Tell me I'm a joke about AIDS.

In order to test the strength of the police in the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find them first.

In front of the first forest is the American police. They first spent a whole half-day meeting to formulate a battle plan and strictly divide the work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter the forest for a carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed, the rabbit ran away and the task failed!

Then it's the turn of the Hong Kong police. They sent 100 people and dozens of police cars to line up outside the forest. The leader shouted rabbit, rabbit, you are surrounded. Come out and surrender ... Half a day has passed, but nothing has happened. Flying Tigers entered the forest to search again, and the mission failed!

Finally, there are only four policemen in China. They played mahjong for a day first. At dusk, a man walked into the forest with a baton. Five minutes later, they heard the screams of animals in the forest. The policeman in China came out laughing and talking with a cigarette in his mouth, dragging a black and blue bear behind him. The bear is dying, so stop playing. I am a rabbit. .......

In a physiology class, a female teacher said after class, "Students, if anyone still doesn't understand, please raise your hand and ask questions, and the teacher will answer them for you."

After a while, a male classmate raised his hand and asked the female teacher seriously: "Teacher, is it more comfortable for a man to have sex with a woman?" Or are women more comfortable? "

The female teacher thought for a moment and said, "Is your nose comfortable when you dig with your hands?" Is your hand still comfortable? "Male students thought, well, this nose is really comfortable! Sit down.

The female teacher then asked, "Students, if you still don't understand, please raise your hand and ask questions, and the teacher will answer them for you."

There was silence for a while, but the male classmate raised his hand and asked the female teacher, "Teacher, when a man and a woman make love, is it comfortable to wear a condom or not?"

The female teacher immediately replied, "Is it comfortable to wear gloves or not to wear gloves when your nose itches?" The male classmate thought, well, it's quite comfortable without gloves, and sat down again.

The female teacher then asked, "Students, if you still don't understand, please ask questions and the teacher will answer them for you."

The female teacher asked two questions. At this time, it was the male classmate who stood up again and asked, "Teacher, why did that woman have her period?" . Can't you have sex? "

The female teacher said with a slight displeasure, "Then when your nose bleeds. Do you still pick your nose with your hands? " Male students think, well, yes!

The female teacher then asked, "Students, if you still don't understand, please ask questions quickly."

Soon, the male classmate raised his hand and asked the female teacher, "Teacher, since women are more comfortable than men during sex, why do women resist when men rape women?"

At this time, the teacher was furious and struck the table and said, damn it, a man is coming in the street to pick your nose. Would you?

A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast. The stall owner was annoyed: "Elder sister, even if you give counterfeit money, at least it is printed. You actually took this money! " To say the least, forget to draw. You can draw a set of ten or five, or you can draw a set of seven! Let's make it seven dollars for seven dollars. At the very least, we have to paint it in color. Actually, we use pencils. Forget it. Black and white is good, but you can't draw it on toilet paper! The feel is too bad. Even toilet paper, cut the edge with scissors. This one was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Ok, I'll put up with burrs, but you can also tear a rectangle. This triangle is too unreasonable. ...

One afternoon, my classmates got bored and went to work in CCB. A poorly dressed lady (a psychopath) came to his window and gave him a note asking him to withdraw money.

The note reads impressively: "Send Comrade XX to your bank to withdraw RMB". Then there are more than n zero yuan behind, which is * * * C.P Central Bureau * * *

My classmate wanted to call the police, but the woman with mental illness looked very serious, so I thought it would be better to call the security guard. (It is estimated that the security guards are also very idle).

Sure enough, the security guard said to the woman, "If you want to withdraw money from this note, you must first go to the opposite police station and let the director stamp it. After he stamps, it is no problem to withdraw money. "

Without thinking, the woman walked directly to the police station (this security guard is really unusual, and he is usually a little underestimated).

About ten minutes later, the number of customers in line slowly increased, and the woman came back happily, holding a note in her hand and saying, "People say that the procedures are simplified and you can withdraw money directly without the approval of the director."

Hearing this, my classmate couldn't help sighing that there were really experts in the police force and sent him back in a word.

My classmate and the security guard were both a little stupid at that time. There are many people in the business hall. I was afraid that her mental illness would affect the normal order, so I had to call the supervisor on duty.

The supervisor chatted with the female patient and asked her what she was doing with the money. The female patient said, "Take money to buy bread, cakes, food and clothes." The supervisor pointed to a place not far away, and the woman left happily again.

