What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Tell funny jokes with your heart Welcome to watch!

1. A man and a woman are eating.

Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me or not?

The boy finally said: love

The girl asked again, then how do you prove it?

Suddenly, the boy took out 30 yuan money from his pocket.

And ask the girl: Do you have ten dollars?

The girl gave the boy ten yuan. ..

The boys put forty yuan on the table.

soon .....

The girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me or not?

Boys say I have been proved! ! !

Forty is just around the corner!

A coal seller and an egg seller got into a fight. Everyone looked around and asked curiously why. The egg seller said, "Is there anyone like him?" ! I shouted: Eggs! "He immediately shouted:" Coal (not) sold ~ ~! ! "

3. Mother flies take small flies to eat. They flew to a pile of cow dung. The little fly asked gloomily, "Mom, why do we always eat cow dung?" The mother fly slapped the little fly and scolded, "This unlucky child, don't say such disgusting things when eating!" " "

4. Husband: "Wife, what if I have a mistress?" Wife: "I invited her to dinner and cook my best chicken stewed mushrooms." Husband: "Wife, it's good that you are sensible." Wife: "The chicken is yours!" " "

A buddy wants to get married, but his father doesn't agree, so he kneels down and asks, "Dad, just agree!" His father trembled and said, "Let's be father and son."

6. A Japanese went to a restaurant for dinner. He ate lobster and asked the waiter, "What's the use of the lobster shell you ate in China? The waiter said, "Of course I threw it away!" "No, no, no," said the Japanese. "The lobster shells we ate in Japan were made into fresh shrimp strips and bought in China." The waiter brought the fruit. The Japanese asked; "What's the use of the fruit peel you eat in China? ""of course, throw them away! " The waiter said, No, No,No. We ate fruit peels in Japan, made them into juice, and then sold them to you in China. "After dinner, the Japanese eat chewing gum. The Japanese asked again, "What's the use of the gum you ate in China? ""Of course, "replied the waiter." No, no,no. The chewing gum we ate in Japan was made into condoms and sold to you in China. "The waiter was furious! He asked the Japanese, "What's the use of condoms used in Japan?" The Japanese said, "Of course!" "NONONO used condoms in China and made chewing gum in Japan to sell to you! "

7. The fish said, "I always open my eyes, in order to be reluctant to leave your side." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

8. A man was surrounded by cannibals in the forest. He shouted in despair, "God, I'm dead." At this moment, I only heard the voice of God in the sky. "Son, not yet. Do you see the big stone ahead? Pick it up, throw it at the elder and kill him. " The man did so and really killed the cannibal elder. Cannibals are vicious. Then God said, "Now you are really dead." ...

9. Mental patients in hospitals usually have a worship complex for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor. ...

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan pondered for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid the deterioration of his condition)

Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you. ...

In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. )

Female patient: Dr. Lan, you mean you don't love me anymore?

Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm … hmm … hmm …

Female patient: Nothing … I love Dr. Chen …

10, five-year-old sister and four-year-old brother take a bath together. My sister wants to play when she sees my brother's penis. My brother said angrily, "You played yours and want to play mine again, no way!" "

Friends, do you think it is funny?

A relocated household named Wang got the 10 suite and 10 more than ten thousand yuan in cash, and suddenly became rich. Everyone used to call him Lao Wang, but now everyone calls him Boss Wang. Boss Wang thought, if you have money, you have to pretend to be rich. At noon, he wanted to get together with several buddies who had been together very well before, so he picked up his mobile phone. Boss Wang felt greatly insulted when he heard this. I am so rich now, how can my mobile phone be in arrears! How can you hang out in a circle of friends when others know that this mobile phone is in arrears? He hurried to the business hall where the phone bill was charged. The waitress asked: Uncle, how much are you going to charge? When boss Wang heard this, he quickly said, You give me my phone bill. I'll say the important thing three times.

Not much to say, just go directly to the picture, laughing me to death.

The first time I sent it, I didn't feel any waves in my heart. I just wanted to cheat a few praises …

Please call me Duan Shou.

1, it's hard for my girlfriend to take care of the children at night and go to work during the day. So I discussed with my mother-in-law to let my son sleep with her mother-in-law at night. The mother-in-law refused: "Your son wants to sleep with you!" In a rage, my girlfriend kicked her husband out of the bedroom that night. "Your mother doesn't sleep with my son, and I don't sleep with her son! ! "

When I was born, the old man spent a lot of money to find a master to pick me up, and the master said; "This child is precious and has the spirit of an emperor. He travels by car, lives in luxury stores, flags and shouts, and goes with the flow!" Time flies, time flies, and later, I became a tour guide.

