Nervous humor jokes in college entrance examination

Modern society is crazy, women have too strong sexual desire, sheep begin to eat wolves, cats and mice go to bed, rabbits also eat sausages, homosexuality is normal, and it is useless to have an affair.

A lover is a watch, the more beautiful the better; Xiaomi is a pocket watch, the more secret the better; Miss is an electronic watch, the fresher the better; My wife is an automatic watch, so it doesn't wind up when running. Take all kinds of watches, control the time, and don't let them make noise!

Men are 20 semi-finished products, 30 finished products, 40 fine products, 50 best products, 60 top products, 70 waste products and 80 souvenirs.

A virgin is a tribute wine, and men want to taste it; Women are red wine. She took a sip and then thought about it. The lover is beer, which is cool and refreshing; Wife is white wine, if it doesn't taste good, you have to drink a whole mouthful!

The child asked, "Mom, do the heart and liver have legs?" Mother replied, "silly child, how can a heart have legs?" The child said doubtfully, "Then why did Dad whisper last night, sweetheart! Stretch your legs? "

A man went to a brothel and asked the woman the price. The woman replied: 50 yuan; The man saw that it was cheap; The woman said: Please pay 100 yuan. The man asked why, and the woman replied that it was 50 yuan. The man said angrily: You fucking China Mobile, you still charge in two ways!

The husband is lying in bed reading a book, putting his hand between his wife's legs from time to time, and her wife undresses and coquetry. Why does the husband ask? The wife asked, What are your hands doing? The husband solemnly said: wet hands are good for turning pages!

Anhui has been famous for its wine since ancient times: a girl with her legs crossed and full of alcohol; Young men's legs are lifted, and gold seed wine; The old lady lifts her legs and Gu Jing salutes; The old man's legs were lifted, and the holy spring dried up the beer; Your legs are up, Chivalrous Spring Wine.

The father took his son to take a bath, and the ground was slippery. When his son was about to slip, he grabbed his father's penis and didn't fall. Father scolded: it's a fucking good thing to come with me. I have to come with your mother to kill you.

The condom said to the sanitary napkin, "I'm really afraid of you." Every time you go to work, I have no business for a week. " Sanitary napkins are angry: "Don't play dumb. If you are a little fucking careless, my business will be ruined in ten months. "

A lady ordered a stir-fried whip flower while eating, and accidentally fell between her legs when picking vegetables. The young lady was shocked: this thing is really amazing! Cooked and chopped, it actually knows the way!

On the bus, a young man saw a beautiful woman with a low collar and spring leaked out. He joked: "It's really a place where peach blossoms bloom." Hearing this, the beauty lifted her skirt and said, "There is also a place where you were born and raised."

It's embarrassing for village women to report it! I was caught by QJ last night; The policeman asked her what the man looked like. I didn't see it clearly, but I must be a novice, because he couldn't find a place for a long time, and finally I helped him in. ......

The head of a poor village introduced the situation in the village: eating depends on the party, dressing depends on spinning, getting rich depends on grabbing, and daughter-in-law depends on thinking; Communication basically depends on yelling, traffic basically depends on walking, public security basically depends on dogs, and sexual life basically depends on hands!

The QJ woman met with resistance when gangsters broke into the house. When the husband came back from the field and saw his wife being held down by gangsters, he picked up a shovel and slammed it. He listened to his wife's scolding: "Shit, I resisted for a long time, and you photographed me with a shovel!" "

The leader of the unit made a concluding speech: the reasons for our poor work are as follows: First, we slept like a widow and there was no one on it; Second, like * * *, the old substitution; Third, just like sleeping with your wife, our own people always fuck our own people.

A Japanese woman is taking a bath in the sauna and wants to find a China macho man to give her a bath. When the macho man was rubbing, he suddenly had a high sexual desire and inserted his penis into her shame. Japanese woman is furious: What are you doing? The macho man said: wipe inside!

Two history teachers are married, both of them are married for the second time. After entering the bridal chamber, the woman went out to the upper alliance, and the lower alliance: Pearl Harbor was attacked at night, and the beauty was frightened (fine) Male pair: two atomic bombs, Japan and Germany surrendered: World War II!

There must always be some philosophy in life ... life is like being raped: resisting or enjoying; Work is like whoring: if you can't do it yourself, let others do it; Society is like ... everything has to be solved by your own hands!

Ni Ping had a bullwhip when he visited Mengcheng, which was delicious. What is that? Feng Gong said: There are cows! The cow said, Feng Gong also has it! Ni Ping asked: Do I have it on me? Both of them replied: sometimes, sometimes not. ......

Beautiful women urinate urgently, urinate on the side of the road, there is no paper, wipe it with leaves. The leaves are prickly and * * * hurts. The beauty was unhappy and said, "I can't stand eating meat all day, but also eating vegetables?"

It is said that a man has an affair with a woman. After entering, the man squatted on the woman's body and said softly, we are together now, and the woman is a little unhappy. The man violently attacked, and the woman shouted loudly: Mobile is better than Unicom!

