Tucao joke story

Most jokes reveal absurd phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. There are different tastes. I think you chose a spit joke and story set. I hope you will like it. Let's laugh together!

Tucao joke story 1 1 I took my daughter out to play, and she always asked me to buy this and that, but I didn't buy any. It became a habit, so I told her that you had to listen to your parents, and everything they said was reasonable.

She replied: Then your mother asked you to buy me something to eat. Why didn't you listen? ...

There are a lot of papers on weekends, and one boy is naughty. He handed in his test paper on Monday. He didn't write a word, and he was in no hurry. Before class, he rubbed the test paper and tore it up.

In class, the teacher asked, "Why don't you hand in your test paper?"

He cried so sadly: "I didn't do my homework yesterday, and my mother tore it up and wouldn't let me go to school." I slipped out to school today. "

Being beaten by a child, I said angrily, "Why do you bully adults?"

The child said, "You are not an adult, you are a bad youth!" " "

My heart thumped. Did he see my bad history?

He said guiltily, "What's wrong with me?"

I didn't expect him to kill me in one sentence. He said, "You are stunted!"

Xiong Haizi, is your family there? I promise not to kill you!

In the garden, I heard a four-or five-year-old child say loudly, "Let's do something!"

I was surprised, so I stopped to see how they played, and then I saw this child pointing to another child and saying, "You will be shit, and we will be alive!" " "

Big fat's birthday falls on Sunday this year. The fat man ate the cake with relish.

He said thoughtfully, "I understand why my birthday is Sunday."

"Why?" Everyone is puzzled.

Big fat: "Because my mother doesn't go to work on Sunday, she has time to give birth to me."

Tucao joke story 2 1, there is a Xiong Haizi who likes to hit people. One day, Xiong Haizi said angrily to a child, "I'm going to punish you", and then hit the child. As time goes by, "cleaning up" is a battle for him.

One day, his mother said to him, "Your room is a mess. Go and tidy it up for me. "

An hour later, Xiong Haizi came out and his mother went in to have a look. Alas, the stool was turned over by him. The glass bottle broke all over the floor and the mosquito net was torn apart by him.

His mother smiled bitterly and said, "It's really' cleaning up'."

I eat chaos in the same breakfast stall every day. Today, I want to change my taste. After getting off the bus, I said to my boss, "Boss, have a bowl of Regan Noodles."

The boss paused for a few seconds and smiled awkwardly. "As soon as your car stops here, I'll throw chaos into the pot for you."

I ......

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I'm like this ... "

Step 4 beg

On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the hall. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" "The boss cut him some slack. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too? "The beggar said," I vomited alone, but I was late. The two beggars in front ate all I could eat, and now there is only soup left. Can you give me a straw? "

Tucao joke story 3 1. A, B and C got together, drank three rounds and talked about their wives. A: "My wife is most afraid of me. I said one and she didn't dare to say two. "

B: "People say I'm afraid of my wife. In fact, I have the final say in major events in our family, and I don't care about small things. "

C: "How dare my wife be angry with me? I want to say a word to scare her. "

A: "B How long have you been married?"

B: "Twenty years."

A: "How many important events have happened in your family? Can you give an example? "

B: "Nothing important has happened in our family at present."

A: "C, what would you say? Your wife is afraid of you. Let's hear it, let's learn. "

C: "Once, she was frightened when I said a word. I said,' If you are angry with me again, I won't wash your feet tonight.' "

B C: "A, are you really that good? You say one, but your wife dare not say two? "

A: "My wife never lets me talk."

2. You stared at the big dog eyes and gave me your sexy rabbit lips.

Two full tiger teeth, immediately exposed.

You pointed at me with your charming drake voice and cried affectionately, "Husband! I have it again. "

The wind blows your spit and caresses your face covered with butterfly spots.

Maybe your corns are starting to hurt again. You came up to me with a catwalk and shook your waist.

The sun is shining on your back and your psoriasis itches again. You quickly put out your jade hand, a pair of hands full of monkeys. Grasp the psoriasis with itchy back.

When you put your hand up, the air immediately filled up and you smelled of perfume.

The smell drifted with the wind and floated into my nostrils with the smell of mutton kebabs on the street.

I pour! I looked at the mutton string in my hand and suddenly lost my appetite.

3. Don't save a penny

There was a very stingy old rich man. One day I went out with his son and met a new river on the way. He was reluctant to spend money on the ferry, so he waded desperately. Who wanted to wade into the middle of the river, but the flood washed him into the rapids and drifted for more than half a mile. His son chased him on the river bank and hired a boat to save him. The boatman asked for a sum of money, but his son only offered five cents. The price has not been agreed for a long time. When the old rich man drowned in the river, he turned to his son and shouted, "My son, my son, you can save five points and not a penny!" " "

4. Geely dialect

Once upon a time there was a landlord who hired two long-term workers. Because he likes auspicious words very much, he specially gave them two nice names: one is Goldman Sachs and the other is Facai. On the morning of the fifth day of the first month, the earth mainly says hello to the god of wealth and says auspicious words. Before dawn, he shouted in a strange voice, "Gao Sheng! Goldman Sachs! " Goldman Sachs lives upstairs. When he heard the landlord shout, he quickly replied, "Come down! Come down! " When the landlord heard this, he was full of anger, but he couldn't speak, so he had to call again, "Get rich! Make a fortune! " I got rich and lived in a stable where there were no windows. When I opened my eyes, there was darkness everywhere. I thought it was still early, so I answered loudly, "It's still early, it's still early!" "The landlord was so angry that he could hardly speak.

Tucao joke story 4 1, an invigilator caught a cheating student and forced him to give up his partner, but the student refused.

The teacher smirked, grabbed the students' mobile phones and sent a mass message: the men's room on the second floor took the answer.

