What is the importance of expressing yourself?

"All people have ingratitude, hypocritical posturing, picky, cowardice and jealousy. They like to climb dragons and attach phoenix. Once they climb it, they will unconditionally give themselves, their lives, their blood and their property, because they know that at this time, the other party needs nothing and will not want it, so they should be generous. In case one day, people fall down and need funding, but it is far away. "

This is the famous saying of Machiavelli, the originator of Machiavelli. Do you think it is too sharp? Then let me ask you, what kind of people do you like to associate with best? If you answer this question honestly, I believe the answer must be: successful people, rich people. Everyone in this world is willing to associate with successful people and rich people. It is not only of great use value to associate with them, but also you will feel proud, as if your status has been improved. Everyone says that the first step to success is the hardest, because you are not successful and have no use value in others' eyes, so you don't want to talk to you. Once you take the first step of success, people will be willing to associate with you, so you will have the value of being used by you.

It is an unavoidable reality that human nature succumbs to the trend. In that case, if you want to succeed, why don't you show that you have succeeded? In this way, people will come to curry favor with you and associate with you, and you will be more likely to succeed.

When I began to understand this truth, I was discussing cooperation with a university alumni association. This is the first time I have stepped into the society to deal with people.

My parents have instilled an idea in me since I was a child: be modest. The teacher also repeatedly taught me that modesty is a virtue. Therefore, I regard modesty as the standard to measure excellent moral character. So at the beginning, I insisted on my life goals and humbly asked them for help and support. But I said all the good things, and finally their chairman didn't even want to see me.

Why can't modesty be achieved? At this time, I began to think about the role of showing importance. I decided to change my strategy.

So I called their salesman and told him bluntly how much money this cooperation could earn for them, and I would bear all the difficulties and risks. All they do is borrow a name to make money. We are fellow villagers and hope to cooperate. If you really don't want to, forget it. Then I pretended to hang up. Hearing this, the other party said, "Wait, I'll tell the chairman again."

As a result, their chairman asked me to meet the next day.

The next day, I hate carrying purses at ordinary times, and I went to see their chairman with my briefcase. The chairman is an old man. He's talking to someone. Let me wait. I just sat on the sofa and pretended to look at my watch all the time, as if I still had a lot to do. Seeing that I was in such a hurry, the chairman immediately sent the man away and began to talk to me. I just repeated what I said to the staff. After listening to this, the chairman asked me to study. I immediately stepped forward and said, "I'm used to dealing with many bureaucracies (in fact, I didn't really deal with any organizations at that time). They all say' research, research', but they don't say' yes' or' no'. I like to be frank and just say "yes" and "no". I hope you can reply as soon as possible and don't delay my time. " It seems that there are still many units waiting for cooperation behind me. I'll leave immediately after that.

As a result, their chairman called me directly the next morning and said that all their directors had a meeting overnight to study and agreed to my cooperation requirements.

Modesty makes you hit a wall, but showing importance makes you succeed.

Some people may ask, "You used to talk about modesty, but now you talk about showing importance. Isn't this contradictory? " Indeed, the importance of grades is somewhat contrary to our traditional education, but it is not absolutely opposite. What is modesty? Modesty means being capable and not conceited. The definition of modesty itself is dialectical unity. If you are talented and others already know your talent well, then modesty will make you look approachable, which is an admirable virtue. However, if your skills are not displayed and others don't understand you, then modesty will not only be regarded as a virtue by others, but also make people feel that you are really incompetent and can't stimulate others' desires.

Oriental traditional thought: modesty is a beautiful virtue. Indeed, in learning and interacting with people, modesty will make you progress and make you popular. But if you want to influence others and make them pay attention to you, then modesty can't be true modesty. You just show your importance in a modest way and make people pay attention to you. Modesty at this time is just a skill.

It's like bragging Some people dance and talk constantly, while others exaggerate the facts with a modest attitude and a casual and natural tone, making people feel that everything is taken for granted. The latter talents are brilliant, and their boasting is effective. This is the feeling of showing importance. It is the highest to show your importance and make people feel humble. So many leaders always like to bring a subordinate when they go out to work. Because he is not good at boasting about himself, he has to let his subordinates brag about themselves in appropriate occasions and raise their status, so as to make his speech more weighty and his work more effective (it is the practice of subordinates to blow sticks to lead in appropriate occasions).

