Collect jokes related to "pigs" (let me give an example first)

One day I said to a friend, "You are a pig." He said, "I'm a pig,no." From now on, I will call him a pig. One day, he couldn't help it and said to me, "I'm not a pig!" "

1 I miss those days very much. You wriggled in front of me and walked on the country road with your head down. When the villagers saw you, they all praised you: Hey, it's beautiful and clean! Also praised me: what a good boy, coming out to release pigs in such a small grade!

There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said that it belongs to the constellation of Big Pig, and there will be a big pig flying through the sky. It's a pity that I want to sleep, so you will be fine. There are so many people watching you fly!

3 I saw you put your hand into the price checking machine in the supermarket the other day, and it showed 8 yuan's trotters. You thought there was something wrong with the machine, so you put your head in, and I almost died laughing: 18 yuan, the pig!

4 the first part: handsome in the top, the second part: pig in the bottom, and the horizontal part: Marshal Tianpeng. May I have your name?

the pig's request

the pig asks God to be a thoroughly remoulded person.

god asked: farming? Pig A: Too bitter!

god said: work? Pig a: Too tired!

god said: be a monkey? Pig A: It's too difficult!

god asked: what do you want? A: You can eat, play and go whoring.

god was shocked and said, shit! Be a civil servant!

Image contrast

An obese woman came to a meat stall and

wanted to buy four catties of pork for 725 yuan. "You are amazing," said the salesman.

"Just buy five catties!" The fat woman quickly explained, "You don't know, < P > I'm losing weight, and I've already lost four catties of 725 yuan. I want to see how big a piece of meat this is."

The son asked his father,

"Which is bigger, one or twenty?

dad: "twenty, of course!

son: "Then I got 2. Isn't it better than the first place?"!

The factory director said to the new guard,

"You should pay attention to it. Don't let the employees smuggle the products out of the factory!

After work, the guards carefully checked the purses of every employee, but they were all empty.

One day, the guards couldn't help asking the factory director curiously

"What exactly does our factory produce?"

The factory director replied, "purses"

There was an accident on the road ...

Many people gathered around to see ... a reporter came late ... crowded.

The crowd of onlookers really opened a road ... I was impressed that the reporter also took photos of the scene ...

It won the appreciation of colleagues ...

Another day ... there was a traffic accident ...

The reporter was late again ... and he couldn't squeeze in ... He shouted ..

"I am the son of the injured. ! The car was crushed by a turtle! !

The handsome boy said to his father ..

"I like pretty girls .. Please promise to let us get married! !

Dad looks sad: "I'll tell you the truth, son ...

She was planted by your dad when he was young ...

She's your sister ... you can't marry her ..."

Handsome boy was moping all day ...

Mom saw it ... and it was very unbearable. I have a sore throat ... when I went to the hospital ... the doctor said,

"Your tonsils are inflamed ... you'd better remove them"

Half a year later, Mr. Wu's abdomen hurts again ... When I arrived at the hospital, the doctor said,

"Your cecum is inflamed ... you must remove it"

A few months later, Mr. Wu came to see the doctor again .. !

In a class in Chenggongling, I saw that one of the class soldiers was shaking all the time.

When the monitor saw it, he asked loudly, "xxx, what are you doing?

The class soldier couldn't help but say, "Report to the monitor, student xxx is going to be number one."

Only when the monitor heard this, he unhurriedly shouted, "That number one over there is coming, and he wants to fuck you.

M: Will you marry me?

female: I've known you for so long. Why did you propose to me now?

Male: Because I am timid and afraid of death ... so ...

Female: Then why do you dare to propose to me now?

M: Because according to statistics, married men live longer than single men! ! !

The disciple asked, "How to divide a frog from a toad?

master replied solemnly, "I'm sorry about toad except for his appearance.

This article was told by a friend:

A couple in a friend's neighborhood quarreled, and suddenly

a doctor from a mental hospital came to arrest "Mr."

Mr. Wang said: I'm not crazy!

The doctor said: Every madman also said that he was not crazy.

So the poor gentleman was arrested.

Finally, his son bailed him out.

Surely everyone knows who called someone to arrest him!

~? ~.? ! ? !