Answer: Give me a woman and I can create a country. I believe! Give you a dog and you can create a race. C said simply: You must not be a city zoo in the future, or you can create a world of Warcraft.

When I was in junior high school, I was good at fighting. One day after school, one of my classmates called seven or eight people outside the school to beat me and forced me to the toilet.

I grabbed Uncle Li's broom, gave it a rinse in the Maochi, and suddenly felt like a god coming down to earth, chasing them alone.

5. I was lying in bed playing with my mobile phone at night, and my wife in pajamas got into my arms and smiled: "It's so cold!" I replied while playing with my mobile phone, "I don't feel cold." The wife said, "It's so cold. It feels like the wind. " While playing with my mobile phone, I answered, "How can it be windy when the windows are closed?" My wife suddenly kicked me under the bed and said, "Haven't you heard of gossip?" Me: "..."

6. Early in the morning ~ My husband kissed his wife's forehead and said, "Go to sleep for a while, I'll go out early." The wife replied in a daze, "Well, be careful when you drive ..." When the husband arrived downstairs, he suddenly felt something was wrong. I didn't buy a car! "

7. Bring your girlfriend home this Spring Festival. It happened that a friend of my father went home to pay a New Year call. During the greeting, he said, "Your boy can do it, and his eyes are as good as your father's!" Praise four people in one sentence!

8. A new buddy, very handsome, was promoted to assistant general manager after only two months in a company. He did hemorrhoids surgery yesterday, and we went to see him. Speaking of work, the company also asked him for two months of sick leave, and all medical expenses were reimbursed. We are all envious. Then I happened to see his expense account saying: Work-related injury. I seem to understand something.

9. I fart several times in a row. A colleague couldn't stand it anymore and asked, "Who farted?"

I immediately raised my hand to indicate that it was me, and my colleague held his nose and asked angrily, "What did you eat when you stepped on the horse?"

I gave him a contemptuous look: "Be kind, whatever, you can smell it, you want the formula."

One day, the teacher asked the students how to solve this equation. No one answered, the teacher said, whoever solves it will leave school directly! At this time, a student stood up and said, elder sister, I beg you.

Carefully choose only for your silence, focus on humor only for your smile! The legendary swordsman, I wish you a happy smile, a healthy smile and a strong smile!

1. Auntie went for a walk in the square in the morning and saw an old man writing big characters on the ground with a sponge pen. She couldn't help but take a look.

The old man glanced at his aunt and wrote the word "roll".

Aunt thought to herself: Have a look?

The old man glanced at his aunt again and wrote "roll".

Aunt couldn't help it anymore, so she went up and kicked the old man to the ground!

The police came and asked what was going on.

The old man said unjustly, "I just want to write a sentence,' The Yangtze River is rolling eastward, and the water is gone'. Just after writing the first two words, I was trampled down by this neuropathy. "

So, my friends, everything is urgent! !

2. The mobile phone rang. As soon as I saw it was a classmate, I answered it immediately. On the other end of the phone: "Hey, old classmate, we have a project. I'm in charge of bidding, and four blocks will be constructed at the same time. Because you can directly enter the construction site in time, there is still a period. Think about it? " I was suddenly very excited: "What project, can I collect money?" At the other end of the phone: "Good collection, no advance, on-site settlement." I was ecstatic: "What project? Come and talk to you now. " I put down the phone and rushed to the appointed place. I fainted as soon as I entered the room! It turned out to be: playing mahjong, three are short of one!

There is a beautiful woman who wants to check her future partner through the computer!

Beauty according to the requirements to fill in the two conditions of making friends:

1, be handsome.

2. Have a car.

After a while, the answer came out: "chess".

4. In arithmetic class, the teacher asked A Dai, who is retarded, "What is 1+ 1?"

A Dai thought for a moment and answered, "Teacher! I have no idea. "

The teacher was angry and said, "You are such a fool! I can't even solve this problem. Let me ask you again: for example, how much do I add to you? "

A Dai said, "I know this, two fools."

5. A man was drunk and went to San Xiao for the night. His wife kept calling his cell phone, and San Xiao picked it up and said, "Hello! The subscriber you dialed is drunk, please dial again later! " When I came home the next day, my wife cursed, "You were drunk last night, and even people from China Mobile knew it. What a fucking shame! "

On the way back to the dormitory, I met a girl crying in the corner. I went over and asked her what was wrong. She sobbed and asked me, "Will you lend me your shoulder?" I said, "As long as you don't cry! I am willing! " The girl stopped crying and stepped on my shoulder and climbed over the wall to buy delicious food.

