Do you know any failed pick-up experiences? Do you have any tips for successfully striking up a conversation?

(1) Why don’t you dare to strike up a conversation

1. Afraid of losing your face

Many people don’t strike up a conversation. To put it bluntly, they are actually afraid of being raped. Rejection, fear of failure, fear of being laughed at by others. However, please think about it carefully. When you go to strike up a conversation, you don’t know the other person in the first place. If you are rejected, you will be back to square one. Have you lost anything? Some people will say: "That’s not right! I lost face when I failed to strike up a conversation." Ah!” But the experience of modern society tells us: we must be pragmatic.

2. Wrong sense of guilt

Many people believe that striking up a conversation is a frivolous act that is uncivilized and immoral, and they may even feel guilty because of it. In fact, striking up a conversation is just a means, and getting to know each other is the real purpose. Therefore, you don’t have to feel guilty for taking the initiative and striking up conversations with others. If you don't even take the action of contacting the other person, then the other person will not only not become a gift from God to you, but will become your eternal regret. Fear is the most taboo thing when trying to strike up a conversation. Today, the editor will share with you an article on how to overcome fear for your reference: "How to Overcome Fear in Picking Up a Man and Make a Natural Strike Up"

How to Overcome The psychological barrier to this pick-up technique?

1. It is normal to feel shy and embarrassed when you start practicing your pick-up skills. However, after you often refer to this book and practice more in your life, you will slowly get better.

2. The more natural and stress-free you are, the more natural and stress-free you will feel to the other party, so the key is to adjust your mentality. The more confident and self-righteous you are in talking to her as a friend, the more she will follow your words and talk to you.

3. Even if you are a strike-up expert, your success rate is not high. Some people succeed and some fail. But the more times you strike up a conversation, the more proficient your strike-up skills become. But you have to remind yourself that you should remember more about successful experiences to encourage yourself and sum up the experience.

4. Be indifferent to the experience of encountering cold faces, or explain to yourself that the other person may be a girl who lives at the bottom of society, and often comes into contact with messy people, so she is very wary of people; or she may She comes from a family with feudal and backward educational concepts.

5. Even if the experience of failure brings you temporary fear, after you overcome this psychological barrier, you will have a large forest for you to use, so you have to thank her for this tree. Your chance to practice your pick-up skills and grow into a master.

6. Don’t focus on the results, but focus on the habit of striking up a conversation itself, and aim at whether you have developed your striking up skills. The purpose of developing the habit of striking up a conversation is to cultivate a positive attitude towards life, so that you can be confident in yourself in any situation, be able to talk confidently with the people you want to get to know, and establish friendly relationships with her (him). .

7. When striking up a conversation, don't approach her with the intention of "getting her". You should be like an emperor selecting a concubine, and only consider it after screening. Even if you don't actually have such courage, you still have to have such a condescending mentality. This kind of mentality can help you overcome your fear of approaching people and face them with ease.

In short, don’t be discouraged and lose your confidence, so that you can maintain the motivation to continue practicing your pick-up skills. If one day you become a master, you will realize that the other person's reaction no longer has an important impact on you. What a real man values ??is whether he is worthy of your thoughts and sincerity in wanting to know the other person.

(2) How to strike up a conversation with girls

1. Surprise method

Applicable type: suitable for both men and women. One afternoon on the pedestrian street, Miss Xiao Lin was wandering alone. Suddenly a man came forward and asked politely: "Miss, what time is it now?" Xiao Lin said apologetically: "I'm sorry, I don't have a watch or mobile phone, so I don't know the time." At this time, the man stretched out his hand and revealed The watch said: "I know it is 3:50 pm Beijing time. There is a movie showing at the cinema over there at 4 o'clock. Can I invite you to watch it?"

2. Direct attack method

Applicable type: suitable for both men and women. Zhao Zhao and several friends came out of the cafe, and the man who had been paying attention to her in the cafe just now also followed them. Zhao Zhao secretly smiled, wondering what the meaning of such childish tracking was.

