Six embarrassing words on the Internet

Network Daren Original Jiong Yu Daquan

1. Although the bird is small, it really plays all over the sky.

2. Poor Nike, Fuadi, and rogue Armani.

No matter how powerful Tang Priest is, he is just playing a monkey.

4. Missing after breaking up is not missing, but being mean!

I tried to turn gracefully, but I bumped into the wall.

6. Sleeping position determines hairstyle. Starting today, I will study the relationship between sleeping position and hairstyle at home.

7, stay up late, because there is no courage to end this day; Stay in bed because you don't have the courage to start a new day.

8. The thought of 20xx coming, the thought that I still owe money to the bank, makes me want to laugh in my dreams!

9. Take someone else's car and go your own way.

10, I don't want to fit, I just want to feel in place.

People in the upper class always like to do some dirty things.

12. When you fall asleep, you fall asleep with ideals and saliva.

13, stupid or not, see if you can play dumb.

14, for girls: it's only a matter of time before you get pregnant.

15, women chasing men, laminated yarn. Men chase women, mezzanine mom.

16, everyone looked for her for thousands of times, and suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me. ...

17, all the people I like are on the hard disk.

18, youth, you are too acne!

19, after many years, the little loli still became Xianglinsao. ...

20. I don't swear, because I have strong hands-on ability.

2 1, cough! Say what you should, and whisper what you shouldn't.

22. I suggest that everyone should know my appearance first, and appreciate it second.

23. From heaven to hell, I was just passing by.

24. Actually, I am homesick. It's just a matter of who I live in.

25, you are not a VIp, not even a V, you are just a P.

26. Your complex facial features can't hide your simple IQ.

27, on a whim, take your photo as a desktop, TMD actually got a computer virus.

28. If my life were a movie, you would be a pop-up advertisement.

29. If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future.

30. I usually forget to scold you. I don't want to wait for me to hit you before I know that I am both civil and military.

3 1, as the saying goes: rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests; But as the saying goes, the moon comes first by being close to the water.

32, as the saying goes: the prime minister can punt in his stomach; But as the saying goes, no revenge is not a gentleman.

33, as the saying goes: people don't commit me, I don't commit crimes; But as the saying goes, first strike is strong, then strike is strong.

34. As the saying goes, a man is a gentleman and would rather die than surrender; But as the saying goes, a man can bend and stretch.

35, 1. The departure of the stool is the pursuit of the toilet or the failure to retain the ass.

36. Everyone says my sister is beautiful, but in fact, she is wearing makeup.

37. My brother smokes because he hurts his lungs and is not sad.

Appreciation of 30 embarrassing phrases on the Internet

One day, my wife bought some swimsuits and wanted to show them to her husband at night. Wife: Is this beautiful? Husband is reading the newspaper: nice! Wife: How about this one? Husband still ignores: good-looking! Wife: What about this last one? Husband still ignores it: it looks good, and everything looks good! As a result, my wife got angry and stood there naked. This made her husband dumbfounded. She adjusted her glasses, walked up to her and said, "The first few pictures are very nice. How is this crumpled? " ! Wife: ...

It's too hot this summer. Seeing that other companies have high-temperature subsidies, go to the company to give advice to the boss. The boss said, ok, I'll give it to you, too. Come to the conference room after work at noon. I was so happy that I came to the conference room after work. After listening to the boss's words, I was cold all over, and the effect was great. The boss saw me and said, "One person has two bottles of mineral water, plus one catty of mung beans. For your convenience, you can use the company's rice cooker for free. Everyone pays the electricity bill in 50 yuan and everyone pays 50 yuan. "

3. A woman asked: Husband, do you do this every day? Do I spend the whole month after work before going to work? Her husband said: Under the moon, you can spend money!

4. Being poor in college, in order to earn some money to play online games, several buddies in Lao Wang's dormitory came up with a way: the boss helped people write homework, the second helped people write compositions, the third helped people write love letters, and Lao Wang helped people write comments. Later, the four of them became the famous "Four Treasures of the Study" in the school.

5. A buddy went to an Internet cafe and suddenly went to the toilet in a hurry. There is someone in the toilet. This guy is waiting outside the door. Five minutes have passed, 10 minutes have passed, 15 minutes have passed ... you can't help it. Knock on the door: man inside, can you hurry up? There was a word from inside: damn it, someone finally came. Does this friend have any paper?

