Three minutes of joke speech before class

Three-minute joke speech before class

Everyone likes humorous jokes. They not only liven up the atmosphere, but also add a little fun to boring life. So how can we A little joke about the speech before class. Below are some short three-minute joke speeches I compiled for you. I hope they can help you.

Three-minute joke speech before class 1

Wu Youliang is the only son of the Wu family. Both his parents are dead, and he relies on his uncle and aunt to manage the family business. In the autumn of this year, Wu Youliang went to Beijing to take the exam and passed by Qingshi Mountain in Heyuan County. He was robbed by bandits and all his money was lost. It was getting late, I was hungry and cold, but I was penniless, so I had to go to the city to stay overnight and make plans for the next day. When Wu Youliang arrived at the city gate, the city gate had been closed. Just as he was about to turn around, a carriage stopped at the city gate.

The curtains of the carriage were opened, and inside was an old man with a kind face, smiling at Wu Youliang who was helpless. This man is the richest man in Heyuan County, known as Mr. Mi. Mr. Mi had just returned from a rice shop outside the city and was waiting for the soldiers guarding the city to open the city gate for him. Wu Youliang quickly approached the carriage, bowed deeply to Mr. Mi, and asked if he could be taken into the city. Boss Mi looked at Wu Youliang, who was looking sad, and nodded to let him get in the car.

Boss Mi and Wu Youliang chatted all the way. Boss Mi was born in the army and especially respected people who read. He was very happy when he heard that Wu Youliang was a scholar. Not long after, the carriage stopped in front of a very imposing mansion. On the plaque on the door were two powerful characters: Li Mansion. Only then did Wu Youliang realize that the old man in the car turned out to be Mr. Mi, the richest man in Heyuan. Mr. Mi invited Wu Youliang to his house as a guest. Wu Youliang was flattered, and it was better to obey than to be respectful.

The two chatted while drinking. Mr. Mi praised Wu Youliang's intelligence, while Wu Youliang was very grateful for Mr. Mi's hospitality.

Mr. Mi runs several rice shops in and outside the city, but recently the business has not been as good as before. Mr. Mi is getting older and older, and he has only one daughter at his knees, so he cannot be entrusted with important responsibilities. He has no one to help take care of his huge family business.

After three rounds of drinking, Mr. Mi suggested that Wu Youliang be the shopkeeper of his rice shop in the city. Wu Youliang wanted to find a way to make a living and earn some money before going to Beijing next year, so he agreed to Boss Mi's request.

The next day, Wu Youliang took office in Midian. He carefully checked and took inventory and did it in an orderly manner. Boss Mi was very happy when he saw it. The rice store, which was originally barely able to maintain business, gradually became prosperous in a few days, and sales increased significantly. The scholar's rice selling soon spread throughout Heyuan County, and more and more people came to the rice store to buy rice, and it slowly began to make a profit.

Boss Mi was puzzled. In just one month, the business of Mi Dian has improved greatly. Several rice stores outside the city are still slowly maintaining their business. Let Wu Youliang take care of several rice stores outside the city, Boss Mi thought in his mind.

Mr. Mi would go to the rice store every day to see what methods Wu Youliang used to make the rice store prosperous again. I have been in business for half my life and have been dealing with Mi for decades, but I can't see any flaws. I don't know the reason. It was not good for him to ask Wu Youliang directly, as it would lose his own face. Every time I go to the store, I just say some words of advice to Wu Youliang and others, say hello to the customers and then leave.

A few months later, almost everyone in Heyuan County came to Mi Laoda’s rice store to buy rice. Mi Laoda’s rice store business grew bigger and bigger. Mr. Mi was so happy that he let go and let Wu Youliang take care of business. Wu Youliang soon became a veritable boss, and he had full authority to take care of the business of all rice stores in and outside the city.

Although Wu Youliang made a lot of money for Mr. Mi, Mr. Mi still wanted to figure out the "mystery" inside. Rice is still the same rice and sold in the same way, so why is there a completely different scene from before? Since Wu Youliang can't be seen doing anything during the day, maybe he will gain something at night. Boss Mi sent a considerate guy and told him to always pay attention to Wu Youliang's movements.

At night, the store was quiet, and the guys all went to sleep. Wu Youliang's abacus was still crackling as he calculated the accounts. After calculating the accounts, he put away his account book, flicked the wick, and walked to the rice warehouse behind the store.

