Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - family member

family member

Mom's article

My mother, the queen of frozen age, seems to stay at the age of eighteen forever, and the years have left no trace on her face. All her children are complete; Parents are healthy and the housework is all inclusive; Husband pays all the wages, loves her, loves her, and is afraid of her.

? The most common scene in my family is that she is holding her third baby, Jia Wang, the dog, and directing the "work" of everyone in the family.

My mother's main job is playing mahjong. She plays mahjong very seriously. If she can meet someone in the morning, it must be "997". Secretly tell you, her income from playing mahjong exceeds that of white-collar workers in first-tier cities!

Although my mother loves playing mahjong, she has always taught me to study hard and not to be addicted to games. Mom, you have to refuel. Although the outbreak of the epidemic in the past two years has saved a lot of travel expenses, my tuition fees have increased at an alarming rate.

? My mother is a tigress with the word "Wang" written on her head. She scolded the TV set at home many times and smashed it. Poor dad. Time is like a pig knife. Knives make people fat and swords wrinkle.

? My mother is generous and has many friends, suitable for all ages. Her greatest wish is that I can be admitted to the "985" university and my sister can marry an excellent man.

Mom, you are the core of our family and we will always support you. What a wonderful life!

? Dad's article

My dad, my talk show actor. The most common scene in my family is five people and a dog around my dad. He makes me bend back and forth, feeling that all the dogs are snickering.

Unlike my mother, my father's face has remained at eighteen. "Time is a butcher's knife. The knife makes me fat and the sword makes me wrinkle." This is what he often laughs at himself.

My father is also a master of Olympic mathematics, and there are almost no topics in my Olympic mathematics book that he can't do. Uh-huh, dad, don't snub your nose, I haven't exposed you yet! Father failed English all the year round, with a maximum score of thirteen. He is high flyers and missed the college entrance examination. So he wants me to fulfill his dream of restoring friendship in Beiqing. As a single biography of Lao Zhang's family, I am "Alexander".

My father is conscientious and responsible in his work. He goes out early and comes back late every day. And often bring some delicious and fun things as small favors to my sister and me, and win a good reputation as a loving father. A loving father usually has a hen-pecked wife, which my father thinks is a virtue of men.

My father snores badly. As soon as he snores, I will think of a passage: "The sound resounds through the sky, like a group of war horses galloping."

For the sake of my mother's sleep quality, my father took the initiative to sleep on the sofa in the living room and successfully gained freedom at night.

? My dad, you are the pillar of our family. You firmly maintain our family. I love my family.

Sister's article

People say that boys with sisters are the happiest, and boys with sisters many years older than themselves are happier. My sister is seven years older than me. Am I happy?

My sister is very beautiful and gentle. Several boys in her class often come to my house to see my sister. I often receive small gifts from my big brother and sister inexplicably, but every time my hands are not warm, my sister asks me to return them. Sometimes I can't bear to part with them, and my tears are coming out. My sister will buy an identical copy and return it to my classmates, and also comfort me that I will have a real boyfriend in the future. She can give me anything she wants, just tear it off. I asked her if you don't love me because you have a boyfriend? She actually replied like this: only one younger brother, always ranked first. Am I happy?

My sister is also my free tutor. She will patiently explain the topics I don't understand over and over again, and never think I am stupid. Am I happy?

? As long as I can remember, every birthday, my sister's gifts are never absent, and my mother doesn't buy them for me because they are too expensive. My sister will save pocket money for me for a long time. Am I happy?

My sister is very smug, picky about food and afraid of being fat. Even my birthday cake is just a sip. In order to lose weight, adults are miserable, and my sister has always accepted it with humility and never changed. I asked my sister, why do you want to lose weight when you are so thin? She actually replied: Less, the money saved will give you a wife. Wow! Am I happy?

Not only is the mother good in the world, but the brother with the big sister is the treasure!

Grandma's article

My grandmother has the money to support our whole family, do 80 hours of housework every week, provide us with nutritious, healthy and delicious three meals a day, and the living environment is bright and clean. The most surprising thing is that every piece of clothing we wear is hand-washed, clean as new, and has a faint fragrance. Smell it deeply every time you change clothes. Wow! So comfortable!

? We are used to grandma's efforts, and sometimes we don't know how to cherish them. Grandma's way of showing her value is to have a small mood and always "run away from home" once or twice a year. At first, I just wandered around Shanghai, then I went to all parts of China to play, and finally I even traveled abroad. Grandma has been to several countries, which makes the younger sisters envy. Grandma is not at home, and the house is in a mess. If grandma doesn't come back for five days, everyone in the family will be particularly irritable. Once I cried, "I don't want to eat takeout, I want to eat grandma's cooking."

