Which joke in life do you mean?

1. The wife is doing housework, and the husband is lying on the sofa with his legs crossed and playing with his mobile phone.

Suddenly, the cub said, Dad, you are great. I really admire you.

Dad asked: Why?

The cub said: You really have the ability to marry such a good wife. I can cook, do housework, work, earn money, and I am beautiful.

Dad was proud, and the baby looked up and said to his mother, Mom, you can't. Look what you married. ......

2. "Honey, I left my mobile phone in the toilet. Apple 7 is coming out. Please buy me a new one quickly. "

"... so now shit is texting me? "

3. When I was in high school, once the class teacher was absent from the evening self-study, the class burst. Suddenly, the headmaster came in through the back door. When we were reprimanded, the whole class suddenly fell silent. Then ... he came in through the front door, nodded and said:

"Well, this class is really good and disciplined, unlike the class next door! ! ! "

There is a person who likes smoking very much. His friend asked him:

Why do you laugh when you smoke? Does this smoke smell good?

He spit out a smoke turn and replied with a smile:

I have read that smoking a cigarette will shorten life span by 5 seconds, while smiling can prolong life span by 10 second. So every time I smoke, I have to smile and earn back five seconds for my life.

I am playing checkers with my 5-year-old daughter. My cell phone rang. When I saw the number, it was my friend Lao Hou, so I said hello: "Hou!

Hello, brother! "Just chatted with him enthusiastically. At this moment, my daughter came running and stared at me reverently without saying a word.

Send. After chatting with Lao Hou, I put down the phone and asked my daughter, "What's the matter with you? Why are you looking at me like that? " The daughter whispered, "Dad.

How did you and the Monkey King meet? "

rich joke

1: I watched her in the park for a long time. She sat there quietly drinking beer, her eyes red, as if she had something on her mind. In an instant, all kinds of questions about this mysterious beauty flashed in my mind. Seeing that she drank up the third can of beer on the bench, looking around, there are still many accosts waiting for an opportunity, so we can't hesitate any longer. I got up the courage to stand up first and asked with concern, "Girl, do you still want this jar?"

I asked my boyfriend, "Do you mind if a boy who chased me before is also in Beijing and wants to have dinner with me?"

Boyfriend: "When have you ever chased you?"

Me: "Sophomore."

Boyfriend: "How much did you weigh?"

Me: "45 kilograms ..."

Boyfriend: "then you should go quickly, let people forget it quickly and live a good life in the future."

3: Four rich people get together to gamble. Before gambling, one of them said to his assistant, "Go and see if there are any policemen outside the door." The assistant walked for half a minute and came in panting and said, "There is no police outside the door. I just went to the station and called one! " "

4:.？ Colleagues in the unit smoke at the gate of the unit after lunch. Just lit a cigarette, my colleague came over and said, "Brother, give me a light." I handed the lighter to my colleague: "Brother, lend me another cigarette!" " "Just take people out for a cigarette? ? Well, by the way, one more thing, have you finished eating with your girlfriend? My girlfriend will lend it to me later, and my ex-girlfriend will come to work in the company later. .

What? Go away. .

1. It is the most beautiful to listen to the radio and grin in high school, so I practice in front of the mirror at home every day. Finally, I practice it.

Since then, I love to laugh more. I laugh at everyone. Everyone was shocked and asked me how I could laugh so round. I said, because many things happen.

It was not until I went to college that I realized that all my teeth were exposed from the top row.

2.

There is an Englishman, a Frenchman, a black man and an American on the plane. At this time, the plane broke down, and the pilot said helplessly that they were going to jump off the next person.

The French and Americans pointed to the black man and said, "Let him jump, let him jump."

The British can't stand it any longer, and stand up to organize the French and Americans. "Swear in the name of God's glory and nobility that I will never allow such racial discrimination to appear in front of me. We should solve it in a fair way. Tell you the truth, everyone takes turns asking the next person questions, and those who can't get up jump. Americans, start with you. " The others agreed.

"When did the Second World War break out?" The American asked the French.

" 1939"

"How many people were involved in this war?" The Frenchman asked the English servant.

"2 billion"

The British face the blacks.

"Now, black man, listen to your question. What are the names of these 2 billion people? "

………………………………………………………………………………………

Send three funny jokes to let everyone have fun first.

1. There is an orange vendor shouting "Fresh oranges, not sweet, no charge."

Not convinced, Guapi leaned down, picked up a peeled one, took off a petal and threw it into his mouth. The orange buyer asked if the orange was sweet.

Guapi shook his head. "Not sweet." The orange buyer left.

Guapi picked up another orange. At this time, someone came to buy oranges.

Before the melon peel could talk to the person who bought the orange, the stall owner immediately wrapped me a bag of oranges and handed it to me. Whispered: "Take it, brother, no charge."

A sinister smile took the melon skin and said, "Don't exaggerate the advertising words in the future." Then he gave money to 5 yuan, the vendor.

Just as I turned to leave, the vendor grabbed me again and stuffed some oranges into my pocket.

"Just three pounds, and you still owe me two dollars."

2. Guapi envies everyone to have a good wife, but Guapi's wife is lazy.

As soon as someone else's husband enters his own house, everything is well behaved. As soon as Guapi entered the house, everything was a mess except his wife lying on the sofa. It couldn't be more messy.

But this is good, suitable for hiding private money. Unlike some friends, hiding private money will be easily discovered by their wives. I sighed in my heart, "Oh, my private money!"

Guapi will only say, "Where is my private money? Where are you hiding? I am dizzy, too messy, I can't find it! "

As a result, the melon skin turned the messy home upside down. Lily Soso, he picked it up. The private money was immediately confiscated by his wife.