The guy who was monitoring Wu Youliang also took the opportunity to move under the window behind the rice warehouse. Through the window, I saw Wu Youliang pouring out a bag of rice and looking for something inside, as if he was checking the quality of the rice...

For several days, everyone else fell asleep at night, but Wu Youliang was in the rice dumpling. The warehouse is busy for half the night. Mr. Mi personally went to the rice warehouse to check, but still found no flaws.

A year passed in a flash, and it was time to go to Beijing to take the exam. Wu Youliang chose a day to prepare to go to Beijing. Boss Mi had a wishful thinking and wanted Wu Youliang to stay.

Mr. Mi’s daughter is now seventeen years old. Many dignitaries in the county want to marry him. There is an endless stream of people coming to propose marriage, which makes Mr. Mi very troubled. Mr. Mi knew in his heart that others were just interested in his wealth, so he was very cautious in choosing his son-in-law. Boss Mi knew that Wu Youliang was very close to his daughter. If his daughter is betrothed to Wu Youliang, he will definitely stay. Moreover, Boss Mi's daughter has always been very fond of Wu Youliang.

If you betroth your daughter to Wu Youliang, firstly, you will comply with your daughter's wishes, and secondly, you will have a safe person to inherit the family business. After making plans, Mr. Mi proposed marriage to Wu Youliang.

Wu Youliang and Mr. Mi’s daughter had already been in love with each other for a long time, and they immediately agreed to the marriage. Because Wu Youliang had no father or mother, only uncles and aunts. So Mr. Mi notified Wu Youliang's uncle and aunt to come to discuss the wedding. Unexpectedly, Wu Youliang's uncle and aunt brought a red post to Boss Mi. When Mr. Mi opened it, he was dumbfounded. It was a marriage contract, and it was actually his own handwriting. Mr. Mi never expected that Wu Youliang was his son-in-law.

More than ten years ago, Wu Youliang’s father, Wu Bingcheng, and Mr. Mi worked together as officials and border guards, and the two families made an engagement for their infant child. Later, Wu Bingcheng died in a foreign country while serving in a different place, and his wife also went with him. The Wu family and the Li family lost contact from then on.

In order to revive his ancestral business, Wu Youliang studied hard for ten years and went to Beijing to take the exam to gain fame. However, he was robbed by bandits because of his financial difficulties. By chance, I met Mr. Mi at the city gate that day. By chance, the two families finally became in-laws.

From then on, Mr. Mi no longer interfered with the affairs of the store, and all business was handed over to Wu Youliang. One day, when he had nothing to do, he went to the rice store to wander around. Occasionally, he chatted with several rice buyers, and everyone praised the rice in his store. From their mouths, they learned that the rice in his shop was the cleanest in the city, with almost no grain of sand, weighing a pound or two.

It turns out that when Wu Youliang first took over the rice store, there was not much business in the store. When Wu Youliang had nothing to do, he looked for sand in the rice and checked the accuracy of each steelyard. Firstly, it kills time; secondly, he feels that if these small things are done well, others will have less trouble. Slowly, there were many repeat customers in the store, who all said that his scales were full and his rice was clean. As the business grew bigger and bigger, he sold more and more rice, so he had to go to the rice warehouse at night to pick sand.

Boss Mi became puzzled as he listened to Wu Youliang's narrative. Wu Youliang seemed to see what his father-in-law was thinking: If the rice was cleaned and the scale was full, wouldn't it mean less profit? So Wu Youliang told Mr. Mi a story.

A waiter was very envious of the shopkeeper’s achievements and asked the shopkeeper the secret to his success.

The shopkeeper said nothing, but brought a big watermelon. The waiter was puzzled, but saw that the shopkeeper cut the watermelon into three pieces of different sizes.

"If each piece of watermelon represents a certain degree of benefit, how would you choose?" the shopkeeper said while placing the watermelon in front of the waiter.

“Choose the biggest piece!” The guy replied without hesitation. The shopkeeper smiled and said, "Okay, please use it!" The shopkeeper handed the biggest piece of watermelon to the waiter, but he ate the smallest piece.