The man sped up to catch up, walked up to her in a few steps, spread out his hands to stop her, looked directly at Zhao Zhao, and said very seriously: "Hello! My name is **, I am a third-year student majoring in ** at University C. I am very hopeful. Get to know you and be friends with you." The friends laughed in good faith, and Zhao Zhao also smiled and said to him: "It's okay to be ordinary friends. Hello, my name is Zhao Zhao."

3. The more natural you behave, the less pressure you will have, and the other person will feel that it is more natural and less pressure, so the key is to adjust your mentality. The more confident you are and talk to her directly as a friend, the more she will follow your words and talk to you.

4. Be indifferent to the experience of encountering cold faces, or explain to yourself that the other person may be a girl who lives at the bottom of society and often comes into contact with messy people, so she is very wary of people; or Maybe she comes from a family with feudal and backward educational concepts.

5. Don’t focus on the results, but focus on the habit of striking up a conversation. The goal is whether you develop the habit of striking up a conversation. Our purpose in developing the habit of striking up a conversation is to cultivate a positive attitude towards life so that we can be confident in ourselves in any situation, be able to talk confidently with the people we want to get to know, and establish friendly relationships with them.

6. Even if the experience of failure brings you temporary fear, after you overcome this psychological barrier, you will have a large forest for you to use, so you have to thank her for this tree. Your chance to practice and grow into a master.

7. Find *** the same topic. "Sister, where did you buy your mobile phone?" In this situation, most girls will just deal with it casually. It doesn't matter what she says. As long as she opens her mouth, you will have the opportunity to continue the next topic.

8. Pretend to ask for directions. If you really don't know how to ask, just pretend to ask for directions: "Beauty, I want to go to such and such a place, where should I get off?" If you think she looks like a tomboy, don't strike up a conversation easily, as she will be easily exploited.

Taking up a conversation is the starting point for two people to get to know each other. If you don’t do this well, you will most likely miss her. Don’t be afraid of failure, use your courage and master the conversation skills that suit you. , it will definitely succeed.

Cultivate a hobby that you are good at:

I have a friend who really wants to learn how to strike up a conversation. I introduced him to many hobbies, but he replied that he had no motivation. What if learning hobbies and making girlfriends are equated? I think everyone should be interested, right?

Choose from the hobbies that girls like:

But hobbies There are many, how should we choose, do computer games count? Please, we are pursuing girls, and our hobbies are naturally found from the girl’s hobby list, such as music (guitar), painting, photography and so on.

Use hobbies as a starting point:

Having hobbies that girls are interested in can be well introduced. At the same time, when cultivating them, we can also improve our own personal temperament. As a A door opening is very good. Let me give a simple example using photography.

Photography (example):

Many girls like to take photos. Oh, let me explain, others take beautiful photos of them. There are also many who spend money to take photos. , it would be best if you can find a boyfriend who is a photographer, so this is a high-quality premise.

Increase your courage:

Many people have almost completed the preparations, but they just don’t dare. Suppose you are traveling and see a very attractive woman. My child, you can boldly go up and ask for contact information. If you have the same photography hobby as in step 4, it will be even easier. Invite her to take photos, ask for contact information and send it to her, and everything will come naturally.

Specific occasions:

In different occasions, you need to pay attention to your tone. For example, in the library, when we strike up a conversation, including our daily chats, we must speak in a low, low voice, and speak slower. . At the same time, the girls hanging out in the library are relatively quiet and have to find goals that suit them. How to strike up a conversation with girls in different situations, for details, please refer to: "Catch Up Skills: Pickup Opening Lines Common to All Scenarios"

Pay attention to what all girls are interested in:

I gave examples of girls earlier The hobbies that boys may be interested in can learn. In addition to this, we can learn about the things that girls care about in their daily lives, so that we can use them as conversation topics in the future.

The three most important steps to strike up a conversation

The first step is "building an identity bridge." (Smiling and polite attitude, confident and open body language, good appearance, non-threatening opening remarks.)

