I am tired, but I can't stop, and my pain can't be avoided.

Things are impermanent, there is never a fixed version of life, and everyone has their own different life trajectories, either mediocre, smooth sailing, or endless ups and downs, etc. Fortunately, we are all working hard on the road ahead.

-inscription

His journey to Wu Jun.

six

Fate is always disappointing, but it is often in countless pains, heavy contradictions and difficulties that people become mature and strong, although these things do not bring joy to people in actual feelings. These words are familiar to him many times in Ordinary World, and he always believes that he will survive these hardships. A few days later, he appeared in the frontier thousands of miles away from home. He is going to work on the construction site for a while to see if there is any chance to make other plans.

The sandstorm in the frontier is much bigger than my hometown, and it often hurts people's skin. The desert is lonely, and the long river sets the yen. That's just the beauty in the poem, not the real situation. But these are not important to him, what is important is to work hard and the blue sky is hanging high!

He got up early and worked in the dark on the construction site. His delicate palm was worn out countless times, and finally he got calluses. His fair skin turned into a thick bronze color. He became more and more like a migrant worker and gradually integrated into that group. He began to learn to smoke to pass away the loneliness in his heart, and he was used to the casual dirty jokes that his workmates were so eager to vent, and he no longer deliberately avoided them. He is happy to mingle with these simple northwest men, although in their eyes, he is so fragile and often needs help from others. Fortunately, no one cares, and he is very grateful. However, he said nothing about his own experience and past events. It's a scar that can't scab, and it will make people feel dull pain every night. He is on his way to maturity and strength alone!

It was cold, and the construction site was shut down. The day when we agreed to check out was actually postponed. The small foreman is a fellow villager in Shaanxi. Because the project was subcontracted many times, the money could not be cashed, and the big contractor could not be contacted. Everyone is waiting to go home. The shed is full of depressed breath and complaints, and his heart is full of infinite troubles! Money is hard to earn, shit is hard to eat, and this is the bottom of people's face. If you are in pain, you may not see someone who is distressed. He has a sense of humiliation. It's a pity that no one in this world can listen to his sadness and heart. He shouted at the distant mountain at the top of his lungs. The wind blew, but there was still no answer. Yellow sand filled the whole sky in the wind.

He broke into the project department with his fellow villagers, and it is natural to make money under hardship. He said he must get skyshatter's money, and he secretly made up his mind. Of course, no one knows that he is the most knowledgeable person in the gang, and no one thinks that the person who succeeds in the end is the most inconspicuous one at ordinary times. He argued with the people in the project department, suppressed his emotions, and argued with each other with once familiar laws and regulations. He clearly told them the competent units and channels he would resort to, and the attitude of never giving up until he reached his goal. Either the other party is surprised that there are such knowledgeable people among the bottom migrant workers, or this group of Shaanxi Lengwa are unwilling to do three steps of blood spatter, or they cherish each other and finally usher in the result. The next day, their team got the salary as expected, and the villagers cheered. The words of thanks made him a little embarrassed. The grateful foreman bought him a cigarette, which he didn't want to smoke at ordinary times, and which brand was specially prepared for the leader in his pocket. He can finally go home, which makes him deeply relieved.

Calm down, the project manager accidentally touched his nerve. He is just a migrant worker and has the ability to read and write. Let me see if he has the ability to enter the university! He held back the words on his lips. He can't say it's permanent damage, let alone unworthy. He said in his heart that Jiaotong University is a dream that these laymen dare not even think about. One day, I will go back. The hardship and humiliation of work made him suddenly understand that learning is the only shortcut to his success. He suddenly had a new plan in his heart!

seven

Stick to it, not how strong he is, but more that he has no choice! After the spring, with the help of a familiar teacher, he chose to start studying in a remote rural high school. He doesn't want too many people to know, this is an endless dream in his heart. That kind of longing seems to be stronger than the first time, perhaps because of his experience in the past six months, perhaps because of his mother's depression when she knew the truth, and that kind of crazy eyes stimulated him. He cried for countless nights. Nothing has changed at home except that the earth wall is mottled and peeled off for several layers. Although my hardworking brother has worked hard to support this family, he has passed the good age of finding a wife and few people have come to propose. All the reasons are nothing more than a poor word. Poverty limits and stifles all the dreams of farmers' children, as well as the future! He made up his mind to go to school. People can suffer for a while, but if they don't change, they may suffer for life. He endured all the ridicule and humiliation and re-entered the campus!

An excellent student of that year, a person who studied in the university for three years, only when he sat down quietly did he realize how entertaining reading was for himself. He soon entered the state, immersed in his study day and night. He doesn't go home on Sunday, and his brother will give dry food every week, and he will chew steamed bread on days when he has no food. At that time, the school canteen was still a boiling water stove, and it was drunk by hot water. He deliberately stayed away from his classmates. After all, a few years older than him, he doesn't want to talk, let alone let others know his past. Just study quietly.

