interrupt his description of Hong Na and asked him: How did he know there would be a rainbow? He smiled proudly and said to me, "totally poetic faith!" " "

"Complete poetic faith", I'm going to cry here! It is for this "poetic belief" that he insists on using the convenience of aviation to realize his long-cherished wish of "flying"! "The plane is very stable," he said. "If something happens, it's my luck!" He really has such a completely poetic belief in fate!

Shima, my friend, death is just a new journey. We have never been there, so we can't help but have too many doubts about it. Death is more painful than this. "We can't easily conclude that there is no sunshine and human comfort on that side", but as I said before, the most embarrassing thing is this eternal silence. We were born in this age without religion, and we are too uncertain about this death. After many days, I miss you, afraid it is all dark pain, no light, unless I also have your beautiful poetic belief!

My personal sadness did not disturb many clear memories of his life and the forgiveness of my friends.

I don't need to say much about the poet's ambition. Many of his poems are the yardsticks for evaluating him. The history of our new poem is so short, I'm afraid its judges are still among our children and grandchildren. What I want to talk about is Zhimo outside the poet. People say that Zhimo's personality is only casual romance, and Zhimo's poems are all lyric poems. This argument can be said to be fair to people who don't know him. It seems that his friends are really sorry for him. Zhimo is a very eccentric and romantic person, but the essence of others is his sympathy, kindness and tolerance; Without people who are unkind to him, intolerant people and new feelings, he can't show sympathy. I don't say I understand, because don't many people like to say that Zhimo is the most ungrateful? I said that his characteristics are also on this.

We ordinary people love to talk about understanding; We sympathize with what we can understand, and we are lonely and even indifferent if we don't understand. We think it is appropriate to show sympathy for what we can understand; We also think it's fair not to show sympathy for things we can't understand. On the other hand, Mo Chi doesn't understand. He didn't exaggerate. He only knows tenderness, peace and consideration. As long as he knows that there are emotions, no matter whose emotions and under what circumstances, he thinks it is appropriate or inappropriate intellectually. He can show some sympathy, and he can really forgive others for being different from himself. Never be stingy to criticize anyone who is different from him with strict moral standards. His gentleness and tolerance can really make many people feel ashamed. I can honestly say that at least he is much greater than most of us. He feels that human beings have different emotional actions, and the value of human eyes has been magnified. Compassion should not be limited to what we describe. He is right, my friends. In the final analysis, how many people, how many things and how many emotions can we know? Anyway, no one has multiple opinions! Therefore, it is not surprising that Mo Chi has so many friends. People who know him have special feelings for him, whether deep or shallow, which is a natural result. On the other hand, he received little sympathy in his life. Not only that, he has been sincere for his little ideals several times and has hardly been tolerated by society. But his sympathy for others is never stingy, and his temperament has never changed because of stimulation. Who can not admit that he has some superhuman tolerance?

The most touching feature of Zhimo is his incredible innocence, his simplicity and sincerity in ideals, his earnest appreciation of art and his actual experience of emotions, which are extremely valuable. He stood in the rain waiting for the rainbow, and he was willing to risk the social disapproval in exchange for his freedom of love; He took a winding train to the countryside to worship Hardy. He abandoned the temptation of the doctor and came to England with a schoolbag, just to learn from Russell. He risked his life for a special situation and was moved for some time. Since then, he has given up all his old jobs and just tried to write a few lines of new poems. The luck of trying new poetry in recent years is not very enthusiastic, and cynicism is just a common occurrence. He often walks for miles to pick up some roots. These, and many others, are not secrets that we can easily understand. When I say mysterious, I mean silly! In fact, he is just more serious, pious and stupid than us! He is happy, his happy wings can touch the sky, he is sad, and his sadness is bottomless. The scale of ordinary evaluation has lost its utility in his hands, and he has his own views on importance and importance. It is purely an unconventional artistic emotional principle, so ordinary people often hear friends say that he always sighs and says, "That's Zhimo, what can you do!" " Is he really a freak? Friend, no, not at all, he is just closer to us, more enthusiastic than us, more naive than us, more confident than us in everything, to God, to people, to spirit, to nature and to art!

My friends, we have lost not only a friend, but also a poet. What we lose is an urgent and lovely personality.

As for his works, are they all lyrical? Is his interest limited to emotion? That is even more wrong. Shima has a wide range of interests. He has always liked astronomy. He knows the names and components of many stars in the sky. He likes to look at the stars in summer. On several occasions, he took the train with scientific books about the universe. He once translated Einstein's theory of relativity, 1922, and he wrote an article about relativity, which was published in Mindo magazine. He often joked with Cheng Si: "Mr. Ren Gong's knowledge of relativity still comes from my masterpiece" Ink of Xu Jun ",because he said that he had read a lot about Einstein's philosophy and didn't understand it until he saw the book about Zhimo." I was recuperating in Xiangshan this summer, and he often came to chat. One day, we couldn't help laughing at each other for a long time when he talked about his childhood study experience and two years of economics at Clark University. Later, he also said such a passage in the preface of his Tiger Collection. But strange! Unlike many geniuses, he failed in school when he was a child, or was expelled from school. He often gets excellent grades. It is said that once an extremely strict economics professor at Cornell Summer School wrote a letter to a professor at Clark University, praising his students for taking a difficult course. I'm not exaggerating for Zhimo here, because in fact, only for this matter, Zhimo himself laughed happily this summer!

Besides, he is deeply interested in drama painting. Needless to say, drama is so close to poetry, and his talent for painting is considerable. Several post-impressionist painters have very precise likes and dislikes, and he is also familiar with Renaissance painters. He likes Botticelli and Leonardo da Vinci best. Naturally, he often admits that the literati's love for painting is often indirectly influenced by other people's papers, while his is influenced by many things in roger fry and walter pater. For architectural aesthetics, he often apologizes to Cheng Si and me, saying, "I'm sorry, my architectural knowledge is Ruskin's." He knows we hate Ruskin. But in order to see the ruins of an ancient building, a stone carving, he is more enthusiastic than anyone else and can enjoy it more calmly.

He likes colors, although he can't draw himself. During the summer vacation, he gave me some letters from Hangzhou. He called them "watercolors for description". He wrote the West (Border) in great detail in English. He carefully observed the color of mulberry fields, every green and every goose yellow. On another occasion, he looked at the broken wall in my garden for a long time without saying a word. Later, he told me that he was realizing it silently. He wanted to paint the sunset on the wall facing the bright sun at dusk and the vines just entering autumn.

As for music, he likes both Chinese and western music, not just hobbies. His enthusiasm aroused Beijing's attention to music once-perhaps only once. No one can forget that year when crassus went to Beijing to play the violin in True Light for more than an hour. He is also good at old plays. In his last few days in Beijing, we went to several plays together. When we got home, we were more sincere than any drama review when we discussed the hot hair.

Who believes that such a person, such a person who is loyal to "life", will leave us for another world so early and forever, forever silent, without any sound!

I dare not write any more. If Zhimo has that spirit, wouldn't it be unpleasant to hear a child much younger than him talk about him in an old-fashioned tone? I still have an embarrassing memory here. That year, he wrote an article in the same newspaper that hurt my father's tragic death. This dreamy life has gone through many twists and turns. Once upon a time, it was my turn to embrace his tragic changes in this windy night. What kind of life is this? What storm? What road? Stone horse, your ultimate liberation is not happiness or wisdom. I should envy you.