Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Write a sketch for people who have unique skills around them. A composition of about 450 words requires: to grasp the characteristics of characters' movements, language and demeanor.
Write a sketch for people who have unique skills around them. A composition of about 450 words requires: to grasp the characteristics of characters' movements, language and demeanor.
Like me, Tong Dan has the shortcoming of not loving labor. The room is in a mess. Without Cui, it would remain the same. As long as I tidy up, half a day will be the same as before. Every time I go to her house, I trip over something I don't know. She still stared at me in the trauma, ignoring her face. At this time, I always say to her, "Don't be proud, watch how I mess with you!" " "
Not only does she dislike working, but she is also timid.
Tong Dan's timid "glorious" deeds are numerous, and he can blurt out a few words without missing a word. The following is one of her deeds.
I went shopping with her once and was in a good mood. Suddenly, two "unknown runners"-cats-ran towards us and stopped when they saw us. Because I like cats better, and those two lovely kittens are just what I want, I just want to drag Tong Dan down to play and look around. When I was free, I turned and said, "Hey? Where are people? " I looked back, ha! It turned out that she had been afraid to come up from behind, so I called her, "Tong Dan! get up here ! These two cats are so cute! " The cat seemed to understand my words and ran to "call" Tong Dan in a friendly way, but Tong Dan called me urgently: "Yaning, help! You can't come out of destruction! " Look at her "delicate and touching" appearance, I'd better help her! I don't want my good friend to "fall into the cat's mouth." I didn't hesitate to run to help. I caught the lovely kitten and put it in front of her, saying, "This one ..." Before I finished, she had "summoned" her and ran away. Finally, she gave me a look of "you are dead this time", and I was afraid to do it when I saw the cat.
Anyone who sees this "glorious" cowardly deed will laugh mercilessly, and then there will be more. Listen carefully!
Although Tong Dan likes playing the electronic piano, she has never played it. Once I went to her house and just wanted to knock at the door, a somber voice came. "What do you want to do?" I turned my head and saw a "scared to death" face approaching slowly. I was shocked at this moment: "Idiot! Scaring people will scare people to death! You want to go to jail! " She looked like she had nothing to do with herself and said, "I'll get the door." I was so angry that I didn't give her any rest time after she opened the door. I dragged her to the electronic piano and said, "You must play it for me, and I will make up for my shock!" " Otherwise, you will be painted with rouge. "She is very poor, don't want to turn on the switch. She just wanted to play, and then looked up and asked me blankly, "Where are the buttons?" I fainted on the spot and said, "You are so forgetful. Thank you for your love of music, my God! " "She smiled ingratiatingly and took my hand and rushed to the door. I think she must be trying to bribe me in some way.
This is my lovely, timid and forgetful good friend-Rodin Tong. There are some things you can change.
The title is self-made, and five exhibition boards filled with dense Arabic numerals are lined up. Liu Zhengyi, a 76-year-old mother-in-law, stood in front of the exhibition board and murmured, "3.141592 65358979 ..." She spoke as fast as a machine gun.
"Wrong! After the decimal point 1 1, 8 is written as 9, "Liu suddenly shouted, his voice full of gas. Immediately, she took out a computer-printed pi number to check, and sure enough, the number on the display board was written wrong.
Liu is here to challenge. Zhang Zhan wrote 5000 decimal places of pi on the board, which is her goal.
Liu is a retired accountant in Guangsha who lives in Shipingqiao. Recently, the endless stunts and unique skills in China Chongqing Vocational Skills Competition tickle the old lady's heart. "I also have unique skills." Liu, who missed the game, found the organizing Committee and wanted to challenge.
Liu, wearing gold pointed leather shoes and knee-length skirt, is full of confidence. "I recite quickly and it will be over in a few minutes. I'm afraid you can't see it."
Liu's stunt was actually practiced by mistake. Before she retired, she was a good accountant, and she could make an abacus at the same time. However, in terms of memory, she never found anything special about herself.
