Are there any hilarious jokes recently?

1, a priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed, and the priest scolded, "Damn, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" " The nun said, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest. "The words sound just fell and she heard a loud thunder chopping the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why should I chop a nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of god from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

2. Believer: "Almighty God, how long is 10,000 years for you?"

God: "I blinked."

Believer: "What about 654.38 billion?"

God: "It's just a hair of mine."

Believer: "Oh, merciful God, please give me a hair."

God: "No problem, I'll give it to you in a blink."

The head coaches of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.

4. There was a man who had a son in middle age and liked him very much. He tried to bring up his son and put him through college. His son is dressed in a suit and has a red face, but he is ragged and hungry. He saved money to buy a house for his son, married a wife, and became old himself. However, his son was unfilial and kicked him out of the house on a stormy night. The old man came to a ruined temple to take shelter from the rain. The old man was very sad and sighed: God, why is it so unfair to me? After a flash of lightning, an old voice said, "This is karma." At this time, the old man saw an older man coming in and out of the corner of the ruined temple. The old man was startled: "Are you a god?" The older man said, "asshole! You kicked me out more than twenty years ago. I'm your father. You don't know me anymore? "

In the barber's shop, when the priest finished cutting his hair and paying the money, the barber said, "I won't accept your money, so I will serve God." The next morning, the barber saw a thank-you letter and some bibles at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a policeman had to pay for a haircut. The barber said, "I don't accept your money. I only serve our community."

The next morning, the barber saw another thank-you letter and some community service manuals at the door of the shop.

A few days later, an official from go-vern-ment came to have a haircut. When he paid the money, the barber said to him, "I don't charge you, so I only charge go-vern-ment." The next morning, the barber saw a row of government officials standing in front of the door.

6. One day, Clinton's wife, Chirac, was taken to see God. She found many watches hanging in God's living room, some walking fast and some walking slowly. So she asked God's servant, "Why does God collect so many watches? And these watches don't go so fast? "

The servant of God said, "These watches represent people's lives. Everyone in the world has a watch. If he has many affairs, his watch will go fast, but if he has no affairs, it will go slow. "

Chirac looked around and said, "Why didn't I see my husband Clinton's watch?" The servant of God said, "Your husband's watch was taken to the office by God as an electric fan!

7. An old couple born in the same year and the same month lived together for 35 years. Today, they held a grand banquet to celebrate their 60th birthday. During the dinner, God came. God praised the old couple as a real "loving couple" and promised to give each of them a wish. The old lady said excitedly, "We are poor. I just want to have a good look at the world and make a trip around the world. "

God waved his hand, and with a bang, a dozen plane tickets fell into the old lady's hand from the air. It's the old man's turn to make a wish. He thought for a moment and said, "I want to marry a woman 30 years younger than me."

Here comes God again. Bang! ……

The old man suddenly turned 90.

8. God pinched a person with mud, and from then on there was a human being;

There were white people first-because God put clay figurines on the fire and roasted them lightly;

Secondly, there are blacks-because they are worried that the heat will not reach the result;

Later, when we mastered the best temperature, we became yellow people, so we were God's most successful masterpiece.

9. Little Peter proudly said to his friend, "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him a respected priest."

Little Paul said, "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him your Excellency."

Rakus Jr. was unconvinced: "What's the big deal? My uncle weighs 150kg. "

When everyone saw him, they all shouted, "Oh! Oh, my God! "

10. A woman complained to others about her husband: "He is too stupid to drink or gamble?"

"You are so happy to find a model husband."

"However, he insists on drinking because he can't drink, but he insists on gambling because he can't gamble." ..

1 1. The woman went to the temple to pray for God and prayed devoutly: "Please ask Daxian to bless my son's Chinese 100, mathematics 100, historical geography 100."

My son reminded me: "And English."

"English and so on. Go to church on Sunday and beg Jesus, "the woman replied." "Wong Tai Sin doesn't understand English."

12. Actually, we were predestined friends in our last life, and we only met in this life.

At that time, I was old, you took care of me, I was tired, you carried me.

I often pat you on the back and say gratefully, old chap, thank you! I can't remember many things, but I must remember that my name was Zhang.

13. Two drunks are walking on the track.

After walking for a while, the drunk in front said, "Why are the stairs so long today? I have been walking for 40 minutes, haven't I finished yet? "

The drunk behind said, "MD, the handrail is still so low ..."

14. I remember a classmate in high school who was NB and was asked to write a check after being found playing cards in class. The next day, after the other contestants had finished the examination after class, he went to the podium: "As the saying goes,' there are unexpected events in the sky, and people have misfortune and happiness'. I was caught playing cards in class yesterday ... "Our teacher got bored on the spot! That guy is in the director's department now. I don't know what happened. Can university teachers handle it?

