Blurt out short funny sentences

If you don’t accumulate steps, you can’t reach a thousand miles; if you don’t accumulate small streams, you can’t reach a river or sea. It is also a good thing to accumulate some short funny sentences and tell them to yourself or friends when you are having a hard time. Why not?

Selection of short funny sentences

1. The teacher in the traffic regulations class asked, what does the arrow pointing to the left mean? The students answered: Turn left! The teacher is very happy. What does the arrow pointing to the right mean? The students answered: Turn right! The teacher continues, what does the arrow pointing up mean? ?Take off!

2. "Bring me a value-for-money lunch, take it away." "Sorry, we don't recommend you take it away, because the noodle soup is not easy to carry." "You Isn't this KFC?" "We are Mr. Li, the full name is Mr. Li's California Beef Noodles." "No wonder the old man on your brand is different from the KFC I eat."

3. A primary school student wanted to jump across a two-meter-wide river, but failed after several attempts. But later, he achieved his goal without using any tools. Because later, he grew up and realized his wish.

4. There was a duck swimming happily in the Songhua River in the Northeast. Suddenly I felt a stomachache and couldn't hold it in any longer. I accidentally laid an egg, and from then on I had preserved eggs.

5. It was the first time that Ah P went into a hotel with a friend. After the meal, the waiter brought a cup of tea. Ah P drank it in one gulp. He thought that the tea was too little. After a while, the waiter brought him a cup of tea. , the waiter brought another spittoon over, and everyone else took a sip of tea and spit it into the spittoon.

6. Once upon a time, a cow accidentally stepped on a cow, which crushed it and turned it into a B. Then other cows admired it and said: You are a cow, you are a cow. . .

7. I invited two chefs to dinner at one time, one with the surname Fan and the other with the surname Tang. I greeted them like this: "Master Fan, eat more, and Master Tang, drink more soup." Think about it, this is wrong. Greeting: "Master Fan, drink more soup, Master Tang, eat more." The two chefs looked at me blankly and said, "Master Cai, you're welcome, you'd better eat more vegetables."

8 . A thief went to a photo studio to rob him. He walked in and shouted: "Robbery!" When the photographer next to him saw this, he waved his hand and said: "Don't move, come and take a picture, come and call 'eggplant'." The thief was overjoyed: "Eggplant." As a result, the thief was caught.

9. Two netizens surnamed Wang had never met each other. Finally, under the trend of netizens meeting each other, they met at the train station. After initially confirming each other's appearance and dress, they had the following conversation. : "Are you the little king, or the little tortoise?" "Are you the old king, or the old tortoise?" "Yes, I am, we finally meet!"

10. Eggplant A: Let's take a photo together. Let’s take a group photo! All the eggplants: Okay, okay! Eggplant A: I call one, two, three, and everyone shouts: human! One eggplant asked curiously: Why do you call “human”? Eggplant A: They humans don’t take pictures. Are you calling "eggplant"!

11. Today my daughter suddenly called me: "Husband, he hasn't come back so late. Is there a woman outside?" I also drank some wine and said confusedly. : "Don't be anxious, don't keep thinking about the worst, there may be a car accident."

12. "The owl and the cat met. The owl told the cat its sorrow: "I'm surprised, we are of the same origin. , why is the gap so big? You are pampered by your master, but I have to live in the open and suffer?" The cat also smiled bitterly and shook his head: "You don't understand! My life is not easy, haven't you heard? 'If a dog bites a mouse and meddles in other people's business, but if a cat catches no mice, then the whole clan will be exterminated'? In order to avoid the danger of extermination, I have turned to being a pet!""

13. On Valentine's Day, Aju held a A large bouquet of flowers ran to Feifei, Feifei's heartbeat accelerated, and Ah Ju ran over: "Feifei, today is Valentine's Day." Feifei became even more excited. Ah Ju: "These flowers... I'll sell them to you cheaper!"

14. I have a kitten at home, named Maomao. It stood several times and cost a lot of money, but they were reluctant to throw it away, so the whole family had no choice but to avoid it and let it go, so there was hide and seek.

15. Feifei complained that Ah Ju didn’t buy her clothes: “Everyone is going crazy shopping in the mall.

"Aju waved his hand, "Let's go! I'll take you to see people go shopping!"

16. I have a god friend in junior high school, he is really a "god", that guy's hands are usually dirtier than Bao Gong's. It was still dark. One time, the teacher made a surprise inspection on personal hygiene and walked over one by one. He was almost there. I thought he could not be saved. At this critical moment, he picked up my tape without saying a word and wiped it. His hands turned white. Got...