The importance of performance is so important to life. In my words, it is "jumping up, slapping people and fooling people." The following examples may give you useful enlightenment.

Example 1: Let people provide quality services.

Once during the Spring Festival, my friends and I went to a Japanese restaurant called "Waterwheel House" to eat Japanese food. We can sing karaoke while eating, but because there are too many people eating, it is difficult for the young lady to take care of us. My friend said to me, "With a little skill, I will make this lady attentive to us."

So my friend glanced at her sideways, presumably hearing her voice, and then casually said, "During the Spring Festival, most restaurants are closed. I drove by here today and found the door open, so I called you on my mobile phone. You are from Shenzhen, and we have done so much business together that we should invite you. " A few simple sentences show that he has both a mobile phone and a private car (in fact, he doesn't). Sure enough, the lady immediately thought that we were "rich" and immediately became very polite to us. As soon as she waved her hand, she came to order some songs for us.

Example 2: Method of Manipulating People

That was when we hosted the 1990 PR grand prix. At that time, the judges included the deputy director of TV station, the editor-in-chief of newspaper and famous professors. In order not to let them think that the Grand Prix is just a whim of a few wet behind the ears, when we invited them, we took great pains to invite others to impress and convince them by beating around the bush. In order to keep the mystery, several of our organizers have never appeared. But the ugly daughter-in-law always wants to see her in-laws. As a new science, there is no uniform grading standard for special public relations. If Judge A appreciates a lady, she will get 9.9 points, while Judge B does not appreciate the lady, she will get 5 points. It's funny when it's on TV. How can we make these old men listen to us and act according to our grading standards? We designed it carefully for this purpose.

On the day of the judges' meeting, we specially rented a conference room in a hotel and hired a taxi. When the judges arrived one after another, we took a taxi to the hotel.

As soon as the car stopped, someone respectfully opened the door for us and we came out proudly.

Then the secretary came forward and reported, "Our manager is here."

Walking to the door, the training minister rushed to report: "Our manager has arrived!" "

Then we crowded into the extraordinary conference room. At this time, I saw all the subordinates, moving stools, taking cups and pouring tea, very busy. Don't look at those celebrities, I've never seen such a battle. Listening to Mandarin with our Cantonese accent, I thought the son of a big boss in Hong Kong had come. The atmosphere at the venue was particularly serious and quiet. Everything is ready. We briefly talked about the importance of this grand prix, and there should be a unified standard for scoring. Then please discuss the specific matters with the training minister, and then run away quickly (talking too much will expose you).

As soon as we got back to the company, everyone laughed straight. It turns out that those who open the door and serve tea and water are all our friends, just on the spur of the moment to raise our status. However, the play has achieved remarkable results. Finally, the judges acted seriously according to our requirements.

Example 3: Borrow chickens to lay eggs.

Have you ever been short of money in business? Last year, I witnessed with my own eyes how a friend of mine solved this problem.

At that time, their company wanted to organize the production of a tonic, but after various investments, he still needed more than 70 thousand yuan to buy medicine bottles. According to the contract with the bottle factory, he paid a deposit of 10% first, and the bottle factory produced bottles, sent them to his designated place, and then delivered them on the first hand. But he can't get the money at the moment, what should I do? If the payment cannot be made on time, the bottle factory will pull the bottle back and his deposit will be thrown into the water. In the face of this crisis, the best way is naturally to ask the bottle factory for more time, but begging is by no means the way, and they will doubt your ability to pay. Only find ways to show importance and deter each other.

On the day when the supply and marketing section chief of the bottle factory came, he rented an office in a luxury hotel and temporarily hung up the company's signboard. Then arrange who calls Guangzhou long distance and who calls Hong Kong long distance; When to come in, when to do business, and when to come in, discuss cooperation in Cantonese and Mandarin. Everything is arranged properly, and when another section chief of supply and marketing arrives, everyone will take their positions immediately and begin to enter the role.

