Urgent for the latest funny joke! ! Ok, there are extra points!

the eldest brother and the second brother are flying, and the second brother is airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag was full, so the boss had to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I saw that this bag was full, so I had to drink half a bag, and they all vomited."

The eldest brother and the second brother went to the theater to see the play, and saw them arguing about the plot development halfway, and made a bet on it. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should have a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost, so the boss frowned and took a sip. The two went on to bet on the following plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw that the second child picked up a spittoon and gulped fifteen mouthfuls. The boss was shocked and admired, and said to the second child, "You are amazing, you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " The second shook his head. "It's not that I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting!" "

medical students gathered around the body covered with white cloth for the first time to have a real anatomy class. The professor began to lecture. "As a doctor, you must have two important qualities. First, you must not be afraid of nausea.". After that, the professor uncovered the white cloth, inserted his finger into the anus of the corpse, then pulled it out and put it in his mouth to suck. "Learn to do", he told his classmates. The students felt sick and hesitated for a long time, but finally they had to do it in turn. When the last person finished, the professor added, "The second quality is observation. I inserted my middle finger but sucked it. Students, pay attention to observation! "

I heard that it hurts for the first time. How did it hurt?

imagine putting a carrot in your nose.

what about having a baby? I heard it hurts more?

imagine putting a watermelon in your nose and pulling it out.

....................

Why is it so comfortable to have sex? ?

it's like picking your nose, of course it's comfortable.

then why are women more comfortable during sex?

Because when you pick your nose, it's your nose, not your fingers!

Then why do they seem to be in pain when they are raped?

if one day you are walking on the road and someone suddenly comes to pick your nose, will you be comfortable?

then why can't you have sex when your period comes?

if you have a nosebleed, will you continue to pick your nose?

why don't many men like to wear condoms?

would you like to wear gloves to pick your nose?

I won't post it. Be careful that someone will suddenly come to help you pick your nose.

An American is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the American asked, "What do you do with the leftover shrimp shells?"

"of course," the waiter said.

“NO！ NO！ NO！” The American shook his head and said, "In our United States, leftover shrimp shells are sent to factories, canned and then sold to you in China."

After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The American pointed to one of the lemons and asked, "What do you do with the leftover lemon peel?" "Of course it was," the waiter said.

“NO！ NO！ NO！”

The American shook his head and said, "In our United States, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory to make fruit treasures, and then sold to your China."

When checking out, the American asked the waiter with a smile while chewing gum, "What do you do with the leftover gum?" "Spit it up, of course," the waiter said.

“NO！ NO！ NO！”

The American shook his head and said proudly, "In our United States, the chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China."

The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know how to deal with used condoms in China?"

"throw it away, of course," said the American humanist.

The waiter shook his head and said, "NO! NO！ NO！ In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum, and then sold to your United States. "

the status quo of virgins: a number of them are accidentally self-damaged, some are destroyed by criminals, some are deceived by emotional swindlers, some are bankrupt through legal procedures, and some are left behind after seeing through the world of mortals.

You saw a pile of poop in front of you, smelled it like poop, felt it when you dug it, and it must be poop when you tasted it. You said happily, I'm glad I didn't step on it!

When the last bullet is left, German soldiers will smash all the weapons in their hands, put on straight military uniforms and surrender, and be treated like knights.

when the last bullet was left, the American soldiers surrendered on their knees in the standard surrender posture of the army textbook, but they still muttered, "grandpa's. . . 。” Beaten up by a gang on the spot. After returning home, he was regarded as a hero, and the media unanimously said: "He was in the case of a rifle jam. . . . . 。”

When the last bullet was left, the British soldiers took out exquisite tea sets, had lunch and waited for surrender leisurely.

When the last bullet was left, Japanese soldiers knew that there was no hope of breaking through. In order to satisfy their sexual desire before they died, they would rape all the female species around them. Then, tied with explosives, I tried to die together, and as a result, I was beaten into a dead hornet's nest, and there was another devil in the net country shit society.

When the last bullet was left, Italian soldiers hid in the cesspit. When they were found, they swallowed three mouthfuls of shit and were released on the spot as mental derangement.

