Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The straw boat borrowed arrows. Zhou Yu saw that Zhuge Liang was quite talented and felt very jealous. One day, Zhou Yu asked Zhuge Liang to discuss military matters, abbreviated

The straw boat borrowed arrows. Zhou Yu saw that Zhuge Liang was quite talented and felt very jealous. One day, Zhou Yu asked Zhuge Liang to discuss military matters, abbreviated

1. The story of Zhao Yun rescuing Adou

During the battle of Changbanpo, Zhao Yun was responsible for protecting Gan, Mrs. Mi and Adou. However, due to the chaos of the war, Zhao Yun separated from them, so he led The men who were in their thirties or forties went back to look for them, but they couldn't find them, but they killed Chunyu and led them to rescue Mi Zhu and Mrs. Gan. When Zhao Yun sent the two to Changban Bridge, Zhang Fei almost misunderstood that he had betrayed Liu Bei, but Jian Yong explained and clarified the facts. So Zhao Yun entrusted Mrs. Gan to Zhang Fei and then turned back to look for Adou, but at this time he was alone without any followers. During the chaos, Zhao Yun stabbed Xia Houen to death and captured Cao Cao's sword "Qing Gang" worn by him. Later, he found Mrs. Mi and Adou in her arms beside a low wall, but Mrs. Mi had been seriously injured. Having difficulty walking, he entrusted Adou to Zhao Yun and jumped into a dry well to commit suicide despite Zhao Yun's dissuasion. Zhao Yun carried Adou on his back. Fortunately, Cao Cao loved Cai Cai so much that he ordered his subordinates not to fire arrows. Zhao Yun was able to safely carry Adou out of the encirclement among hundreds of thousands of troops.

2. Liu Bei visited the thatched cottage three times

When Liu Bei settled in Xinye, he knew that the reason why he wasted half his life was that although there were strong generals such as Guan Yu and Zhang Fei around him, he had no advisers to make plans and strategize, so he etiquette A virtuous corporal seeks good help. On the recommendation of Sima Hui and Xu Shu, Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei came to Xiangyang Longzhong to visit Zhuge Liang.

When they first came to the thatched cottage, Liang had already gone out, and the three of them met Liang's friend Cui Zhouping on their way back; a few days later, Liu, Guan, and Zhang braved the wind and snow to visit the thatched cottage. On the way, I met Liang's good friends Shi Guangyuan and Meng Gongwei. When he arrived at the thatched cottage, he saw Liang's younger brother Zhuge Jun. Only then did he know that Liang had gone on a trip, so he prepared to leave a note expressing his admiration. When returning, he met Liang's father-in-law, Huang Chengyan, by the small bridge at the foot of Longzhong Mountain. After a while, Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei visited the thatched cottage three times, and they happened to find Liang at home, but he had not woken up from his nap. Liu Bei asked Guan and Zhang to wait outside the door. He walked in slowly and stood at the foot of the stairs with his hands folded. They did not meet each other until they woke up.

3. Zhuge Liang borrows arrows from a straw boat

Zhou Yu was very jealous of Zhuge Liang's talents. One day when Zhou Yu was discussing military affairs, he asked Zhuge Liang to rush to make 100,000 arrows. Zhuge Liang promised to build it in three days and issued a military order. Zhuge Liang later asked Lu Su to help him borrow ships, sergeants and straw handles. On the third day, Zhuge Liang asked Lu Su to go with him to get the arrows. On this day, the sky was filled with heavy fog, and it was difficult to see anyone on the other side. Before daybreak, Zhuge Liang ordered the ship to be sailed and had the sergeants beating drums and shouting. Cao Cao just asked the crossbowmen to shoot arrows at the incoming ship. Both sides of the boat were filled with arrows. Zhuge Liang ordered the army to return, but by this time it was too late for Cao Cao to pursue him. 100,000 arrows were "borrowed".

When Zhou Yu learned about borrowing arrows, he sighed: I am really not as good as him!