In 2 002, when she saw someone around her suffering from brain atrophy, she worried about herself and decided to "do brain exercises". She took a shorthand class and learned to recite pi.
After studying for 4 days, she remembered 200 decimal places, which greatly increased her confidence and became more and more concerned. The teacher also noticed the older student and gave her special encouragement. A year later, Liu captured 5000 students.
"At that time, I just wanted to make my head move, and it didn't take much time to remember." Liu said that after getting up at 6: 30 every morning, she would recite for a while according to the method taught by the teacher. Review it again before going to bed at night.
After that, Pi was thrown aside and her interest turned to the Four Books and Five Classics. The Analects of Confucius, Daxue, The Doctrine of the Mean and Mencius are also well known by heart.
Until the last two days, in order to prepare for the war, she reviewed pi again, but she didn't forget it.
"As long as you have the heart, you won't forget what you have learned." Writing down 5000 digits is as light as eating Chinese cabbage for Liu.
She also teaches technology to her grandson. "My granddaughter learned my method, and her English easily passed Grade 8," said Liu, who was very proud.
In Liu's view, this is just one of the advantages of being flexible and not forgetting things. "The brain is turning all day, the body's circulatory metabolism is accelerating, and the body is getting better. I don't have a cold." Liu said that people say that the older a person is, the worse his memory is. She didn't. Basically, she can't forget what she is interested in after listening to it twice.
Liu looks only in his early fifties. With keen ears and clear eyes, you can walk at a brisk pace.
Although I am only a fourth-grade student, I am not bragging. I can say that I am a bookworm. If I make any mistakes, my parents will tell me not to study for three days to kill me. I feel dizzy if I don't watch it for half a day. If I don't watch tea and rice for one day, it won't smell good for two days. Sleepless nights, three days? So I have a unique understanding of medicine, and now I will introduce it to you. You can also contribute.
The first trick is smuggling (parents who love to check their schoolbags are forbidden, otherwise they will bear the consequences). Put the books in your schoolbag and take them to school, one a day. You don't need to bring it after a certain amount. Just read the book slowly. The second trick is to burn the midnight oil. In the dead of night, if you turn on the light, no one will know. This trick is called night peeping (don't use it when you don't have enough sleep, and it is forbidden for insomniacs).
When doing homework, read the book as soon as it is finished, and close it as soon as mom and dad come. This trick is reading a book. I will play the trump card, I need great courage, and I also have great risks, that is, reviewing my lessons under the pretext, but there are books in it. This is a cool move, but if your parents find out ... think twice! You can also contribute.
The ultimate secret cannot be revealed. If you want to know, know for yourself (or call my mobile phone, the number is not available for the time being).
My own "lymphatic immunity" system can resist the "poison" law that parents don't let me study. Whether it is one year or two years, it is 6150,000 years. But the only thing I can't do is if my parents find out, then I have to extend my detention ... it's better to be blatant than petty theft, right?
In addition, I dedicate several related stories: At that time, I had no books to read. My fingers itch when I see a book, and I dare not grasp it if I want to. I feel bitter when my hand is extended and retracted. At this time, I haven't read for three days and nights, and my life is dying. In another day, I may die foaming at the mouth. I don't want to die young, and I have racked my brains to think about it, but I can't help it without books. My brain is like an empty eggshell. People are singing empty tricks in their stomachs, and I am thinking empty tricks in my mind. No, I have to think about it. Suddenly my mind flashed that someone was smuggling on TV. If I am lucky, I will succeed. Smuggling books with my skills is a piece of cake. So my smuggling began. I "pretend" first and put the book in my bag. Emissions should be reasonable, it is best not to be flat or fat, and then wait to "eat" books.
The invention of "night peep" is very simple. With the trick of "smuggling", I can watch it hungrily at school and feast my eyes at home. Too little time to study, too much appetite, we must think of a better way. Want to watch at home, first choose the time, morning, impossible, parents at the weekend is not at home, usually crazy at school, noon is basically the same as morning, it doesn't matter.