The second step is "shift of interest and attention". (Humor, pride and fun, creating emotional fluctuations, and creating an illusion of familiarity.)

The third step is "open-ended topic of concern". (Any interesting cold reading routine, role play, story, magic, negation, interactive game.)

From the first to the third step can be completed in five to ten minutes, this This is also the progress of Mystery M3 models A1~A3.

So at the beginning I will start with a "body correction opening": Do you often go to xx ice shop to buy ice? You seem to look familiar!

Being a girl explains Once you become an ice cream shop clerk, you have completed the first step of "building an identity bridge". Next, I pretended to be a little surprised! And moved to the second step of "shift of interest and attention". : Yeah!! So the ice that gave me diarrhea after eating it recently was probably made by you?

At this time, the girl’s attention to your identity has been diverted, and your interest has also been established. Everything you will talk to is just accidental, and you will continue to chat. Everything is for a reason! The girl can talk to you with confidence!

The next step is the third step: open-ended topics of concern . This is where we can apply techniques like the cold reading technique. After I joked and argued with the girl about the ice cream for diarrhea, I hoped that I could directly comment on the girl. I hoped to strengthen my impression and connection with the girl, instead of just being a stranger chatting with her. But I will never tell her: You are so cute! Say any words of praise to reveal your interest.

I will say to her: Your earrings are very beautiful. This is the third time I have seen someone wearing these earrings this week (directly lowering her value), (regardless of her reaction) Come! Take a quiz! Will you put on the right or left earring first? Which earring will you take off first? Interesting!! You belong to #$#%$^%&$&$#%, and$ #%$%, and $#%$#︿%︿. In fact, you don't seem as cold as you appear. I think we can still be friends.

Basically after completing the third step, you have established your connection with the girl and established your own value in front of the girl. The next thing you have to do is leave the buffet before she does. When you want to help him take a test in the third stage, you can incidentally say: Take a test, but I'm leaving soon, so I can't chat with you for too long.

Finally I will say: It’s almost time, it’s time to go. Say goodbye to him, leave the place~~turn around~~take out a pen and tear half of the paper, tear half of the paper to her, and say to her: Give me your QQ! (Keep the other half of the paper for yourself. She, guide her behavior) When she was halfway through writing, she said: Write down the mobile phone number too! (Gradually improve the obedience motivation) After getting the number, chat for a few words and leave!

Perfect The end of the conversation!!

The last two principles of conversation are:

1. Take the initiative to approach the target and take the initiative to leave the target.

2. Take the initiative to create and end topics.

I think as long as you establish these three strike-up steps, abide by these two strike-up principles, enter your own routines and personality traits, and cooperate with the skills of various dating masters, we can all have a happy and unburdened strike-up! Because we get rid of approach anxiety together with the target.

Supplement: The second step of "shifting interest and attention" and the third step of "open-ended topic of concern" are actually a cycle. In fact, striking up a conversation is not suitable for a long game. , but if you are in a mobile situation and have to stay together for a long time (train, plane), then just cycle through these two stages in sequence. But we must cooperate with the second principle: take the initiative to create topics and actively end topics. In addition, don’t forget that creating topics is not only for yourself, but also for the other party. To put it simply, it is "interaction"

New content

I will write about my own examples in future articles.

Some people have also raised questions about the step of "building an identity bridge". What if there is no relationship?

My answer is: Don't be so simple. All relationships are created. What comes out is not something you can have by trying to analyze her background, I used the opening as a medium in that example to build that bridge.

What if it’s a complete stranger? The answer is: Since I can’t create a connection at the first time, it’s okay to establish it later! Use any non-threatening words at this time Opinion opening remarks are a good choice. Once the other party responds to my opinion opening remarks, I can try to find connections from the response.

Taking a conversation in a bookstore as an example, I can ask the target for her opinion with two interesting novels in the rankings. I will ask her: Hey! Hello, I need some advice, what do you think? Which book, "The Devil Wears Prada" or "The Fantasy World of Shopaholics", faithfully conveys women's attitude towards famous brands?

