Give me some great jokes

1. All relationships that are not for the purpose of marriage are just hooliganism! Haha, happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! Don't be a hooligan, don't be a hooligan! You can find the right one!

2. A classmate walked into the dormitory and announced to everyone: "I will never buy cigarettes again, I want to quit smoking!" Everyone expressed support and lent him their cigarettes.

3. Since these days, I have always wanted to say three words to you, but I am afraid that if I say it, I will not be able to become even an ordinary friend. But I can’t control it, and I still want to say: Lend some money!

4. The first ray of sunshine in the morning is my deepest blessing to you. The last blush of the setting sun is my sincere greeting to you: "How are you, fool."

5. When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face and high nose, , charming eyes, sexy mouth, blessed ears, you will sigh loudly - pig!

6. Once the leg of our dormitory table was short, so we used a turtle to cushion it. After a semester, it was still alive in the end, and two guys called me a beast.

7. I am obsessed with sex, I only care about money, I have three meals at public expense, and I cheat all over the place. I don't recognize my relatives, I lie to my superiors and my subordinates, I have everything I want, I hold an important position, and I am completely corrupt.

8. The stars are shining brightly tonight, and the scenery is very romantic on the other side of your house. I hope I can have you by my side. Pick it up and read it on the spot, you are either a fool or a fool. 9. A person may need very little in his life. A glass of water, a bowl of rice, and a sentence of "I love you". But I hope that the water is the rice you pour. I love you because you said it to me personally.

10. The head is like a carrot, the body is like a watermelon, the face is like a banana, and it is sour like a hawthorn. Guess who it is. Come on. ——It turns out to be you, you big fool!

11. One day, a farmer found that one pig was missing. After searching for a long time, he finally found the pig. It turned out that he was hiding in the corner reading text messages on his mobile phone!

12. The professor asked a beautiful but not smart girl to explain the difference between adultery and premarital sex. The girl hesitated and said: I have tried both, and there seems to be no difference. < /p>

14. The happiest thing in life is that I can do things that others can’t do. For example, I can send you text messages to scold you, but you don’t know who I am, hahaha!

< p> 15. I heard that a toad jumped out of the lake and was run over by a car. I have been very worried. I will send you a text message immediately. If you are still alive, please reply to me!

16! , please note: There is a missing patient in the mental hospital, please be careful. Characteristics of this patient: He likes to laugh while reading text messages on his mobile phone.

17. I heard that you are coming to our house. , my brother will pick you up on my behalf. In order to confirm your identity, please hold two bottles of fine cigarettes in your left hand and two bottles of Maotai liquor in your right hand.

18. The coal seller and the egg seller are fighting. Everyone looked on, and the egg seller said: Everyone, is there anyone like him? When I shouted: Egg! He shouted: He is selling coal!

19. Thinking back to the days when we got together, I I am in a daze. Your energetic body always comes into my dreams with the moonlight, making me care about you.

20. If you forward this message 3 times, you will have good luck. ;Repost 6 times and you will be lucky; repost 10 times and you will be lucky; repost 20 times and you will spend 2 yuan!

21. The son asked his father seriously: "Dad, How much does it cost to get married? Dad: "It's hard to calculate!" Because dad is still paying the bills to this day!

22. Your face is more beautiful than Chen Shimei, your eyes are brighter than Zhuge Liang; my love is deeper than Lu Zhishen, my love is longer than Guan Yunchang, but my promise is empty than Sun Wukong.

23. If your phone balance is insufficient, please follow the prompts to recharge: burn a hundred yuan note to ashes, open the back cover of the phone, pour the ashes in and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation.

24. The bear and the rabbit were defecating in the forest. The bear asked the rabbit: "Does it not matter if the fur is stained with feces?" The rabbit replied: "It does not matter!" So the bear wiped his vagina with the rabbit.

25. Doctor: "Hey! Wake up!" Patient: "What's going on?" Doctor: "It's time to take sleeping pills." Patient: "Ah, I almost forgot.< /p>

26. You are no longer who you were yesterday, and you will not be who you are tomorrow. Do you want to know what you will be like tomorrow?

27. My dear, I ordered a song called "Dang" by Power Train. Now please hit the basin with your head... Do you hear "Dang"? Okay, the song is over!

28. There are two things I have always wanted to say to you, and I finally got the courage today: the first one, I love you and I like you so much; the second one, don’t take the first one seriously.

29. Don’t get drunk again. Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a wine glass and shouting: “Are you brothers? It was my brother who did it!

