Requesting a funny drama script

Da Cui: Male, 22 years old, policeman

Xiaofeng: Female, 20 years old, policeman

Lao Wang: Male, 40 years old, inspector

Contemporary

Nainai Temple Police Station

Current opening: Da Cui on the screen

Cui: People say that if you are lucky, you are not busy, but if you are not lucky, you will have your heart broken. This is absolutely true. Let’s not talk about anything else, but when it comes to military training, none of the policemen in the station are in a hurry. Some are busy practicing catching enemies, some write down their experiences day and night, and some turn over the leader’s speech and recite it on their backs. , even forgot to eat and sleep, look, just as he was talking, someone came over there.

{Xiao Feng on

Feng: Zhang Dachuan, male, Han nationality, born on May 16, 1968, 171 cm tall, high school education, died on March 29, 2001 due to The theft was sentenced to 4 years in prison. His wife Wang Guihua——

Cui: Xiaofeng, what are you carrying? You are mumbling, as if you are chanting sutras.

Feng: Brother Cui, the Municipal Bureau’s Supervisory Office inspected our military training this afternoon. Why do you act like everything is fine!

Cui: Why are you panicking? It’s not bragging. I have embarrassed the institute during every inspection.

Feng: In the past, you have never brought shame to our office——

Cui: I am not bragging, I, Cui, am not wrong.

Feng: Because I have never checked you. You are a loach, very slippery. When you come for inspection, you slap the soles of your shoes with watermelon peel——

Cui: What do you say?

Feng: Run away

Cui: I can't stand prying because the director has a special task for me.

Feng: However, this time you were a thief who got into a dead end—you didn’t run away.

Cui: How do you say this?

Feng: Because this inspection requires everyone to pass and no one will be missed.

Cui; I am not bragging. I, the great Cui, have always been able to bear the pressure of Mount Tai without being frightened, and have never been afraid of the flood before me. There are policies for this, and I have countermeasures for my subordinates.

Feng: Oh, what are your countermeasures?

Cui: Look what this is (takes out the tape recorder from his clothes).

Feng: Isn’t this a tape recorder? What are you doing with it?

Cui: What are you doing? Play the sound.

Feng: Whose voice is playing?

Cui: I’ll let you listen (turn on the switch)

Play Cui’s recording: Dear leaders, as a community policeman, I have been fighting on the front line of work all year round, working with the masses. Integrated with each other, the public awareness rate reaches 100%, and it is called the "living computer" in the jurisdiction. The following is the basic situation of a household in our jurisdiction. Zhang Dachuan, male, Han nationality, born on May 16, 1968, 171 centimeters tall, high school education...

Feng: Hey, Da Cui, why are you carrying the same thing as I just carried? Zhang Dachuan is a resident of my jurisdiction. When did he move to your place?

Cui: What's yours and mine, aren't they all from our Nainaimiao Police Station? Comrade Xiaofeng, your thoughts are very dangerous and extremely selfish.

Feng: But——

Cui: Don’t be but, you must pay attention next time. Look at Comrade Cui, how well he has learned.

Feng: Bah, I carried all the household registration in my film. It’s okay. No matter how much I boast, I still haven’t picked out the refugees who died in Iraq.

Cui: What are you talking about?

Feng: I didn’t say anything.

Lao Wang pretends to be a farmer.

Wang: Comrade, is this the police station?

Feng: Sir, what do you want to see us for?

Wang: I am from Beizhai. I am looking for Comrade Cui, the police chief there.

Feng: Brother Cui, this uncle is looking for you. Let me play with your radio for a while.

Cui: The inspection will come later, so don’t miss me.

Xiao Feng: Absolutely not (pick up the radio).

Cui: (displeased with Wang) Why are you looking for me?

Wang: That’s it (takes out a crumpled cigarette from his arms) Comrade Cui, smoke a cigarette first.

Cui, what kind of cigarette is this? If you don’t smoke, tell me what’s going on.

Wang, it’s like this. My old sow gave birth to a litter of piglets. One day, the old pig ran into my neighbor Lao Zhu’s vegetable field and ate his vegetables. Lao Zhu was not happy. Just hit my old pig, old pig will run, old Zhu will chase me, old pig will run faster and faster, old Zhu will chase me faster, old pig will run, old Zhu will chase me,——

Cui: Hey, hey, are you still finished?

Wang: Come on, old pig runs, old Zhu chases out, old pig runs, old Zhu chases out. Finally——

Cui: What?

Wang: Finally, we finally arrived at my home.

Cui: Then it’s over, why are you suing?

Wang: I’m not here to complain, I’m here to ask questions.

Cui: What are you asking?

Wang: What kind of law did that pig of mine break? His surname is Zhu, and he insists that I cover his losses.

Cui: How do I know this?