I love books like life. Please forgive me later. Give more books, the thicker the better. As long as the price is right, I will buy (borrow) the new book at once and introduce it quickly. The bookstore there has long been "cut down" by me, and some things in it can be changed by myself.
When I was a child, everyone, Liu Kuai and I, were both rich in time and could not spend it indiscriminately. Sometimes I feel bored at home, or my father thinks I'm too noisy and sends me out to play, so I can't help but go to the street near my home to watch Liu juggling.
Liu Aauto Quicker is a fat man, who sells sweets on the ground. He took a small wooden box painted green with him, and put it there no matter where he stood. There is a horizontal board full of holes in the box, and rows of cheap red candy bars are inserted in the holes. He tricked the children into buying candy. The trick is very simple, commonly known as "small bowl nail". There is a piece of yellow cloth like silk handkerchief, two small white porcelain tea bowls and four round red glass balls on the ground. These three ordinary props make him elusive. He has a tea bowl in one hand. You can clearly see that there are two red balls under each bowl. You didn't even blink. Hey! All four balls actually ran to the bottom of a tea bowl. Did the ball go through the ground? In this way, he turned the two bowls over and over, shouting, pointing east and blowing west, as if there was really an invisible god helping him. Four balls came and went, and he couldn't guess where they were. This trick is more difficult to change than the magic on the stage. Only one side of the stage faces the audience. The local tyrants in the street are surrounded by people, and people's eyes come from all directions, so it is easy to see flaws. Once, I saw his finger move quickly and put a ball under the bowl. I couldn't help but shout, "I see it under the bowl on the right!" " ""Did you see that? " Fast hand Liu Mingliang's big eyes flashed at me in surprise, and then he said to me with a serious look, "Impossible! You must be right. If you guess wrong, you have to buy my candy. " "yes! I was right! "I saw it with my own eyes, so I insisted. Self-confidence makes my voice loud.
Who knows that Liu, the fast hand, laughed and turned over the tea bowl on the right: "Look, where is it?" Hey, why is there nothing under the bowl? Only the bowl mouth is pressed on a round mark on the yellow cloth.
Did the ball fall from the ground under the bowl on the left? Liu seems to know how fast I guess, and reaches for the tea bowl on the left. There is nothing in it! The ball is flying? He put two empty bowls together, held them on his head and shouted, "Come!" " When you shake the tea bowl with your hand, it actually rattles. When you open the bowl, there are actually four more balls in it. Strange, strange, strange!
People looking around gave a cry of surprise.
"How, you lost! But if you lose here, you will never be fined. Just buy a candy. This sugar is pure sugar, and it doesn't hurt to eat sugar alone. " I blushed with shame, so I bought a piece of candy in the laughter of everyone and stood behind the circle of people. From then on, I stood in the back and didn't dare to squeeze into the front to talk. His tricks are really amazing in my eyes. This man is also the one I really admired when I was a child.
At that time, he was only in his forties, strong and energetic, with thick flesh and heavy muscles, red teeth and dark eyebrows as if he had brushed them with a brush. He squatted there like a standing white elephant. While juggling, while selling sugar, bright and protruding eyes look around and take care of all directions; Always telling funny jokes; A pair of chubby hands, round fingers but flexible rotation, four balls flickering in these hands. I had a daydream at that time: his hands seemed to be double-layered, and the ball was always hidden in the interlayer. Alas, childhood thoughts will no longer exist now.
This pair of extremely agile hands is probably the origin of his nickname "Fast Hand Liu". He calls himself that, so everyone in our neighborhood knows his name. I spent a lot of my childhood in this simple and endless soil trick, in this mystery that has never been solved, and between his mysterious and delusional Arturo. How much wonderful happiness he gave me!