In recent years, I have fallen out of favor with my grandmother because Jiawang, a dog, is very popular with her. My grandmother walks the dog, feeds the dog and combs her hair every day, with no regrets. Even when she travels, she can't let go of her dog, and she often calls back from time to time to ask about the dog. Because grandma is not at home, Jia Wang sometimes goes on a hunger strike. In recent years, grandma has stopped being sentimental and served a large family all the year round.

? Grandma became more and more verbose because of the epidemic. She tells everyone several times a day to supervise everyone to wash their hands and disinfect before going home. I also volunteered for community epidemic prevention. Grandma's workload is bigger.

? Recently, my grandmother also fell in love with planting flowers and plants. Unexpectedly, our yard was rated as the most beautiful garden in the community, and my grandmother became famous in World War I.

Grandma, you are the head of our family. When I grow up and make money, I will definitely make you enjoy it and not make you so tired. I hope you will always be so young and beautiful!

Grandfather's article

? My grandfather is my favorite "old urchin". We are grandparents and good friends. My family is a little afraid of my grandfather, but my grandfather is only afraid of me. He never goes against my "imperial edict".

Grandpa likes to grab my toys and break several of my water guns. But he will compensate me for more toys. Grandpa told me that his childhood was miserable, so he wanted to get his lost childhood back from me. Therefore, grandpa naturally became my "childhood".

My grandfather is a superb chef, and his specialty dishes: fermented bean curd, rotten fish and meatballs are said to have secret recipes, which are praised by relatives and friends. Once my cousin came to my house to eat my grandfather's scallion noodles, and she liked it very much. My grandfather made another bowl and packed it home.

My grandfather retired at the age of sixty-five, and learned about the outside world with his smart phone. He is a journalist in my family. Tik Tok is grandpa's job, and he is a workaholic! I heard him laugh all day! Then the mantra became "Zhang Xiwei, grandpa will tell you a joke." I nicknamed him "Xiao Ping Clay".

? Grandpa has friends all over the country and goes to other places to get together several times a year. Every time he comes back, he will talk about his "affair", and then add "I have a wicked heart but no thief courage" and "Er ... tut tut!"

? "Xiao Ping Clay", you are the pistachio of our family! I am responsible for helping you find your childhood, so you can live a long life!

Self-article

Hello, I'm Zhang Xiwei. As the only great-grandson of Lao Zhang's fifth room, I am walking on thin ice, for fear of failing this endless kindness.

? My parents were "top students" at school and missed the college entrance examination. They want me to be excellent in all subjects and realize their dream of resuming diplomatic relations in northern Qing Dynasty. I was born with a mission!

People who are familiar with me praise me for my high IQ and emotional intelligence. Everyone loves me, flowers bloom and fall, and cars have a flat tire. I respect the old and love the young, love my classmates, be helpful and get excellent grades. As a big monitor, I won the love of my classmates and teachers. But my mother always nags me: there are mountains outside the mountains, buildings outside the mountains, and strong hands in the middle. Well, I can only be someone else's child in others' eyes.

? I am very popular. Almost every month, my classmates invite me to their birthday party. I am famous, and every parent knows me. I want to sit firmly first, but I can't let all parents down.

I am energetic and lively, and my classmates all say: Zhang Xiwei! Why are you more serious and focused in class than anyone else, but you have the best time after class? Because I want to be the funniest in Xueba.

North Qing resumed diplomatic relations, see you in eight years!

Puppy article

? There are three auspicious treasures in our family: me, my mother and my dog family. You can't show it to your sister here. Jiawang is a male golden teddy, and everyone loves him very much, just like a handsome dog coming out of the portrait.

? Jia Wang soon grew from a little nurse dog who urinated everywhere to a smart, intelligent and considerate young man. Unfortunately, he was ligated, and I laughed and called him "eunuch little prince".

? My grandmother often talks to Jia Wang, just like her grandson. The whole family is very busy, only Jia Wang has plenty of time to listen to her nagging. Grandma is happy and the whole family is happy!

? During the epidemic, the whole family was bored at home, and Jia Wang became a toy at home. Very lively! Many interesting things happened and the family was full of laughter.

? Now everyone goes home to sit on the floor and play with Jiawang, forgetting the hard work of the day.

Almost everyone in the community knows Jia Wang, and some neighbors who have moved away have also come to bid farewell to Jia Wang and deliver meals to Jia Wang. How popular!

We usually take Jia Wang to road trip. I don't want to be separated from Jia Wang for a day.

? Since I raised Jiawang, my classmates have said that I am happier, friendlier and more responsible!

? Students, if you want to be as likable as me, I suggest you get a pet dog!