Short sentences of classic jokes

1. Dear customer, since you send and receive yellow messages at will, your mobile phone will start the self-destruction program ten seconds after receiving this message. Please throw your mobile phone ten meters away, so as not to hurt innocent people!

2. Philosopher's love is a discussion topic, writer's love is a composition topic, mathematician's love is a calculation topic, politician's love is a judgment topic, ordinary people's love is a filling topic, and boring life is full of love.

3. A goddess sent a Weibo: "The three most important words for boys are never that Gao Shuai has money, but that he is self-motivated!"

A famous cardiac surgeon's motorcycle is broken. After being sent to the repair department for inspection, the engine broke down. The mechanic skillfully removed the engine, repaired it and put it back. He said to the doctor, "The engine is the heart of the motorcycle. We are all cultivating our minds, but why is the income gap so big? " The doctor thought for a moment and said to the repairman, "Try to fix it without turning off the fire."

5. Which is dumb, the star, the moon or the sun? Stars, because "the stars in the sky can't talk".

Wife: Boss, give my husband a bottle of rice wine. Boss: Is one bottle enough? Your husband is famous for his drinking. Wife: Drinking may not be enough, but smashing a bottle should be enough.

7. A friend is eating in a restaurant. After serving, he called the waiter: Believe it or not, I can open the beer with my thumb. The waiter said in surprise, I don't believe my buddy said simply, then why don't you bring a bottle opener?

8. Go to the ATM to deposit money at noon. When I was waiting in line, the beautiful woman in the back asked me, "Do you save money?" "Well," "I just want to withdraw money. Anyway, if you want to save it, you might as well give it to me, so the two of us don't have to wait in line. " As soon as I thought it made sense, I gave it to her ...

In the 1980s, fellow villagers met fellow villagers and went to sea to do business. In the 1990 s, when fellow villagers met fellow villagers, they lied to you without consulting; In the 2000 s, villagers met villagers and were busy with lawsuits.

10. A priest advised the poor to believe in religion. He asked a poor man, "Would you rather go to heaven or hell after death?" The poor man replied, "Alas! You see, where the corn flour is cheap, go there!

1 1. Q: Why is Chang 'e changeable? Because her name is change.

12. Several friends fought with the landlord, and one buddy lost. As a result, he was furious and said, if people are unlucky, they can shit their teeth!

13. Cinema advertisement: The beautiful woman was dragged into the forest by seven men after fainting … It's worth seeing, buy a ticket! At the screening, your uncle: Snow White! The next day's advertisement: a woman and seven men have a stormy affair, not Snow White! Charming, not Snow White, buy a ticket! At the screening, grandma's: Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea! The next day, the advertisement changed again: the husband was killed, and the beautiful wife fell into the hands of seven boys ... If you are tempted, buy a ticket again! At the screening, my mother: gourd baby!

14. When I was shopping with my friends, I suddenly saw an old man fall to the ground. I will go up and help him without saying a word. My friend took my hand and said, "Your family is not rich!" I broke free from his hand, but I didn't expect to be pulled by him again: "My wife and children are still waiting for you to eat!" " "I kicked him and said," That's my dad! " "

15. She hit my mouth yesterday and it's still burning! After the dance, the daughter asked, Dad, can you wait for Tom? Dad deliberately asked his daughter: Why wait for Tom? She replied: He kept stepping on me while dancing, so I waited for him to come out and beat him!