The security guard went to consult the "ingenious plan", and the supervisor said to the female patient at that time: "We are CCB here, and only by building a house can we withdraw money here. If you take money to buy vegetables, it must be vegetables. You have to go to the Agricultural Bank of China to buy clothes and other things. You have to go to ICBC to withdraw money! "

My classmates really admire you. After all, you are in charge! ! ! !

…………

After a while, the lady came back. And brought the answer of the Agricultural Bank: "The people of the Agricultural Bank said that this is an agricultural bank, and only farmers can withdraw money. I am an urban population. The people of ICBC said that we are a public bank here, only the male can take it, but the female can't. Say that I am a bitch and want to go to CCB to withdraw money. "

My classmate, security guard, supervisor, dizzy. . .

When the supervisor fainted, the deputy supervisor quickly called the monitor on duty for instructions. After the monitor inquired about the situation, he asked the deputy supervisor to give the phone to the woman and said, "Now the reform has been carried out, and CCB has become a joint-stock bank, which is in line with international standards. All the currencies issued are US dollars and British pounds. If you take RMB, you have to take it from the People's Bank. "

The first company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Not busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: I'm not busy because I can't work for the company more. What does the company want you to do?

The second company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Very busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are disorganized, you will be busy all day. What does the company want you to do?

* The third company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Not bad.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are irrational, there is no "yes" or "no".

What does the company want from you?

* The fourth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Just finished.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are so inefficient, can't you check it after you finish? What does the company want from you?

Use?

* The fifth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Some of them have finished the inspection, and now they are doing something else.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are not systematic, won't you do something together? What does the company want from you?

Use?

* The sixth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: I have finished all the work and am helping others.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you don't have a plan, won't you plan what to do tomorrow?

What does the company want from you?

* The seventh company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Today's work is finished, and so is tomorrow's work.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you don't consider the whole, won't you help your colleagues solve problems? The company wants you.

What's the use?

8 th company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: I have finished today's work and tomorrow's work, and now I am helping my colleagues.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you are too pushy, your help is likely to cause laziness or stress in others.

What does the company want from you, Li?

* The ninth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Wait a minute, I'll think about it before I answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: You are very arrogant. I keep asking you questions. Why does the company want you?

* The tenth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tu Tu: I ... I ... No, I don't know ... how to answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why?

Boss: Because you don't even know whether you are busy or not, what does the company want you to do?

* Eleventh Company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

Tutu: Fuck you, I quit ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Boss: Hey! If you have personality, our company will not let you go ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The composition topic of Beijing College Entrance Examination: "Wet clothes can't be seen in drizzle, but silent flowers can't be heard when falling to the ground" is a poem written by Liu Changqing, a poet in the Tang Dynasty, in "Other Poems Garden". Someone once understood this poem as: 1, which is a beautiful artistic conception to celebrate spring. 2. Idle flowers and drizzle express unknown loneliness. Seeing and hearing doesn't mean doing nothing. This is a bleak way of life. 4. This artistic conception is no longer suitable for today's world ... write a composition according to your point of view. The topic is self-made and the genre is not limited. More than 800 words

Zero composition:

Midsummer, night and late at night. Jingshan is at the top.

There are people on the mountain, two people, a man and a woman.

These two men are the two most famous killers in Wulin today. The man's name is Qiuyu, and the woman's name is Ye. Jianghu people call it "drizzling flowers". The poet Liu Changqing once described these two terrible killers as "rain and wet clothes are invisible, and idle flowers fall silent". Drizzle wet clothes, wet clothes are blood; Idle flowers fall to the ground, and heads fall to the ground. These two men killed without leaving a trace. If they want to kill you, you will be dead before you see their figures or hear their voices.

Qiuyu received a post three days ago, calling for killing Ye. After the job is done, he not only has three million and two thousand Mingbi, but also can be allowed to play the role of Cao Xueqin in the talent show A Dream of Red Mansions! But killing Ye is much more difficult than killing Bill.

