Somebody tell me a joke and help me.

I)

Guanyin: the Monkey King, you beast, you promised the Tathagata to escort your master Tang Sanzang to fetch the Western Classics, but you colluded with Niu Wangmo to eat your master. Do you know that you have committed a heinous crime?

The Monkey King: Cut the crap! You chased me for three days and nights, and I won't kill you because you are a woman. Don't think I'm afraid of you!

Tang Priest: Wukong, how can you talk to Sister Guanyin like this?

Wukong: Wow! Don't make noise!

Tang Priest: You scared me again!

Guanyin: You are not afraid of me. Why do you want to hurt Xia Zixian's daughter and rob her moonlight box? Don't you just want to avoid me?

Wukong: Since I can't hide, I'll fight you to the death!

(Wukong casually throws a box of moonlight and hits the Tang Priest on the head. )

Tang Priest: What?

They were about to start work when suddenly ...

Tang Priest: Alas! Don't be angry, everyone. Anger will offend you! Wukong, you are too naughty. I told you not to throw things around. So much rubbish ... look, before I finished, you threw the stick away again! Moonlight box is a treasure. If you throw it away, it will pollute the environment. Alas, what should I do if I hit the child? Even if you don't hit the children, it's wrong to hit those flowers and plants!

(Wukong grabs the Moonlight Box in Tang Priest's hand)

Tang Priest: What?

Wukong: Let go!

Tang Priest: Do you want it? Wukong, you can say it if you want. How do I know you want it if you don't tell me? Although you look at me sincerely, you still have to tell me what you want. Do you really want it? Then you can take it! You don't really want it, do you? Do you really want it? ......

Wukong: I am Kao!

(Wukong punches down the Tang Priest. )

Guanyin: Huh? The Monkey King!

Wukong: Did everyone see it? This guy talks about his mother-in-law all day long, as if there is a fly, hum ... sorry, not one, but a group of flies around you, hum ... hmm ... flying into your ear. Help! Help!

(Wukong falls to the ground and rolls around in great pain. )

Wukong: So I caught the fly, crushed its stomach, pulled out its intestines, and then grabbed its neck with its intestines and pulled it hard, heh! The whole tongue is sticking out! I'll start over and wow-! The whole world is clean. Now everyone understands why I killed him!

Guanyin: Hum! Wukong, you have many excuses and don't want to get the western classics at all!

Wukong: Why talk so much? Fight!

(The two men had a fight, and Wukong was surrendered by Guanyin to earn nectar bottles. )

Guanyin: I'm going to help God today!

Tang Priest: It's also a responsibility for an apprentice to be a master. Please let him live!

Guanyin: I have to kill the Jade Emperor before I can explain to him!

Tang Priest: Please tell the Jade Emperor that I am willing to pay for my life!

(Sitting on the ground with his hands folded, throwing his staff into the air)

Amitabha!

(The staff will kill the Tang Priest. )

A Chinese Odyssey

(2)

(500 years later)

(Spring 30 Niangs came to Wuyue Mountain, and the Axe Gang suffered a lot, and came to find the Supreme Treasure of the Door Master. )

Supreme treasure: What is Chunsanniang doing in Wuyue Mountain? This demon has always been a treasure. What's the big deal?

(Open your eyes and have a look)

What are you idiots doing with silver on your heads? Put the gun down.

Second in charge: impossible! Money falls on everyone's head, master

Supreme treasure: What did you say? Second in command!

(One hand caught the blind man)

How can you be my second husband when you are so spineless?

Blind man: Lord, I am not the second in charge. I am blind! He's the second in charge!

(referring to the second master)

Second husband: Yes, I am the second husband!

Supreme treasure: I don't know?

(pointing to the person next to him)

Did I say that the blind man was a disgrace?

(turning around)

You still run-!

(Catch up with a dog)

Look at you, sneaking around, bring disgrace to oneself, wearing long hair and putting on airs. How can you come out with me and wander the rivers and lakes, huh?

Second Master: Master, I'm here!

Supreme treasure: still not showing up?