However, some things are inevitable. For example, in a youthful campus, there are naturally some innocent ignorance. It is natural and beautiful for boys and girls to fall in love. More often, teachers are just afraid that children will delay their studies and be too demonized. Lian is a virtuous and quiet girl. Her home is on the street in town. Because I am a deskmate, I occasionally ask him some questions, and there is not much communication. Lotus naturally doesn't know how big the stone in his heart is. Perhaps more curious, curious about his diligence and indifference! After a long time, Lian discovered the embarrassment in his life. Lian often brings some food from home and puts it quietly in his drawer. Some things don't need words. He can feel the love and care from Lian's eyes, but he knows how heavy the burden is in his heart. Everything happened at an inappropriate time, and he couldn't bear it. Lian is a stubborn person, who turns a blind eye to his avoidance, so he has been sending him away. The only thing he can express is to help Lian as much as possible in his study and calm his inner anxiety. Everything goes forward in tacit understanding, except eyes and smiles, which are tacit to each other. In fact, he also likes the way Lotus smiles shyly. His mind has dried up for too long, and all those who are depressed by change feel almost dull, but he clearly knows that this is his first real secret love, and he is eager to have it, but he can't imagine it for the time being. Poor people feel inferior, as low as a shame in the dust! He tried to convince his heart.

The days passed quickly day by day, and the day of the college entrance examination was ushered in. He was very excited. I look forward to a bright future in my heart. I hope the beautiful lotus can walk into the dream university hall with me. If I am lucky, I can join hands with * * to create life is sweet. As long as you think about it, you will feel what a wonderful thing this will be!

He threw himself into the college entrance examination. Fate is like a mean stepmother to him, and nothing can be arbitrary. Thirdly, he is on the list, but he is much worse than Jiaotong University. What's even more surprising is that Lian actually failed the list! He looked at the way she sobbed in pain. He didn't know. That's how God plays with himself again and again. There is nothing but comfort.

On the first day of school, he went to see Lian. It was also the first time that he walked into her house and met her parents. They were very simple. He truthfully told the old people about his pain and hardships. He tried to ask him if he could ask Lian to repeat the study. The old people sighed and said that Lotus had two younger brothers. Going to high school is enough to make people peel off their skin. Forget it! Lotus sat in the corner of the kang with grievance, without saying a word. Tears are like broken beads, which makes him feel distressed and worried! Everything is so helpless.

When he left, Lian sent him away for a long time. Life is so sad, he is so eager to send him away. Who knows, when the poems in his heart flooded into his mind, he screamed at the sky. When is the helplessness in this world? ? Lotus took an envelope from her pocket and handed it to him. She said softly, "Go home and read." . Remember, you must go home before opening it. He carefully put the envelope into his pocket, because he knew that there must be something he wanted to know, just like himself at the moment, and there were many words hidden under the tip of his tongue that he couldn't say.

He left, even with tears in his eyes. Surprisingly, there is only a short sentence on the note in the envelope,' I will provide you with school and I will wait for you to come back!' Only this sentence is worth a thousand words. In that innocent era, a sweet word was enough to fill the whole world and activate his stronger and enterprising heart. There is still boiling 200 yuan in the note, which is obviously given by his parents. That year is also a lot of money for an ordinary family. He was deeply moved!

After entering Nanpai, which is far away from home, the first thing to do after settling everything is to write to Lian quickly. After thinking for a long time, he carefully wrote down his spiritual response, waiting for me, Lian! Although life is changeable and the future is still unknown, he resolutely wrote such words. And this sentence is destined to go through a lot in the future. After all, a promise is a lifetime!

eight

When he received the reply, Lian had become a private teacher in his hometown primary school. That kind of occupation actually suits Lian's mind, so his heart is much more stable.

Four years later, Hongyan handed the book, and a burning emotion gradually warmed up between the lines, and a deep yearning swept across Qian Shan. They worked together for a beautiful dream. Lotus calls him every month for more or less living expenses. After suffering, he naturally cherished this opportunity to study and won many scholarships from the school. He knows his burden and responsibility, not only for his elderly mother, but also for his brother who has worked for many years to earn money for his education. Now he has come to this lotus with this kindness and love, and all his efforts are beyond his ability, so he needs to repay it with his independence and rise. In a person's life, what he is most unable to repay but often owes most is emotion and kindness. No matter how hard we tried later, we couldn't pay it off!

Four years, four years, four long years, finally came to a successful conclusion. He should be the most hysterical among graduation cheers, and he has been wronged for too long. This roar is not only the release of the body, but also the rebirth of the soul and the grand declaration of life. All secularists who have discriminated against and laughed at themselves and their families, ordinary people who don't believe that reading can change their destiny, and project managers who make themselves feel guilty sometimes feel grateful to these people. Anyway, he finally got through it. He was assigned to work in the Mining Bureau where the university was located, and the first light of life shone from his head.

The first thing I did after work was to marry my beloved Lian, a spoony woman who has been waiting for me for several years. Whether it is love or kindness, this should be the most perfect answer in my heart. No wedding dress, no luxury car, and no bride price to give. This is just two meals for two families. He and Lian entered the marriage hall. Although he didn't say anything, in his heart, even his own flesh and blood relatives will live together for a lifetime. I believe everything will be there, he firmly believes!