While the waiter was still enjoying the largest piece of watermelon, the shopkeeper had already finished the smallest piece. Then, the shopkeeper proudly picked up the remaining piece and ate it. In fact, the sum of the smallest and last pieces is much larger than the largest piece. The waiter immediately understood what the shopkeeper meant: Although the watermelon the shopkeeper ate was not as big as his own, he ate more than he did. If each piece of watermelon represents a certain degree of benefit, then the shopkeeper will naturally win more benefits than himself.

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After listening to the story, Mr. Mi was thoughtful, nodded happily, and kept praising: "I never imagined that after decades of business, my achievements are not as good as those of a small scholar!" A three-minute joke speech before class. Chapter 2

The thief Peter came to the villa again. After visiting places in the past few days, he found that this villa was his money chest, which was a great deal.

The master is not here today. Peter slipped over happily. The guardrail more than three meters high was not a problem for Peter. He quickly climbed into the courtyard, pried open the glass with trembling hands, jumped into the room.

A sudden "beep" sound frightened Peter half to death. He quickly lay down. After a while, he didn't see any movement. Peter bravely tiptoed towards the source of the sound. It turned out to be an alarm clock. Peter took a deep breath, made sure no one was in the house, and turned off all the alarms. Then he began to rummage through the boxes and cabinets, looking for valuable treasures.

Suddenly, Peter vaguely heard someone talking upstairs, and only heard a deep-throated voice: "Are all the goods here?" A rough voice replied: "They are all here." The man with the throat said again: "James, give him the money." Then there was a terrible silence, as if he was counting the money. Not long after, a rough voice sounded again: "The money has been counted, every penny is a penny!" The man lowered his voice and said: "James, let's go! We'll be here next time."

This Peter understood that they were conducting some kind of shady deal. Suddenly, the man who was holding his throat shouted: "What do you want to do? Take your hands back!" Peter was startled, and the foot he was about to stretch out retracted again. "You still don't understand? The black man eats the black man!" Then four crisp sounds of "papapapapa" were heard, followed by the sound of someone falling to the ground.

Peter was so frightened that he screamed, jumped out of the window and crawled towards the guardrail. To his surprise, the villa was surrounded by police officers: "Put your hands up!" Peter was handcuffed obediently. After taking off the handcuffs, he said to the police in horror: "There is a murderer inside!" The policeman laughed and patted a middle-aged man on the shoulder: "Good job, the fifth one!" The middle-aged man smiled: "I must have He also touched that alarm clock!"

It turned out that the alarm clock was an alarm. It used infrared rays to sense that Peter had broken into the villa with evil intentions, so it sent a signal to the middle-aged man's mobile phone and turned it on. In the recording device upstairs, the "beep" heard by Peter was the signal, and the recording device was also designed to delay time. The middle-aged man called the police after receiving the signal, and the police rushed to the scene. Peter, the thief, had no choice but to be arrested. Three minutes of short joke speeches before class three

Three friends, the fool, the normal man and the wise man, climbed up a high mountain through hardships and met the legendary god. God was moved by the three people and decided to help each of them realize a wish.

The fool couldn't believe it was true, so he tried to ask for a sheepskin coat. God waved his hand, and the fool had a sheepskin coat on his body.

A normal person thinks about it for a long time and asks God for 1 million US dollars. God waved his hand, and a normal person had a deposit receipt in his hand. He looked at the deposit certificate and was shocked to see that there was really 1 million US dollars on it.

When it was the smart man’s turn, he said that he should think more about it. He didn’t want to waste such a good opportunity. God told him to find him here a year later.

The wise man began to think long and hard. For a year, he did nothing but thought about his only wish. The deadline set by God was coming soon, and he had to rush back to the mountain to tell God his wish. The wise man hurried on the road and climbed up the mountain with difficulty. He had been thinking about what wish he should make to God. It was not until he saw God that he made a firm decision. He thought: I'll just say give me 10,000 more wishes. This is what he thinks is the best request he has come up with over the past year.

It was very cold on the mountain, but he was sweating profusely, and soon he caught a cold.

God patiently waited for him to express his desire. He sneezed and said, "My wish is, give me another ten thousand..." He couldn't help it and sneezed again. God smiled and said, "Your wish is very unique. I like people without greed.

”

So, the wise man stood on the top of the mountain and sneezed ten thousand loudly in succession. ;