(Looking around blankly)

Second Master: So there you are, Master! You got a seven-wound fist on Kunlun Mountain, and now the injury is starting to attack!

Supreme treasure: How dare you say that if you hadn't shrunk your neck that day, how could I have been hit in the nose?

Second master: This way, master!

Blind man: (shaking his head and sighing)

Seven Wounds Boxing really hurt Wang!

Second Master: Master, I am so scared that I kneel down! I heard that I was hit by a seven-wound fist. First of all, I became cross-eyed. Then, I was deaf and couldn't hear the sound. Finally, the voice got out of control and everything was out of tune. Finally, my internal organs exploded and I died! Master, are you serious about cross-eyed?

Supreme treasure: Who said I was cross-eyed? I just focused on one point and changed my previous view of things. Why? I can't make a rumor. Do you want to sit in my seat?

Second master: I dare not, master! Dare not!

Supreme treasure: dare not? I will trample you to death!

(Stepping on a clump of grass)

Dare not? I step on-! ..... After stepping on it for so long, even if it doesn't hurt, just handle it twice!

Second in command: (intentionally)

Ah! Oh, dear!

Supreme treasure: Roger that! Ok, let's get ready for the guy who killed Chunsanniang!

Everyone: huh? !

Supreme treasure: What are you afraid of? I have everything!

Supreme Bao went to kill Chunsanniang, but he was killed. )

Supreme treasure: It's not that easy to kill me. Ask my brothers first!

As soon as I turned around, I saw my people hiding outside the door, and I was furious. )

Supreme treasure: disloyal! You eat inside and choose outside! Oh, my God, kill us all if you can!

Everyone: spare my life, heroine!

(kneeling in succession)

Supreme treasure: idiot! Do you think she will let you go because she surrendered? Anything you say today, you have to fight her, you hear me?

Spring 30 Niang: Men have gold under their knees. Since they are willing to beg me, their lives are with me for the time being. As for you, you really have backbone!

When the Supreme Treasure heard this, he immediately raised his hands in the air, then jumped on him and begged for mercy. )

Spring 30 Niang: Ha ha ha! A willing son can teach!

(Supreme Treasure, clap your hands and thank you. )

Chunsanniang: Tell them to wash their feet and wait for me outside!

(They line up with their feet facing the sky, and Spring Thirty Niangs look at them one by one. )

Spring 30 Niang: How can there be a scar?

A crowd: it's either a scar or mud!

Chunsanniang: Wash it now, or I'll cut it off!

Second Master: Master, why does she look at our soles?

Supreme treasure: fortunately, I only look at the soles of my feet, not my ass. ......

Second husband: Are you afraid?

Supreme treasure: it is you who are afraid, not me. ......

Second husband: Why?

Supreme treasure: There are so many prickles on your ass, maybe she will say that your ass is not clean, cut it off!

Second husband: How do you know my ass? ...

Supreme treasure: The blind man said he peeked at what you saw in the shower.

Second husband: Why did you peek at me taking a shower?

Blind man: I didn't just peek at you, I peeked at everyone!

Everyone: huh? !

(Spring Thirty Niangs Go to the Supreme Treasure)

Chunsanniang: Why are you so hairy?

Supreme treasure: normal! I have more hair in other parts of my body. How's it going? Does it tickle your heart?

(Spring 30 Niang is furious and tears off a pinch of foot hair. )

Supreme treasure: ah!

Chunsanniang: You mean it grows more luxuriantly there?

Supreme treasure: no! Actually, I only have hair on my head and heels, which is probably the wrong place.

Chunsanniang: Starting today, I want you to check all the people who pass by here day and night!

Supreme treasure: check what?

Chunsanniang: Check the soles of your feet and tell me immediately if you find three moles!

(Say that finish turned to leave. )

Second Master: Master, we don't just rob people's soles. If peers find out, they will laugh at us for being abnormal!

Supreme Treasure: You can't beat her with an open gun and a clear knife, and it's hard to stop her if you stab someone in the back. Let her taste the five-poison ecstasy at night, rape first and then kill!

Second in command: Good plan!

Supreme treasure: Do you feel good? I will leave this task to you.

