We were in the same dormitory. Once, a girl in the dormitory wanted to drag her out. It was a joke. I watched from the side. It was she and another person who dragged her out.

It was a trial period when the classmates who got together in the same dormitory started to get along - everyone was cautious and polite. As the interaction deepened, the students gradually entered into a real life together. During the running-in period, for these students who come from all over the world and have different family backgrounds and life backgrounds, some negative symptoms in interpersonal interactions, especially among classmates in the same dormitory, begin to surface.

Pathology 1: Family economic conditions create distance between roommates

Symptom: Can rich students and poor students not get along?

This example comes from a report in the news section of this newspaper last month: A Hangzhou girl from a well-off family entered college for the first time and became roommates with three girls from poor areas. Having never lived in a group, she wanted to get along well with her roommates, but things went counterproductive. Three poor students in the same dormitory formed an alliance. Except for electric lights, no other electrical appliances, including water dispensers, water heaters, and electric fans, were used in the dormitory.

The girl from the city couldn't bear it and proposed to use the water heater and electric fan, and was willing to pay more for electricity. However, her three roommates seemed to have their pride hurt and firmly disagreed. The three poor students stood on the same front and acted as a collective in everything they did, which made the rich student feel isolated. Out of helplessness, she finally proposed to change dormitories.

Diagnosis: Indeed, when students from different family environments come together, there will always be many differences in their living habits. If we can tolerate and understand each other, we can naturally live in peace, but it is not as simple as it sounds. Conflicts between rich students and poor students are always particularly easy to occur. Generally speaking, poor students tend to feel inferior in front of rich students. If rich students cannot overcome their arrogance, poor students will become isolated. And now there are reports of middle-class and middle-class students being isolated by poor students. So when we encounter interpersonal problems caused by the gap between the rich and the poor, can we only solve them by changing dormitories? It seems that both rich and poor students have to correct their mentality, which is one of the keys to handling the interpersonal relationships between freshmen.

Pathology 2: Differences in living habits lead to roommate conflicts

Symptom: Please go take a shower!

Xiao Wang was admitted to a university this year, but after less than a month, he started calling home to complain. It turned out that in their four-person dormitory, there was a classmate who didn't like to take a bath. The weather was very hot when school first started, but that classmate only took a shower once a week, so the dormitory always had a sour smell of sweat. At first, Xiao Wang and the other two classmates were too embarrassed to speak to the classmate out of sympathy, so they could only endure the smell every day.

After a few days when they couldn't bear it anymore, they finally said: "Classmate, go take a bath." But the answer was "I already took a bath the day before yesterday", which really made them dumbfounded. Everyone is not familiar enough to talk about anything, and they are afraid of hurting their feelings. They don't know how to communicate with that classmate. Now that the weather has cooled down, this problem seems to be less serious, but what about next summer? Xiao Wang is still worried.

Diagnosis: Not only is it a bathing problem, the differences in living habits among freshmen from different families all over the world can also cause a lot of conflicts. For example, some students want to go to bed early, while others are night owls. Poor communication can lead to conflicts. Another example is that some students like to play cards and computer games in the dormitory, which disturbs students who like to read in the dormitory. How to coordinate everyone's habits and understand each other, the freshmen really need to think carefully about it.

Pathology 3: Excessive intimacy is also a problem

Symptom: Can you stop being so close to me?

During the interview, a classmate, Xiao Chen, let us know about a very different-sounding interpersonal problem.

Most freshmen are always worried about not getting along with their roommates, but what makes Xiao Chen difficult is that his classmates in the dormitory are too "good" with him. When Xiao Chen first arrived in the dormitory, Xiao Liu was the first to talk to him and helped him pack his luggage. He gave the impression that he was a talkative, enthusiastic and cheerful boy. After a short time, they have become a pair of good brothers who go in and out together in the eyes of other classmates. But in Xiao Chen's view, having such a "good brother" is not always a happy thing. Sometimes it becomes a problem that worries him.

