Degang Guo's classic funny words

Guo: Everyone comes to listen to the cross talk.

Y: hey.

Guo: There are quite a few people. I am very happy.

Y: An old saying goes.

Guo: Come more often, cheer more, cheer more for those of us who say cross talk.

Yu: A crosstalk performer.

Guo: Yu. . . What was that again?

Y: Have you forgotten? Yu Qian

Guo: Oh, by the way, I'm sorry. I really don't look at this legal system, you know?

Y: What does this have to do with the legal system?

Guo: I can't say it clearly.

Yu: Yu Qian

Guo: A mature crosstalk performer. Everyone praised him. I entrusted him to you. Thank you.

Y: This is really for me.

Guo: I like your work very much. Crosstalk is good, promoting truth, goodness and beauty.

Y: right.

Guo: Huo Xiangyi.

Y: What does Huoxiang Zhengqi mean?

Guo: There is no fire anger or anything. . .

Y: What you said is wrong. Where are the herbs? What is this?

Guo: Anyway, crosstalk is good.

Y: ok, it's over?

Guo: I am very interested in your work.

Y: What's the word? Are you there? What do you mean by "Xing" in our line of work?

Guo: Because there is a gap between us after all.

Y: Oh, you didn't do that.

Guo: I don't know?

Y: how should I know?

Guo: Hey, look at my military uniform.

Y: Is this your military uniform?

Guo: I'm a strategist, you don't know.

Y: I don't know

Guo: Hey, everyone knows (serving the table)

Y: Go down, where? I am used to being on the kang. What?

Guo: Military strategist.

Y: What's the strategist doing on the table?

Guo: Look (salute)

Yes

K: Salute.

Y: that's a salute. What would you think if I threw a piece of bread?

Guo: I didn't wait for the gun today. If I had a machine gun, I would have missed you.

Y: You have to have that, too.

Guo: Six grenades cost one yuan. I'll throw you a hundred dollars first.

Y: Hey, it's not that cheap.

Guo: If we don't respect military strategists, where will we go? Well, pong-(rifle shooting).

Y: shoot.

Guo: Xian-(masturbation)

Y: pistol.

Guo: Bang-(slingshot)

Y: They are all archers. What strategist?

Guo: Different situations, different weapons, you don't know.

Y: I don't know

Guo: Do you know where I come from?

Y: I haven't heard of it.

Guo: I'm from the Old River Army.

What unit are you in?

Guo: Lao Hejun.

Y: I haven't heard of it.

Guo: Hey, don't you watch TV?

Y: Is it on TV?

Guo: In the world, the old Peace Corps.

Yu: peacekeeping force

Guo: What is peacekeeping?

Y: peacekeeping.

Guo: Where is CSI?

Y: I don't know

Guo: Tai Sui keeps you safe.

Y: Why is this army so poor?

Guo: To tell you the truth, I can't talk to an amateur.

Y: Hey-the crosstalk is here, and the toilet is in the back. What are you doing?

Guo: Hold on to my arm belt.

Y: In the Sam Browne Gate?

Guo: You don't know. 1997, all these jurists in the world gathered together.

Y: What is a legal person?

Guo: Who is the head of state?

Y: Call the person in charge.

Guo: Yes, everyone is guarding this bowl of tofu brain.

Y: Hey, what about breakfast?

Guo: We got together for a while. Everyone had a meeting. The world is in chaos. There are so many troublemakers. We have to find this.

A group of people with military talents got together to form an old Peace Corps to safeguard world peace.

Y: Oh, maintaining world peace is too old.

Guo: Hey, is it, including me?

Are you from the old army?

Guo: Yes, I booked it at that time. I must find a training place and a country.

Y: Where can I find it?

Guo: Switzerland, Switzerland will not do it, saying that we are neutral.

Y: Don't interfere.

Guo: France, no, France is so romantic. I'm afraid we'll be busy dating when we go.

What did you do there?

Guo: In Japan, eating sashimi is afraid of stomach upset.

Y: it's all wrong.

Guo: Finally, I chose a country with picturesque scenery and spring-like seasons.

Y: where?

Guo: Tongxian County.

