Four sequelae of intergenerational education and its countermeasures

The pace of life in modern society is fast, and young parents have their own jobs and careers, so they have little time to educate their children comprehensively and systematically. However, the burden of raising children has to rely on grandparents, which has given birth to the parenting model of intergenerational education.

Of course, it is easier for parents to take care of their children with the help of the elderly. However, in the space of it runs in the family, contradictions are often intensified because of different views on parenting. After years of friction, the originally harmonious family finally evolved into a nuclear war. Look at the sequelae of the following four generations of education!

First, my sense of childhood loss is supplemented by my grandchildren.

The vast majority of the elderly were born in the 1950s. Their childhood was the hardest and most difficult period in the 1960s after the founding of New China. At that time, their living conditions were difficult and they struggled for a long time on the line of hunger and food and clothing. Almost all children's desires are not satisfied. This sense of material and spiritual deprivation in childhood is deeply imprinted in their brains, which makes them form a lot of ordering habits in adulthood. When they look at it, they are comfortable. Children can buy anything they want, watch TV, smoke and drink.

In their thinking mode: eat more, dress warmly, grow taller and get fatter, which is called keeping well! This is actually a kind of life now, borrowing children to make up for the lack of childhood. Grandparents who always feel that their children are not full will definitely cook more meals than their children eat, and they will definitely feed them, because they owed such a mouthful of rice when they were young. And I always worry that my children will catch cold, and I also imagine all the regrets of my childhood lack of clothes to my grandchildren.

Second, every generation does not care about the growth of the soul.

After 80, when I was growing up, I only heard that I had to do well in the exam. No one said to have high emotional intelligence, strong self-care ability and independent personality. After work, there is a low emotional intelligence and poor comprehensive quality evaluation. God, what the hell is emotional intelligence? How to cultivate? After so many years of hard work, I realize that high emotional intelligence is also very important, and I am very low in this respect! No, my children can't be like me, so the parents of the younger generation pay attention to their children's psychological quality, character building and habit cultivation. High EQ leads to high happiness index, which is the purpose of family education in the new era.

This is one of the contradictions between grandparents and fathers, and it is also the confrontation and contest between the educational power and educational ideas of both sides.

Influenced by the previous generation, grandparents tend to inherit the important traditional concepts of the previous generation. Don't go there, the leaves are dirty! Don't climb on the ground, it's ugly, others will laugh at you! Go home and do your homework after school. Stop playing, huh? No homework today? You can't use your left hand. The teacher sees that you want to hit someone. Oh, change it quickly These are their inner subconscious, so they will stop stubbornly again and again. This includes not only the over-protection of one's grandson, but also the neglect of the balanced education of bitterness and pleasure, filial piety and gratitude education, and so on.

Third, grandparents' wrong role cognition.

Many grandparents always say whatever they want to their children because of their age and the seniority of their families. Out of their deep love for their grandchildren, they often debate with their children in front of their grandchildren regardless of the occasion.

Do you look good now? Tell me! Did I bring you up? It's a joke that you taught me how to take care of children. This is how I raised you. I don't know what to do yet. Too familiar. Every family has such a classic line. ......

Degrade parents and forgive grandchildren. For example, don't be afraid. With grandma around, she dare not do anything to you. You were not as good as him (my grandson) when you were a child!

The older generation encourages children to learn, but also emphasizes that they are experts, fearing that their status will be lost by children. So no matter how much cultural knowledge children have learned, they still belittle control (alas, the influence of family background on children's growth is so powerful! And now parents are children's lineal family members).

Fourth, parents' harsh requirements and inappropriate communication methods.

Many young parents leave their children to the older generation after giving birth, and still live a single life, which makes the older generation more miserable. As soon as we met, he was always very picky. He has to learn English and go downstairs to exercise every day ... Did you take him to do it today? Don't give TA dessert! Don't feed TA so much! Why did you get this for TA? No way! No way! Ignore the care and efforts of the older generation, ask the elderly beyond their ability, veto all efforts of the elderly, and even try to change the status quo. These young parents, separating themselves from the main responsible persons, often fall into the thinking of putting all the responsibilities on the older generation as soon as they find that their children are slightly inadequate than other children.

How to deal with the sequela of intergenerational education

Acceptance: From Understanding to Cooperation

To live in peace and know people, the first thing is to understand and accept the old people's original understanding and thinking mode, which is caused by their childhood growth environment, and you can't change it. What you can do is to be a good parent. Lin, an associate professor in the Department of Human Development and Family of Taiwan Province Provincial Normal University, said that whether intergenerational education will lead to the alienation of parent-child relationship depends on the proportion of mothers' participation in care. Even if parents can't stay with their children all day, mothers should stay with their children as much as possible, and don't play mobile phones for a minute, so that children and mothers can feel full of security together, and they can't be absent when their mothers leave.

It is very important to be an absent-minded mother, accompanying, caring and playing to make up for lost time! When you get along with your child, talk to your child about his life with grandparents when you are away, so that your child can feel that you and grandparents are a cooperative relationship, so that you won't feel the alienation between parents and children.

Communication: affirm before communicating.

When you find a problem, don't directly ask the problem you found, but thank the elders for their hard work in educating their children, and then gently ask the problem you want to explain. It is forbidden to start with the word "no" in communication. Instead of setting a clear goal, it is better to set a short-term reasonable goal and adopt a step-by-step method to gradually control and improve bad behavior.

Let go: know your supporting role.

Old people should understand that although it is human nature to love children and it is a traditional habit to help children take care of their grandchildren, in raising children, parents are the children's direct guardians and protectors, and they are supporting roles. Parents of children are the protagonists and cannot usurp the role of masters.

Thank you for spending your old age, accompanying and caring for the growth of your grandchildren. But this is your child's child. Although it is also a part of you, it is their important task to accompany them from the beginning to the end of a life. Maybe one day you are really old, they still need to take responsibility ..... Believe in their children, and they have the ability to do well when they grow up.