Jokes in daily life

Jokes in daily life, in daily life, everyone has been exposed to jokes, and each of us must have heard many jokes when we were young. Jokes can be an indispensable part of our lives, and the role of jokes is to adjust our lives. The following are jokes in daily life.

Joke in daily life 1 1, a professional consultant got a newly printed business card and sent it to the manufacturer to protest: my business card was printed as "professional home care", and there was a missing mouth! A few days later, I received a new business card with the words "Professional Door Care" printed on it.

2. A fat woman who looked safe ran to the traffic police: "A man has been following me."

The traffic police looked at the fat woman humorously and said, "I think he may be drunk for a while, but he will be fine in a short time!" " "

3. Bookstore salesman with a straight face: Don't look, this is a book seller, not a library! Customer: What's your attitude? You didn't smile. Shop assistant: Are you here to buy a book or a smile?

Polar bears have never seen pandas. When he first saw the panda in the zoo, he shouted, "Tell my brother who beat you like this." Panda is very angry: "Why don't you wear sunglasses in this heat?"

One day, the monitor said, "We have two choices now. First, everyone will charge 10 yuan for the activity. Second, use the class fee first. What do you say? " So people shouted: "class fee! ! ! "。 "Well, everyone don't move, I'll collect the class fee, ten dollars per person. . . "

6. Someone in the dormitory said, "I put too much washing powder." A buddy asked, "Does your brother have many wives? How many? "

7. A Shuang died. His family sent a funeral and shouted his name: Shuang Shuang ... Shuang Shuang hindered Shuang Shuang ... Passers-by heard this and asked: What are you happy about? The cool family suddenly burst into tears: it's so cool!

8.Kota: Where is my most beautiful place? Parrot: Can I stop talking? Kota: No! I'll pull out your hair if you don't tell me! The parrot looked at it in fear and closed its eyes painfully: 555, pull it out!

See a cold joke in summer

1, English teacher: Kill the chicken for the monkey. Monkeys are not afraid to watch too much.

2. Teacher: Why do you make coal into a honeycomb? Student: Because it is honeycomb coal.

3. A man was bitten by a dog, so he quickly asked a doctor for medicine. The doctor is packing up and getting ready to get off work.

"Look at the time. I'm getting off work. Why don't I come at this time? " The doctor looks unhappy.

"I know the doctor," said the man, "but the dog doesn't know whether to leave work or not!"

To tell the truth, one summer we had a meeting without air conditioning, so everyone suggested that we have a good time in the game and see who can cool people down. I said, why is this like a morgue?

The hostess came back from the outside and asked the new maid, "Did you clean the refrigerator as I told you?"

"Yes, madam." The maid replied, "Everything is delicious! "

6. Leading a group of people was punished for cutting off the words in the newspaper one by one with scissors. I was dizzy when I cut it to more than 500. Then the leader said, put these words back. ...

7. In the Young Pioneers Brigade, the senior sister asked her deskmate: What is your position (plant)? The deskmate answered seriously: I have a cactus and originally wanted to raise a mimosa.

8. A buddy went to the bookstall and proudly asked the boss, "Is there Liu Bei?" Others wondered that the boss dug out two pornographic books from the corner and handed them over. On the way back, someone asked, "Why is Uncle Huang called Liu Bei?" He whispered, "Uncle".

9. A nurse in charge of ICU and another nurse said: The beds are too tight to arrange outside.

The other said, don't worry, look at this, that and that over there. They are almost the same. There will be a place after tonight. ...

Jokes in daily life 2 1. Walking with grandpa at night, I saw a beautiful woman not far away. I couldn't help looking at her twice. Grandpa turned around and asked, "Do you like it?" I smiled.

"Wait for me. I will come back when I go. " Grandpa said that and strode forward. A few minutes later, after a while, my mobile phone rang, and a very sweet female voice came from it: Hello, are you XX? An old man got lost in the park. Where is he now? Please come and pick him up quickly.

2. Girlfriend asks her boyfriend to buy the ring he likes. My boyfriend was a little hesitant when he saw the price of 8888 yuan. Then my girlfriend said, I will also pay half of the money. Then I saw my girlfriend take out her mobile phone and scan the code to pay 88 yuan. She turned to me and said, I gave half and the rest is yours!

During the interview, the interviewer in the personnel department asked the candidate: Do you have leadership and organizational skills? Candidates proudly replied: Do you still need to ask? I organized many strikes in the company where I used to work, which was very effective.

4. In logic class, the teacher asked, "If there are only two species, white horse and dark horse, what is the sum of them?" "Zebra!" The whole class is laughing!

5. Working in a kindergarten. I said, "Dear classmate, I have a task for you when you go home today, that is, let your parents teach you how to wash your hands when you get home." Can you teach your teacher how to wash your hands when you come back tomorrow? As soon as the children heard that their master had something to ask, they all agreed with one voice.

The next day, a little boy said, "Teacher, I told my mother that you didn't know how to wash your hands and wanted me to teach you!" " But they just don't want me to teach you. ""why is your mother like this? " My mother said, "Is your teacher mentally retarded? Such a big man can't wash his hands. "

6. After graduating from the semester, there is a student in the class who is at the bottom of the class every year. He often fights with others. The school leader asked the teacher to write a friendlier final review for the students. What do you think I should write? God replied: students have stable grades and strong hands-on ability.

7. When I came back from school at noon and just arrived at the dormitory, a classmate asked me, "Did the teacher call the roll today?" Me: "No roll call!" When they were happy, they were full of doubts, so they asked me, "Why don't you call the roll today?" Not the history teacher's style! "

I reluctantly replied: "I am the only one in the class. Do you think it is necessary to call the roll? "

Jokes in daily life 3 1. Colleagues grabbed the plums I brought from my hometown and said, this wild mountain product has no taste, and it is only suitable for filling my ass.

2. A scolds B: "I really want to spit dog blood in your face!"

The weather is unbearable. I just made a cup of tea and put it on the table. Colleagues took it and drank it. It's too hot, he croaked and said, "Lie down and sink. It's boiling water. Dead pigs are afraid of heat. "

My cousin took care of my long hair and said, It's a mess, like a cat scratching it.

5. Colleagues like to touch other people's heads. One day, they touched someone and said, you just cut a round ball head. Others were annoyed and said, take your dog's paws away, or I'll beat you. You don't know that a tiger's ass can't be touched.

6. I have a sister-in-law, who is only a few years older than me. Once my aunt and I went shopping arm in arm, and the class teacher found me passing by. I went back and told my mother that I saw my puppy love, and my mother asked me what happened that day. I silently thought about it and said, you asked your sister ... my mother suddenly drew a mouth.

7. God is a writer who writes about people and things in the big family of the earth every day. Recently, because he created too many characters on the earth, God found it more and more difficult to write. In order to reduce the number of people who appear and make writing not too tired, he finally came up with a solution: family planning.