7. A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm. This is normal.

The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor began to get nervous: how could it not be seen?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

8. An asshole went to collect usury!

The bastard took out the IOU and smiled cunningly and said, "It's written clearly in black and white, and you owe me 1 10,000. Do you still want to default? "

The debtor timidly replied, "I really don't have that much money at once. Give me a few more days!" " "

The bastard threatened, "don't blame me for not reminding you that you can't get paid tomorrow." Your home is just like this! " "

Say that finish, bastard took out a lighter and burned the iou!

9. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, cucumber and watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

10. Yesterday, I had dinner with my wife. My wife suddenly told me that she was pregnant. After I was excited, I was anxious to call my parents. My father answered the phone. I said excitedly: Dad, you are going to be a father!

No laughing, no charge. ....................................................................................................................................................................

You can often hear all kinds of funny jokes in all aspects, and it is estimated that you are surrounded by people with such teasing attributes.

On the bus, a child climbed to a woman's seat to watch her play games. Suddenly, the little boy braked suddenly and fell down. When everyone thought he was going to burst into tears, he got up and looked at the woman in front with bitterness and said, hey, your son just fell, so you just left it alone ~ ~

When I picked up my son in kindergarten, I found that he had been staring at the girl who was eating candied haws across the street, and his saliva almost fell to the ground. I asked him, "Do you like it?" The son nodded. I said, "then dad will buy it for you." My son hesitated. After a while, he finally made up his mind: "Dad, it's wrong to sell children."

Now everyone is swollen. . . I met my classmates at night, and they said that my back hurts ~ I said' too much' and' left' would hurt my back. . . She looked at me silently and said, you are so dirty. . Actually, I mean, sit down. . Sit. . .

When I went to dinner with my best friend, a handsome guy came over and even said that he wanted to sleep with my sister. I asked her to make an offer, and my sister got angry at once and scolded him severely: Grandma, what do you think of my sister? Sleeping with my sister costs money.

Women always think that their husbands are incompetent. I quarreled with my husband and said, I brought everything at home when I got married, including TV, air conditioner and washing machine. . . What did you say you had? Her husband took a look at the child and said, dare you say that you brought the child from home?

I went shopping yesterday and saw two Xiong Haizi fighting. One pushed the other to the ground, and two people blushed and their necks were thick. I was about to pull the shelf when I was suddenly pushed to the ground. One of them said to the other, "Tell me to pee later." The other said, "whoever runs away is his grandson." Sure enough, the one who was pressed to the ground, after urinating, lay on the ground again, maintaining the posture just now, and the two Xiong Haizi started again. . . Emma, the game is suspended!

It was in primary school, and I finally got the first place in the exam. My father said he would take me to the aquarium. It took several years to know that it was a seafood market ~ seafood market ~ seafood market ~

These are some jokes I have heard. Let's make everyone happy. Whether I have heard it or not, I hope I can make you laugh after reading it. If you really find it funny, remember to leave your praise for me, or have any jokes to comment on, so that everyone can be happy together.

1. My five-year-old sister and my four-year-old brother are taking a bath together. My sister wants to play when she sees her brother's little brother. My brother said angrily, "You played yours and want to play mine again, no way!" "

2. I smoked with a buddy that day, and that buddy just bought a cigarette and gave it to me. When I lit the cigarette, I silently farted. My friend took a sip of his cigarette and said, Today, this cigarette feels fake. Why does it smell like? I asked a question ... the buddy took another sip and said, "It smells like fart." .......

A pure little girl came to work. In order to welcome her, several buddies in the office organized a trip to KTV happy. A buddy ordered a difficult song, and after a high note, he said to the little girl, "Do you think I'm a dick?"

The girl blushed: "Don't look!"

4.20 years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus, everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

5. An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Fuck you! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

6. Kangaroos and frogs went to fuck chickens. The kangaroo finished it with three strokes and two strokes, and only listened to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! Kangaroos are so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! " The frog said, "Cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night!" " ~~

7. A hotel keeps a parrot hanging at the door. When the guest arrived, he said, hello, welcome! A regular customer thought, I'll go in quickly and see how you react. One day he ran in and the parrot said, fuck you! You scared me! ! !