When the chief of supply and marketing came in, he said he was busy now. Please sit down and wait for a while, and then we will continue to talk about business. The supply and marketing section chief sat quietly listening to them talk about millions of dollars' business. At this moment, the phone rang, and my friend answered the phone: "Hello, ... Guangzhou is a long distance call. ..... How about our last shipment? ..... very good? When will your money be remitted? ..... need a month? Better hurry! We urgently need capital turnover. " There will be another call later. It's naturally a long-distance call from Hong Kong, and the cooperation is very pleasant, but the money will be remitted later. After that, people came to the company to talk about business. In all dialects, the company seems to be a big rich and powerful company.

Has the chief of supply and marketing ever seen such a scene and secretly asked the staff on the side: "How much money does your company have?" "Externally, just say millions!" Employees sound like the company has tens of millions of dollars.

At this time, everything was finally finished, and my friend repeatedly apologized to the supply and marketing section chief for keeping him waiting. Then it shows that they are very satisfied with their products, and they are going to order tens of millions more in the future, but they don't know if they can produce them as scheduled. When the chief of supply and marketing heard this, he quickly patted his chest to ensure that there was no problem. My friend said that he had just heard that the company had a lot of money to recover. Can you postpone the payment for this batch of bottles for half a month … next month? The section chief of supply and marketing has just heard that his company can easily do millions of big businesses, and naturally he won't care about cheating him for tens of thousands of dollars, not to mention a lot of business behind him! So I readily agreed.

Some people may say that what I introduced is a deceptive trick. I don't deny it, but I think these skills can also be called an art in communication as long as they don't harm people. People sometimes need this kind of art. You have great skills, but you can't find a place to use them, so it's useless. Showing your importance will help you find a place to display your talents.

A famous writer applied for a job in a magazine in Hainan. The editor-in-chief asked him, "What are your advantages and what are you good at?" "Nothing, nothing, I just want to learn something here." He answered cautiously. "Since you don't have any expertise and advantages, why did you come to me?" The ending is natural.

After hitting the wall, his friends made fun of him and pointed him out in this way. Unable to stand the encouragement of his friends, he decided to try again. This time, he printed dozens of published articles, large and small, and attached a catalogue, which was spread out smartly in front of the editor-in-chief. After reading the catalogue, the editor-in-chief stared at the once trembling job seeker in front of him in surprise and nodded with a smile.

Expressing importance is also an important skill of "love".

A friend once asked me a strange question: "You like a lady, but she doesn't like you. A lady likes you, but you don't like her. Who do you choose? " Of course I answered, choose what I like. He then asked, "Even if you catch her, she doesn't love you and can't generate passion. Are you happy? " Besides, after you chase her, you must accommodate her everywhere and cater to her. Isn't life very tiring? "Maybe what he said makes sense, but if I choose what I don't love, can I have passion? Can you be happy again?

Forcing a person is not only to get, but more importantly to conquer. Without "conquering", "getting" will not be happy.

There is no denying that there is a "Plato" relationship between men and women, but in the real world, most men and women's love is influenced by conditions (not all marriage advertisements indicate how tall they are and have Shenzhen hukou, just like selling meat and saying: I should pay a high price for this meat). When men and women measure each other, they often think too much about whether the other party can bring them pride. Men ask a young lady to be elegant and beautiful, often not for themselves, but for others to appreciate: "Your waitress is really good." In the same way, women choose their husbands to make their peers envy: "Your husband is a capable person". The manager of our company once said to me, "Whenever I sit on the podium to discuss business or organize large-scale activities, my relationship with my girlfriend is particularly harmonious because I make her proud." Whenever we go to the streets alone, her graceful figure contrasts with my' third-class disabled' figure, and she always has an invisible escape idea in her heart. "

Women fall in love because of admiration, but also because of your position in front of everyone. "Chasing" a person is not to be her slave, but to touch her with warmth and hospitality. More importantly, show your importance, show your charm, show your strengths to impress her and break her heart.