Y: Tongxian? Tongxian, is that a country?

Guo: What happened to Tong Xian? Don't insult Tong Xian. Tongxian county will always be an inseparable part of our territory.

Y: not even close to the side.

Guo: I like that place in Tongxian County.

Y: Go if you like.

Guo: Where are we all going? We all get together. This is the choice of the whole world. We got together with a hundred people.

Y: I went to Tongxian County.

Guo: Let's start the class. Give us a lesson. This teacher, Corporal James, is a five-star American general.

Y: Just a moment, please. How can the five-star general return the corporal?

Guo: He went to the market to sell it after serving the sauce.

Y: OK, the soy sauce seller.

Guo: Teacher, why do you sell soy sauce? Everyone stood in the morning. Let's do some exercises first.

Y: practice this.

Guo: Do eye exercises.

Y: I remember it all.

Guo: It's all settled. Sing the school song.

Y: school song?

Guo: Let's stand together and sing: You are a virtuous person after the official family, and you will be satisfied with eating delicacies and wearing exquisite clothes. What a surprise!

Y: All right, stop singing.

Guo: It's still a high-pitched voice.

Y: What a shrill voice! Corporal James handed this in.

Guo: Why? Our school song

Y: school song? Pingxi!

Guo: When you are finished, go back to your room and learn China's classical art of war. A man published a book on Sun Tzu's Art of War.

Y: Oh, Sun Tzu's Art of War.

Guo: Oh, I just looked at this thing written by my grandson, to be honest. .

Y: Well, it's impolite of you to do so. The Art of War

Guo: That's his name. After studying for more than a year, he was dissolved on the spot.

Y: After working so hard for so long, you are dismissed?

Guo: No unit wants us.

Y: No one received this thing.

Guo: What should I do? Dissolve it first. Find something to do first, and then find you when the world needs you. It's all scattered.

Y: Let's all go.

Guo: Then something happened. There is a building in America, boasting that it was bought by plane.

Y: It's uncivilized of you to use this word, World Trade Center.

Guo: It sucks. It is urgent. This is why President Bush is anxious. I am in a hurry. I eat 30 kilograms a day without gunpowder.

Y: not really.

Guo: Go ahead and find a military wizard. Lead troops to fight and catch these terrorists.

Y: Oh, look for it.

Guo: The world is at peace. Where can I find it? It is hard to find.

Yu: There are few talents.

Guo: Finally, President Bush has a secretary named.

Y: What's your name?

Guo: Tell the President that there is a man in China.

Y: I found you.

Guo: Great, a military genius. He can write well in the world, get on a horse, and know the women and shoes on the kang.

Y: Hey, is that all you can do?

Guo: Go ahead. It's hard to find me.

Y: why?

Guo: I don't have a telephone. I just stopped calling the pager.

Y: What communication tools?

Guo: It's too hard to find. They are looking for me.

Y: work hard.

Guo: I was on the phone in the street the other day and someone patted me on the back: (female voice) Are you Mr. Guo?

Y: oh?

Guo: live broadcast, a woman, this is very beautiful, foreigner, blonde.

Y: beautiful.

Guo: I said wait a minute. Hello? I can't get through. How much is this? Oh, it's free if you don't get through

Y: pay phone?

Guo: Ah. I said I was Degang Guo. What about you? (Close your eyes) (Female voice) Hello, Mr. Guo.

Y: Er, no, it should be gold.

Guo: Nonsense, isn't that blonde with her eyes closed?

Close your eyes, blind man. What does she have to see?

Guo: It's very nice. President Bush asked me to talk to you about the war. Oh, about the war, please,

Sit, (blowing dirt) sit.

Y: I'm sitting by the road.

Guo: What do you mean? How much are you going to spend? (Female voice) I will give you 10 million dollars to fight. I

Just do it, just do it, get up.

Y: What can you do too much?

Guo: Do you have your watch? Let me see.

Y: Not even a watch.

Guo: Take out a watch and press it. Ding-it's twelve o'clock. I said, let's not eat, let's eat.

Come on, Kempinski.

Y: Live.

Guo: You can't lose the face of China people. Go to Kempinski.