Firstly, because he was too close to Xiao Liu, he lost the opportunity to get along with other students in the dormitory. For example, some activities that could have been done collectively in the dormitory, Xiao Liu had to do "small group" activities with him. He had already felt the dissatisfaction of other students in the dormitory. Usually, Xiao Liu always likes to take Xiao Chen to eat, do morning exercises, go to class, and study together. It is nice to have a companion, but Xiao Chen feels that Xiao Liu deprives him of too much personal space. It turns out that Xiao Chen loves to sleep in, but he is always dragged up by Xiao Liu for a run early in the morning. Sometimes Xiao Chen has gatherings with his fellow villagers, or goes to other schools to hang out with his high school classmates, and Xiao Liu always likes to go with him, saying he wants to get to know them better. My friend, this makes Xiao Chen feel very awkward, but he doesn’t know how to tell Xiao Liu. He especially couldn't stand that Mr. Liu always liked to go arm in arm with him, but he didn't dare to say anything for fear that Xiao Liu would be unhappy.

“Actually, when I think about it, he is really nice, very enthusiastic, and helps me a lot, but I just can’t get used to him being too close to me, and I always feel uncomfortable.” Xiao Chen felt troubled.

Diagnosis: Although Xiao Chen’s troubles may seem a bit unusual, they are actually not uncommon among college freshmen and are often ignored.

Entering an unfamiliar environment and facing several completely unknown people, many students cannot adapt to it all at once. At this time, the phenomenon of "catching pairs" in the dormitory may occur. This can be a transition in the early days of school, but if too much emphasis is placed on the "two-person world", it will hinder interactions with other people. Freshmen should not rely too much on one or two friends and should communicate with everyone more.

Pathology 4: The teacher’s “darling” arouses the cold eyes of classmates

Symptom: Is it cold at high places?

Xiaojia was admitted to a private university this year. Her parents knew how to "activate" among the teachers. Xiaojia naturally became a class cadre and became the "darling" in front of the teachers. . In fact, Xiao Jia's grades were good and her ability was quite strong, but her classmates didn't seem to take it seriously, and some people spread the word that Xiao Jia was the teacher's "connection". When everyone saw Xiao Jia, they always looked at her strangely. Some classmates even ridiculed her in person, which made Xiao Jia feel very uncomfortable.

The classmates in the same dormitory also treated Xiaojia indifferently, and occasionally added a few sarcastic remarks. Xiaojia cried when she went home, complained about her parents, tried hard to explain to her classmates, and wanted to get closer to her roommates, but every time her roommates got together to chat and saw her coming over, they would scatter and everyone would never talk. I happily said a few words to her, and my roommates never called her Xiaojia when they went out for activities. Xiaojia is a local and couldn't stay in the dormitory any longer, so she had to go home. This also made her relationship with her classmates more and more distant.

Diagnosis: The occurrence of such interpersonal problems is the root cause of the problem planted by the parents. Parents also have good intentions and want their children to get more and better opportunities, but they inadvertently destroy the interpersonal environment between their children and their classmates, causing their children distress. When encountering this kind of problem, we can only rely on the children to slowly prove themselves with actions and win the trust of their classmates with sincerity.

Pathology 5: Insurmountable character flaws

Symptom: Is she really a "lone star"?

The name Xiaoting sounds quite gentle, but she is actually a female evil star that no one dares to offend. Less than a month into the school year, her shrewdness has already become the hottest gossip.

In one month, she had already had two big fights that shocked the whole corridor. The first was a quarrel with the aunt in the girls' dormitory. The reason was that a street lamp in the corridor of their dormitory was broken and the aunt did not organize repairs that day. Originally, this was considered a good thing to fight for the rights of her classmates, but when it came to a minor matter, she got angry and caused a huge quarrel. As a result, the authoritative aunt also gave in to her scolding.

The other argument was even worse. It was with a classmate in the same dormitory. Just because someone accidentally knocked over the cup and spilled water on her table, she started to curse and used a lot of "dirty" words that no one had ever heard of.

Because of her "bold" style, not only her classmates in the same dormitory, but also people in several surrounding dormitories carefully avoided her for fear of stepping on landmines.

Diagnosis: There are all kinds of people, and it is normal to have one or two such "Tiansha Lone Stars". But when meeting such people, other people often have no choice but to bow their heads and admit that they are unlucky, thus casting a shadow over their college life.

When it comes to treating such people, there is an old saying: "To teach people with reason, to move people with emotion", because there is no water without a source in the world, and such an extreme character must also be related to his past living environment, "the only star of evil" We will also long for normal and harmonious friendship. When they are tired of arguing, persuade them!