15. A classmate always starts his composition with onomatopoeic words, such as "winter, winter, a drum is coming" and "la, la, a song is coming". I really didn't see him, so I heard his voice first, cold!

16. Go out to play by bike with classmate XXX. His valve core is broken. I'll take mine out and put it on him. We rode home happily together.

17. The sports meeting 100m finally started, and the students ran out like wild dogs.

18. The PLA uncles crawled forward one by one, just like green bugs crawling on the ground.

19. "I was in the classroom because of illness ..." "My brother shaved his head newly, just like the little bald donkey in Shaolin Temple ..."

20. The Great Wall is very long. It is really long.

2 1. bunting floats on the playground. Men and women throw darts. One dart for you and one dart for me. Intestines and stomach are flying all over the sky!

22. When I was in primary school, I used to write about good deeds. So people always write down money. So, in order to exaggerate their achievements, someone wrote in the park and found that 1 100 million yuan was 10 yuan, which was as thick as a document (level 4). The teacher read it out on the spot, and the students estimated that it was extremely cold.

23. The old lady took out four 500 yuan RMB.

24. "I have a classmate, neither tall nor short, 1.76 meters above, 1.78 meters below ..." My junior high school classmate's works. ...

25. A classic sentence, everyone has written: Today's weather is really good, Wan Li is clear, and there are white clouds floating in the sky. ...

26. The primary school teacher wrote a semi-propositional composition: "My xxx". So, my classmate wrote an essay entitled "My Comrade Qiu".

27. When I was a child, my teacher stipulated that I should keep a diary of more than 200 words. At that time, there was a four-person team, and the team leader checked the number of words. A man in my group wrote: "My mother asked me to go out to buy food today. I asked how much it was a catty, and the vegetable seller said 5 points. I said, "It's really cheap, it's really cheap, it's really cheap ..." The team leader counted four words missing, and my man added another sentence at the back.

28 ... My teacher is a little fat, with a big head, big eyes, a big nose and even a big mouth. ..... This teacher is very friendly to people. He wears a pair of color-changing glasses, like a giant panda. ...

29. "A red sun reflects the morning sun ... As pupils in the new era, we know that Beijing is very close to the capital ..."

30. Do you remember the tadpole looking for his mother in primary school? At that time, the teacher asked us to imitate this and write a composition about my mother ... A classmate wrote this: My mother has a white belly and bulging eyes. ...

3 1. I once peeked at a girl's composition. The coldest thing is that if I become a nurse in the future, I will treat patients like a lover.

32. A sister's nephew made a sentence with "brand-new", "A brand-new vegetable was born" ... (Thanks to Zhao Benshan) True story, absolutely original.

33. I came to the TV and turned it on!

34. This classmate wrote: "Guoqiang (one of my classmates) is sitting on a stool, his ass is as big as a pumpkin in the field, and there is a big Jie underwear under his clothes." The teacher read it out in class and said that the classmate described it vividly. After class, this classmate was beaten by him. ...

In the third grade, another teacher took the place. We were asked to write about a corner of my home. So I wrote: My corner is beautiful, round and bright, and it is a toilet.

On an opaque night, the tadpoles in the pond are basking in the sun!

37. Diary-Day 1: Today, I went to my mother's office and had a good time.

The next day: I went to my mother's office yesterday and had a good time.

Day 3: Today, I remembered that I went to my mother's office the day before yesterday and had a good time.

38. Classmate's famous sentence: geese baa and fly over; The round moon is like a bow.

39. The teacher called "more ... more ... more" to make sentences. My classmate wrote "Anerle sanitary napkins are drier and safer".

40. The truest thing: a sentence from a primary school deskmate. The teacher asked us to make sentences with the word "sure enough", and my deskmate wrote: I haven't bathed for three months, and I really stink.

4 1. I went for a walk with my father this evening. I suddenly said to my father, "Dad, I have a bad feeling." As a result, my father scolded me ... I wonder why Athena can say this to the saint, but I can't.

42. When I was in primary school, I heard that wild donkeys run fastest, so I compared a classmate to "He runs faster than wild donkeys". Later, the teacher said I shouldn't write like this, so I wondered why I couldn't. ...

43. I walked into a department store. Ah, it seems that people's living standards have really improved. Look at the old farmer, with a refrigerator in his left hand and a TV in his right, trotting away.

44. There is also an article about the teacher, introducing the teacher's appearance. It should be "teacher's face" and occasionally written as "teacher's paw face". Our Chinese teacher is going crazy.

45. My classmate's content is probably: Once I was ill, he gave me a tutorial rain or shine. It was raining cats and dogs that day and it thundered. I thought he wouldn't come, but he came in the rain ... He died of a high fever the next day, and I will always miss this good friend.