Y: nice place.

Guo: Next to Daoxiao Noodles.

Y: Hi, Daoxiao Noodles.

K: Sit here. Hey, four bowls.

Y: four bowls?

Guo: Three big bowls and one small bowl. She eats a small bowl and I eat two big bowls.

Y: Another bowl?

Guo: Pack, my daughter-in-law hasn't eaten yet.

Y: Well, the whole family is hungry.

Guo: Brother, bring me a garlic whip.

Y: Still eating garlic?

Guo: Pretend to eat. We'll discuss this matter after eating and drinking. I said, yes, you can go, but you can't.

Word-based

Y: You still have to write a note.

Guo: I took out the contract and took out a golden pen from me. It was dazzling and chilling.

This pen, 300 thousand. Ha-

Y: Long time no see.

K: Sign it. You have to give me some money first.

Y: Ask people for money.

K: You have to pay a deposit. What should you do if you go there and something goes wrong? Isn't it?

Y: there is a deposit.

Guo: She said to give some first.

Y: Isn't the deposit part of it?

Guo: It says here that there are ten for you.

Y: 10%

Guo: There are twenty.

Y: 20%

Guo: Thirty.

Y: Thirty percent, then.

Guo: I have to give you fifty yuan.

Y: quite a lot.

Guo: How?

Y: not less than 50%

K: OK, I'll do it. Give me this fifty dollars. Let me see. Yes, this is it.

Y: no, wait a minute. Why is there only one piece for 50% of10 million?

Guo: I was given a ticket for fifty yuan.

Y: Just 50 dollars?

K: dollars.

Y: The dollar is outrageous, too.

K: All right, that's it. This is a dead end. (Female voice) Don't forget, you 10 go to the airport and someone answers.

you

Y: 10.

Guo: I said, OK, where are you going? (Female voice) I'm going back to the embassy.

Y: Oh, the embassy.

Guo: I said, how do you get there? (Female voice) I want 300.

Y: Oh, where should I take the 300 bus back to the embassy?

Guo: There is no 300 in Kempinski here.

Yes

Guo: (Female voice) There is a shuttle bus.

Y: Well, this foreigner is familiar with it.

Guo: Drop her off at the station and I'll get home. Tell my daughter-in-law that you haven't met my wife.

Y: no

Guo: Beautiful, tall, with a big, flat face, heavy eyebrows and eyes, and dark. She has no beard, but she has a beard.

The child looks like Zhang Fei.

Y: alive, not bad?

Guo: I tell you, daughter-in-law, we are rich this time, 10 million yuan.

Y: rich.

Guo: After making money, we won't work at home. Let's open a big shop. Let's work together.

Division, I get a big table, when the boss, hire 10 people to stand in front of me with red hoops every day, and I scold them one by one.

Y: it's very enjoyable this is

Guo: I want revenge. If I scold these people with a red hoop every day, I won't scold cleaning the toilet.

Y: why?

Guo: My wife cleans the toilet.

Y: Hey, change jobs.

Guo: I have to arrange it for you. I will buy steamed bread from 5 yuan, fried dough sticks from 2 yuan, and1water pimples from 0 yuan.

Y: I can't help spending 50 yuan.

Guo: You can't spend more. Almost enough. You can fry a pimple with your family.

Y: Do you all have headaches?

Guo: Order green beans on Sunday.

Y: not so good.

Guo: Look at our calendar. Today is the 7th. She told me 10 to leave.

Y: There are still three days left.

Guo: I have to hurry. It is too late. I'm leaving.

Y: it's too early

Guo: I live far away. I live in Shijingshan.

Y: then you don't have to go for the first three days.

Guo: Come to me.

Y: Walk to the airport?

Guo: I'll walk to the airport. Oh, the helicopter.

Y: that's good.

Guo: Get on the ladder and sit in front of the driver.

Y: pilot.

Guo: Take a big fur hat, goggles and a big mask. The mask hangs on one ear and hangs here.

Y: That's not a mask.

Guo: Leather jacket.

Y: flight suit.

Guo: Sit there and smoke. Hey-coming-hey-let's go (shake the window and throw cigarette butts).