30. One day I went to the zoo to see the orangutans and I vomited! Another day, you went to see the orangutan and vomited! I don't understand why the gap between people is so big?

31. You are a book and I am a bag, you are a mouse and I am a cat, you are wood and I am glue, you are pork and I am a knife, we have such a good relationship, you will pay for tonight’s dinner!

32. You are cool, you are cool. You drink water from the reservoir, sleep in the ancient tomb, have waterfalls flowing from your mouth, and your limbs are like sleepers. You think you are Diao Chan Lu Bu, but in fact you are an Antarctic native.

33. Warmth is what I want to give you. Keeping warm is what you should pay attention to. Care is what I want to give you. It is natural to remind you. It is cold, so pay attention to adding clothes to keep warm.

34. You are a little smart, I am a little silly; you are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; you are a little fragrant, I am a little drunk; if you are angry, I will not lose my temper.

35. Under the starry sky, a man and a woman were sitting by the lake. A bright moon shone on the lake. This was the man saying affectionately to the woman: "Eat."

36. Hello! I am the nephew of the legendary Xiaoqiang, and I specially flew here from Afghanistan to wish you the happy birthday!

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37. If you think you have a high IQ, press the button. If you think you are quite humorous, press the button. If you think you are quite attractive, press the button. Test result: quite shameless!

< p> 38. It’s your name that impresses me; it’s your appearance that attracts me; it’s your money that surrounds me; it’s your fingers that wrap around me; it’s your body that holds me close; it’s our child that binds me!

39. Success attracts success, and migrant workers attract migrant workers; flowers attract butterflies, and butterflies attract bees. But you are the most different, specializing in attracting flies, no wonder you are called a toilet.

40. Is your Mandarin good enough? Please chant with me: Wanwangwang, Wanwangwang, Wangwang, Wangwang, Wangwang, Wangwang. Okay! Stop barking, dog.

41. People are alive. It’s so tiring! I feel like I have to wait in line to get on the bus. I’m so tired at work. Oh, even sending a text message to a pig is charged.

42. What a coincidence, my nose looks like a fried dough stick, my eyes are like red peppers, my eyebrows are like two knives, and I walk sideways, like a crab about to faint!

43. Miss, you are so beautiful, let me. Kiss your mouth. Miss, you are so naughty, let me rub your waist. Miss, you are so mean, why do you unbutton my belt?

44. You really want to know what I like? What's your point? But I really don't dare to say it, but I have to say it.

45. The bamboo board is so good, let's do it. Don’t brag, brag that you look like a flower. Although you look like a flower, you are droopy. You can eat three of Goubuli’s buns in one bite!

46. I am willing to wait under the stars! , wait until a star is moved by me, cuts through the silence of the night sky for me, is filled with my wishes, falls on your sleeping pillow and kills you

47. Seismic Station Prediction: Tonight! There will be a micro-earthquake tomorrow morning. For your safety, please sleep under the bed tonight with a quilt on your head and a straw in your nostrils.

48. Once upon a time, there was a piece of love from Lanaha in front of me, but I didn’t take any care of it. Now I regret it so much! I want to shout loudly now: I love tiger oil!

49. If I ride a horse, you can call me the groom; if I drive a car, you can call me the coachman; if I am an accountant, what should you call me?

50. One day you will understand that being kind is harder than being beautiful. Beauty is a gift, and kindness is a choice. Of course, if you can choose beauty, who the hell wouldn't choose it.

51. Congratulations! You have won the 1 million yuan mobile text message to welcome the New Year prize. Please bring your saber, shotgun and cannon to the Bank of China on Valentine’s Day with your face masked to claim it!

52. You whisper that you love me and let me lean against your chest. Your gentle words gently touch my heartstrings. The world belongs to the two of us, and our hearts are tightly connected.

53. My dear, there are some things I can’t wait to tell you. I miss you day and night, especially your face. I would like to ask you one more question - how many days have you not washed your face?

54. You are so pitiful. Today is obviously your birthday but you still have to go to work, but it doesn’t matter because you have received my blessing. I believe you will be very happy today!

55. I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that your endurance has won my respect; the bad news is that I will work harder to repair you!

56. I threw you a bun, and from then on there was a legend and a saying. The legend is called "The Legend of the Hungry Wolf" and the afterword is "The meat bun beats the dog and there is no return"!

57. Every time the wind and rain are miserable, I am the one who cares for you. When there is famine, I will bring you food. Your honest and honest expression makes me excited. In fact, raising a pig is quite a sense of accomplishment!