Words: Cao Pi forced Cao Zhi to write a poem in seven steps.

Planting: boiling beans ............................................................................................................................................

Mr. Tai Shi said: This word "root" is well written!

when talking about Battle of Red Cliffs, Cao Cao invaded the south and met Sun Liu's allied troops at Chibi. Cao Cao had a younger sister named Cao Yu, who was not recorded in history. Cao Cao knew that her younger sister was excellent in literary talent, so she was sent to do the "literary fight" in the first scene.

Sun Liu sent a lout Zhang Fei to confuse the enemy, so Zhang Fei and Cao Yu faced each other across the Yangtze River.

. Cao Zao draws a big circle, and Zhang Fei

draws a long "one"; Cao Zao touched his belly with his hand, but Zhang Fei patted his ass and left. < P > Cao Zao was left there with a depressed face.

After returning to their respective camps, Cao Cao asked, and Cao Zao said, "I said that Big Brother was invincible by himself, but he said,

The three of them worked together and were better than Big Brother; I said my eldest brother was in charge of a large area in the north, but he said

it was difficult to cross the Yangtze River natural barrier; I said eldest brother was full of classics, but he said it was a bullshit article.

After returning to camp, Zhang Fei went to see Liu Bei happily and said, "That bitch compared it with me, saying that

she could do it for one hour at a time, and I said I could do it for three hours; She said that her hole was very big, and I said that my

root was not small either. She was surprised to say that she would get pregnant, so I said, I'll pat my ass

ㄌㄠㄠ run! ! !

An American businessman came to Taiwan to do business, and Taiwan Province's boss asked him to travel around

and play golf. A few days later, Taiwan Province's boss asked the American businessman,

What do you think of Taiwan Bay? The American businessman said: Hmm! The beautiful scenery is very good, but I don't understand one thing: every time I play golf, my brother always scolds him.

Boss Taiwan Province thinks it's very strange, so he goes to the golf course with him to learn about it.

When he sees my brother coming to help America set the ball, he turns to say to America:

Serve! ! (Please pronounce in Taiwanese, Hakka pronunciation is more vivid)

"? ,? ,?

I'm too tired at work, and other colleagues are lazy. I do too many things by myself, and so on.

One day, my friend introduced him to a very relaxing job, which is really relaxing.

The job is-cemetery attendant. He asked doubtfully: Really relaxing? It's easy for my friend

, just stand there and don't let anyone rob the tomb.

As a result, he really did it. Two days later ... he resigned, and his friend asked him: It's easy to work

! What's not satisfactory? He said, "It's so unfair. I'm the only one standing there, and everyone else is lying down. I quit. ..............

Once upon a time, there was an old man. He liked delicious soup very much.

As long as he didn't drink it for one day, he felt sick all over. So he asked his wife to cook it for him every day. As a result, one day his wife died. Neither did he." So he started asking his daughter-in-law to cook it. But

no matter how good his daughter-in-law cooked it, he always put it aside and said,

It's not the taste. You can cook such a terrible soup!

At first, my daughter-in-law always swallowed her anger. I thought it would be good to cook the taste

. But as the days passed, she still couldn't cook it.

And she became more and more impatient. Finally, she had a murder. She wanted to kill her father-in-law. But she didn't know how to do it. She thought and thought. Suddenly, she was in the corner. That's the

smell!

I saw a joke once upon a time:

The wall of the door of a family was scribbled in a mess. After the owner asked someone to repaint it,

he solemnly wrote five characters on the wall: "No writing here". Since then, he thought, he has been calm and carefree.

I didn't expect to wake up the next day and see that under the five big characters, five words "Why did you write first" were added. For a moment, the host was unwilling, so he immediately raised his pen and added five words "My family is written by me". One day passed, and when the host came home from work,

he almost fainted. Under the fifteen words, there was another line "Write for everyone", and at the end of the line, two little turtles were drawn.

soon the old view of the wall was restored ... (# $% @&; *#%)。

Coincidentally, this happened to me:

One day after dinner, I took the garbage to the telephone pole in the alley and threw it away as usual. Only to find that someone posted a "No littering here" on the

telephone pole. I think this is probably posted by the family who lives next to the telephone pole. I had to go home and ride a motorcycle, and found another place nearby to throw garbage. After dinner

the next day, I took the garbage and walked to the alley, only to think of the notice I saw yesterday. I was about to turn back, but I didn't expect to find that the

"No" of the notice was painted. It becomes "* * littering here", so everyone is more justified in littering.

every other day, the notice was changed to

"People who throw rubbish here thunder every day". I think it is too xxx to write such a notice.