6. LZ auto insurance after-sales customer service, responsible for accident car registration. One day, I received a phone call at work, and the customer said that the car had been hit, so LZ checked the information with him, as follows: "May I have your name, please?" The other party: "Wang" "Did you drive the car when the accident happened?" The other party: "No, it was opened by my son." "Mr. Wang, what's your son's name?" The other party: "What do you think my son should have?" Didi Didi ... Not uncle. I didn't mean that. Let me explain. Hey!

7. I deserted in the office toilet. Suddenly, the leader came in and quickly hid. The boss seems to have seen it. He looked at me seriously and was about to speak. I ran out at once. As a result, my colleague Xiao Li came back from the toilet ten minutes later and told me that the boss didn't bring any paper to the toilet and wanted to borrow it from you. And you ran away.

8. No one in the street dares to give anything for free now, especially paper towels. Don't ask me why I know. Now I'm dying in the toilet. In order to make passers-by remember that brand, I even sprinkled pepper in it!

9. Senior one this year. I can't believe that both senior two and senior three went out for a spring outing. I can't believe we didn't talk to the principal. The headmaster said, don't worry, don't worry, let me explain slowly. Every year, there is a grade that won't go for a spring outing. Senior one this year, senior two next year and senior three the year after. No problem, don't worry.

10, my friend gave me an expensive cup of coffee. Just after cooking a cup, I took the opportunity to educate my brother: "Life is like this cup of coffee. You smell sweet, I drink bitter. " The younger brother said, "Brother, smell the fragrance and I'll have coffee."

1 1, play League of Legends with team voice, and give play to your advantage in the first ten minutes. Suddenly, our ADC stopped moving, and there was a faint roar in the earphone: What are you doing here without cooking or playing games, hungry children? This day can't pass. Then the ADC is disconnected.

12, quarreled with my wife today and ignored me for a day. In the evening, I coaxed him It was useless to reason at first, but the effect of admitting mistakes and apologizing was average later. I'm in a hurry: Baby bought you trotters with sauce! A: Two! Well, it's better to talk so much than two sauced pig's feet!

13, let my girlfriend lose weight today. Girlfriend said: I feel that there are four people living in my body and I can't lose them. I asked doubtfully: What do you mean? Which four people? She said that they were Tang Priest, the Monkey King, Pig and Friar Sand. Every day, the Tang Priest says: I want to be a vegetarian. Pig Bajie said: I want to eat meat. The Monkey King said, I want to eat fruit. Friar Sand said, Master, Big Brother and Second Brother are right!

14, the theory that men know that their wives are having an affair with their leaders, anger and leading wives. The leader's wife was furious and said we were going to bed to get back at him! Then do it! It's over. The heroine said she couldn't get over it. Let's do it again. Five times in a row The man led his wife to continue, plopped down on his knees and cried, please, I have forgiven them!

15, if invigilating, will students be caught cheating? I tell you, you'd better not catch it. Yesterday, a teacher caught a cheating student while invigilating. As a result, the director of the test center came, and so did the leaders of the Municipal Education Bureau. It took more than two hours to write, and I didn't have lunch. The final conclusion is that it is not cheating to find and try to cheat in time. Alas, if I had known this, why should I have!

16, once by bus, a beautiful MM got on the bus, took out her card and swiped it, only to hear the reply from the card swiping machine: Didi ~ Old People Card ~! The whole car froze and looked at her. Her face was covered with black lines and she said, Tian Mu, what are you looking at? Haven't you seen it before? An uncle stood up and said, come, aunt, sit here.

17, LZ had a friend who thought he was smart and wrote down San Xiao's phone number under his wife's name. It's always in front of us. Today, his wife called while playing with his mobile phone, and it was her own name. I don't know how he is now. ...

18, the teacher asked: What is the bottom line of "being rich and willful"? Xiao Ming replied: "No money, accept your fate". Teacher ... In the second class, the teacher asked, "Why did ancient women bind their feet?" The whole class was lost in thought. Xiao Ming said loudly, "I'm afraid they will go shopping." The teacher then asked, "Then why don't you wrap your feet now?" Xiao Ming continued to answer: "Now with Alipay, it is useless to tie your feet." Teacher: Come, come, you give a lecture!

19, I remember once when I was a child, my teacher asked me to write a composition. The requirement is simple, as long as it can make her cry, it is passed. The next day, a buddy of mine handed the composition to the teacher. After the teacher opened it, she sneezed and cried. A teacher saw it and asked: Is this composition really touching? The teacher cried and said, which bastard sprinkled pepper on it!