58. The person who receives the message is an Egyptian mummy, the person who deletes the message is an African bed bug, the person who replies is a Rwandan wild boar, and the person who does not reply is a Thai shemale whose surgery was unsuccessful!

59. A group of Dai girls came slowly. Their figures were so slender, their steps were so light, and their manners were generous, like a group of beautiful fairies descending from the sky.

60. Sometimes people are really like the moon in the sky and the lake on the ground. They take pictures of each other only when they are far apart. I miss you very much. For us, the end of the world is just a few steps away!

61. Do you know why I like you? The face of a baby is playful, the body of a panda is naive, the ears with windy ears are good luck, and the steps are swaying and funny. You are the best match for watching the exhibition.

62. The husband wants to travel far and have fun with his wife, but the wife says that her period is coming. The husband wants to pluck the vagina again, and the wife complains that hemorrhoids are ruptured. The husband was furious and said that if he talks about mouth ulcers again, he will be killed!

63. Guess: A piece of bamboo on Hanshan Temple. If you don’t have the intention to fly away separately, and the slightest affection comes and goes, make it a cupless gold, and the swans and birds will fly around the pond. Bottom; wait for you to give me money.

64. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a fool. He was so stupid that no matter what question he was asked, he would just shake his head or answer "no". Have you heard of this story?

65. Your little arms are so delicate that you think you have special skills. Her chest is so high that she pretends to be able to use a sword. His thighs are thick, he walks with a whistling sound, and he complains about the earth's universal gravity.

66. My dear, I'm so sorry. I killed the mosquito you sent to visit me yesterday. To express my apology, I decided to send a nest of mosquitoes to visit you today.

67. Big Big Wolf caught Lazy Sheep and let it go instead of eating it. Do you know why? Let me tell you, Lazy Sheep is also thinking and wondering?

68. Seismological station forecast: There will be micro-earthquakes tonight to tomorrow morning. For your safety, please sleep under the bed tonight with a quilt on your head, a toilet on your head, and a straw in your nostrils.

69. I want to watch you talk, but why do you bury your face in your vagina? . oh? I'm sorry, I didn't know that was your face, so where did your a** go?

70. One day, I met you on the street. I looked at you with disdain and said you are fat. Why are you wearing a belt? Just say it’s cool without even looking at it, why are you doing handstands!

71. You are very creative. Living is your courage. Being ugly is not your original intention. It is God who lost his temper. Live, without you, who will bring out the beauty of the world!

72. Will I never see you again? Why should I?

Many people don't need to see each other again because they are just passing by. Forgetting is the best memorial we can give each other.

73. Why do people always blame pigs for things they don’t want to admit when they say they are fat, lazy and stupid? You are furious: don't insult me ??again, don't eat pigs if you have seeds.

74. I wish: The leader is partial to you, the government is with you, the court is facing you, the official fortune is with you, the wife is at your mercy, you can eat and drink as you please, the fortune is with you, and you are the only one who wins!

75. I know you have no money, but even if you are poor, you should be ambitious. You would rather be a duck than go out to rob women at night! hateful!

76. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a fool. He was so stupid that no matter what question he was asked, he would just shake his head or answer "no". Have you heard of this story?

77. You are a dark crow, a green frog, a fragrant sweet potato, and a fresh lobster. I would like to greet you gently: Are you okay now?

78. Notice: Leaders will inspect the work tomorrow morning. Colleagues, please dress uniformly as required. Men: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; women: swimsuit, trousers and leather shoes!

79. The little pig cried sadly, and the mother pig asked, why are you crying? Piggy said: I feel stupid. My mother comforted me and said: Don’t cry, the pig reading this text message is stupider than you!

80. A little lamb is about to be slaughtered. The butcher came to catch it fiercely, but the little lamb said impassionedly: "Don't be afraid of death, wait until I finish reading this message."

81. The beggar took the monkey along the street to beg, and he told the monkey to laugh. It laughs, it cries when you ask it to cry, it bows when you ask it to bow, it reads text messages when it is asked to read it.

82. Countless nights when I miss you, I think of spending time with you. In the happy time, I pray to the shooting stars that I can meet you in the next life and fall in love with you until the end of time!

83. After the English test, the English teacher said to the class representative: Let the students who don’t have PASS stay. As a result, the class representative wrote on the blackboard: After school, those who are not afraid of death will stay.