People and things that accompany childhood will always disappear with the disappearance of childhood. I haven't seen Kuailiu very often since I went to middle school. I only met him occasionally when crossing the street. He was still so excited to become a "small bowl ear", with a small green wooden box full of lollipops beside him. At this time, I am a sensible middle school student. I won't imagine his hands as double-layered, but I still can't see any flaws. I couldn't help standing there and watching with interest for a while. I dare say that the best plays in the world, even Ibsen and Shakespeare, can't make me watch them hundreds of times.
I went to high school abroad. When people leave, their childhood and adolescence in their hometown are like closed books. Those beautiful stories, friendly characters, and drunken scenes in the past are like fresh petals sandwiched in the pages, and then become dry memories. Who can revive the past? My dead grandmother, my missing best friend, my mother's black curly hair, those beautiful books that have been lost for a long time, the little white cat with blue eyes that ran away … and Liu Kuai.
In the summer vacation of my sophomore year, I went home for my holiday. One day, I saw a dozen children yelling at the street corner not far from home. When I looked closer, my heart was pounding. It turned out to be Liu and Aauto Quicker! He still sells sugar and juggling, but he has changed a lot. 10 years no see. It seems that he has spent 20 years. Looks like an old man. The wooden box lying alone beside me looks sad. It's broken, dark and sticky, and I can't see any green that was pleasing to the eye before. The hole for inserting sugar on the horizontal plate is the bamboo stick of lollipop, which has been enlarged for many years, and the lollipops inserted on it are staggered. Look at him again. What about the meat on his shoulders, back, stomach and arms? The full curve disappeared, and the sharp bone shape protruded everywhere under his clothes. My face seems a little small, my eyes are dull, and I don't have the spirit of looking around and looking healthy. I was particularly moved by these hands-he obviously changed hands!
The veins stood out on the back of the hand, and the black fingers were covered with wrinkles, shrinking into a ball like an old silkworm that vomited all its silk ... So, all the mysterious breath and peerless skills disappeared from these hands. He grabbed two broken tea bowls and rummaged clumsily; Four little red balls hit the edge of the bowl and fell out of their hands. His hands are failing! The children cried and said, "Where is the ball!" " ""in your hand! " "It's somewhere between your fingers! "In this cry, he panicked, his hands became more and more ineffective, and he shook the cable so that he didn't know where the ball was. No wonder there are only a few children watching around.
"In his hand, yes! Never under the bowl! " Cried a fat boy with bald head.
I also clearly saw that Liu, the fast hand, was holding the ball on the ground when he buckled the tea bowl.
This action is slow and dull, and the mistake is very obvious. The children clamored for Liu Aauto Quicker to open his hand, but Liu Aauto Quicker's hand was touched tightly and smiled awkwardly at the children. This smile, wrinkles are crowded together, like a crumpled paper ball. He almost said in a pleading tone, "In the bowl! I have nothing in my hand ... "Liu, a swaggering competitor, how can he speak in this tone? These childish and earnest children are determined to let Aauto Quicker Liu let go. How can he open his hand? When he opened it, it was all over. I really don't want to see Liu in Aauto Quicker fall into such an embarrassing, helpless and helpless situation. How I wish he could expose him as cleverly as that time and force him to perform an elusive trick. The ball suddenly disappeared and came to my fingertips. If he comes again, these careless children will be surprised to find the real fast player Liu! But he is old, and there will be no more full moon.
I walked among the children, pointed to the wooden box next to Kuailiu and said, "You are all wrong, the ball is on this box!" " "The children were at a loss by this sudden remark. Everyone stared at the wooden box. At this moment, I caught a glimpse of Liu Kuai, a Aauto Quicker, stuffing the ball under the bowl in his hand as quickly as possible.
"Where is the ball?" The children asked me.
Liu went over and opened the tea bowl on the ground. Aauto Quicker said, "Look, it's right here! Anyway, you are wrong. Buy a candy. This sugar is made of pure sugar, and you won't suffer if you eat sugar alone. " The children were fooled. Stop yelling. One or two children paid for the sugar, and the rest dispersed in a hubbub.
