Are there any jokes that would make girls happy?

№1

Son: Dad, tell me a story.

Dad: Okay. Once upon a time, there was a frog...< /p>

Son: No, I want to listen to historical stories.

Dad: Great. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog...

№ 2

Once upon a time, there was a scholar who had a stupid son. One day, a friend came to visit the scholar. In order to show off his talent, he decided to let his son entertain the guests and even taught him a few words. : "If a customer asks you why our peach tree is gone? You just say? 0? 7 Let me cut it down and sell it? 0? 7; If he asks you why our fence is so messy? Just say ? 0 ?7The war was in chaos?0?7;If he asks you why our family has so much money, you just say?0?7My parents’ hard earned money?0?7;If he asks you why you are so smart?You just say? 0?7Of course, our family has been like this for generations.?0?7"So the son went to entertain the guests.

The guest asked: "Where is your father?" The son replied: "Let me cut it and sell it. "!" The guest was surprised and asked, "What about your mother?" The son replied, "It's been a mess!" The guest asked again: "There are so many cow dung in front of your house?" The son said proudly: "Mom and dad have worked hard. Earned hard!" The guest asked angrily: "Why do you say that!" The son said proudly: "Of course, our family has been like this for generations!"

№3

Yes A little boy was taken to the hospital by his mother. In order to make the little boy less nervous, the doctor pointed at his ears and teased him: "Kid, is this your nose?"

The little boy looked I went to see a doctor, turned around and said to my mother seriously: "Mom, we need to find another doctor."

№4

The mother once again asked her son to get up: "Jacques, Good boy, it's time to get up. You've heard the rooster crow several times."

"What does the rooster's crow have to do with me? I'm not a hen."

№5< /p>

A: "My wife and I had a big fight last night, and she threw all the dishes at home from the balcony on the 7th floor. As a result..."

B: "What's the result?"

A: "This morning the building where I live was surrounded by a group of scientists who specialize in studying flying saucers."

№6

< p>I have four children, all of whom are very naughty. When I came home from work one day, the children were making a lot of noise at the door. When my wife saw me coming back, she was very happy and said: "It's great that you are finally back."

< p>I was very happy to think that the children were afraid of me, but my wife went on to say: "You are the only one who is most obedient in the family, good boy! Go and buy a bag of salt for me."

№7

Male: "Miss, you are as beautiful as flowers."

Female: "Thank you."

Male: "Miss, you are as gentle as the moon."

Female: "Thank you."

Male: "Miss, you are as pure as holy water. ”

Female: “Thank you. ”

Male: “Miss, can you marry me?” ”

Female: “You are as wordy as my husband!” "

№8

Mr. Smith had just finished examining a female patient and confirmed that she was pregnant. He said, "Mrs. Mary, I have good news for you. ”

“It’s Miss Mary. "The young lady corrected.

"Oh, Miss Mary," the doctor said quickly, "I have bad news for you..."

№9< /p>

The mother was very angry with her daughter.

“This is what young people are today! "She said to her friend. "I had a boyfriend when I was 16, but I forgot my mother's 32nd birthday! ”

№10

A girl is very ugly, but she likes to apply powder.

Every day before she goes out, she puts on a thick layer of powder.

Pedestrians on the road would burst out laughing when they saw her.

But she kept a straight face and said, "If you laugh at me, I will lose my fans."

”

№11

Someone went to the zoo to see orangutans. He heard that orangutans were very smart, so he saluted the orangutans. The orangutans actually imitated his salute; then the person continued The man patted his chest, and the orangutan imitated the patting of his own chest. The man found it interesting and continued to stick out his tongue at the orangutan. Unexpectedly, the orangutan did not imitate this time, but instead used a stone to angrily question the keeper. The keeper told him that sticking out his tongue meant calling him a fool.

The next day, the man came to the zoo to see the orangutan, saluted him and took pictures. The orangutan imitated it, and then the man took out a stick and hit himself on the head, and then gave the stick to the orangutan. Unexpectedly, the orangutan laughed and stuck out his tongue at the man.

№12

A young priest was walking in the forest. A big bear suddenly appeared. The priest ran away desperately, and the bear chased him. The priest accidentally stepped into a puddle and fell to the ground in despair. I prayed to God: "Lord, turn this ferocious beast into a devout believer.

"

Thunder and lightning flashed, and a miracle happened....... The bear knelt down in front of him, put his hands on his chest, He lowered his head and murmured to himself: "Thank God for giving us a sumptuous dinner."