Wang: You are a policeman. If you don’t know, how did you become a policeman?

Cui: As a police officer, I care about people, how can I care about animals?

Wang: Who do you care about?

Cui: Slaughterhouse manager.

Wang (didn’t understand for a moment): Slaughterhouse?

Cui: If you kill it, it will be over.

Wang (angrily): You, what do you say? I’ll go find your director. (Part 2)

Cui: (Looking at Wang’s back) Find the director, okay, I’ll show you the way. See, that’s the door, but it’s a pity that the director is not at home.

{Telephone ringing

(Cui answers the phone

Cui: Where! Oh, 110, what, the Municipal Bureau Inspectorate will be here soon, okay, We've already prepared it, don't worry, it's absolutely fine.

[Cui Gang put down the phone

Feng (hurriedly): It's coming, it's coming.

Cui: Why are you panicking? Where is my baby?

Feng: It’s over here

[Xiaofeng gives Cui the cassette player. Cui put it in his pocket and put on the earphones

[Enter Lao Wang in police uniform

Xiao Feng

(Same voice) Hello, Chief

Da Cui

Wang: Thank you for your hard work. We are here just for a casual look, so don’t be restrained.

Cui: Don’t be restrained.

Wang: Just be free. Recently, the provincial government has issued several regulations. Have you learned them?

Cui: No, we have learned them a long time ago.

Wang : Can you memorize it?

Cui: No, I have already memorized it very well.

Wang: Who do you want to ask first?

Feng: Ask me,

Cui: Ask me first, I am better prepared than her.

Wang: Then ask you.

Cui (back) me. Damn me.

Wang: What's your name?

Feng: Da Cui!

Wang: Da Chui?

Cui? : The surname is Cui, not bragging.

Wang: OK, Comrade Cui, let’s get started

[Cui quietly turned on the cassette player

Cui: Chief, please listen carefully, "Dear leaders, as a community policeman, I have been working on the front line all year round, and I have become one with the masses. The familiarity rate of the masses has reached 100%, and I am known as the "living computer" in the jurisdiction.

Wang (applause): I can’t tell, you’re really good at it.

Cui (satisfied) It’s not a piece of cake for me.

Wang: Since you are called a "living computer", you must have something special. Please tell us about Zhang Dachuan, a laborer.

Cui: Zhang Dachuan, male, Han nationality, born in 1968. May 16, 2017, height 171 cm, high school education, (suddenly singing)

Cui (singing): The spring water on the border is clear and pure, and the songs on the border are heart-warming and heart-warming

Wang: Stop, what are you singing?

Cui: I don’t know either.

[Tao takes out the record player from his clothes and presses the record button.

[Xiao Feng’s singing voice suddenly came out from the radio

Xiao Feng’s singing voice: The spring water in the frontier is clear and pure, and the songs in the frontier are heart-warming and heart-warming

Cui : Xiaofeng, who asked you to record it?

Xiaofeng: Sorry, Brother Cui, I just tried your recording effect.

Cui: You killed me.

Wang: Well, you are a person with quite a lot of ideas, and you actually came up with such an idea.

Cui: No, chief, no—

Wang: It’s not a blow, right, it’s a lie. Even you who were inspected were fooled. Do you still have a clue?

Cui: I will change it, I will change it immediately.

Xiao Feng: Chief, just give Brother Cui a chance. Although he likes to be a little clever, he is still very good at his job.

Wang: Really?

Cui: It’s not bragging, chief. I have arrested three criminals by myself. Besides, besides being fond of bragging, I have a good foundation in the masses. Last year, I even got a police officer who was satisfied with the people.

Wang: Can you still satisfy the people?

Cui: Why not?

Wang: Let me ask you something, did the old man who reported the crime come just now?

Cui: Old man, no

Feng: Brother Cui, you forgot just now——

Cui: If you don’t say anything, no one will treat you like a mute.

Wang: Is there any?

Cui: Yes, it seems.

Wang: It seems that there is one. Have you filed a case for them?

Cui: Yes, why not?

Wang: How did you deal with it?

Cui: After mediation, the old man was satisfied and said he would give me a plaque.

Wang: No, why do I remember that you seemed to want someone to go to the slaughterhouse?

Cui: Chief, you are wronging me. Why did I let him go there? !

Wang: And they even drove them to the director.

Cui: Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Wang: You still have to give people directions.

Cui: Chief, don’t listen to that old man’s nonsense.

Wang: Is he talking nonsense or are you talking nonsense?

Cui: He’s talking nonsense.

Wang: You mean I’m talking nonsense too

Cui: How can you talk nonsense

Wang: Look who I am?

Cui: Aren’t you,...ah, are you that old man? !

Feng: Brother Cui, I think you make dumplings in yellow paper——

Cui: What?

Feng: All the secrets are revealed.

[End of the play