For gentlemen and ladies, the importance of performance should be the same. There is a young lady in America. Because few men date her, she is very upset to consult a psychologist. Unexpectedly, the expert's prescription is: refuse her husband. When the young lady did this in fear, not surprisingly, more husbands asked her out. All men have the desire to conquer. The harder it is to get something, the more you want it, and the stronger the taste. Therefore, Miss's reserve and Leng Yan are the best ways to conquer her husband ... Although my husband likes his girlfriend's infatuation with him, he also likes to show off to others: she is chased by many people. If a young lady is chased by many people, but she is not easy virtue, then this is the capital to conquer her husband.

The importance of expression can be said to involve all aspects of life and is a philosophy of life. "The richer you are, the richer you are." The movie "Million Pounds" illustrates this truth. Actually, everything is the same.

The true story of an American doctor can illustrate the problem.

One day, the doctor's friend was in a hurry to find a doctor. Just as the doctor was watching an important football match, the doctor's friend rushed to the stadium to broadcast someone. "Doctor, someone is looking for it!" It was played three times in a row.

A week later, the doctor suddenly found that the number of patients in his clinic had greatly increased. He asked strangely, "You didn't come to see me before, so why are you here now?" The patient's answer surprised the doctor. They said, "You are so busy that people ask you to watch the ball, which shows that your medical skills are very good."

People are like this, and they like to deal with people whose careers are booming. Willing to buy things in busy shops: Waiting in line in busy hospitals, people will go to places with frequent activities and share what others are already enjoying.

So those busy and prosperous enterprises are what people seem to need most urgently. Those who are successful are all people who show their importance. This is not a cunning statement, it is an advanced truth. As long as you can create a prosperous and much-needed atmosphere, your popularity will rise rapidly. As long as we maintain an atmosphere of "lack of money, embarrassment" and "I'm not doing very well", things will get worse and worse. The most powerless way to sell is to make people feel that things can't be sold and they are selling themselves. "Please give me some business!" This kind of begging for pity will never bring business, but will only drive away the business you have already got.

In this case, you should improve your popularity and increase your influence on others. It is necessary to create a prosperous scene and let others know that "I have many customers" and "I have many admirers". Everything you can think of gives people the impression that you already have a lot, so you will rise with it: if you keep an atmosphere of "I'm not doing very well", then you are bound to become a mess.

Wealth leads to wealth: poverty will make you poorer and poorer.

(A) establish their own image of deterrence

An American boss went to a fancy restaurant in France for dinner. I seldom come to this place because I am devoted to my career at ordinary times. When the waiter asked him what kind of wine he drank, he casually ordered an ordinary wine. As a result, the waiter immediately put on airs and jokingly told him to go to the inferior bar opposite, which is not for sale here. Hearing this, the big boss was shocked and asked his master to get a bottle of wine. As a result, the waiter ordered him the most expensive wine in the restaurant, which cost him more than 10 thousand yuan, showing his disdain. After coming out, the boss became more and more angry: how much does the waiter earn a year? How much do I earn a day? I earned more money in a day than he did in a year, and I was yelled at by him, spent money and was angry.

The reason why this big boss is such a result is that it is stunned by the deterrent image of the host.

Once I went to the mainland, my friend jokingly pointed at me and said to a helper, "This is the youngest general manager of Shenzhen Group Company." The helper looked at me and said without hesitation, "Of course not!" " After the helper left, my friend smiled and said to me, "I am just the manager of a small company, and I am very domineering in front of him." You are so soft, naturally not like the general manager of the group company. "

This is true of people with low cultural literacy. If you respect him and treat him equally, he will think you are incompetent, cowardly and deceitful. You don't care about him. It's fierce. On the contrary, he thinks you are well-connected, capable and respected. People who don't know how to respect themselves can't understand the value of others' respect for themselves: people who know how to respect themselves can thank others for their respect. Some people are born slaves, others are born masters, which is caused by respecting their rights as human beings. For a slave born with cheap bones, you must whip him so that he will be afraid of you. Just for a master, you should respect him. In fact, everyone has more or less the duality of master and slave, which requires you to respect him and always remember to wave the whip. This whip is your deterrent image. When eating in a restaurant, the deterrent image plays the most obvious role.