Her answer to me may be I know one, two, or neither of these books very well, but that doesn't matter. My next sentence will be another probing opening for her response to me. I can follow up on the previous question by asking why? or use

"Identity Correction Opening". Because the previous "book opinion opening statement" has naturally helped the transition to the "identity correction opening statement". So the situation will be more natural!

The "identity correction opening" here can be used like this:

You are not an employee of a bookstore, are you? Otherwise, how could you be so powerful?

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Are you often asked by your friends to recommend good books? I can see that you are a professional working among books.

I can see that you don’t quite understand. Can you tell me which cultural desert you live in? (Smile).......In fact, I just came back from the desert.

Even use "identity correction opening remarks" with "role play". Oh! It seems you are not very professional! If you were a bookstore employee, I must be the customer who was bullied by you. Tell me, what do you want to do in your next job? Wait! Let me guess, the aunt who collects garbage? (Here I use role-playing to simulate an identity bridge.) To achieve this level, you need to transition to the second level. Step three will not be too difficult for either of you.

Mistake 1: Only study how to strike up a conversation, not focusing on personal charm

If you are an otaku, then the first step you have to do is not to learn how to strike up a conversation, but to learn how to strike up a conversation. Change. Everyone has some shining point, all you have to do is find it and amplify it. A confident smile, neat clothing, humorous conversation, and connotative words and deeds can also attract people.

Mistake 2: The more nervous you are, the easier it is for you to fail in striking up a conversation. It is better to just let nature take its course.

You are queuing up for food in the cafeteria, and when you see the girl in front of you, you really want to get to know her. You don't need to organize too many pick-up lines, because when you organize them, people will leave. The more prepared you are, the more nervous you will be. The more nervous you are, the more afraid you will fail in striking up a conversation, and end up letting it go without regrets. Just let nature take its course and communicate with the other person.

Even if you really don’t know what to say, just smile and say hello, that’s fine. Picking up a conversation can be successful or not. At least you have met her once, and you will have one more reason to strike up a conversation next time.

Mistake 3: Be sincere when approaching someone, and avoid suppressing, teasing, or fooling them

Please respect the girl you are approaching or planning to strike up a conversation with. Girls are a vulnerable group regardless of whether they are strong or not. Techniques such as suppressing, teasing, and fooling are all based on good intentions. These are just "little tricks" for you to build a good social experience with a girl. Regardless of this kind of social interaction Whether a relationship is established or not, your attitude towards making friends must ultimately be sincere.

Let’s take a look at two wrong strike-up cases below:

Scenario 1: Strike up a moving target and make eye contact

Wrong actions:

Before the boy caught up with the girl, he said from behind: "Hello!"

The girl turned back in fear, clamped her bag and ran away.

Correct action:

The boy catches up with the girl. When he is half a step ahead of the girl, he naturally turns his head to look at the girl. The girl also sees the boy, and there is eye contact between the two parties. Boys smile at girls, and girls smile at boys.

At this time, the boy said: "Hello!"

Comments:

Eye contact is very important, coupled with a smile, it can greatly reduce the abruptness of the conversation and make it easier for girls to accept.

Scenario 2: Chatting up a moving target, don’t get too close

Wrong action:

A boy is chatting up a moving target. After the conversation started, the boy kept tilting his head to talk to the target, and his body kept getting closer to the target. The target kept dodging to the side of the road, and his walking became a diagonal line. The more the girl hides, the more the boy sticks to her; the more the boy sticks to her, the more the girl hides. Finally the girl ran away quickly.

Correct action:

A boy strikes up a conversation with a moving target. After the conversation started, the boys and girls kept parallel to each other during the conversation. From time to time, they turned their heads to talk to the target. Sometimes they even looked ahead when speaking. They seemed casual and natural, not deliberately talking to the girl. At this time, the target is better able to cooperate with the conversation and gradually slows down its walking speed.

Comments:

Getting too close to the target will only make the target more wary and want to get rid of you. Being more casual will make your intentions less strong and easier for girls to accept.