Second husband: How highly of me! Forget it!

(The Supreme Treasure suddenly falls to his knees. )

Second in charge: no need! Master, you don't have to kneel!

Supreme treasure: You think I'm going to kneel? It's my leg!

Master II: Master, your seven-wound boxing is getting worse and worse!

Supreme treasure: I still have hands. I won't give in! Hahaha!

(Walking with hands upside down, suddenly ...)

Ouch!

Second master: Wang has fallen into the cesspit! Master!

A Chinese Odyssey

(3)

(In the middle of the night, Mr. Zhong used ecstasy to make Chunsanniang look like a spider. Everyone worked together to hunt down spiders, but mistakenly regarded the Supreme Treasure walking on his feet as a spider essence and set fire to the lower parts of the Supreme Treasure. Fortunately, the second master stamped out the fire hard. )

Supreme treasure: Who burned me?

Everyone: (in chorus)

Not me! It's him!

(referring to the second master)

Supreme treasure: I knew it was you!

(to the second husband)

I have seen through your heart, spleen, lungs and kidneys. You want to sit in my seat, right?

Second Master: No, Master!

Blind man: Wang is not cross-eyed! Master, your seven wounds are all ready!

Supreme treasure: Yes! Why? I want to fight!

(Beat the second master)

Blind man: I see, the cure of the seven-wound boxing is to fight poison with poison, and the injury will add to the injury!

Supreme treasure: that makes sense! That makes sense!

Blind man: As for the second husband, he made an unintentional mistake! If he hadn't kicked your little brother, your injury wouldn't have healed so quickly!

Supreme treasure: Are you having an affair with him by defending him so much?

Blind man: (as a relative)

People are crazy about you!

Supreme treasure: Fuck you! Are you in spring? Kill your mother!

(Push the blind man away with one hand)

Have you finished the second husband's call to kill Chunsanniang?

Second in charge: Chunsanniang is a monster, spider essence!

Supreme treasure: Brother, how can a rational person like me accept such a ridiculous thing? Kill her!

Blind man: Huh? Master, did you leave like this? You're not afraid ......

Supreme treasure: What are you afraid of? I'm all right, but I'm afraid I can't cut her?

Second in charge: Good! Have balls!

Supreme treasure: You have the guts, don't you think?

Second husband: Yes, forget it!

Supreme treasure: Then you can take a man to her room to chop it up. I'll cover you from behind

Second husband: Why do I always go first?

(The second husband escaped halfway, so the Supreme Treasure had to touch Chunsanniang's room alone. After a long time, everyone saw the Supreme Treasure come out safely. )

Supreme treasure: (facing the room respectfully)

This is not a beautiful place, but it has a different flavor. You two will like living here. Good Night!

(Entering the door and going downstairs)

Blind man: Master, what's the matter? Are you a monster?

Supreme treasure: Yes! And very demon! Let my heart thump!

Suddenly the door opened and a young girl rushed out. )

Girl: Master, please stay!

(The Supreme Treasure immediately becomes personable. )

Girl: The elder sister said that Wang Renyi was chivalrous among chivalrous people. It's an honor to make friends with Rainbow. Please use the money you put on your brothers today to buy a bar!

Supreme treasure: hee hee hee! thank you very much for your kindness！

(The girl smiles and turns into the room. )

A bunch of people: Master, is your taste too bad?

Supreme treasure: each has its own merits!

(After that, he smiled and turned away.)

Blind man: Wow!

(crying)

(It turns out that the girl is Bai and Chun San Niang's school sister named. Because she had an indissoluble bond with the Monkey King 500 years ago, she came to Wuyue Mountain and other places with mixed feelings of love and hate to meet the reincarnation of Tang Sanzang. )

Supreme Bao fell in love at first sight, but she couldn't attract Jingjing's attention as soon as she dressed up. )

Supreme treasure: This is not a good idea. Why didn't Jingjing respond to my styling at all? Can't help it!

Supreme Bao shaved his beard, put on a scholar's costume and stood on the bridge waiting for Jingjing to appear. )

Supreme treasure: Hehe!