20. I remember one day, Husky came back from his neighbor's house with a hamster covered in mud. I recognized it at a glance. That's the neighbor's pet hamster "Sugar Sugar", which has been tortured to death by dogs. I was in a hurry, so I immediately cleaned up the hamster and threw it back into the neighbor's yard. Early the next morning, I heard my neighbor go on the rampage and shout, God damn it, who dug up my dead and buried hamster and washed it!

2 1, one of my classmates is nearsighted, and he memorized the position of E on the eye chart in the college entrance examination. As a result, he couldn't see the stick in the teacher's hand during the physical examination. ...

22. When I came home from work today, my son told me that I only passed the art final exam. I asked why. He said the teacher asked me to draw a group of fish. All the students drew fish swimming in the water, only I drew squid with iron plate. I burst into tears in an instant!

23. Going home by car on holiday, sitting next to me is a beautiful woman like a sister with milk tea. She racked her brains all the way to try to strike up a conversation, but she just didn't know how to speak. I'm in a hurry to get to the station. At this time, sister paper glanced at me and said that it would arrive at the station soon. Don't worry, there is a toilet at the station.

Yesterday, my friends and I went to the gas station. He rolled down the window and said, "Give me ten dollars." I froze, turned around and slapped him and shouted, "It's no shame to add ten dollars!" Then he said to the gas brother, "Give me ten and a half dollars!"

25. The young man was lovelorn and bowed his head and cried sadly. The Zen master comforted: "You just lost someone who didn't love you, but he lost someone who loved him deeply. The young woman looked up and dried her tears: "So I am lucky, and he is unfortunate, right?" The Zen master looked sad: "Actually, I don't have any love experience, but I saw this sentence in the space that night when the teacher robbed the Taoist priest, and I felt very good." 」

26. Several colleagues travel together by plane. After passing the security check, it's time to board the plane. An idiot said: I ascended the throne today, thank you Ai Qing for coming to congratulate me! Another idiot said: Your father just died. ...

27. I was driving, and she sat in the co-pilot with her head down and played with her mobile phone. We didn't say a word to each other. Finally, I couldn't help breaking the silence. I turned my head and asked her, "Do you think it's easy for me to come here?" She paused and said lightly, "Nothing, Master, turn left at the intersection ahead." ... "ok!"

28. The company has set up a vent room, in which there are portraits of leaders, and employees with opinions can vent in it. On this day, the manager came in and saw that his portrait was intact. Other leaders were caught in a hole and their faces lit up. The manager said: the heads of other leaders have never been changed before, and yours has been changed three times!

29. Patient's wife: "Doctor, help my husband! He always thinks he is an elevator. " Psychologist: "Bring your husband here and let me have a look." Patient's wife: "No, he said he was a high-speed elevator. This floor goes straight."

An ugly woman stepped on a man's foot on the bus. The man said angrily, I'll show you if you step on me again. As soon as the ugly girl listened to the music, she immediately stepped on it again. Brother, thank you. I wouldn't have to spend money on plastic surgery.

30 interesting mood phrases

Introduction: When I was a child, I only got 8 points in an exam. In order not to be beaten, I secretly added a 0. When I got home, my mother looked at my test paper and asked me, "Did you change the score?" I confidently said no, and my mother scolded me while hitting me: "Let you get an 08, let you get an 08."

1. My family has a six-year-old Lori. Yesterday, I took her to the supermarket to buy a bunch of food and a dozen packs of menstrual towels. I always buy for months at a time. When I pay the bill at the cashier, she wants a box of candy. I don't want to buy it Because she had cavities, I said I had no money. She shouted at me angrily, "Who told you to buy so many flatterers and spend all your money?" The people in the queue behind me choked on internal injuries. . .

2. Dad's desktop phone is broken. I gave him a smart phone. Two days later, he said that his mobile phone was broken and water was flooded. I asked if I fell into the water. He said no. He said: Didn't you say that mobile phones can cut fruit? Today, a guest came to our house and bought a watermelon. . .

3. One day, a group of people in the construction team were resting in the office when a man came in to make smoke for everyone. Half of the cigarettes are not enough. He said, whoever borrowed my electric car, I went to buy cigarettes, and a buddy really borrowed it, and then rode away and never came back ... I didn't know that no one knew him at all until I asked ... This is a fucking high IQ crime! ! !