No one in the Jianghu knows Ye's martial arts origin, personality and temper, but everyone knows Ye's story. Ye has a pair of charming big eyes. It is said that she used to stare at Zhao Wei and Gao Yuanyuan, but she was only seventeen years old that year. Ye Huaxian's voice is as intoxicating as an oriole. Legend has it that Lin Chi-ling was numb and numb for a whole year after listening to her talk. Do you think this will be fatal? Ye's flying skills are unique in Wulin. She walked through the snow without a trace and landed silently, claiming to surpass Wei Yixiao, the king of green-winged bats. She was seen stealing Liu Xiang's Olympic Pass on the highway last week. Liu Xiang chased 10,000 kilometers and was finally exhausted. Most people were scared to buy diapers when they heard Ye's story, but Qiuyu didn't buy them. Qiuyu is not an ordinary person. He knows that killing people depends not only on technology, but also on character! The drizzle in autumn is very calm. He is trimming his nails with a nail clipper. His fingers are slender and powerful. He wants to make the other side impatient first. There is no room for any mistakes when the masters contend. People who are impatient first will show their flaws. Fatal defect! So, Qiuyu didn't say anything, just quietly playing with nail clippers. Unexpectedly, Ye went to rest, wearing lipstick and perfume leisurely. Qiuyu had to strike first and say, "You know why I called you out."

Ye Huaxian said softly, "Can't we talk before we start?"

Qiuyu said, "I'm here to kill people, not to chat."

Ye Huaxian said, "Are you sure you want to kill me?"

Qiuyu said, "I never do anything I am not sure about."

Ye Huaxian said, "I want to remind you of one thing."

Qiuyu said, "You say."

Ye said, "Bai is a killer, and my little girl ranks first in the killer list, and you are only second." Can you really kill me? "

Qiuyu said, "I want to remind you of one more thing."

Ye said, "Go ahead."

Qiu Yu said: "As for the killer's strength, I am ahead of you, but Bai Xiaosheng's ranking adopts SMS voting system. There are too many' anthomaniac' people in China, so you can't get the first place."

Ye Huaxian's face changed and said, "I want to remind you that my fan group is called' pollen', not' anthomaniac'!"

Qiuyu said: "I want to remind you finally that all your' pollen' is anthomaniac. Also, we digress. "

Ye Huaxian said, "Aren't you afraid of trouble if we work so hard?" Qiuyu said, "You don't have to be afraid of trouble anymore. There is only one kind of people in the world who are never afraid of trouble, dead people! " "

Ye Huaxian said, "So you have to force me to do it?" Autumn rain didn't answer, so he didn't have to answer.

Qiuyu said: "Bright weapons!"

Ye Huaxian said, "I use a knife."

Autumn rain said, "you use a knife? Where is the knife? "

Ye Huaxian said, "I am the knife!"

Ye gave a sweet smile and suddenly took off her clothes, leaving only a lace bikini and black stockings. Ye's face is breathtaking, and with such a figure, this dress is full of a primitive temptation. Her eyes can talk, her smile can talk, her hands, her breasts, her legs ... her body can talk every minute. She knows that as long as he is a man who is not blind, he will be fascinated by her now. Qiuyu is a man, he is not blind. But now he seems blind and completely indifferent. He knows that a beautiful woman is a knife. When you are intoxicated, the knife will enter your chest.

Qiuyu mused, "I just want to ask you one thing."

Ye Huaxian smiled and said, "Go."

Autumn rain said: "In summer, you are not afraid of mosquito bites if you wear so little?"

Ye Huaxian was silent for a long time. "You must think I just wore perfume, don't you?" I'm telling you, I'm wearing Liushen toilet water! "

Ye Huaxian added, "but this is no ordinary LiuShen. This is a specially refined potion. Colorless, odorless and nontoxic, but it will slowly spread in the air. People who smell it will be paralyzed and unable to move. "

When I saw the continuous autumn rain, I suddenly felt numb and sweaty involuntarily. Ye Huaxian added, "You think I'm talking nonsense with you because I'm afraid. I think I took off my clothes to seduce you. In fact, it is to delay the time and let the potion spread around you. "

Qiuyu was quiet and said, "Aren't you afraid of powerful potions yourself?"

Ye Huaxian proudly said, "At first, the lipstick I wore was the antidote, so I can still move freely."

Ye Huaxian forced Qiuyu to ask, "Do you still think you can kill me?"

Qiuyu said, "I can."

Ye Huaxian said, "Isn't it ridiculous that you can kill me if you can't move me?"

Qiuyu said, "That's funny, but you will definitely be killed by me." Ye Huaxian said, "Why am I killed by you?"

