I want some funny jokes, new jokes that I haven't heard before. What's the hurry?

A city dweller was having fun when he suddenly heard a farmer shout, "Comrade, you stepped on a wheat seedling!"

The city people took a look at the farmers and said corruptly, "Without education, this is called an outing."

The farmer jumped up and kicked him into the river, and replied, "Shit, it's still called treading waves!" " "

On the country road, farmers carry a load of dung to the wheat field.

The city people saw it and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce a catty?

The farmer was angry and silent.

The city people slipped some into the farmer's mouth when he wasn't looking. I think: I won't tell you if you don't tell me how much a catty is. Your sauce stinks.

◆ Customers go to a restaurant for dinner, and there is not a piece of beef in the beef Lamian Noodles.

The customer pointed to the bowl and asked the boss, "Why is there no beef in the beef Lamian Noodles?"

The boss said with a smile on his face, "You are naive. Do you still expect to get a wife from the old woman's cake? "

People in the city saw the farmer's free-range rooster and wanted to steal a native chicken to eat while the country was downstream. However, when he saw a stupid countryman lying next to a fierce big dog in the yard, he was a little scared and didn't dare to do it for a while.

So the city man tried to ask him, "Does your dog bite?"

The countryman said, "No."

The city man grabbed the chicken and wanted to leave, when the big dog suddenly jumped up and bit him.

The city dweller shouted in amazement, "Didn't you say your dog doesn't bite?"

The countryman replied, "This is not my dog, but my neighbor's. Besides, is stealing chickens and touching dogs still a person? "

A city man went to visit relatives in the countryside and got lost. He saw an old man on the side of the road, so he rolled down the window and shouted, "Grandpa, how can I get to XX Village?"

The old man looked at him and replied, "I don't have time to tell you now." My family Niu Gang gave birth to a tractor. I have to hurry back and deal with it. "

People in the city asked curiously, "Why don't cows get off the bus if they don't give birth to calves?"

The old man touched his head and replied, "Yes, I forgot. Animals don't get off. "

◆ If someone keeps a pig and gets bored, abandon it. However, the pig knows the way home, and it is useless to abandon it.

One day, its owner abandoned the pig by making many detours and didn't come home at night.

He called his wife late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?"

The wife replied: "I have come back!" "

The husband roared, "put it on the phone and tell me how it came back." I am lost now! "

A beautiful lady in the city is very particular about her diet, and especially likes to eat sweet potato leaves. Once I went to visit relatives in the countryside, I specially bought several bundles of sweet potato leaves to share with my relatives.

When distributing it, he also said loudly: "This is green food, which is good for your health, and people in the city love it."

The child took the sweet potato leaves and threw them to the pigs. "Sister, the sweet potato leaves here are usually used to feed pigs."

One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked: There are two bugs under the word "stupid", which one is male? Which is the female?

The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer.

The cow scolded, "What an ass!"

There are two women who complain that the buses in the city are crowded now, especially during rush hours, which makes them very miserable.

One said, what bad luck I am! The car was too crowded, so I had an abortion.

The other said, I'm unlucky, but I'm just the opposite of you. I got stuck in the car and got pregnant.

◆ March 8 Women's Day is here, and the leader speaks.

He first wished these people a happy March 8th. ......

"Although you are not a woman, you belong to women's products; Although you are not a mother, you have made many female mothers; Although you are not a woman, you have turned too many girls into women and made them happy. Everyone has worked hard! "

Then he asked the couple, "Do you know when Notre Dame Day is?"

See all at a loss, the leader added:

"Remember, Notre Dame Day is March 7th! Because virgins and women are only one day apart! "

Everyone was very surprised, and then said with one voice: ". . . . "(four words are omitted here! )

Xiao Xin asked, "Dad, why are there three gold medals in my name?"

Dad replied: "You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water, so you are named Miao, and some people are short of wood, so you are named Sen."

Xiao Xin asked again, "Dad, what do you think Jingjing's life lacks?"

Dad: "? ......"

A is telling a story: "Once upon a time there was a eunuch, ..." At this time, he stopped.

Listener B couldn't wait any longer and asked anxiously, "What's next?"

A replied: "Below? It's gone ... "

Everyone: "TMD, what would you say without it!" "

A horse fell in love with a donkey, and the horse said, I love you!

The donkey said! I love you too!

The horse said: Then kiss me!

The donkey said! No way! My mother said that donkey's lips are not right for horse's mouth!

So, the donkey turned into a handsome boy after going to Korea for beauty, and went to the nightclub to find a beautiful woman after returning.

After refreshing, the donkey asked the beauty, do you know how ugly I used to be? I am a donkey!

Beauty is frightened: handsome boy, I am a girl! Just now, all you cared about was riding horses. Why don't you know me after my plastic surgery?

Turtles drink a lot, but today they are drunk.

After waking up, my friend asked: You drank a lot, how could you get drunk?

The tortoise sighed: alas! The octopus didn't fight with that man last night. I can't see so many hands. I lost badly!

In the evening, the drunk ran into a lamppost. Passers-by asked: What are you doing?

Drunk: Knock at the door, but the wife won't open it.

Passerby: Knock slowly! Your wife must be at home now. Look, there are lights on it!

There are two mosquitoes in the mosquito net. One is full and the other is empty.

The wife asked her husband, a prosecutor, to fight mosquitoes. The husband made an extraordinary move, killing the fat mosquito with one hand, but holding it back with the other.

His wife asked him why he didn't call.

The husband said, "The evidence is insufficient."

◆ The mother mosquito asked, "Son, what's wrong with you?"

The little mosquito cried and said, "Today the little fly bullied me and called me a bloodthirsty vampire!" " "

After listening, the mother mosquito said, "Ignore it! Their family is not a good thing, they all grew up eating shit! "

One day, mosquitoes and mantis joined hands to spy on one.