Introduce some nice songs and jokes.

1 The TV series Hunters and Rogue Tycoons released when I was a child. An old woman in the yard said, "Chasing the Fugitive is on tonight." . . . . . .

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring. What happened to him and his girlfriend? What happened?

I was speechless. After he spoke for a long time, he looked at me. Maybe it means that I have to make a statement after what he said.

In an instant, I really didn't know what to say, so I blurted out: Is your girlfriend a woman?

I have had a cold for a long time! ! ! !

When the junior high school teacher talked about the ancient Babylonian civilization, he talked about the Sumerians. When the history teacher was excited, he said, "There are beauties in the two rivers", and more than half of them smiled on the spot.

4 buy a pot helmet to eat together, a man comes forward: boss, two helmets!

Good teeth, good appetite and delicious food. . . )[

There is a classmate named Huang Jiajian in my high school class.

One day, I didn't go to class. When the old class came into the classroom, I saw that his seat was empty.

Just asked: Hey, where's Huang Jiajian?

After the whole class laughed, they all called him Huang Gupo.

In the past, the teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more, shouting "Teacher, I have it, I have it". As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine". The whole class was stunned ~ ~ ~

I worked in a factory two years ago, and one day I went to the factory to handle affairs with my master (actually older than me 1 year). The material engineer is a big sister named Dong, in her forties. After that, the host was very polite and wanted to say, "Sister Dong, you left." [

8 ~ Another time, I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I summoned up my courage and said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " ~

~ ~ ~ Woo ~ ~ It's the first time in two years to hear the boss laugh so loudly ~ ~ ~ Depressed ~ ~ ~

My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care. After a few commonplaces, he came up with a sentence: Does your child eat human milk or your milk now?

10 One evening, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning." ...

1 1 That night, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly, "I watched the midnight edition of The Ring of Beauty!" "

12 that day, I went to buy watermelons, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

13 A farmer was drying wheat in the yard, and some chickens came to peck the wheat. The farmer swept it, the chicken scratched it, swept it again, scratched it again. I can't take it anymore. I cursed: "You bad things, I scratch, you sweep, I scratch, you sweep."

14 One day, I went shopping and needed to pee urgently. I found an internet cafe in front of me, rushed into the door and shouted at the stationmaster: Where is the toilet in your toilet?

15 bought rice in the canteen, saw the long-awaited tofu skin, and excitedly told the waiter that I wanted a potato skin, which startled everyone around me.

16 on business trip, I have to go to a certain bank in China to repair equipment. After getting out of the hotel and taking a taxi, I said to the female driver, "Go to the Bank of China and buy a knife at a hardware store." Sweat! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please find a new taxi. " At that time, I was very angry and said, "What car did you stop at the hotel after work? ? The female driver gave me a look and said, "I don't want the fare if I buy a knife. Please find another one.". ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver.

17 The political teacher once said "Let me give an example" in a lecture, and then thought it was wrong and said "Give an example".

18 remember in Hanwu Emperor [

Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions with new ironmaking materials.

A good sword was refined and Liu Che took it to Li Guang.

Li Guang kept repeating:

Your majesty, good sword (base), your majesty, good sword (base) ...

silent ...

19 is really a good donkey.

In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator who this person was.

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

2 1 When I went to McDonald's for the last time, he said to the clerk, I want a bag of potato chips, but they saidno. I said, what store doesn't even have potato chips? Then I turned and left. . .

There is a pant-shaped pencil box on the girl's desk behind me in the mid-term exam of 22. As soon as I turned around, my pencil case dropped. I said, "Well, you dropped your pants."

I remember that there are dogs in Lu Yu, and MM exclaimed in surprise: Ah, there are no dogs in that tail! !

23 Too much sun on your ass

I remember when I was a child, I went to buy round plastic bullets in toy guns and said directly to the old man in the toy store: buy a pack of original (round) bullets!

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call.

I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person?"

26 carrying a lot of things and gg looking for a place to store bags at the train station.

A policeman came face to face, and gg immediately stepped forward and asked politely, "Excuse me, how can I get to the bag burying place?"

