Telling jokes to your girlfriend makes her happy.

1, I went to buy fruit today. Wife: Wow! Honey, this orange is so big. Do you want to eat? Me: OK! Buy some. Wife: This apple is OK! Me: Well, that's good! Wife: What about mangoes? Me: Can't you eat mangoes recently? Wife: Then the boss wants two Jin of mangoes!

2. If you withdraw, you will be withdrawn. The system prompts that "a certain message has been withdrawn". Please, I just don't want anyone to find out!

3. The wife said that she had a dream about xxoo with others. I asked: Did you resist? Wife: I don't think so. Me: You don't even resist, divorce! At midnight the next day, I was sleeping soundly, and my wife kicked me out of bed. "What are you doing?" "I am resisting!"

4. I used to watch TV idol dramas and accosted: "Hello, how can I get here?" Or "Beauty, did you drop this?" The first time I met my daughter-in-law B was at the night market: "Hey, brother, is this stinky tofu delicious?"

5. A young female reporter interviewed the panda: "Do you have any wishes in this life?" Panda said, "Two ideals." The female reporter asked eagerly, "Tell me, which two ideals are they?" The panda sighed and said deeply, "First, I have time to see Chinese medicine to cure my dark circles, and second, I want to take a color photo."

6, crucian carp, grass carp, carp, participate in the contest to recruit relatives, who was selected in the end? Carp was selected successfully because carp can fight.

7. In the evening room, Bai Yutang led Zhan Zhao to the bed: "Come with me, cat." Zhan Zhao reluctantly said, "It's not dark yet." Lord Bao passed by the door and overheard this passage. He immediately put his whole face on the enough paper. Come on, young man, the government can only help here.

8. The day before yesterday, I was in a bad mood. The mobile phone is set to intercept anyone's phone, and all intercepted displays stop. A friend of mine asked me for something and called me, but he was stopped. Then he paid me a hundred phone bills, called again, or stopped, paid another hundred, or stopped. Later, I sent a message to WeChat. The first sentence is: Why do you owe so much? You embarrassed me. Should I tell him the truth?

9. Go to the mountain to go to the grave, play with your mobile phone during the break, and owe a hand to people nearby, showing four people within 100 meters. I looked at the empty community with only a few graves and scared me to pee! Go home and open people nearby. Lie in the trough! ! ! Still those four! !

10, just now at my friend's house, her cat was sleeping behind my ass. I drank too much beer and farted on the cat's head. As a result, the cat stood up, slapped its front paws in front of its eyes and fell back flat! My friend rushed it to the pet hospital. Just called and said that the cat was poisoned by alcohol. Let me visit and apologize to the cat.