84. There is a teacher cafeteria in a school that is open to students. It says on the door that it sells teachers as well as students, but teachers are sold first. , sell out to teachers, then to students, until sold out

85. Standing under the tall building, my heart felt sad, and my face was wet, with a salty taste. Is it rain or tears? Sky...who is peeing upstairs!

86. I like crawling around on you, touching every inch of your skin, and lying in your arms. I can’t leave you for a moment. , I love you - Sofa!

87. I had a dream last night, and God ordered me to send text messages to ten pigs, otherwise I will be single for the rest of my life. It’s miserable, except for you. I still can’t find the second one.

88. Life becomes uncomfortable without you by my side. I hate that unscrupulous third party for stealing you. Come back to me soon. Come on! My beloved wallet!

89. Today is your birthday. Your friend ordered a song called "Dang" for you. Please knock it hard on the floor with your phone. Okay, the song order is over.

90. Since this girl dominates one side and brings trouble to all parties, when I develop my skills and have a successful career, I can repay my parents. I will definitely risk my life to capture her alive and take her to the Civil Affairs Bureau. Farewell!

91. Baby, the weather is so hot, do you sleep well and still dream with a smile? The weather is so good today, remember to take a shower in the afternoon, lest your fragrance will knock me down tomorrow!

92. A fat woman often boasted about her good figure and insisted on complimenting her. He said: She is really plump. How could you apply Feng Yun Dan to her waist?

93. Emergency order: You want money but no talent, you want talent but no talent, and you want looks but no appearance. You have been classified as a person with no status. You must leave the city within 24 hours after receiving the order, otherwise you will be severely punished.

94. Starting tomorrow, the city government has decided to eliminate all mentally handicapped young people who are ugly and detract from the appearance of the city! Pack your things and go out to avoid the limelight. Don’t say I informed you, remember!

95. Every time the App pops up various windows for positive reviews, I choose "cruel rejection", hoping that this can establish a tough guy user image in the minds of these companies.

96. The family is governed smoothly, the life is Kangxi, the character is Yongzheng, the career is Qianlong, everything is prosperous, the future is bright, the wealth is abundant, the internal and external are governed together, the Emperor is Guangxu, and everyone is proclaimed!

97. You have high blood pressure and high blood lipids, but your position is not high. He doesn't speak in general meetings, he doesn't speak in small meetings, and his prostate is inflamed. The political achievements are not outstanding, the performance is not outstanding, and the lumbar disc is prominent.

98. During the lecture, the female teacher’s pants were unzipped. A girl stood up and reminded the teacher that your door is not closed! The teacher waved his hand and ignored it, and the dean would come to visit soon.

99. You are still so charming, wearing a plaid vest, walking leisurely, looking aloof and cute. I really don’t know how you could beat the rabbit at that time?

100. A friend went to buy a cake and came back with Zhuge Cangzang written on it. We all wondered who Zhuge Cangzang was. My friend said: I was hungry just to get more cream.

101. Emergency reminder: Look to your left, and then to your right. Please be careful of a psychopath who has just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with his mobile phone.

102. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a fool. He was very stupid. When people asked him any question, he would only shake his head or answer 'No'. Have you heard of this story?

103. The first time I see you! I like you so much! You also noticed me, you smiled brightly and kept waving to me, I couldn't help but hug you! Cute Lucky Cat!

104. The white clouds in the sky are slowly passing by, the creek in the valley is gurgling, your beloved girl is passing by in a hurry, and your pants are falling off... Your vagina is on fire.

105. I have always wanted to say to you, thank you for appearing in my life. I rely on you in this life. For you, I can go through fire and water, take desperate risks...money!

106. I miss my childhood so much: I remember my primary school teacher scolding me: "I'll kick you out with a slap!" I wanted to laugh but didn't dare. Now, I dare to laugh but I can’t.

107. Recently, there has been chaos in the martial arts world. The dragon-slaying sword has reappeared in the world, and rivers of blood have flowed. The martial arts warriors are running to tell each other, hoping that your face can be made into a shield to save all people from the fire and water!

108. If you forward this text message 3 times, you will have wealth; if you forward it 6 times, you will have official luck; if you forward it 10 times, you will have good luck; if you forward it 20 times, you will spend 3 yuan. money!

109. I desperately look for you at night. I am waiting for you naked. I cannot live without you in ***. You are the only one who can make me comfortable. Where are you... pajamas.

110. A puppy quietly said to a mouse: Do you like me? Mouse said affectionately: I like you very much. You can understand text messages and pretend to be human.