Funny joke: The uncle in the next hospital bed sneaked out to drink after dinner. When I came back, I climbed over the wall after the door was closed, and my leg was broken … I should have been discharged from the hospital tomorrow …

Funny joke: When I was in high school, a buddy smoked on the playground. When the dean saw him, he rushed over and said what's your name and which class you are in. I saw that buddy calmly smoked two cigarettes and stepped on the ground and said that I ran fast. And then he ran away. Stay with the dean and stand in the wind. Then the teaching director checked the monitoring, found the man, called him out and said, do you know my name? I told you to hit hard!

Funny joke: Wife: Husband, it is said that men can catch up with women because they have caught their weaknesses. Then let me ask you, what weakness did you seize me at the beginning? Husband: Wife, when I chased you, where did I catch your weakness? Wife: What did you catch? Husband: Be realistic, I have all your advantages. Wife: What are my advantages? Husband: You are the fattest and heaviest in our class. No one in the class can move you by bike. Wife: Nima, where is this advantage? Husband: Why is it not an advantage? No one can touch you, so no one dares to pursue you. Isn't this an advantage? Wife: ......

Funny joke: Little dung beetles pushes the dung ball to the door of little fly's house and knocks. The little fly asked, "Who?" Little dung beetles wiped his sweaty head and replied, "Takeaway!"

Funny joke: If someone tells me "try this", you will think it should be delicious. If he says to you, "smell this," you will feel stinky.

Have I had more in my life? There is only one joke that can make me laugh all my life. When you are sad, just think about it and you will become happy. This is the so-called joke [covering your face].

I remember coming home from school one day when I was a child. When I was walking on the road, I remembered that my mother said that I had a cold recently and my mouth was particularly uncomfortable! I thought to myself, mom works so hard every day, I should do something for her. I looked at the 10 yuan in my pocket, which was not enough to buy medicine! I just want to buy a box of gum for my mother! So I went into the supermarket, picked up a box of chewing gum and settled the bill and went home! When I got home, I went to my mother, and my mother said, "What's the matter!" " "I

Me: "Mom, your mouth has no taste recently. I bought you a box of chewing gum. "

Mom: "Thanks, honey,

So I took out my gum and gave it to my mother. My mother's face changed when I took out my gum!

Then my mother said, "Take a good look. Is this chewing gum? " After listening to my mother's words, I took a closer look. I don't know two words, but I know the last one . Settings "

I still don't know what I bought for my mother [covering my face]

It's funny and embarrassing to think about it now, haha!

A boy has a crush on a girl for a long time. One day in the self-study class, the boy secretly handed the girl a small note that read, "In fact, I have been paying attention to you for a long time." After a while, the girl sent another note, and the boy opened it anxiously. "Please don't tell the teacher, I promise I won't eat melon seeds again." . . . . . Boys look stupid.

Second, they all drink about the same. My girlfriend wrestled with her brother-in-law and chatted with my dad. I pulled my girlfriend to stop drinking, but she actually pushed me to the ground and said to my dad, "Grandpa, if your son follows me, you can rest assured." I will never let others bully him. "

Old lady: "I'll go, that will affect the boss." Let's go shopping with my old man today ... Emma, where is my old man ... Fuck ... my old man blew away. "

I used to work as a mechanic in a pharmaceutical factory. Walking around the factory one day, I was met by a middle-aged beauty supervisor and two male factory directors. The female supervisor stopped me and asked, "What are you wandering around all day?" I was stunned and didn't know how to answer. Although the hostess didn't answer me, she raised her voice and questioned me again. I was shocked by the words that came out of my mind. I blushed and said, "I came here just to see you from a distance!" " After that, the female supervisor smiled and waved me away. Unfortunately, I met her again half an hour later. I couldn't help gouging out her towering chest with a spoony face and slipping away. A few days later, I got a promotion, a promotion! I can't help laughing now! The above is true!

1, Xiao pang is not happy. He is not busy with his work, and Xiao pang makes a group of female colleagues laugh. At this moment, chubby daughter-in-law suddenly called: "What are you doing?" Why is there a woman's voice next to it? "

Miss Xiao Wang jumped over and shouted into the phone: "flirt!" "

The chubby daughter-in-law was furious: "You fat bastard, come back and see how I can clean you up!" " "

Xiao Pang quickly explained: "I was flirting with Xie Bei ... that female colleague was from Guangdong just now, and I debugged the equipment for her!"

2. A true story. For many years, my girlfriend kept a puppy, which impressed me deeply. Whenever I snore in her house, whether in the living room or in another bedroom, the puppy always arrives at the first time and leaves with a slap, which makes me afraid to snore when I sleep. My girlfriend joked that this is the legendary "come and go in a hurry!"

There are thousands of trees and stars in the east wind night. "BMW" carved car is full of fragrance. Phoenix flute moves, jade pot turns, fish dragon dances all night. Moths, snow, willows, gold thread, laughter and incense are all gone. Look for him in the crowd. Suddenly looking back, the man was there, dimly lit.

Why do boys and girls always come out at night?

Miss Wang: "No time during the day, right?"

Beauty shopkeeper: "Wait for the old man to lead the red line at night."

Xiao pang: "it's dark, and it's easier to fall in love at first sight when you can't see clearly at night."

It turns out that young people fall in love and need parents' approval at all levels, all of which are blocked. Why is nobody in charge now?

Answer: Who cares? They changed again in a few days.

Tell a true story that happened to me.

When I was in high school, the teacher's canteen was separated from our students. In order to prevent students from trespassing, I wrote in red chalk on the door: No admittance for idle people.

We can't hold our breath Once, I picked up a piece of chalk and touched the word "nothing". The students laughed when they saw it.

Because of this, the teacher didn't like me for a while.