What are some funny jokes that make people laugh until their stomachaches?

1. Today, the office network suddenly failed to connect. The boss is studying IP settings with a male colleague. The male colleague went to HR elder sister's computer to set it up for a long time. The boss waited anxiously and shouted, Have you set it? A: Soon, soon.

2. When you have a problem with your wife, you fight. I ended up in the hospital. My friend and an uncle are comforting me. Uncle said, "Young man, you are very good. Last time I saw a young man beaten like a mummy by his wife. " I just want to say, "Grandpa, it was me last time."

3. The leading daughter-in-law gave birth to twins and posted news in the group. Everyone expressed their congratulations. In order to quickly attract the attention of the leaders, I quickly adjusted the font to the maximum and started typing: Congratulations, I gave birth to twins! When I typed the word twins, I quickly pressed SBT and sent it out. As a result, the screen shows "dead pervert"! What big three words! Still bold! The whole group suddenly fell silent. ...

4. I just went to dinner and saw tea eggs. I thought I was a junior and about to graduate. Before I ate tea eggs, I gritted my teeth and asked how much it was. The boss even said, "no, this is what we use to show off our wealth!" " "

I have been dating my boyfriend for half a year. One day, I asked him: You said we were married. What was life like after marriage? Boyfriend: An idiom. Me: Does the husband sing along with the woman? Boyfriend smiled cunningly and said, it's day after day.

6. I went home and got an iPad and said to my grandma, "Look, grandma, you can read on it." Grandma was very surprised. She took it to the iPad and looked at it. Then she licked her finger and turned a few pages on it.

7. "Mom, listen, Xiao Lizi next door changed'1'to' 5' on the report card, and his mother found out and is swearing!" "The child is really outrageous. You don't want to learn that, do you? " "He SB, I'm not as stupid as him! What do you think of changing it to 5? I only changed it to' 4'! "

8. Teasing my roommate to buy clothes, the boss offered 599, and he told people he brought 70. What should I do? The boss said ok, I'll sell it to you at 70. Then he took out a piece of 100 for the boss to find. At this time, the boss said heroically, I can't change one hundred, or if you change another one, I will be all broken.

9. A fat man went out and got on a bus. The car was crowded with people, and the fat man finally got to a position. Who knows that he had just sat down when an old man appeared in front of him. When the fat man saw the old man stumbling, he got up quickly and gave up his seat with his hands. Who knows that the uncle held him down and shouted, "Young man, don't move, you will take up more space when you stand up!" " "

10, I took my daughter out to play, and she always asked me to buy this and that, but I didn't buy any. This has become a habit, but it is not good. I told her that you should listen to your parents, and everything they said was reasonable. She replied, then your mother asked you to buy me something to eat. Why didn't you listen? ...

1 1. A child went to the shop downstairs to buy a drink. The shopkeeper gave him a bottle, and then the child said there was no money. The shopkeeper angrily threatened: "No money to find your mother!" "The child was so scared that the bottle cap fell to the ground. Pick it up and have a look: another bottle! So he gave the bottle cap to the shopkeeper and left happily. Let the shopkeeper look blank. ...

12. A doctor said to the patient, "I have bad news and worse news. Which one do you want to listen to? " The patient said, "This is bad news!" The doctor said, "When the test report comes out, you can live for 24 hours." The patient said with a little collapse, "That's worse news!" " "The doctor said," I have been looking for you since this time yesterday, but I found you. "Patient:" ... "

13, high school organizes measles vaccination, wears thick clothes in winter, and boys and girls live in the same room. It may be inconvenient to get an injection, so you need to take off your coat. Several of our buddies were waiting in line, only to see the female monitor of our class beautifully take off her sweater and reveal her bra. This is not a bright spot. So far, I can't understand why her bra is over the sweater.

14. Today, I went to a buffet with my best friend. Our goal was to eat until I helped her out, and then I ordered a lot of dishes. Later, I could hardly eat any more. My best friend said I went to WC, and when I came back, I was surprised to find that she could still eat. Later I learned that she took off her bra. She said that once she took off her bra and felt that her chest was still quite full, so I knelt down.

15, one day Xiaoli's father hired a tutor for Xiaoli. A few days later, Xiaoli's father wanted to know how Xiaoli was studying, so he asked her what three plus two was. Xiaoli thought about it and said nothing. The teacher stretched out five fingers beside him. Xiaoli looked into her eyes and said, bear's paw!

16, neighbor's sister-in-law said: "On her wedding day, her family put her to sleep at night, secretly put on her husband's shoes and walked around the house twice. Her husband listens to her all his life! " Me: "Are you wearing it?" Sister-in-law said, "Of course!" Me: "What was the result?" Sister-in-law: "As a result, he was infected with serious beriberi by smelly shoes!" " "

17. How many people in the office discuss what is? The highest state of silk. Some people say that they won't go out after playing games for half a year. Some people say that no girl has paid attention to it for more than 20 years. Just after discussing this, Xiao Ming with a cold stood up and wiped his nose. "You are so boring!" Then throw the paper towel into the small trash can two meters away and walk away. They froze in an instant!