He made unremitting efforts and achieved himself with the simplicity and tenacity unique to peasant children. After many years, he became the leader of the unit, and all his efforts finally paid off. He took his mother to live with him. He transformed the old yard into a magnificent place for his brother who had suffered for half his life. He spared no effort for the life of his family. He feels that he should live for gratitude for the rest of his life, and love needs to be rewarded, even if it is far from enough. After becoming famous, many laity people forget their original heart and lust. Only he knows how difficult his happiness is. Cherish it, perhaps afraid of poverty, really afraid of poverty! He doesn't care if others laugh at him for marrying an unemployed wife, and he won't stop his hardworking mother from picking up garbage in the community all the time. In his own eyes, they are the most lovely people. Every time his eyes reach the room, they are full of tears and gratitude. Although others can't figure it out, this is really a relative of a successful person who contracted roadway mining in China or even abroad. Love needs no explanation!

Kindness needs to be rewarded. After all, my hometown raised my own place. The appearance of my hometown and village has benefited from the great help of national policies for many years and has undergone great changes. Guanzhong Plain has promoted the large-scale construction of beautiful countryside, and his hometown is naturally among them. After careful consideration, he decided to build a fitness square for the village. After all kinds of fundraising, under the leadership of the two village committees, this wish was successfully implemented and completed. At the completion ceremony, the villagers hung red flowers for him, and the faces of all ages were filled with happy smiles. Accustomed to talking, he stood up and choked. He thought of his mediocre father who died young, of his years of starvation, of the unbearable and humiliating pain endured by his widowed mother for decades, and of the fact that the accrued interest on the funds retained at home for many years was as high as 20 thousand yuan. He also thought of the nouveau riche who had ulterior motives and were always ready to replace the foundation of their compound. It is impossible to see human nature, and he is a little skeptical that this move is done by himself. ? He saw the white-haired old lady sitting in the first row of the audience, with a happy face. That heartfelt happiness and pride infected him, and he suddenly felt relieved. Thanks to all the fellow villagers and neighbors for their help and care for our family for many years. Many old sayings spilled from his mouth to Wang Yang, and in the long applause and applause, he abruptly held back his tears. At the very least, it must be an infinite honor for the mother who has bad karma and her brother who has been depressed by poverty for a long time! Then this thing is worthwhile and a good thing, and his heart has a little comfort at the moment.

nine

My mother has been busy all her life and is not used to city life. For one thing, she can't afford to be idle, and for another, she is worried about her youngest son at home. She came and went, and soon she went back. This is the mother's character. She is strong and unyielding, and her mouth is unforgiving. She still walks like that at the age of seventy, and when she is unhappy, she starts to scold. Mother said,' My son can do it. When people laugh at me here, I am still free to go back to the countryside. You are a dutiful son, and my mother has been content all her life. I won't come when I go back to take care of your brother's children.' Mom went back, and she couldn't stop it.

My mother, who has suffered all her life, often praises her son in the alley, and her neighbors envy her hard work. Life went smoothly and everything was happy. One evening, my mother went to the shop across the street to buy several bags of snacks for her grandson, felt in her pockets, and hurried without any money. My mother smiled and said to the brother who sold the goods:' Alas! It's no use getting old, there is no money to buy things. I'll give it to you later. "My brother smiled and said no, you don't owe me anything. We'll talk about it when we get there.

A mother who has never been ungrateful for her life settled down her grandson after returning home, but she stubbornly rushed to send money. Something unfortunate happened. Who would have thought that this mother would never come back! At the moment when Niang crossed the road, a speeding car hit the evil mother. From this moment on, all happiness becomes eternal, freezing every child's heart. Mother had an accident at the entrance to the village, but the body was scattered on the road a few miles away, bloody. What kind of hardships and pains she experienced at the last moment of her life is unknown. Those unscrupulous executioners ran over her body. Can anyone hear her piercing and desperate cry? ? Didn't you say good people get what they deserve? What words can be used to describe this miserable world?

Without my mother, I left miserably without any warning. The scene goes back to the beginning of the story. Even if he comes back by plane, he can't catch up with his mother. He suppressed the pain and tears in his heart and tried to find the driver without a trace of humanity. He has an impulse to cut this guy to pieces. However, evil cameras are only clear when they are illegal. The hard-working police comrades comforted him and they would try their best. Everything was in vain, and there was no progress or clue except adding more than ten days of pain.

Life is like this, people are black and blue. Even with all kinds of disappointments and regrets, the mother of bad karma can't come back. It's hard to reach her heart and intestines, and I don't know how much God wants him to suffer before she can have a good result! ? He buried his mother with great sorrow, and he may be trapped in this deep regret for the rest of his life. ...

ten

We often walk in the eternal journey of life, running in the rough, nirvana in frustration, sadness around the whole body, pain floating all over the place. I am very tired, but I can't stop, and my pain is inevitable! Use a sentence from Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude as the conclusion of this sad text. Life is a hard journey, and I am also a pedestrian. Maybe this one can't break free is the whole meaning of trying to live. More persistence is not that we are strong enough, but that we have no choice.

Xiangbu was written on June 5, 20 19.