When I went out the next morning, the notice had been changed to:

"Those who throw rubbish here can't chop it up when it thunders"

With this kind of life insurance, aren't people actively participating?

Two days later, a new notice read:

"The litterer here

all his family died"

Only three days passed in peace. When noon passed that day, I saw three more words in the notice

"The litterer here

will not all his family die"

Dig handcuffs! Can't you throw away two bags of garbage right away when you see this?

finally, the family used the killer's cheap, and the notice disappeared. Instead, a piece of red paper read:

"Decree $%&; * # # ... (I don't understand) "There is also a small incense burner under it, and a pile of paper money is burned next to it.

I don't know what this bowl cake is, but it's really evil, and no one dares to move for a week.

When I came home at dusk on Monday, I saw a bag of garbage beside the telephone pole. I thought there really was one who was not afraid of death. When I got closer to

, I saw that the red paper was replaced by a jade photo of the Fuehrer, and it was written on both sides of the photo:

"Good weather"

"Peace for the country and the people"

Cross-cutting: "Love will win." Please go to the reception desk on the first floor, someone is looking for you, .............

After a while, no one came to the reception desk, so it was broadcast again ...

Later, a man came, angry and ashamed, and said, "I'm Zhu Yuepo, are you looking for me?"

so: Zhu yue's soil skin

can't be finished?

As long as money is involved in gambling, it is not good, not only in the world, but also in Tianjie.

It is said that thousands of years ago, both male dogs and female dogs used to squat when urinating.

It was not until the Tang Dynasty that things changed ...

You have heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man kept a pair of Beijing dogs. Once, Emperor Taizong went to Mount Huashan to worship heaven, and took the pair with him ...

In the middle of the sacrifice, the bitch was suddenly in a hurry, so she ran behind a tree to solve it. It was a very disrespectful act when worshipping heaven, which annoyed the jade emperor. The jade emperor ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder

right on the tree. The male dog was very scared after reading it ......

From then on, every time the male dog urinated under the tree, he would put out a foot and push the tree hard to avoid it falling down.

Why did dinosaurs become extinct?

Noah's ark drifting in the flood water was overwhelmed by too many animals, so he had to sacrifice some animals. So, Noah asked all the animals except the poultry to draw lots to tell jokes. If the jokes didn't make all the livestock and poultry laugh,

they would be thrown into the flood?

the first one to tell jokes was the dinosaur, who tried his best to recite a joke he saw in the coconut grove? After talking, all the animals laughed loudly, but the pig didn't even smile; As a result, the dinosaur was thrown into the flood and became extinct ...

Kirin was drawn to No.2, which is famous for laughing at the king in the animal kingdom? He told a joke beautifully, and all the animals laughed their heads off! However, the pig is still unmoved? So Kirin was also thrown into the deluge ...

Soon, the shy ostrich came on? It was too nervous to speak. Just as all the animals held their breath, the pig burst out laughing! Other animals asked strangely, "The ostrich hasn't spoken yet. What are you laughing at?"? "

" ha ha ha! The joke told by the dinosaur just now is so funny! "The pig said with a smile.

1. A farmer asked the vet about the illness of pigs.

farmer: "My pigs seem to be sick recently, and they don't eat feed. What should I do?"

the vet said, "sell them while they still look good! ！”

2. A man keeps a pig. He is so annoyed with it that he wants to throw it away, but the pig knows the way home and has thrown it many times without success. One day, the man abandoned the pig by car, and called his wife that night and asked, "Does the pig belong?" His wife said, "Go home." The man was very angry and shouted, "put it on the phone quickly, I'm lost."

3. Lao Wang was driving in the mountainous area to enjoy the scenery, when he suddenly saw another car turning out of the front corner and coming towards him. The driver of the car leaned out and shouted to him, "pig!" " not