When the last bullet was left, China soldiers calmly shot the front enemy in the head, then went up to fight for bayonets. After fighting for N bullets, they seized the enemy's weapons and rushed out of the tight encirclement while the enemy was scared. And return to the country.

1. An American, a Japanese and a China were all caught by the cannibal tribe when they explored the jungle.

But the tribal chieftain said, "I'm in a good mood today, but you all have to get a hundred boards, but before you get a board,

you can have a wish come true." The first person to get hit by the board was an American. He said, "Give me 1 cushions on my ass before getting hit by the board." The mat board rained down on the previous 7 boards. After 7 boards, the cushion was smashed, and then the board saw blood ... After the fight, the United States always left with its ass touched. After seeing it, the Japanese also asked for 1 mattresses ... After 1, the Japanese got up.

Pat their ass and boasted about their imitation ability and re-creation ability with their mouths open.

And I want to sit and watch the Chinese people's drama. The China people slowly squatted down and said leisurely, "Come and put the Japanese on my mat, face up" ...

3. There was an airplane with an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on it. The plane suddenly ran out of gas in the middle, and the captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the American used his personal heroism to go to the hatch and shout. ! And then I jumped! The plane continued to fly ... At this moment, the captain announced that the weight was still too heavy, and one person had to jump! So the Germans stood up, walked to the hatch of the plane and shouted: Long live the German Empire! Also jumped down! The plane continued to fly ..... At this moment, the captain announced: No, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump! China took one look at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese quickly came over and held the hand of China: Good brother, I won't forget you! China people shouted: Long live the Chinese people and the country! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! .......

A driver was fined by the traffic police often when he went out, but there was nothing he could do. When he got home, he became dejected and unhappy. His wife asked him why he was unhappy, and her husband told her the reason. After listening, the wife said,' Nothing, don't we have a son? Later, I will change my name and call the traffic police. If you are punished, you will scold the traffic police when you get home. If you don't take it out, you will call the traffic police. If it really doesn't work, you will fuck the traffic police mother hard.

A French explorer lost his way in the desert. When he was dying, he suddenly saw a fairy coming slowly. The explorer quickly shouted, "Fairy, help me! I haven't drunk water for three days! " . The fairy thought for a moment, frowned, but stepped back. Soon, I brought a cup of cranberry juice to the explorer. After drinking it, the explorer said, "I want another cup." The fairy sighed and said, "No, it won't be there until next month."

tadpole's suicide note One day, a woman went to the lake to swim in the water. Because there was no one around, she stripped off her clothes and went into the water. There was a white tadpole living in the lake. (Mutation) The white tadpole saw a black hole in the water and swam in. When the woman finished swimming, she put on her clothes and went home. After a few days, the woman felt sick and there was something in her stomach, so she went to the hospital. Open an operation for her and find a dead tadpole in it. There is a letter next to the tadpole's body, which reads: "The tadpole's suicide note". "Since I lived in this black hole, I have been beaten by disorderly sticks every day, and ............ has been besieged by similar people. ..............

In the holy church, the priest said to the girls," Whoever touches a man's body can be exempted from punishment after being washed with my holy water. "The first girl was washed.

19. The girl came home in the middle of the night and was attacked by seven thugs. When she was in danger, an aunt stepped forward and rescued the girl. In a radio interview, the aunt said: Actually, I didn't think about anything at that time. I just thought about this good thing, but I can't take advantage of that little slut!

A plane crashed on an island. Only one American, one China and one Japanese survived, but they met a cannibal on the island. The patriarch told them that as long as the total length of DD of the three of you exceeds 2 cm, we won't eat you. The American measured first, his length was 12 cm, then China's, and his length was 7 cm. The Americans and China were relieved. At this time, it was the Japanese's turn to measure. His length was exactly 2 cm, and the total length of the three people was more than 2 cm. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief ... After the cannibal left, the American said, "My length is more than half, and you wouldn't have finished early without me. China people were unconvinced and said, Ya, my length is equal to the average, and you wouldn't have finished early without me.

After a while. If I hadn't got an erection just now, you'd all be finished! !

I've seen it! ! ! ! No, it's not from China.