Some people go to high-end restaurants and order a lot of dishes, but because of their poor manners, the waiter thinks you are dizzy and disrespectful. Some people swagger to the restaurant, yell at the waiter and then order a bowl of porridge. Those waiters thought you were a frequent visitor to the hotel, but today they just wanted porridge, but they were polite to you.

Sometimes, a kind appearance will make you look weak and hypocritical. Only by establishing a deterrent image can we show our importance.

(B) to gain a psychological advantage

Communication between people is a very strange thing. Although everyone is striving for harmony, sometimes this harmony can only be achieved through struggle, which is for psychological advantage. For example, to associate with girlfriends, even lovers, all need to strive for psychological advantages. Everyone has such a weakness: once they feel great, they will despise each other inexplicably. Many people like the new and hate the old because of the change of status and environment, which proves this.

I remember when we held the public relations grand prix, the manager's girlfriend also secretly signed up. As soon as the manager saw it, he said, "She was eliminated when she entered the semi-finals."

I asked inexplicably, "Why?"

"She's so proud now. If she makes it to the final, her tail will be stuck in the sky!"

Therefore, to be a man, we should establish our own self-confidence and superiority, and sometimes we should be good at hitting each other's self-confidence moderately to prevent him from being cocky. Otherwise, he will look down on you. This philosophy of life can be applied to a wide range of fields.

Here are two suggestions to discourage others.

Take the initiative to attack with your eyes

Human language can be divided into oral language and body language. For example, if you are hungry, pat your stomach. This is body language. Many meanings that cannot be expressed by oral language are often expressed more effectively by body language. The affectionate glance between lovers expresses infinite affection, which cannot be expressed by oral language. Several teachers stared at the student when he was speaking in class. This kind of criticism is effective and can save students' face in public.

As the saying goes, "the eyes are more vivid than the mouth." Eyes are an important part of body language. If used properly, it can bring a lot of convenience to your life. I remember a true story about using eyes.

Yes 1989, the culture, education and health system held a group dance grand prix. There are a group of young people in our unit who are particularly motivated. Everyone has worked hard and vowed to win the first place. On the day of the game, we also played well. Looking at all the participating teams, we see that we are in sight of winning the championship. ...

At this time, the government kindergarten team appeared. We felt the crisis as soon as they appeared. All female soldiers: a tall man in a black suit is the male companion, and the female companion team is dressed in a long white tulle dress, white silk gloves, rouge lipstick and beaded necklace. Everything is like a fairy descending from the world. Look at our female companion, and at most we can only dress neatly, let alone dress up. What's more, they are engaged in preschool education, and naturally they can sing and dance. Seeing that the gold medal in your hand is about to slip away, how can you be content? So we agreed that all ten boys should sit in the front row, and all of them should concentrate on their first appearance without blinking.

The dance music started and the ladies came out. With the melodious music rhythm, their heads sway gracefully from side to side. At this time, the first lady suddenly found that so many people stared at themselves without blinking, as if they were attracted by something and leaned toward themselves. At first she thought there was something wrong with the clothes, but there was nothing to see. Then she looked at us and stared at her, suddenly nervous, so that the dance steps were wrong. As soon as we saw it, we all clapped, which made her even more panicked. ...

If one person makes a mistake in group dancing, the whole thing will naturally go wrong. Finally, with the help of body language, we finally got our wish and won the championship. Afterwards, some colleagues sent their children to their kindergarten, and they also said angrily, "Those young people in your school are either teachers or hooligans."

Some people may say that this is a despicable means, but I want to explain the role of the eyes. Proper use of eyes can often make you take the initiative in communication.

When negotiating business or seeking cooperation, sometimes you not only have to stand the test of the other person's language, but also be able to resist his eyes. The other person often stares at you critically, in order to test your authenticity and undermine your confidence. At this time, your nerves must be exceptionally strong.