Then it was just me and fast Liu who got out of the predicament. I turned around and he was looking at me. He certainly doesn't know me. He frowned with gray eyebrows, and his weather-beaten face and gray eyes were full of doubts. Obviously, he doesn't understand why I, a strange young man, should help him. There are some things you can change.
From before liberation to the end of 1950s, there were always some craftsmen in the water towns in the south of the Yangtze River shouting "mending bowls" and carrying secondary burdens to walk the streets.
The skill of mending bowls was first popularized by Du Xiaosi in Dongjie. His family is ancestral, seven or eight years older than me. When I was a child, I saw him practicing wrist strength with his grandfather on the foggy levee every morning. Two small hands are constantly "dribbling", throwing the ball up and down, blocking the left and blocking the right, and rotating a small rubber ball into a white arc. He used Jin Gangzuan as a porcelain eye to repair the bowl. It's a special miniature copper drill, exactly like the wood drill used by carpenters. The drill pipe is made of polished copper pipe, and the bracket is made of flat copper ruler, but it is made of cowhide tendon instead of rope. As traction power, the drill bit is equipped with Jin Gangzuan. The tinker "punched the porcelain eye" with his wrist, which was neither light nor heavy. Moreover, it is hard to hang, and the porcelain was drilled before the craft got home, but Du Xiaosi never lacked bowls. He also has a unique skill, which is to select parts and punch holes. Most exquisite porcelain bowls and pots are printed with dragon and phoenix, liger, flowers, birds, insects and fish, and auspicious patterns. Du Xiaosi can fix the shovel nail in a proper position, so that the whole pattern can be "added with flowers without scars" without destroying the "overall beauty" of porcelain. There is a fine porcelain soup pot made by Du Xiaosi in Jingdezhen, Jiangxi. Of course, three white copper nails are faintly visible from the pot; But from the outside of the basin, only a few curved aquatic plants were added to the pattern of goldfish playing in the water. Generally, the bowl-mending shovel is nailed on the outside, but Du Xiaosi's bowl-mending shovel is nailed on the inside, which does not destroy the appearance beauty of porcelain. The shovel nails he used were also specially made, including copper nails, iron nails, lead nails, especially silver nails and patterned nails. After the broken porcelain is stitched, nailed and glazed, the broken bowl will be as good as ever. Among Du Xiaosi's tools, there is also a miniature bronze hammer, which is held in Du Xiaosi's hand, just like playing a beautiful piece of music, just as Bai Juyi described it as "like pouring pearls of all sizes into a plate of jade".
Now you don't need a tinker to nail a shovel. However, I think if you find one or two bowls with the characteristics of the times at home, don't throw them away. Maybe they will become precious cultural relics in a few years.
The owner of the sugar blower
When I was a child, I often saw such a scene: a group of children walked slowly around a unicycle, smiling innocently from time to time. There is a thick stick tied to the front of the car, which is full of sugar people, attracting the attention of children. It's beautiful and fun, and you can eat it after you play. Most children like it, but they can't walk when they see it. It is said that this process has a history of more than 600 years.
The old man selling sugar has thick fingers and is so dexterous in picking up scissors. In the crock, the sugar juice is golden and bright, steaming. He took out a few pieces of syrup with different colors from a small copper pot, mixed them together and got some talcum powder on his hands. Then he kneaded the syrup into a hollow ball and extruded a tube. Then he put the pipe in his mouth and blew it. The syrup blew bigger and bigger like a balloon, and the old man kept kneading the syrup while blowing to make it form the desired shape. I saw him gently pick a bamboo stick and a small piece of sugar juice fell into his palm. He just rubbed his hands a few times and a dragon took shape. Scissors fly up and down, beards, scales and African claws appear ... then put wheat straw in the middle and blow it, which is lifelike, but it still feels hot in your hand. The sugar man jumped up with joy, and when he was tired of playing, he put the sugar man in his mouth and took a bite, which was crisp and sweet.