Bai Jingjing: Who?

Supreme treasure: the night is long and I have no intention of sleeping. I thought I was the only one who couldn't sleep? What's wrong with me? Abuse. ? BR & gt

Bai Jingjing: Yes! I wonder why Wang Can can't sleep.

Supreme treasure: It's because of Jingjing.

Bai Jingjing: Me! ?

Supreme treasure: not bad. After seeing Jingjing, I decided to turn over a new leaf and stop being a thief. To show my sincerity to that girl, I don't want to see me again. ......

(Laughing and responding)

Does it look nice?

Bai Jingjing: You smelly monkey!

Supreme treasure: huh? Smelly monkey?

Bai Jingjing: the Monkey King!

Supreme treasure: the Monkey King?

Bai Jingjing: You just need to be human?

Supreme treasure: human? !

Bai Jingjing: It seems that if I don't need Samadhi Bones Fire, you won't admit it!

(The jade hand pointed, and the Supreme Treasure's hand caught fire immediately)

Supreme treasure: Do you still need it? Burn again! Why-? Why-?

Bai Jingjing: Am I mistaken?

(Fly forward to put out the fire)

Supreme treasure: Wow! Why did you burn me with a flame?

Bai Jingjing: Why did you shave off your beard? Do you know that you have no personality without a beard?

Supreme treasure: Really?

Bai Jingjing: Well, you can't write in Chinese or use force. You don't want to be a mountain thief. Do you want to be a champion?

Supreme treasure: I thought about it. ......

Bai Jingjing: Save it! Change your image and be a promising mountain thief!

Supreme treasure: I see, I will definitely continue to work hard!

(turns and runs)

Bai Jingjing: It doesn't look like anything. It looks like a smelly monkey!

(The Supreme Treasure returns to his room. )

Supreme treasure: what a failure! Jingjing likes my rough side!

Put the shaved beard back on your face and look at yourself in the mirror. It's beautiful. )

Although it was a little messy, it finally recovered!

(and puts a bunch of beards on his forehead)

(The Supreme Treasure falls asleep after washing his feet and covering his face with a cloth, and returns to water curtain cave in his sleep. )

Schreiber: You are back in water curtain cave.

Supreme treasure: what? Water curtain cave! Who are you? Why do you always bring me here?

Voice-over: No one brought you here. You want to come back. A person always wants to come back after leaving home for a long time!

(The Supreme Treasure suddenly seems to see himself as a monkey. )

Supreme treasure: Don't fool me. My home is atNo. B1 10 1 on the fourth side of Wuyue Mountain. No , you 're going the wrong way. Did you hear that? Please don't bother me again!

Suddenly, the Supreme Treasure was awakened by a blind man, and the dream was over. )

A Chinese Odyssey

(4)

(The axe gang went to check the soles of passers-by. Supreme Bao found a bunch of grapes, but it turned out to be bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi.

Supreme treasure: what an old mother! What an old mother!

Bodhi Bodhi: I became a grape!

Supreme treasure: where are you?

Bodhi Bodhi: I'm in your pants!

Supreme treasure: Wow! Such a big lump!

Bodhi Bodhi: That lump is yours, and I am behind you!

(The Supreme Treasure found grapes from the lower back. )

Supreme treasure: it's great to see you again!

Bodhi Bodhi: Do you believe it now?

Supreme treasure: I believe it! Why do monsters appear here?

Bodhi Bodhi: Idiot!

(Come out of the back room and pick a grape from the Supreme Treasure to eat)

I tell you, these monsters are waiting for Tang Sanzang to reappear. Five hundred years ago, the Monkey King was destroyed by Master Guanyin. In order to save him, Tang Sanzang, his master, bought the Monkey King a second chance to be born again with his life, hoping that the monkey could turn over a new leaf.

Supreme Treasure: Why is Tang Sanzang here? You haven't told me yet!

Bodhi Bodhi: Not bad. Tang Sanzang is not afraid to learn from Purdue through hardships, and hopes to influence the world with scriptures. All the gods and buddhas in the sky are influenced by his spirit.