But this method of staring at others' tests is often counterproductive. Those experienced swindlers are often calm as usual because they have been tried and tested: only those honest people who have just entered the society can lose their heads under your sharp eyes. So, when talking with people, how can we achieve the ideal effect with our eyes?

Psychologists tell us that people are often the more active they are, the more they can take their eyes off each other first.

When talking to a stranger, you can decide whether you can effectively dampen his confidence in the first 30 seconds and guide him into your own track. When sitting opposite each other and looking at each other, whoever looks away first has the initiative.

In other words, when they look at each other, they are in the same position, but as long as one of them looks away first, the other will immediately guess your mood and observe your every move. "Do you look down on me?" "Do you already know my background?" Confidence is beginning to waver, so everything you say and do will affect his sight in the future.

Someone once asked me this question: "acquaintances keep bragging in front of me, which seems great." What a nuisance! " But I don't want to hurt him too much. What should I do? "

I think a better way to solve this problem is to start staring at him with your eyes, and then suddenly pretend to be indifferent and look away. At this time, his confidence will begin to shake. "Did I blow too much?"

This method can be used to weaken the confidence of others in negotiations, business and other dialogues.

A way to lose confidence.

A Japanese psychologist, Mr. Toohui, said such a thing:

Once, I came back from a mountain village and waited for the bus. At that time, except me, only one person who looked like a construction worker was waiting at the bus stop. We sat at both ends of the station bench. After waiting for a while, I saw the man coming towards me bit by bit. There is no one around. Very quiet. I was a little scared and finally stood up. So the man said shyly, "I ... I want to borrow a lamp from you." I sat in the chair again with a sigh of relief.

Psychologically speaking, there is an area around everyone that is not allowed to be invaded by others. If he is suddenly violated, he will feel unhappy, and at the same time this feeling will turn into fear and anxiety, which will make people lose confidence.

The textbook of Interpol in the United States wrote: "The police officer put the chair about one meter away from the criminal to start the interrogation, and then tilted towards the criminal bit by bit as the interrogation progressed until the criminal's leg was sandwiched between the police officer's legs and completely close to him."

The reason for this method is to invade the other side's "defense zone" by force, so that the other side will lose confidence and submit honestly.

Many people have the experience described by Mr. Hu Hui earlier. When criminals commit robbery, they often approach each other first and then suddenly attack. When you encounter such a thing, don't shrink back step by step in fear, because it is equivalent to telling the prisoner that you have lost your courage and confidence and show your psychological vacillation. At this time, there are two ways. One is to run away quickly and throw the prisoner out of his "defense zone" If he can't do this, he will face each other directly. Doing so will also make the prisoner afraid and break his psychological "defense zone".

In communication, sometimes you should be good at breaking the other person's body "defense zone" and hitting his confidence. For example, in the company, we often meet people in suits and briefcases. They act like great people and tell you what to do with Kan Kan as if they were great. In order to undermine his confidence and facilitate bargaining, we often pat him on the shoulder when he is complacent: "Speak slowly, speak slowly, don't worry."

People with high psychological status are generally afraid to pat him on the shoulder. Pat on the shoulder, which invades the physical and mental category of others, can immediately increase their psychological advantage and dampen the confidence of others.

To break the psychological "defensive zone" of the other party, we can not only use the method of violating the physical category, but also find ways to violate the psychological dignity of the other party.

Jin Yang, the general manager of Huanya Culture Company, is in his forties this year. He is from the countryside and has a strong local accent. Their company is not big, but when he and our company jointly carried out the Asian Games bunting sales activities, they were full of shelves and their tone was extremely loud. He just met with the provincial party Committee leader and brought instructions from XXX. Although we are young, we don't buy it. In order to combat his arrogance and prevent him from dismissing us, we often learn his dialect in a funny way when he seriously gives the so-called leadership instructions. As a result, everyone laughed, and in this kind of laughter, his psychological advantage built up by mystery vanished in an instant.

Learning dialects and joking, such as "this guy is afraid of his wife", are all helpful to infringe on the psychological dignity of the other person, thus peeling off his pretentious veil and undermining his self-confidence.