18, I squatted on the ground with a stomachache when I went out to take a taxi in the morning. I stood in a Xiong Haizi for a long time and said, look up and let me see your beauty. ...

19, go to the canteen for dinner today. The couple on the left are bored, so you feed me bite by bite. I turned to look at a couple on the right. Shit, I don't have a girlfriend! My roommate was very upset. He put a potato in my mouth and smiled. I immediately understood, slowly bit into my mouth, and then fed him a piece of fish. A minute later, there was no one around, and someone pointed a mobile phone at us from 15 meters away ... How interesting!

20. One or two cargo buddies spent 5 1 hour in the Internet cafe for two dollars. He spent more than an hour on the plane and settled the account of * * * four yuan and five yuan. The cashier asked him if he could find a lollipop without five cents. He said it was only fifty cents. The cashier said that you can find one of yours. When he got a piece, he handed the money to the cashier and said, give me two lollipops. ...

2 1, a true horror story: I heard that as long as you stand in front of the mirror in black at one o'clock in the morning and comb your hair 24 times with a comb, what will you see? Answer: "Dandruff!"

22. A friend from Gao Fushuai has always wanted to seek true love. He made his girlfriend ride a broken motorcycle all day for two months. One day, he wanted to give his girlfriend a better birthday, so he drove his BMW z4 to his girlfriend's door and waited for her in the car. As a result, his girlfriend came out and saw his first sentence: don't lean on other people's cars, you will lose a lot of money if you scratch them!

23. I took the bus today, and everyone lined up at the departure station to get on the bus. Suddenly a buddy cut in line, and I grabbed him and shouted, "Line up at the back!" " "He said," Hey, you are quite principled, I ... ""What are you, you, rolling calf. "It's raining. I have no time to talk nonsense with him. I just want to swear. At this time, the buddy said, "I am a driver ... a driver ... a machine ..."

24. There were a lot of papers on weekends, and one boy was naughty. He handed in his test paper on Monday. He didn't write a word, and he was in no hurry. Before class, he rubbed the test paper and tore it up. In class, the teacher asked, "Why don't you hand in your test paper?" He cried so sadly: "I didn't do my homework yesterday, and my mother tore it up and wouldn't let me go to school." I slipped out to school today. "

25. anonymous wechat signed a cigarette, not a fire, just teasing me! I see. Speaking of girls, shall we meet? Anonymous actually agreed! After meeting, Anonymous said, "Where are we going?" A gentleman: "Where are you going? Here, lighter, light the cigarette quickly. "

26. Yesterday, I went to the museum with a friend and was looking at the pots and pans left by my ancestors. I heard a bang. An idiot friend of mine broke a porcelain, and the tour guide exclaimed that it was a jade 500 years ago. I saw the second goods say lightly: "Cao scared me, I thought it was new!" "

27. Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend (gold digger) say: I'm pregnant! Congratulations to me! I comment: I finally became a father! Until now, a man added me. Do you think I did the right thing?

28. When I was working in the community this morning, I walked and saw a mother holding a little girl and taking a shit there, just facing me, so I took a look. Who knows that the mother locked the child's legs together in an instant.

29. My wife asked me, "Do men always value their wives on the basis of' quality'? The better the wife, the more willing the man is to spend money? " I said, "Yes." My wife looked at me and said, "Did we spend a lot of money when we got married?" I nodded my head. My wife suddenly became happy. I took a long breath and said: other people's wives rely on "quality" and the beauty of their parents. You judge the price by quantity, and I'll calculate your weight!

30. An old man opened a hotel next to the school, and his business was booming. He asked the students and guests, what are you doing in the hotel? Study! Therefore, in order to improve the quality, the elderly have increased facilities such as desks and blackboards, and their business has become more prosperous. .....

3 1, three steps to catch up with girls: 1. Keep fit. 2. Shameless enough. 3. Do what you want. For example, I humbly asked the goddess, "If there was only me and a dog in the world, who would you choose?" The goddess hesitated: "I choose you." I shamelessly replied, "Well, I like you, too." The goddess was angered: "Then I choose the dog!" " I cleared my throat and uttered three words that were quite fatal to her: "Woof!" " "

32. I met my former boss this morning and smiled and said to him, "Good morning, boss! I really want to thank you. If you hadn't fired me, I wouldn't have lived such a leisurely and comfortable life. " The boss smiled and said you're welcome, and then threw a dollar into the bowl in front of me.

33. New drivers are not used to the road, and they get nervous when they drive far away. A student was driving along a country road when the coach sitting in the co-pilot saw a dog running along the right side of the road. He seemed to be crossing the road, so he said, "Look, the dog in front is going to turn left." I tried to ask the student to drive slowly, but he didn't hear me. When approaching the dog, it happened that it was about to cross the road, and the coach quickly stepped on the brakes. Angry at the students, "Why didn't you step on the brakes and ignore me?" The student answered innocently, "Turn left and go straight."