№13

A snail was walking on the road, and a turtle came behind and ran over him. In the past, Snail was sent to first aid. When Snail regained consciousness, the police asked him about the situation at that time, and Snail replied: "I don't remember, his speed was too fast at that time."

№14

A hen was comfortably incubating eggs. Suddenly, an egg popped out from under its butt.

The hen asked in surprise: " What's going on? Why did you run out?"

Little Dandan said: "You...you... ..........You farted!"

№15

A little turtle blinked mysteriously: "You know? I'm in a family Working in the kitchen of a high-end hotel."

"You're talking nonsense again!" the mouse laughed.

"I won't lie to you," the turtle said seriously, "there is my bath water. Let's make soup."

№16

The biology teacher was describing the appearance of the African wild boar on the stage with great interest. Occasionally, when he glanced around the audience, he discovered that most of the students were He was dozing off. So he was very angry and shouted: "You have to look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what an African wild boar looks like?"

№17

One day a professor suddenly stopped teaching and said to everyone with sincerity:

"If the students sitting in the middle chatting can be as quiet as the students sitting at the end playing cards, then the students sitting in the front sleeping will be as quiet as the students sitting at the end playing cards." There will be no interference."

№18

When handing in homework to the art teacher, a student handed over a blank piece of paper.

The teacher asked : "Where's the painting?"

The student replied: "Here!" He pointed at the white paper and said.

Teacher: "What are you painting?"

< p>Student: "The cow eats grass."

Teacher: "Where is the grass?"

Student: "The cow eats it all."

Teacher: "What about the cow?"

Student: "The grass has all been eaten, so what is the cow still doing?"

№19

Once, my brother In the history class, the teacher asked him: "Who is Louis XIV?"

My younger brother replied: "Isn't Louis XIV just Louis XIV plus Louis IV?"

After hearing this, the teacher almost vomited blood out of breath, and said angrily: "Why didn't you say it was Louis VII by Louis II?"

Who knew that the younger brother would answer without thinking: "Teacher, From a mathematical point of view, Louis 7 times Louis 2 should equal Louis 14 squared, so you are wrong."

The teacher fainted on the spot!

№20

A young teacher at a certain university loved to play mahjong. Once, he played all night long, and during the 7:40 class the next morning, he got off the mahjong table at 7:30 and rushed to class.

It happened that the student on duty did not wipe the blackboard that day, so he shouted: "Which one is the banker?" The student on duty did not dare to answer, so he had to wipe it himself, but the blackboard eraser was nowhere to be found, so he shouted again: "Hey. ...Where is the whiteboard?"

How to write the word "dung"

Student: "Teacher, how do you write the word "dung"? "

The teacher thought for a while: "Hey... shit. manure. manure. It's right next to your mouth, why doesn't it come out? "

Committing the crime of fraud

The law department of a certain university was taking a criminal law test one day. The first question the professor asked the students was: "What is the crime of fraud?" The student replied: "If you don't let me pass the exam, you will be committing fraud." The professor was very surprised: "How to explain?" "The student said: "According to the criminal law, anyone who takes advantage of others' ignorance and causes them to suffer losses is guilty of fraud..."

Be quiet

On this day, the teacher was as usual He also yelled at the noisy class: "No - no - noisy - no! Can everyone please be quiet? ! "No one in the class paid attention to him. The teacher shook his head and left in anger, preparing to complain to the principal. When the principal and the teacher returned to the classroom angrily and were about to start scolding, they unexpectedly found that the classmates were holding their hands quietly. .

"What's the matter? How did everyone become so good?" The teacher secretly rejoiced in disbelief. "Did something happen?" There was silence. "Come on! Monitor, tell me!" The monitor stood up embarrassedly, lowered his head and murmured: "Old, teacher, you said, 'If you find that the whole class is quiet when you enter the classroom one day... you will die. Let's see...'"

Q: How did your roommate Xiao Chen get injured?

Answer: We made a bet to see who could stick out the window further, and he won.

Sleeping in class

A student fell asleep in class and was discovered by the teacher. Teacher: "Why did you sleep during class?" A student: "I didn't sleep!" Teacher: "Then why did you close your eyes?" A student: "I closed my eyes and meditated!" Teacher: "Then why did you keep thinking? Nod?" A student: "What you just said makes sense!" Teacher: "Then why are you drooling?" A student: "Teacher, you said it with great interest!"

The child is thinking about "heredity" and the environment” issues. Mother interjects