4. Zhou Yu Zhou Yu defeated Huang Gai

During the Battle of Chibi, Sun Quan appointed Zhou Yu as the governor to fight against Cao Cao. In order to make Cao Cao fall into the trap, Zhou Yu and Huang Gai decided to use the bitter meat trick. So At the military meeting, Huang Gai pretended to have disagreements with Zhou Yu, and even made rude remarks. Zhou Yu was furious and ordered Huang Gai to be beheaded. The generals begged for mercy, so Zhou Yu had Huang Gai tortured with a cane and beaten until he was bedridden. This was for Cai Zhong and Cai He who pretended to surrender to Zhou Yu. So Kan Ze presented Huang Gai with a fake surrender letter. Cai Zhong and Cai He happened to pass this false information back to Cao Ying. Cao Cao believed Huang Gai. The Battle of Chibi broke out. Huang Gai, who was pretending to surrender, sailed to surrender to Cao Cao. Unexpectedly, Cao Cao fell into the trap. Cao Cao's fleet was hit by Huang Gai's fireship and caught fire. Coupled with Pang Tong's chain strategy and Zhuge Liang's east wind, Cao Cao's army was defeated. , after Zhou Yu's surprise attack, almost the entire army was wiped out, and even came to the point where he was almost killed by Guan Yu. After that, Cao Cao was afraid of Zhou Yu and never dared to go south.

Among them, there was a very small one when he defeated Huang Gai. Interlude: When Zhou Yu was about to behead Huang Gai, Lu Su interceded for Huang Gai and hinted to Zhuge Liang, who was watching on the sidelines, to intercede with him, but Zhuge Liang had no intention of asking for mercy. After Huang Gai was beaten fifty times, Lu Su went to Zhuge Liang was approached in the camp and questioned: "Huang Gai was beaten, and we all went to plead for mercy. You are an honored guest, why didn't you save him?" After hearing this, Zhuge Liang's expression changed: "Zijing (the nickname of Lu Su) bullied me!" Lu Su was confused: "I have always treated you well, how can I bully you?" Zhuge Liang laughed and said: This is Zhou Yu and Huang Gai's trick of using false information to get Cai Zhong and Cai He to spread the news. How can I do this? Just say it casually?" Lu Su seemed a little unconvinced, and Zhuge Liang said again: "Don't tell Zhou Yu about this. Otherwise, he will make trouble for me again, just say that I also blame him." Lu Su agreed. After returning to Zhou Yu's camp, Zhou Yu asked Lu Su, "What does Zhuge Liang think of this matter?" Lu Su answered according to what Zhuge Liang taught him: "He said that he also complained about the governor's behavior." Zhou Yu was very happy after hearing this: " I deceived him this time." Lu Su asked what was going on, and Zhou Yu replied: "This is a trick that Huang Gai and I made to paralyze Cao Cao's envoys. It seems that Zhuge Liang has no idea at all. This person may not be my opponent." Lu Su After hearing this, he was shocked and secretly admired Zhuge Liang's foresight.

5. Guan Yu warmed the wine and beheaded Hua Xiong

Cao Cao recruited troops, joined Yuan Shao, Gongsun Zan, Sun Jian and other seventeen troops to attack Dong Zhuo. Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei followed Gongsun Zan. Dong Zhuo's general Hua Xiong defeated Sun Jian, the vanguard of the Eighteenth Army, and killed two generals in front of the battle. The Eighteenth Army princes were very proud and were helpless. , Yuan Shao said: "It's a pity that my generals Yan Liang and Wen Chou are not here, otherwise, we would not be afraid of Hua Xiong. As soon as he finished speaking, Guan Yu shouted loudly: "Young general is willing to chop off Hua Xiong's head!" Yuan Shao thought that Guan Yu was just a horse archer, so he said angrily, "We have hundreds of generals from the 18th Route, but we want to send a horse archer to fight. Wouldn't it make Hua Xiong laugh?" Guan Yu said loudly: "If I can't kill Hua Xiong, please chop off my head." "Cao Cao heard this and appreciated it very much. So he poured a cup of hot wine, handed it to Guan Yu and said, "General, drink this cup of wine before going to kill the enemy. Guan Yu took the wine glass, put it on the table and said, "Wait until I kill Hua Xiong and come back before you drink again!" After saying that, he mounted his horse with a broadsword.

Guan Yu was very skilled in martial arts and cut off Hua Xiong’s head in a short while. When he returned to the military camp, Cao Cao quickly picked up the wine glass on the table and handed it to him. , at this time, the wine in the cup is not cold yet...

6. Zhang Fei Jiujian Qiwa Sophora Embrace Yang

There is a man named Hou Jiatu in Puji, Jiangling In the village of Dang, there is a thousand-year-old locust tree at the end of the village. In the belly of the ancient locust tree, there is a poplar tree, just like an old woman holding a grandchild in her arms. Near this strange tree, there are nine water streams and seven streams. A puddle.