Y: The helicopter also shakes the glass. What kind of plane is this?

Guo: He puts on gloves: You sit still. I said, yes, I sat down and I got on. This side of his chair

There is a white rope end. When I hit this, it suddenly flew.

Y: This plane is also diesel.

Guo: Helicopter, drink-I'm happy. Looking down, the great rivers and mountains of the motherland.

Hello.

Guo: I'm very happy. I flew 10 minutes, and the plane slowly descended.

Y: Why did it fall?

Guo: Come on.

Y: Come on after flying 10 minutes?

Guo: I drove to the gas station, and the woman at the gas station was still shouting: Come in, this way. Take out the money: add 30

dollar

Y: Well, how can you burn this plane with 30 yuan of gasoline?

K: The fuel tank is very small.

Y: Small can't be that small.

Guo: I took that big gun.

Y: in the pestle.

Guo: Look at that watch, swish swish-it's done. Let's leave now.

Y: Just a moment.

Guo: At one end of the rope, suddenly-

Y: up again.

Guo: After another 40 minutes, he turned to me and asked, Have you ever been to America? I said, no, what about you? I haven't been there either.

Y: Have you ever been there, just by plane?

Guo: No, they don't. What should we do? Why don't we ask.

Y: ask.

Guo: As soon as I squeezed the brake, it came down.

Y: the more you say it, the more ridiculous it is.

Guo: Where have you seen a helicopter?

Y: The helicopter doesn't have a line door either.

Guo: Let me ask, is there such a desolate land in America?

Yu: American West

Guo: There are crops. An old man is hoeing the ground with a shovel. I hurried over: Hi, hello.

Y: I still know that.

Guo: The old man turned around and said, What's the matter?

Y: Well, I just arrived in the northeast.

Guo: Where is this? Tieling!

Y: OK, Tieling.

Guo: How many stops are there from America?

Y: How many stops are there?

Guo: Excuse me, Grandpa, how can I get to America? -Ask the village chief!

Y: The village chief knows.

Guo: I don't think he knows the truth either.

Y: what do you expect? He just doesn't know the way.

Guo: Botanically, he doesn't know Tao.

Y: Hi, what's wrong with botany?

Guo: Let's talk about it when we get back to the plane. What should we do? He found many instruments, such as a compass, pointing north and east.

Y: Where can I find this instrument?

Guo: Locator, radar, polygraph. . . It's all out.

Why do you need that thing?

Guo: I said you are behind this. We must use advanced methods to go.

Y: what is advanced?

Guo: Throw me your shoes. Search.-Drive that way

Y: Well, you're even in the back.

Guo: (the pilot said) I listen to you, suddenly-

Y: up again.

Guo: Straight to America.

Y: buy and throw

Guo: It has been in operation for more than half a year, and it has added more than 70,000 oil return.

Y: small fuel tank

Guo: We have finally arrived in America. Looking down from the plane, yes-

Y: why?

Guo: The banner at the bottom reads: Warmly welcome the master.

Y: Master Degang Guo?

Guo: American, how does he know? The plane descended slowly, running around the runway, humming-

Y: why don't you land?

Guo: The brakes are broken.

Y: ok. Then run

Guo: This won't do. I can't stop. Open the door and let's put our legs out.

Y: Is this a brake?

Guo: He is very obedient. He opens the door and sticks his legs out. I framed him, but I didn't stick my leg out. Finally stopped.

He has ground to the root of his thigh.

Y: This is true and sincere.

K: Thank you. This is a work-related injury. I'm leaving. Just dance slowly.

Y: don't you have to jump?

Guo: When getting on the plane and getting off the plane, the White House staff came. Wearing a uniform, hat and wallet.

Y: This is from the White House.

Guo: Are you Mr. Guo? I said, it's me I can't lose face in China. Ah, here I am.

Y: here you are.

Guo: I've been waiting for you for a long time. Let's leave now. The president is worried. I said, well, what about picking up my car? ——

Let's take a taxi.

Y: Take a taxi in America.

K: All right then. Isn't there a car here-no, you can't take this 1.6.

Y: The US rent is also 1.6 yuan.