4. Working in a convenience store, the boss told me not to accept counterfeit money at the cashier's desk, or I would be deducted from 50 yuan's salary every time I found a counterfeit money. I took my boss's words to heart and changed all the hundred-dollar bills in the counter into counterfeit ones that night.

At the company meeting, the person sitting behind accidentally sneezed. The man looked up and suddenly found his nose on the back of his female colleague! The female colleague didn't notice, so the man secretly wanted to help her wipe it off. The man just reached up and was found by another colleague next to him! Colleagues shouted, "Why are you wiping someone's nose?" ! "

6. When I was a child, I only got 8 points in an exam. In order not to be beaten, I secretly added a 0. When I got home, my mother looked at my test paper and asked me, "Did you change the score?" I confidently said no, and my mother scolded me while hitting me: "Let you get an 08, let you get an 08."

7. Wife: Do you want to play cards today? Me: Really? Wife: But you have to promise me one condition, but I'm afraid you can't. Me: I'll do it! Wife: You have to tell me one hour in advance when you come back! My wife is so stupid. This condition is too simple. She went to play cards. ...

8, after giving birth to the baby, the weight has not dropped, and beautiful clothes can't be worn. Seeing other colleagues wearing jeans, I was envious and decided to lose weight. After months of hard work, I feel very slim. On Thursday, I anxiously took out my jeans and tried them on. I didn't think I would wear it. I excitedly said to my husband, "I am really thin and can wear jeans." My husband looked at me and said, "Why are you wearing my jeans?"

9. The son looked through the photo album and asked his mother curiously, "Mom, who is the young man standing with you taking pictures?" ? This one with dark hair is very strong. ""silly boy, that's your father. " "Is it dad? So who is the bald fat man who lives with us now? "

10, on the bus, I suddenly heard the opera bell, and the old man in the seat immediately rummaged through his bag and took out his mobile phone, sliding the key to answer it. I wonder why my uncle's unlock button is on it. Uncle shouted, "what? You asked me where I had been, but I couldn't hear you clearly. Please say it out loud. " At this time, the sister next to me saw the uncle's mobile phone fall down and kindly reminded: "Uncle, it fell down." Grandpa hurriedly shouted into the phone: "Let's wait until we get there."

1 1. At the ATM of the bank, a couple lined up to withdraw money. That woman took the card in front of me. After inserting the card, she said to the man, don't look. At that time, I thought the woman was in charge of the property. Then, after hearing the button beep three times, the woman said to the man, it's your turn. It's a pity that one person actually mastered half the password.

12, came back late today. Mosquitoes flew into the room, but it didn't take long to catch them. Before going to bed, I urged my daughter to take a bath. She lingered there, muttering, "Mom, I won't take a shower. Mosquitoes want to bite me. Must I wash it clean? ! "

13, I live in the company. When I went downstairs to fetch water last night, I saw the security guard running quickly in front of me. I think, no, something is wrong. Then, I put down the thermos and chased after it. After catching up, I asked him what was wrong. The security guard said, "It's too cold to stand guard. It will be warm after running for two laps. " Happy joke set: you laugh, I will give you a bonus!

14. The husband was very unhappy when he came home. The wife asked with concern, "Did something go wrong?" Husband: "I found 200 yuan money on the bus today." Wife: "That should be happy!" Husband: "Another passenger saw it, too. I will share it with him? "Wife:" Then don't you still have 100 yuan? Husband: "Before I went home, I found that I actually lost that 200 yuan. "

15, an old man was hospitalized, wearing an oxygen tube. One day, a friend visited him. He saw that the old man always wanted to say something, but he couldn't say it clearly. The friend thought he was saying his last words, so he asked the old man to write it on paper, and then he died. The friend gave it directly to the old man's wife without reading the note. The old woman was very angry after reading it. The note said: Damn, you stepped on my oxygen tube.

16, dad. . I was wrong. . I shouldn't drink the most expensive tea of all. . I didn't know your tea could be as expensive as 1500. . I was wrong, dad. I shouldn't use it to cook tea eggs. I accidentally put a lot in it. . But, dad. . . Let's stop howling. . The door is still open. . Neighbors are coming. .

17, driving test for female students. Get off the bus in front, it's her turn, very nervous! She got off from the right, then went around to the left and opened the car door ... and then she shouted, Coach! Where is the steering wheel! The examiner looked back at her and said, you opened the back door. ...