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai were all delivered by caesarean section before they died."

28. I once called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a sweet-sounding MM who told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?"

When I was in college, a classmate just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card and dialed 1860 to ask about it. I was excited at that time: I wanted to ask about your mobile phone business. . . From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter.

In the eleventh year of junior 30, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him:

"You in the past, someone will kill you. . . "

3 1 Yesterday, someone said that he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I want to ask, "Is it beautiful?" But the result is "cheap?" Sweat to death

The teacher told us: "go on road trip should be honest in spring and don't always throw his head and arms out.". . . "

My husband is thin. Once I was in a hurry, I said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" "

One day, I went to the famous Da Qiao Road food store in Tianjin to buy food. I want to buy an old lady cake almost every time! As a result, I saw a slightly smaller cake that looked basically the same, but I was not sure, so I asked the aunt of the clerk, "Is this the cake of the little old woman?"

As a result, the audience is neither humble nor supercilious.

My cousin runs a kindergarten. Once she was in a hurry and asked me to help her take care of the children 1 hour, play games and tell stories. Facing a dozen children for the first time, I was so nervous that I was tongue-tied: "Children, today my aunt told you a story about Aladdin and the Magic Lamp ..."

36 concave surface [

stretch into ....

Original broadcast: Two gangsters wounded me and fled 1 10 police.

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 1 10 police and fled.

(Huang Feihong reincarnated! )

In high school, my brother and I were in the same class, and he sat behind me.

One night, our geography teacher asked us

Which one of you is the elder sister? Who is the younger brother?

I stayed there.

I bought cold rice noodles once and went back to my dormitory. I went to another dormitory and came back to find my roommate eating my cold rice noodles.

When they saw me coming back, one of them said to me, why did you come back? Cold rice noodles are getting cold!

I wanted to drink soda that day, so I went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I said in a hurry, "Boss, have a bottle of fart water", boss. ............

4 1 Just now, a colleague read the newspaper and asked, "How many games did China win yesterday?" [

China is one, but Singapore can't produce negative numbers.

In the past, there was a game called "a handful of dollars" on the red and white machine, which Europeans usually called "John in the wilderness"

Some commentators: Rush out of Asia and the world!

Once, my husband and I quarreled, and he scolded me: "pig!" " I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig. . . "I really feel like a pig after scolding.

One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:

Report instrument, examiner is normal ~ ~ ~ ~

I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. It was her turn. Everyone laughed as soon as she spoke. She wanted to say "Miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but it turned out to be "a calf, a hamburger".

47 college students get together in the forest park. It's time for everyone to prepare dinner. Two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The monitor wants to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they have been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted, "Beer should belong to Iraq."

We all fell. Two boys are crazy. . .

48 MM told me that KFC's new "flesh and blood connection" (mutton kebabs have brittle bones) asked me to take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "flesh and blood", thank you! .............

Shame-_-!

I'm always busy at work. On Valentine's Day, I got off work late and rushed to buy flowers. My wife is cooking at home and waiting for me. She called to ask me when I would go home. I lied to my wife that it would be a long time. When I heard her hang up unhappily, I said to myself, this is a surprise for you ... I bought flowers, rushed to buy chocolate and rushed to take a taxi. I couldn't get a taxi for a long time. I finally found a car to go home. ! !

One day, it was raining heavily outside, and the teacher came into the classroom with a full face of rain. He doesn't know what he is looking for on the table. After searching for a while, he asked his classmates in the front row, "Where's my facial tissue?"

In the math class of 5 1, the teacher asked: Line A is half of Line B, so what is Line B? (The class is quiet, waiting for the high opinion, after a while) Line B is two halves of Line A, (The class laughs)

In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the platform, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ……

A classmate was making trouble below, and our teacher said, "stand on the blackboard for me!" ! "This is very difficult.

54 high school algebra teacher: "Don't make any noise."

The Chinese teacher teaches the text of Chibi. Speaking of Cao Bing trampling on each other in Huarong Road, he said with emotion: The flow of people is terrible. ...