Guo: The president is calculating, and this will not be reimbursed. Hey-1 is coming. Open the door. I'm not sitting in my head.

Y: why?

Guo: I want to pay the bill at the head, and I'll sit in the back.

Y: this calculation.

Guo: Go directly to the White House. Time is running out. Oh, it's white. Just brushed it.

Y: It's none of your business.

Guo: There are more than 20 people standing in front of the White House, men and women. Get a bag, everything is ready.

Y: what's this?

Guo: Reporter.

Y: oh, the media.

Guo: I should be careful what I say. I don't want to be caught by them and lose the face of China people.

Y: that's very thoughtful.

Guo: Let's go down, and all these people are coming.

Y: what did you say?

Guo: Master, would you like a plate?

Y: selling vegetables?

Guo: People in the White House Cultural Bureau don't care what they eat.

Y: no

Guo: Go inside, right in the middle of the big pool. There is a rockery in the lime pool, and the water comes out. Hang a banner

Family planning, everyone has a rule.

Y: It's also written in the White House.

Guo: The parking lot here is full of bicycles, and an old man with a red hoop is strolling.

Y: Why do I think this place is familiar?

Guo: On the steps, all the members of Congress are waiting for me in suits. Nice to meet you: I'm here,

Please go in,

Y: bathhouse?

Guo: How do you know? It's polite. When I came in, I said, where is the president? What about the president and that room?

. Pushing open the door and staring at each other, Bush was very excited: (Henan accent) Why did you come to Nepal?

Y: Why does Bush smell like this?

Guo: Bush hired a tutor from Henan.

Y: Hey, not so good.

Guo: I thought this was Mandarin. I said, what? It's good. I haven't seen you for a while. -

(Henan accent) What are you talking about, just waiting for you, about the war-

Y: OK, OK. Can you speak Mandarin?

Guo: He can't learn.

Y: We are sorry to hear that.

Guo: I said, ok, ok, ok, I should do it, too. Just then, Bush's body beeped.

Y: Bush's hasn't stopped.

Guo: Oh, from Yingxian.

Y: Yingxian?

Guo: Hang a chain and you can see that the meal is ready. Please go to the restaurant quickly.

Y: when will this happen?

Guo: (Henan accent) Let's eat, Mr. Guo. What to eat? I'm not hungry at all.

There you are, eating seafood and ordering lobster. Do you like lobster? Ok, lobster. OK, I'll make you a meal.

Y: good stuff.

Guo: The basement is a canteen, a big glass cabinet and a big lobster.

Y: drink it.

Guo: I calculated it today. I ate my life. I just did it. I just ate lobster.

Y: Until I'm full.

Guo: I'm sitting here with four waiters carrying plates. This lobster dish 1.4m, I'll count it as a thousand for the lobster alone.

Eat one, wrap it up, um-

Y: spicy crayfish?

Guo: It's spicy. Oh, it's too spicy.

Y: this promise.

Guo: Eat and be happy-(Henan accent) Mr. Guo, don't eat yet. You should think about this war.

Is it? I said: Yes. (Henan accent) The search warrant is ready for you. Let me see, ah, search warrant.

39 and a half, no, this one won't work. I wear 4 1.

Y: What about buying shoes?

Guo: Just then, I heard bang-bang-enemy attack on the ground.

Y: here I am.

Guo: The terrorists are coming. They are really bullying people. They dared to come here when I was here. Is it too blatant?

Don't put the strategist-cough-cough-

Y: What's the constitution of this military adviser?

Guo: Don't you take military strategists seriously? I'll go, push away my lobster tray, go upstairs and smoke in the distance.

Man, this can't be done I didn't bring anything. What if it hurts me? Looking back, there is a steel bar on the ground.

Helmet. German helmet, hat with small white flowers, pick it up and buckle it on your head. Oh, when did this bullet come?

-Being a pawn (Shandong Express)-I'm happy-killing-rushing-Gary gets (God!

Language)

Y: what's this?

Guo: I'm glad. My daughter-in-law got up and gave me a mouth. She doesn't sleep when she is full. Why don't you give me a sputum bucket?

Yao.

Y: dreaming.