18, "If your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, you would. . . ""I will score according to the difficulty coefficient before you enter the water and the size of the splash after you enter the water. "

19, my wife was taken to the emergency room. I'll wait outside the door. Half an hour later, the doctor came out: "I'm sorry, we did our best." However, when your wife left, she was very peaceful and didn't suffer anything. " I cried painfully, "Today is April Fool's Day. You must be lying to me? " The doctor suddenly smiled: "How clever! I lied to you! Your wife was in great pain when she left. Ha ha ha ha ha! "

20. One day, my brother forgot to bring toilet paper when he went to the toilet, so he asked him to "bring me some toilet paper." My brother said "wait a minute" while playing computer. As a result, his brother is playing games. Half an hour later, he remembered to send toilet paper to his brother. Opening the toilet door, I saw my brother carrying pants and asked, "No?" The younger brother said, "No, it's already done"!

2 1, I am about to graduate from college. I have been in love for four years and have never made a promise. On the train home, he has 32 stops and she has 2 1 stop. She said gloomily, call me when you get to the station, and then she went to sleep. I don't know how long it took, but she was awakened. The bus has passed several stops. He turned his head and said with a gentle smile, Come home with me. She gave a sloped smile, followed by tears. When she came to his native mountain village, she was sold to an old bachelor in her fifties.

22, a colleague, a diaosi, associates with the goddess, fearing that his family will disagree. The goddess lied to her family that she was Gao Fushuai, and she was not interested in getting married and could not see her parents. Diaosi often comes to the goddess, who bullies him with acting skills. Who did his parents ask? The goddess replied: spare tire, honest man. Six months later, the goddess played a man who was abandoned and heartbroken by Gao Fushuai. His parents comforted him: Don't be sad. Actually, the spare tire man is quite good ... and then Diaosi succeeded in his position.

23. "Some students are beginning to be proud. Do you remember the story of the race between the tortoise and the hare? Tell me, Xiao Gang, why did the rabbit lose to the tortoise? " Xiaogang: "Because it sleeps." Teacher: "Exactly! What can we do to keep the rabbit awake? " Xiao Gang: "Turn the tortoise into a wolf."

24. One morning, I missed four classes because I didn't have enough breakfast. Finally, at noon, I ran to the canteen and said to my aunt in the canteen,' Aunt, can I eat quickly?' I saw my aunt politely say to the people in the canteen,' Hurry in, beggars can't wait'.

25. Some people, regardless of 2G3G4G or wifi online, don't answer you if you say a hundred words to him. Some people are invisible. Say a word to him and he will call you back in seconds. Isn't this just a sentence: some people are alive and he is dead, and some people are dead and he is still alive.

26. I told you to peek at our grandfather's bath. I told you to peek at our grandfather's bath ... Remarks: Zhang Fei peeked at Liu Bei's bath and was fined for cleaning the toilet for one month. Anyone who regards "master" as "princess" should praise one!

27. I went to the grocery store to buy salt today. Q: How much is a pack of salt? Answer: 2 yuan. The boss brought me a bag, and I looked at the salt and said, didn't you say the suggested retail price 1.5 yuan? The boss said seriously, I don't accept his suggestion.

Yesterday, I took my girlfriend home for the first time. She is very beautiful and diligent. Dad is going to smoke. She picked up a lighter and was busy lighting a cigarette for her father and pouring wine for her father ... When her father was happy, she took out 1000 yuan and said that we would give him a gift the first time we met. His girlfriend took the money and said thank you boss, thank you boss, thank you board. .

29. Just now I met a Xiong Haizi shooting at the gate of the yard and throwing it at people's feet. I went over and asked him affectionately, "Where are your parents, little friend?" Xiong Haizi looked at me defiantly like a bear: "I came out to play alone! Shit! "As soon as I heard this, I was relieved. I cleaned him up on the spot, and now he is so comfortable.

30. Kitten: "My mother is a master and my father is a doctor." Xiao Ming: "What's so great about you!" " Kitten: "Who are your parents?" Xiao Ming: My father is a man and my mother is a woman.

Editor's note: One day my brother forgot to bring toilet paper when he went to the toilet, so he asked him to "bring me some toilet paper." My brother said "wait a minute" while playing computer. As a result, his brother is playing games. Half an hour later, he remembered to send toilet paper to his brother. Opening the toilet door, I saw my brother carrying pants and asked, "No?" The younger brother said, "No, it's already done"!