Legend has it that Zhang Fei once passed by here on his march. The soldiers were thirsty and went to the village to ask for water.

Zhang Fei was afraid of disturbing the common people, so he yelled: "Stop! Drink water here!" The soldiers screamed inwardly. The loess here was parched and withered, and there was not even a drop of urine from a toad. Where could the water come from? I saw Zhang Fei holding the eight-foot-long snake spear in his hand, and drew a deep stream filled with clear water on the ground. Zhang Fei drew nine deep streams in a row, and it became nine deep streams. He stamped the ground a few more times with his snake spear, creating seven puddles.

After the soldiers drank enough water, they did not let the horses drink. At this time, Zhang Fei's horse was tied to a locust tree. When he saw people drinking water, he became very greedy and wanted to drink water. Zhang Fei only looked at the soldiers drinking water and didn't see it at all. The war horse became anxious and circled around the locust tree, twisting it like a twist and cracking many holes. When Zhang Fei saw that the living tree had been trampled into such a state, he couldn't bear it and whipped his horse several times. He was afraid that the locust tree would fall over, so he pulled up a poplar tree and inserted it into the belly of the locust tree. He cut the reins of his horse and tied the locust tree together. He also held several handfuls of water and poured it under the root of the locust tree. Strangely enough, the twisted locust tree and the poplar tree in its belly both survived together and have grown to this day.

7 Diao Chan is a shy flower in the closed moon

Diao Chan was a singing prostitute of Situ Wang Yun, the minister of Emperor Xian of the Han Dynasty during the Three Kingdoms period. She was good at singing and dancing and was very favored by Wang Yun. At that time, Dong Zhuo had exclusive power and used the emperor to command the princes. The ministers dared to be angry but did not dare to speak out. Wang Yun was unhappy every day, refusing to drink tea or eat. Diao Chan was very worried about her master. On a moonlit night with few stars, she burned incense and knelt down in the back garden, praying for her master: "Moon, moon, you are as pure as water, but you don't know the troubles in our master's heart! Heaven, heaven, although you are so profound, yet you are so pure. It's hard to tolerate our master's burning mood. I am your maidservant, and I am willing to die for the country and the people." By chance, Wang Yun also came to the garden to relax. Suddenly, he became emotional and hurriedly stepped forward to help Diao Chan up. Wang Yun said: "Can you share my worries with me? Do you know where I am worried?" "Yes, sir." "Then can you help me fight against the national traitor and kill Dong Zhuo?" "As long as you can trust me, I will be willing to do so." His liver and brain were shattered." After hearing this, Wang Yun put his hands together and bowed to Diao Chan immediately. From then on, Diao Chan and Diao Chan became known as father and daughter.

When Diao Chan was worshiping the moon in the back garden, a breeze suddenly blew, and a floating cloud covered the bright moon. At this time Wang Yun happened to see him. In order to promote how beautiful his daughter was, Wang Yun told everyone that my daughter was as beautiful as the moon, but the moon couldn't compare, so he quickly hid behind the clouds. Therefore, Diao Chan was also called "Closed Moon".

7. Cao Cao’s Battle of Guandu

Battle of Guandu

In the fifth year of Jian’an of the Eastern Han Dynasty (200), Cao Cao led his army in the Guandu (now Zhongmujing, Henan) area A decisive battle that defeated Yuan Shao's army attack. At the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty, the powerful and powerful armies fought to seize control of the Central Plains. At that time, Yuan Shao owned the four prefectures of Ji, Qing, You, and Bing. He relied on his large number of troops and sufficient food supplies, and planned to eliminate Cao Cao, who only controlled Yan and Henan prefectures. In January of the fifth year of Jian'an, Shao Shao led 100,000 elite troops to the south. Prior to this, in order to avoid being attacked from both sides, Cao Cao had defeated Liu Bei, who had allied with Shao Shao, and stationed in Guandu, which was easy to defend and difficult to attack. In April, Cao Cao used the strategy of attacking the east and attacking the west. He defeated the declining general Yan Liang in Baima (now Huaxian County, Henan Province) and defeated the declining army. Shao Shao lost the first battle and his energy was frustrated, so he divided his troops to attack and formed a camp to press forward. The two armies faced each other in Guandu and held a stalemate for several months. During this period, Cao Cao wanted to return to Xuchang (today's east of Xuchang, Henan) because of his exhausted troops and lack of food. Counselor Xun Yu believed that if Cao's army is weak and the enemy is strong, it will take advantage of Cao's retreat. On the contrary, if the army is weakened and underestimates the enemy, there will be internal discord. After a long stalemate, there will be changes, and a surprise victory can be achieved. Cao Cao accepted his words and sent troops to attack and burn down the army's grain carts. He also personally led 5,000 elite soldiers to attack the grain station of the army's Wuchao (now in Henan), annihilated the army and burned all the grain stores. When the news came, the morale of Shao Shao's troops was shaken, and they dispersed and surrendered one after another. Cao Cao took the opportunity to attack across the board and wiped out more than 70,000 enemies. Shao Shao and his son only led more than 800 cavalry to flee north. The Battle of Guandu laid the foundation for Cao Cao to unify the north, and Shao Shao never recovered from the fall. The Battle of Guandu is a famous example in the history of ancient Chinese wars where a small number of people defeated a large number.