Autumn rain suddenly asked: "Can flying knives kill people?"

Ye Huaxian said, "It seems that I can."

Autumn rain said, "Do I have hands?"

Ye Huaxian said, "Yes."

Qiuyu said, "Do I have a knife?"

Ye Huaxian said, "It seems that you only have nail clippers in your hand."

Autumn rain said, "That's enough."

Ye Huaxian said, "Is this enough?"

Qiuyu said, "If I had a hand and a knife, I could kill people."

Leaf said, "nail clippers can also kill people? That's ridiculous! "

Qiu Yu said, "Seventy-three people in the Jianghu used to think my nail clippers were ridiculous."

Ye Huaxian said, "What about now?"

Qiu Yu said: "Now everyone is dead, dead by this knife." Ye Huaxian said, "Can your hands still move?"

Qiuyu said, "Do you want to try?"

The smile on Ye Xianhua's face gradually solidified. Suddenly, she came! A trick of "fake nine-yin white bone claws" is almost equal to the canopy of the crown of the autumn rain. She practiced this trick for seven years, four months and 29 days, and she was completely confident that no one could resist it. But this time she was wrong. The knife flashed, and the "pirated Xiao Li flying knife" had been inserted into her throat. She wouldn't believe it until she died. Nail clippers will kill her! Idle flowers finally landed! After three hours, the efficacy of the potion gradually faded, and the autumn rain finally moved. Looking at Ye's body, Autumn Mao Mao Rain said, "Although you are dead, I have to tell you two things. First, I have been using nail clippers to trim my nails and adjust the synchronization rate of my hands and knives. To put it bluntly, it is to find a feel. Second, the real purpose of killing you is not for money or fame. " As she spoke, Qiu Xiaoyu searched Liu Xiang's Olympic entry card from Ye's pocket.

Qiuyu said firmly: "I love Beijing and I want to watch the Olympics!" " "

My husband is going on a business trip for half a year, and my wife is packing. After that, she handed her husband a pack of condoms affectionately and said, I can't help it outside, remember to bring a condom. My husband said excitedly after listening, I'd better use them because my family is not well off.

A man saw an advertisement: no surgery, no hospitalization, let your wisdom become bigger and thicker easily! I was overjoyed and remitted the money immediately. A few days later, I received the parcel and eagerly opened it!

Fuck!

It turned out to be a magnifying glass!

The priest asked a couple: If the world ends in five minutes, what do you want to do? The husband replied cheerfully: I want to love. The wife gave him a faint look and said, what are the remaining four minutes for?

Diagnosing a woman's affair is a mystery: absent-minded at work, humiliating her husband when she comes home, leaving her children to study, and often putting more salt in cooking. I often make excuses not to let my husband come. Sit and have sex once every half month, without moaning.

On the morning of their wedding night, the groom woke up to find the bride in tears. Surprised and asked, Honey, why are you crying? The bride cried: How will you live in the future? You used that thing all night, and it has shrunk to nothing! What to do in the future!

An old man went to Gaochao Village to do business by bus. On the way, I asked the waitress: Is the climax here? Attendant: Not yet. After a while, he asked: Has the climax arrived yet? The waiter said, what's the hurry, bad old man I'll scream when the orgasm comes!

My wife didn't go home until the early hours of the morning when she played mahjong. In order not to disturb her husband, she stripped off her clothes in the living room before entering the bedroom. Just as her husband woke up, he was furious and said, it's too much! You lost everything?

A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down, made a wish and put a coin in the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was surprised, then smiled and said to himself, How clever!

An AIDS patient wrote a couplet before he died: the first couplet is: born for Guinea-Bissau, die for Guinea-Bissau, and fight for Guinea-Bissau for life; The bottom line is: eat a few tendons, put on a few tendons, and finally die on a few tendons. The horizontal line is: pour a few dies.

A lady ordered a stir-fried whip flower while eating, and accidentally fell between her legs when picking vegetables. The young lady was shocked: this thing is really amazing! Cooked and chopped, it actually knows the way!

On the bus, a young man saw a beautiful woman with a low collar and spring leaked out. He joked,' It's really a place where peach blossoms bloom.' Hearing this, the beauty lifted her skirt and said,' There is still room for you to have children and raise me!

My son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said that you grew up, married a daughter-in-law and slept with your mother. Son: Yeah. Mom said: What about your wife? The son said, let her sleep with her father. Dad said excitedly: this child has been sensible since childhood!