In class, the teacher saw that the students were sleepy again, so he put the textbooks together and said, "Now I will tell you a story about a romantic monk." The students' spirits have recovered a little.

The teacher said, "One day, a romantic monk walked across a bridge and saw a beautiful woman coming." And then suddenly stopped.

The students are very sleepy and ask what will happen after that. The teacher said simply, "One went west, the other went east, and left. Ok, let's start the class now. "

3. As soon as the girl learned ballet, she cried to the teacher after only practicing for a few days: "Teacher, I can't stand it!"

The teacher was not surprised, and said earnestly, "It's all right. If you persist more, you will lose weight ..."

In the last row, two girls are talking and laughing loudly. The teacher's face sank and knocked on the blackboard angrily: "class!" " Be quiet! "

They were startled and immediately shut up, but it seemed that the topic just now was so interesting that they could only keep silent and shake their shoulders. ...

The teacher sneered, "Yo, there are vibration modes."

Tucao joke story 5 1, help the family do it.

My brother is in the fourth grade of primary school. He is so fat that people often make fun of him. One day, the teacher asked one of their classmates to start writing "What to do for the family every day" in the contact book. My brother couldn't think of anything, so his mother had to help him fill it out. She wrote in the contact book: "Help the family eat every day." The teacher's comment is: "I can see that you are working hard!" "

2. notice; pay attention to

"What's wrong with you today? What have you been fiddling with it for so long? " Father said, from

The son grasped the notice in his hand and turned it over. There is a comment written by the teacher: "Shooting slingshots in class, putting bugs in students' pockets ... please tell parents. "

"What kind of person will you become when you do all this at school?" The father yelled at his son.

"Dad, this is not my notice. I found it in your old box. "

3. Dad infected me

One day, both father and son got up very late. Father didn't go to work and son didn't go to school.

"In the office, people will think that I am ill. What about you? What do you say when classmates ask about you? " The father asked his son.

"I told you that my father's illness infected me."

Tucao joke story 6 1, I want to be a teacher when I grow up

There is a daughter at home, four and a half years old. Usually timid, it is not good to talk to strangers. But if you don't sing, it will be a blockbuster.

During the Spring Festival, my absent uncles and aunts often come to see me. She doodles and draws on the table alone, and looks very handsome. Aunt asked, "What are you drawing, Youyou (daughter's real name)?"

The daughter was silent.

"Well, that's nice. Do you want to be a painter when you grow up? "

Still silent.

"Oh, my aunt guessed wrong. Tell her what she wants to be when she grows up? "

The strangeness faded away, raised his head and said innocently, "I want to be a teacher!" " "

"Oh, yes, tell my aunt again. What kind of teacher do you want to be? "

The daughter looked surprised: "My name is Wang. Of course, I am a teacher. I don't know how simple it is? "

2. Teaching

There is a clever student in the third grade of primary school, but it is difficult for him to settle down and listen to the class.

One day, he said to the teacher, "I know enough." There is no need to continue studying. "

Teacher: "Oh, really? You only read until the third grade. What are you going to do? "

Student: "Teaching the second grade."

3. The truth about children

A young teacher just told a little boy in her class a story about a sheep that was eaten by a wolf because it left the flock. "Look," she said, "if this sheep is honest and doesn't leave the flock, it won't be eaten by wolves, right?" "Yes, sir." The little boy replied, "but we ate it later." "

Tucao joke story 7 1, passing by a stall of an old man with a white beard, I stopped and asked, "Sir, can you show me?"

The old man raised his eyelids slightly and said, "Young man, your Tang Yin is black, so didn't you feel anything strange along the way?"

I was very nervous for a while, and I felt uncomfortable when I went out. I quickly paid 200 yuan to find a way.

The old man took the money and said, "Dare to go home and wash your face."

2. The owner of a hotel went through hardships and entrusted his children to a key primary school. On the day of the admission formalities, the boss was infinitely grateful to the principal, patting his chest and saying, Principal, please check me in. ...

The headmaster burst into tears: Are you still paralyzed?

3. Say to the flight attendant on the train, "Give me a bottle of coke. How much is it? "

Flight attendant: "8 yuan."

Me: "How big is the bottle?"

Stewardess: "It's the kind that sells 3 yuan outside."

Tucao joke story 8 1, when I was on the bus, I saw a beautiful woman coming with a big bag and a small bag. There was no extra hand to grab the handrail, which was very dangerous, so I got up decisively and gave my seat to a beautiful woman, who accepted it gladly. I didn't expect the beautiful woman to get off at the same station as me. When I got off the bus, the beautiful woman said to me, can you help me take my things home? I agreed without hesitation. I want to say that good people are rewarded!

2. Meet a beautiful woman online and ask her to go to a bar for a drink. The beauty said gracefully, "I only drink 93 Lafite." I crustily skin of head ordered a cup, and the beauty took a sip. "That's the smell." A total of * * * drank three cups, and settled the bill, a ***86 yuan. I whispered to the waiter, "Why is it so cheap?" The waiter whispered, "Sir, we don't have Lafite here. They are all ordinary dry red. I'm afraid you think it's too expensive ... "

Xiao Ming, the new beauty class teacher: "Students, we will be good friends in the future. Please point out what I did badly, and I will definitely change it! " Xiao Ming stood up: "Teacher, your skirt is a little long!" " "Teacher:" ... Get out! "

4. Twenty years ago, calling an unfamiliar girl "beauty" casually was tantamount to flirting with frivolous hooligans; Ten years ago, "beauty" rotted in the street and was replaced by a "goddess" who could stimulate sensory stimulation more; Now there are "goddesses" everywhere, and the latest greetings to girls have to say "Fairy, has she recently come down to earth?" .

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