Recommended short humorous sentences

1. Americans all use iPhones and Apple computers because Americans eat beef and need apples to balance cholesterol in the body Balanced, so the American Apple brand is more popular.

2. “I used this coupon to check out. Thanks. "Sorry, we can't support it. We are KFC." "Why? Why can't McDonald's coupons be used here? Aren't you the same family? They are all from the United States." ”

3. Adam and Eve cooperated, and the world finally had human beings; dots and dots cooperated, and dots appeared; you and I cooperated, and friendship slowly burst out through spiritual connection; and you and the egg cooperated , so there is a fool!

4. The miser and his neighbor jointly planted rice, each person got half. After the harvest, the miser was very dissatisfied, so he asked for something to be planted instead. The upper part went to the neighbor and the lower part went to the neighbor. Myself. The neighbor asked what he was growing, and the miser said: "Radish!"

5. One day, my son asked me: Why is the watermelon round? I thought for a while and said: Because it is long. On the earth, the earth is round, so the watermelon is also round. Later, my son asked me: Mom, mom, we also grow on the earth, why are we not round?

6. One day my daughter asked me why Chang'e wanted to fly to the moon. I thought about it for a long time and gathered up the courage to answer: "Because sister Chang'e was hungry. Seeing the big moon cake hanging in the air, her mouth watered, and she flew up with joy. ..."

7. It is said that egg tarts are a delicacy in Macau. I have been wanting to try them for a long time, and finally I had the opportunity to see them in a cake shop: "New egg tarts, welcome to taste them!" "Come here. A big egg tart. "A minute later: "Here you go!" After half a minute: "I want an egg tart tart, not an egg bowl." ”

8. It was still the 1990s. A retired cadre brought his little-footed wife into the city and asked the driver to take him to a large shopping mall. As soon as he arrived nearby, he found that the man was bustling with people. , the woman said, “This time we are here. "The man asked, "What's going on?" The woman said, "There is a temple fair here today."

9. A: Let me tell you a story. This story is very long. It’s long, long, long, long. . B: Well, let’s talk! A: That’s it!

10. There was a rabbit in the Year of the Rabbit, and he passed by happily. The black box jumped in out of curiosity and turned into a duck. Do you know why?

11. One day, I was using the computer at school. In class, suddenly a classmate's machine had a problem, so he shouted: "Boss, change the machine!"

12. The husband likes to drink and smoke, so the young couple often complains about her husband. They had a quarrel over these hobbies, so one day, the conflict finally broke out. The husband swore to his wife: Wife, I will never smoke or drink again. Wife: I believe you, I might as well believe in ghosts. Husband: But There are a lot of smokers and drunkards in this world!

13. "Xiao Li didn't learn how to cut hair, and he was always lazy at work. Once, an uncle asked him to just trim his hair, and he looked around carelessly. After cutting off all the hair of the uncle, the uncle said angrily: "Didn't I ask you to shave to look more energetic? You're going to make me shave my nerves." Xiao Li said aggrievedly: "I worked more and didn't charge you more." ””

14. My grandson yelled as soon as he entered the door, which made me so angry! Grandma asked: What’s wrong? Grandson: My food was almost stolen! Grandma: Then call the police quickly. !Sunson: What’s the use of calling the police? I have to buy some dog food and let my Scottish Shepherd bite him!!

15. The cat and the mouse didn’t know when they reached some kind of agreement. The more noisy the mice are, the more the owners love the cats, and the cats will no longer try their best to catch mice to claim credit from their owners, so now cats have become 'pet cats' who cannot catch mice.

16. The company reimburses the phone bills, but the money can’t be used up every month, so at the end of each month, I hand the phone to my wife and make long-distance calls home. It’s fun and doesn’t cost me any money. Ever since, my wife picked up the phone to call her family, and her best friends were talking on the phone one by one, and kept saying: "The phone call doesn't cost anything." Ever since, I have to pay for the long distance fee this month.

17. There is a farm that raises hundreds of chickens, but never gets an egg. Why? It turns out that all the chickens raised are roosters.

18. Here’s a cold joke for you in the hot summer. Grandma Li downstairs of my house likes to grow vegetables in the backyard after retirement. Recently, her grandson complains every day: “Who keeps stealing vegetables?” Grandma Li was so frightened that she couldn't sleep at night while watching the dishes. She finally caught a passing cat and treated it as a prisoner...