A soldier disguised as a man, one day LJ suddenly came to his position and his ass was red. The company commander asked, "Where are you hurt?" The female soldier quickly said, "No, nothing." The company commander quickly took off her pants and was surprised: "JJ blew up and didn't say anything?"

Tang Priest met a banshee in the Western Heaven, observed that her breasts and buttocks were relatively fat, and wanted to have sex. When she saw this scene, the banshee shouted, Elder! My little girl is afraid of having sex when she menstruates! Hearing this, the Tang Priest folded his hands: Amitabha, I'm here to learn from the scriptures!

Mr. Wang bought a turtle on a business trip and was not allowed to take it with him on the plane. He used his quick wits, put the turtle in his crotch and got on the plane. After sitting firmly, I was afraid that the turtle would suffocate, so I untied the zipper and let the turtle's head come out. The stewardess passed by and kept twisting her head. Mr. Wang said, look, look at what. Never seen it? The stewardess blushed and said, I have seen this thing many times, and it is the first time for a person with long eyes like you to see it!

Colleagues go to Inner Mongolia to play and eat milk tea and meat in tents. Some people don't like the taste and want to eat with others. A lady said to the man on the edge: You eat my milk and I eat your eggs!

A man went to see his family doctor. He asked, "doctor, I'm getting married, but it's the first time for my girlfriend and me." Can you tell us what to do? The doctor watched the man grow up, and was a little uncomfortable when he heard this question. He looked outside and said, "Look over there, have you seen two dogs in the park?" "See what they are doing? Go home and do it. Two months later, when they met again, the doctor asked: How is your sex life? The man replied, "nothing, but it's really cold to do it in the park, and people will peek." "

There is such a loving couple. One day, the wife said to her husband, "Why don't we put 10 yuan in the piggy bank every time we go to after making love? This will not only save money, but also prove how deep our love is in the future." The husband readily agreed. Finally, one day, when the piggy bank was full, my husband smashed the piggy bank and started counting money. Suddenly, he found three 100 yuan bills. He was furious and asked his wife, "What's the matter? I only play 10 yuan every time. How can there be 100 yuan? " The wife said disdainfully, "You think everyone is as stingy as you."

A man went to visit his best friend only to find his beautiful young wife at home. He seduced her into sleeping with him in exchange for giving her 500 yuan. She thought about it, thought it was a good deal and the money was easy, so she really slept with him. After dark, her husband came back from work and asked, "Did Fadi come here today?" "Yes, why do you ask him?" She answered guiltily. "Did he give you 500 yuan?" "What? 500 yuan? " She was in a panic. "hmm!" The husband said, "I lent him 500 yuan last month and promised to pay me back today."

A group of women talk about their sex life. Single women are colorful and full of sexual interest, while housewives are dull and silent. The housewife asked enviously, "Do you do this every day?" The single woman said, "No." The housewife asked, "Why?" The single woman said, "We have to use your time."

The person in charge of the bathing beach implicitly said to a beautiful woman who wears three points: "We are not allowed to wear two swimsuits here." The beauty replied, "OK, which one do you think is more suitable for me to remove?"

The beautiful woman was taking a bath in the river, and a shrimp accidentally got into her lower body. The beautiful woman was frightened and went to the hospital urgently. A male doctor checked and said, "It's very troublesome to take it out. Why don't I just mash it into shrimp sauce for you to eat! "

When a man marries a woman surnamed the Party, the bride asks the groom: First, we must adhere to the principle that the Party commands guns, and fight wherever the Party calls; Second, it is impossible to establish a multi-party system; Third, you can't work hard before joining the party, but you can relax by half after joining the party!

The young man bought a sofa almost at the cost price and asked the proprietress to sell him a bed at a discount. The proprietress said, "You are so greedy! I took advantage of my mother on the sofa and wanted to take advantage of my mother in bed! "

A woman asks a man: Guess what we like most about men? What is thick? What is hard work? The man smiled, flushed and speechless, and the woman scolded: idiot! To tell the truth, I like men with deep pockets and hard backs!

Beauty charms men, dissolute women please men, gentle women love men, talented women seduce men, rich women play with men, official women kill men, and women's duty is to kill men!

When a person goes to work the next day after marriage, the class is unhappy. A friend asked him why. The man said,' I used to be a prostitute, and I threw my daughter-in-law 100 yuan after I finished last night.' The friend was relieved and said,' It's nothing if you give her money! Men are annoyed. The problem is that she found me 20 ...'

On a whim, an old couple ate a naked meal one day, looking for the throb of their youth. During the dinner, the old woman's eyes flashed and she said emotionally,' Grandpa, I feel something, my body is so hot …' The old man narrowed his eyes and simply said,' I fell into the soup …'

A boy bought a parrot, which was hung in a brothel when his mother came home from work. The parrot saw it and shouted,' Wow, the proprietress has changed!' When my sister came home from work, the parrot saw it and shouted,' Wow! Even the lady has changed! "At this time, the father of the head of the family came back, and the parrot let out a cry with all his strength this time. How can he still be a frequent visitor? .......'