The master of the sugar blower became the child's best friend. Although business is slow, he doesn't seem to care about it, as if not to make a living, but to spread happiness and tirelessly show people his wonderful craftsmanship. In his mind, sugar people are all flesh and blood people, all human things.
I don't know since which day, he has never been seen in the square again. Later, colorful candy and toys became common things in children's hands. Today's children don't even know what a sugar man is, so naturally they can't understand the feelings of that year.
Sugar man is no longer a simple trick for children, but has been regarded as a folk art, and now it is estimated that no one will eat the sugar blower as a craft. I hope that as traditional culture and art, things like sugar-blowing people, paper-cutting, New Year pictures and mud play can attract people's attention, and someone can inherit and carry forward these ancient traditional crafts.
Is the sugar blower ready now? In my dusty memory of 30 years, I still clearly retain the touching scenes of my childhood: bamboo fences in huts, mud walls covered with wisteria, narrow and winding alleys, a group of children walking slowly around a wheelbarrow, and from time to time they burst into innocent and frank laughter. A stick with coarse wheat straw tied to the front of the car was full of sugar people, which attracted the attention of children. In the eyes of children, the master of the sugar blower is really something. Although his hair is gray, he is as fast as a fly; Fingers are thick, but picking up scissors is so dexterous. In the simmering crock, the sugar juice is golden and bright, steaming. The old man selling sugar gently picked a bamboo stick, and a small piece of sugar juice fell into his hand. He just rubbed his hands a few times and a pig became a prototype. Small scissors flying up and down, face local face, a pair of big ears with monk hat makes people laugh. Then insert the straw into the middle and blow. Ha, the belly is smooth and round, and the pig is lifelike, lifelike. I bought it for twenty cents, but it still feels hot in my hand. Holding a sugar man to cheer can often attract the envious eyes of friends. After half a day, when I was tired of playing, I put the sugar man in my mouth and took a bite. It was crisp and sweet and immersed in my heart. In that era of extreme shortage of daily necessities, sugar people who can eat well are the most extravagant things for children, and they can't get them until their birthdays or harvest season. So whenever the sugar blower comes to the village, the children always follow him around the village, and finally watch him push the unicycle away at the entrance of the village. Sugar people with different looks only belong to children in dreams. Once, I couldn't resist the temptation of sugar man and pestered my mother to buy it. Even the salt money at home was not enough, so my mother was forced to help. A slap made me cry, and she also shed tears of love. Seeing this, the sugar-blowing master immediately gave me a snake blown in sugar water and turned to persuade my mother: "Sister, the children's demands are not too much. Don't be so wronged! " Since then, the sugar blower has passed by here and often gives me some little sugar people. Never had a sense of satisfaction and happiness, began to flow in my heart. The master of the sugar blower has become our children's best friend. Although business is slow, he doesn't seem to care about it, as if not to make a living, but to spread happiness and tirelessly show people his wonderful craftsmanship. In his mind, sugar people are all flesh and blood people, all human things. In his spare time, he will tell us the story of Li Ji's snake-hunting and Tang Priest's Buddhist scriptures. It seems that both the snake and the monkey came from him. At that time, I had a persistent idea: save a large sum of money to repay the sugar man that the old man gave me many times. But I don't know from which day, his shadow never appeared again. Later, the countryside gradually became rich, and colorful candy and various toys became commonplace in children's hands. Today's children don't even know what a sugar man is, so naturally they can't understand their parents' feelings. However, in the past 30 years, I have often seen a picture in my mind: the master of the sugar blower is still fluttering with white hair, blowing the sugar blower comfortably in his small building, teaching this ancient art to the younger generation around him and telling the story ... The landlord can extract some description fragments he needs according to the situation.
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