A man and a woman are having sex. The woman suddenly jumped out of bed, ran into the kitchen and grabbed a handful of rice from the rice jar. She came back and spilled it on the man. She said angrily, don't make a fool of yourself here, go back and feed the chickens and come back!

The rooster went on a business trip for a month, and when he came back, he heard that quail was old. The rooster became suspicious. Two days later, the hen gave birth to a quail egg, and the rooster was furious. The hen quickly explained, damn, it's premature!

It's embarrassing for village women to report it! I was bullied last night. The policeman asked him what the man looked like. I didn't see it clearly, but I must be a novice, because he couldn't find the place for a long time, and finally I helped him in.

The fox fell in love with the rabbit and invited it to drink beer. The rabbit was drunk, and the fox took the opportunity to give the rabbit to Qiang J. After a few days, the fox invited the rabbit to drink, and the rabbit said,' Hey! Don't go! Don't go! My ass hurts after drinking beer.

The girl came home in the middle of the night and was attacked by seven thugs. When she was in danger, an aunt stepped forward and saved the girl. She was interviewed by L.J. on the radio. Aunt said: actually, I didn't think about anything at that time. I'm thinking about this good thing, but I can't take advantage of that little slut!

Butcher P C was arrested, fined 4000 yuan, and issued a receipt. One day, the couple found this receipt, but they only knew 4000 yuan and didn't know the word' PC'. They asked the butcher: what is a fine of 4000 yuan? The butcher replied: punish me for injecting water into the meat!

One day, a drunk took a taxi home, reached out and stopped a 1 10 patrol car, shouting: Even if you 1 10 km, there is no need to write so big! ! !

A gentleman was drunk and accidentally threw up in the ladies' room. It happened that a woman was urinating, and a gentleman said angrily,' You said you wouldn't drink, why did you pour wine? The woman stopped suddenly, but she didn't expect to hold her breath. You were furious:' Who the fuck opened another bottle! '

Two dwarfs are fooling around. One of them quickly heard' one, two, three, hey, one, two, three, hey …' The next night, A said to B,' You are in good health!' B: I was busy all night and didn't jump on the bed!

The gangster broke into the house and forced the woman to resist to the death. When the husband came back from the ground, he saw his wife being held down by a gangster, waving a spade angrily and slapping her face. He heard her scold, "damn it, I resisted for a long time and you photographed me with a shovel."

A child found the body of a woman by the river, so he called the police and said: A woman by the river was killed, with two big bags on her chest, a knife wound between her legs and a lot of blood. It is estimated that the time of death is too long, and the hair begins to grow at the cut.

A car driver is often punished by the traffic police. He hates the traffic police very much. His wife advised him that we should have a baby and call the traffic police in the future. You can hit him when you are angry. If you are upset, you can fuck the traffic police!

An old man took his grandson to take a bath and saw him naked. The grandson looked at him and asked, why is the hair above white and the hair below black? Grandpa replied: what happened above is nerve-racking, and what happened below is happy!

The driver sent the leader to the literary evening, and the leader entered the venue. The driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said: I am a system with the leader. The security guard said: How many buses are also a system with eggs? How many buses are there? Can eggs get in?

A female kindergarten teacher leads her students to swim, and inadvertently reveals a pubic hair. A student asked, teacher, what is that? The female teacher pulled it out cruelly and said, Thread, the ant and the elephant got married, and the elephant died in a few days. The ant was very sad and cried and scolded, dear, why did you walk in front of me? I don't have to do anything else in my fucking life, so I buried you!

Tang Priest met a banshee in the Western Heaven, observed that her breasts and buttocks were relatively fat, and wanted to have sex. When she saw this scene, the banshee shouted, Elder! My little girl is afraid of having sex when she menstruates! Hearing this, the Tang Priest folded his hands: Amitabha, I'm here to learn from the scriptures!

The camel and the elephant met on the road, and the elephant said strangely, hey, why did your chest grow on your back? That's weird. The camel was unhappy and said, die, go away, I won't talk to jj's face.

The director and the driver went to the show together. When they arrived at the door, the security guard let the director in and stopped the driver. The driver said indignantly, he and I are a system. Let me in. Security guards should also be unreasonable: jj and maruko are also a system. If the penis goes in, the balls can't go in. Driver: Yes. . . . .