46. There is a reading question on the primary school Chinese test paper to the effect that a mother suffered a lot for her children and finally died. After reading, ask the students to say a few words to their mother in Tomb-Sweeping Day one year later. A pupil wrote: "I wish my mother Tomb-Sweeping Day happiness, happiness as the East China Sea and longevity as the South Mountain!" .

47. The headmaster bumped into a student climbing over the wall and entering the school.

Principal: Why not go to the school gate?

The student pointed to the clothes: Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road!

Principal: How did you get such a high wall over?

Students clap their pants: Li Ning, anything is possible!

Principal: What's it like to climb over the wall?

The student pointed to the shoes: Xtep, the feeling of flying!

The next day, the students came in through the main entrance.

Principal: Why don't you climb over the wall today?

The student pointed to the shoes: Anta, I choose what I like!

Principal: Why don't you wear your school uniform?

The student raised his trousers: Sam, wear whatever you want.

Principal: Aren't you afraid that I won't let you into school?

Students clap clothes: a noble bird, no one can stop it.

The headmaster was furious: I want to remember you well!

Student dissatisfaction: Why?

The headmaster sneered: m-zone, my site is my call!

48. Last one, I hope you can read it all.

One day, the devil took the princess away and she kept screaming.

Devil: "Just scream ... no one will come to save you ..."

Princess: "Broken throat ... broken throat ..."

No one: "Princess ... I'm coming to save you ..."

Devil: "Speak of the devil and he will come ..."

Cao Cao: "Devil .. Why did you call me ..."

Demon: "Wow ... seeing a ghost"

Ghost: "Shit! Was discovered .. "

Shit: "Ghost, can you see me ..."

Devil: "Oh, my God! 」

God: "Who called me? 」

Who: "Nobody called you ..."

Nobody said, "Where am I? Play dumb! 」

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me? 」

Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」

Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" 」

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... hey, there are so many people here. "

Many people: "I just arrived … who are you?" ? 」

Which one: "I'm not who."

Who: "He's not me."

Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」

Everyone said, "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun."

Lively: "What do I have to see? 」

God: "It's none of my business. Let's go first. "

Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? How can I play the devil? 」

Go down: "You good devil won't do it, what shall I do?" 」

Princess: "If no one hits the devil, I can go."

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement."

Lively: "What are you looking at me for? 」

What: "You want to fuck me? Rogue! 」

How dare you: "I didn't? 」

Me: "What does it have to do with me?" 」

Devil: "Shit! I'm going crazy ... "

Shit: "What am I doing? ...」

Madman: "What do you want me to do? 」

You want me to say, "I don't know anything! 」

I don't know anything: "I don't know! 」

I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」

Someone said, "I didn't call you! 」

I didn't say, "Who called him? 」

Who: "Wrong ... I didn't ..."

I didn't say, "I haven't wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you."

I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? 」

Who: "please ... I didn't say anything."

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" ”」

My long-lost brother: "Shit ... my name is very long ... I will be called ..."

Who: "... I want to quickly separate right from wrong in this place"

True or false: "This used to be my place ..."

I am nothing &; No: "Stop arguing, we are talking ..."

Don't bother us: "I won't talk ..."

I didn't: "I didn't speak! ...」

I am nothing: "-_-\ \" ... Let's go out and talk ... "

Go: "Sorry ... (Swing)"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Whoops ... why did you kick me out ..."

Why: "I don't want to kick you out ... listen ... don't cry."

I didn't say, "Oh ... What does it have to do with me?"

None of my business: "What? Did anyone call me? 」

Someone said, "Who wants to call you ..."

Who: "I really have to go ... T.T." "

Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v *" (\ \" Who \ \ "collapsed)

None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" ”」

It's none of my business: "... cousins of the same age (or cousins) ... long time no see ..."

For a long time: "I'm not here ..."

Devil: "Are you finished? 」

Endless: "He doesn't have me."

You: "I don't have him."

I just said, "Who said that? 」

Who: "What do you want me to do? 」

Do you want to fuck me? 」

You: "I won't fuck him."

I said, "Who said I wouldn't? 」

Who: "Wrong! I didn't say ... "

He said, "What should I do? 」

? "You two are shameless! 」

You two: "I want it! I want it! 」

Face: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I don't want it."

Devil: "Hurry up, or I'll kick people out."

Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "

K: "Who wants to see me? 」

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! 」

He said, "Don't trust me."

Me: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I finally caught one. Kill it. "

One: "Don't arrest me."

Me: "I've had enough, too. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go! 」

Who said, "Look at my eighteen dragon palms! 」

Me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws! 」

Eighteen palms of dragon descending: "What am I to see? 」

Jiuyin Bones Claw: "What am I to see? 」

What's there to see: "Brother, I finally found you! 」

What's there to see? "Brother, let's talk outside."

Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement meeting ..."

From then on, the demon king really suffered energy fracture. ...