19. "It's been a long time since a college student graduated and he couldn't find a job. , I was worried at home all day. My brother’s younger daughter came up and said, “Uncle, you should have an abortion.” The college student asked in surprise, “Why?” The younger daughter said on TV that you can go to work tomorrow if you have an abortion. "..."!!!"

20. Xiao Ming picked up an apple under the apple tree. When he was about to eat it, he was caught by the owner of the orchard. The owner said: "You don't learn well at a young age. , and stole the apple to eat." Xiao Ming: "I didn't steal it, it fell by itself." Master: "It's so dishonest to lie." Finally, Xiao Ming finally understood why Newton discovered gravity. It turned out to be the same as him.

21. There once was a friend who sleepwalked at night and came to his girlfriend’s room. He sat on the edge of the bed without making a sound or leaving. His girlfriend told him about it the next day; he later told this story. His current girlfriend said: You didn’t do anything? Fool, if you did something, she might not brag to you!

22. I spent fifty yuan on a haircut today. Got a stylish hairstyle. After returning home, I was strongly criticized by my wife. At this time, a parrot who had been silent for a long time concluded: "This haircut is very cost-effective. It cost only fifty yuan, and I got a haircut of two hundred and fifty yuan."

23. A white cloud drifted across the sky, The son shouted: "Dad, look, it's such a big cotton." Dad: "No, that's not cotton, that's marshmallow." "I want marshmallow." "Okay, wait for it to fall." < /p>

24. Playing a friendly match, two table tennis players were arguing over the score. One said: and the other said:. In the end, you couldn’t stand it anymore, and while you were pulling and pulling, you said: I think you two should stop fighting. , that’s it, it’s both of you, that’s fair!

25. Once when I went to school, the zipper of my schoolbag was broken. I felt embarrassed and afraid that people would see it, but I couldn’t help it because I got on the bus again. I had no choice but to carry it on my back. A kind-hearted aunt patted me and said, "Classmate, the schoolbag is unzipped. Quickly zip it up." I felt embarrassed, so I pretended to be calm and said, "It's okay. This schoolbag is just fine." This style." The whole car was silent.

26. Three melons were chatting at a three-way intersection. While chatting, they quarreled, so they went their separate ways. A melon goes west and becomes a watermelon, a melon goes east and becomes an east melon, and a melon goes south and becomes a pumpkin. There is no north road at the three-way intersection, so there is no pumpkin.

27. A child has a parrot and must teach it to say: Good morning every morning. But after several months, the parrot still didn't speak. The child became discouraged and stopped teaching that morning. At this time, I heard the parrot shouting to the child: "Boy! You are so bold today! You didn't even say hello when you saw me!"

28. "Want to hear a cold joke?" "Yes. "Then turn on the air conditioner." After turning on the air conditioner, he asked doubtfully: "Why?" "It's summer, how can it be cold without turning on the air conditioner? It's a bad joke to tell a joke in cold weather." "

29. A couple traveled together. When the car they took passed through the long cave and came out, the man said: "If I had known that the cave was so long, I would have given you a kiss! "Oh my god!" the woman exclaimed, "Weren't you the one who kissed me just now?"

30. In order to give you a piece of coolness in the hot summer, I revealed a cold joke. When I was in high school, I always fall asleep in class. Once in a history class, when we were talking about the characters of the Three Kingdoms, the teacher woke me up and asked me: "Who is the benevolent and righteous king?" "Liu Bei!" I said sleepily.

"Who is your father?" I replied without hesitation: "Liu Bei!"

31. A: Can I ask you a question? B: Yes, let me ask. A: I shouldn’t ask this question, but I want to ask it even if I don’t ask it, but it’s hard to ask. B: It doesn’t matter, you can ask it. A: Can I ask you a question? B: Ask it quickly! A: I have already asked!

32. On the bus, two men were quarreling with each other because they were squeezed, and they gradually became noisy. It was very fierce. A man next to him said something: "I only know how to curse, so I'm not like a man." As soon as he finished speaking, the two men who were at the limit of their endurance broke out at the same time, and together they beat the man severely.

33. I’m going to start telling a bad joke. I’m going to start telling it. You have to start paying attention. I’m really going to start. After listening, you have to become a fan who supports me. Got it. Do you really know? Really, really know? Well, okay. I've finished speaking, welcome to listen again next time!

34. Feifei asked Aju: "Aju, do you like me?" Aju was ecstatic: "I like it, I like it!" Feifei asked : "I quite like myself too."