When a small mountain village was developed, a female reporter went to interview it. When she arrived at the village entrance, she saw an old man there, and she decided to interview the old man first. "Uncle, is there anything in your life that makes you feel happier?" The female reporter asked. The old man took a sip of his cigarette and said with a little excitement, "One year, the Lao family lost their sheep. We all searched for it for three days and nights, and finally found it in a small ravine. It was very cold and windy at that time, and everyone was bored, so they began to fuck the sheep in turn. Oh, cool! " The female reporter didn't expect him to say this, which was a bit embarrassing, but she couldn't help it. Then she asked, "That uncle, is there anything that makes you feel happier in your life?" The old man took a puff at his cigarette and said with great excitement, "One year, the daughter-in-law of Lao Wang's family was lost. We all searched for it for three days and nights, and finally found it in a small ravine. At that time, it was very cold and windy, and everyone was bored, so they began to fuck Lao Wang's daughter-in-law in turn. Cool! Really cool! " At this time, the female reporter was very embarrassed, so she wanted to change the topic and then asked, "Uncle, is there anything in your life that makes you feel more painful?" The old man knocked on the tobacco pot, with tears in his eyes, and said painfully, "One year, I lost it. . . . 。”

Dad's suicide note to his 4-year-old daughter (after reading it, I can't believe it) was forwarded to his lovely daughter: You can find Dad after eating the cake for ten times

Dad played hide-and-seek with you many times, and you found him out at once every time. But this time, dad decided to hide for a long time.

Don't look for it yet. When you are fourteen years old (and have to finish the cake ten times), ask Mommy where Dad is hiding.

Okay?

if dad has to hide for so long, you will miss dad, won't you?

however, dad can't just run out, or he will lose.

If you still miss your dad, he will turn into magic. Because it's magic, it doesn't really appear, so no foul, dad doesn't lose.

Dad's magic is: while you are sleeping, run to your dream and play games.

When you draw a picture of your father, whether it looks good or not, you think it's your father, that is, your father.

When you look at your father's photo, your father is secretly looking at you ...

Remember, your father has been with you all the time.

You are already a four-year-old elder sister. Your father has to ask you one thing, asking you to take care of and be filial to your grandpa, grandma and mommy. How good it is, Mommy will tell you.

Dad guessed that we would play hide-and-seek for so long this time. Grandpa, grandma and Mommy sometimes can't see Dad, so they will definitely cry. Sneaking is a foul and a failure. If they cry secretly, you should make them laugh, or they will cry even more after losing the game.

ok, baby? You are from the same country, come to the game to see if you are good or dad.

Are you ready? The game is about to start.

A letter from my daughter to my father ten years later. . .

playful dad, where are you hiding?

didn't you say I could find you after eating the cake ten times?

In the past ten years, I have listened to your father's words very much. In order not to break the rules, I was afraid that I would lose the game and never see you again. I tried to take care of my grandpa, grandma and mommy. They cried and I made them laugh.

Dad, they finally laughed! I won! The game is over. You should come back, right?

it turns out that ... it's not right!

I'm looking forward to your father's coming back and playing hide-and-seek with me again, but my mother told me that I would never see you again!

I lost your playful father ten years ago ...

Dad, why did you have the heart to lie to your favorite daughter?

in the past ten years, every time I eat a cake, I miss you more and more!

The more I look forward to our meeting in ten years.

The accumulation of ten years really makes me lose even more painfully!

Ten years ago, if you had given me a choice,

I'd rather my father didn't lie to me. You should trust your daughter!

I will be strong, and I will work harder to make grandpa, grandma and mommy laugh.

Or … lie to me for a lifetime, play hide-and-seek with me for a lifetime, and let me win back your father for a lifetime.

Today, ten years later, I have not alleviated the shock of losing you.

Although it hurts, I will try my best in my life, and I will not disappoint your love.

I will not disappoint your painstaking efforts to play hide-and-seek with me for ten years.

A grown-up daughter

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. How can I get back to normal if I eat cucumbers and eat watermelons? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

During the Cultural Revolution, the train was extremely crowded, and a gentleman took advantage of the parking to stick his ass out of the window to defecate. When the train was about to start, the conductor shouted during the last patrol: Passengers with big faces ahead, please.