8. Liu Bei Liu Bei defeated Adou

During the Three Kingdoms period, the Battle of Dangyang Changban was an encounter between Cao Cao and Liu Bei's armies. The heroic general Zhao Yun took on the important task of protecting Liu Bei's family.

Due to the fierce attack of Cao's army, although Liu Bei broke out of the siege, his family was trapped in the siege of Cao's army. Zhao Yun tried his best to assassinate him. After seven in and seven out, he finally found Liu Bei's son Adou. Zhao Yun broke through the siege of Cao's army, caught up with Liu Bei, and returned his son. Liu Bei picked up the son, threw it to the ground, and scolded him angrily: "You are such a little boy, how can you harm one of my generals!" Zhao Yun picked up Adou and cried and worshiped: "Although Yun is so heartbroken, he can't repay you." This is " The story of Liu Bei defeating Adou in "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms".

9. Lu Bu Three Heroes Fight against Lu Bu

Lü Bu once again led his troops to fight. All eight princes came out together. Gongsun Zan wields his sword and fights Lu Bu personally. After a long battle, Zan was defeated and fled.

Lü Bu came with his red rabbit and horse. The horse travels thousands of miles in a day and flies away like the wind. Seeing that he had caught up, Bu raised his painted halberd and looked at Zan, and his heart was pierced. There was a general beside him, with round eyes, an upside-down tiger beard, and eight snake spears straightened out. Pegasus shouted: "The slaves of the three surnames must not leave! Zhang Fei from Yan is here!" Lu

Bu met, abandoned Gongsun Zan, and fought against Zhang Fei. Fei cheered up and fought vigorously against Lu Bu. There are more than fifty consecutive fights, with no winner or loser. When Yun Chang saw him, he slapped his horse, danced with the eighty-two-jin Qinglong Yanyue Sword, and attacked Lu Bu from both sides. Three martins fight. At the age of thirty, Lu Bu could not be defeated. Liu Xuande drew his two swords and suddenly a yellow-maned horse came to help the battle. These three surrounded Lu Bu. Kill like a lantern.

Kill. All eight people were stunned. Lu Bu was uncertain about the barriers. He looked at Xuande's face and stabbed Xuande sharply. Lu Bu swung his horns, dragged his halberd backwards, and Pegasus returned. The three of them were willing to give up, and they rushed over. The Eighth Route Army soldiers shouted loudly, and they all

covered and killed them.

10. Hua Tuo scrapes bones to heal wounds

Once, Guan Yu was shot by an enemy in his right arm during a battle. The arrow was poisonous, and the poison had penetrated into the bones, making them green and swollen and unable to move. The famous doctor Hua Tuo heard that Guan Yu's arrow wound would not heal, so he offered to cut his flesh and skin and scrape his bones to remove the poison. During the operation, the sound of Hua Tuo scraping bones was harsh. People around him were frightened and hid their faces, but Guan Yu was still drinking and playing chess as if nothing had happened. After Hua Tuo scraped off the poison on the bone, applied medicine, and sewed the sutures, and the operation was completed, Guan Yu burst out laughing and said happily: "Sir, you are really a miracle doctor. Look, my arm can be flexed and extended freely, and there is no pain anymore." Hua Tuo also said: "In my whole life of practicing medicine, I have never seen anyone as calm and strong as you. What a man!"