Don't complain that children are worthless. How can children who have been "bullied" by their parents have the courage to resist?

Text/Beibei Bean Parenting Class (original article, welcome to reprint and share)

I don't know when the word campus bullying seems to appear more and more frequently in front of people. The frequent occurrence of campus bullying in the news makes countless parents feel a little "hate iron and not produce steel":

But many parents don't realize that their children are so "soft" Ironically, some parents are the first to "bully" their children.

In the eyes of most parents, what they want from their babies is for their own good, but few parents realize that "being good for themselves" is actually the most common manifestation of bullying themselves from the baby's perspective.

"bullying" performance 1: everything must be polite. It is impolite to be impolite to others.

6-year-old Xiaoyue went to visit her grandmother's house with her parents during the Spring Festival. There was a big fruit bowl on her cupboard, which contained all kinds of sweets.

Xiaoyue felt very wronged and reluctantly put all the candy in her pocket back on the fruit bowl.

Xiaoyue's experience is not uncommon in life. In life, many parents teach their children to consider the needs of others first, and any behavior that children want to monopolize will be criticized as selfish and impolite.

There is no problem in educating children to be polite and learn to be humble. The key is that many parents ignore their children's age. A three-or four-year-old child, her own world is her own, and it is actually beyond her power to ask them to take the initiative to share it.

The most important thing is that children of this age can't tell where the boundaries of "comity" behavior are. They are likely to confuse the boundaries between humility and cowardice, and when they grow up, they dare not take the initiative to fight for what they deserve, and become indecisive, subservient to Nuo Nuo and become the bullied one.

"Bullying" performance 2: When a child has a conflict with others, he beats and scolds his own child first.

Once Xiao Xuan and Tong Tong had a conflict, Xiao Xuan turned her head and reported to Tong Tong's father. In front of a large group of neighbors, Tong Tong's father's face turned red and white. Calling his daughter to his side without saying anything was a slap in the face, without giving the child a chance to explain.

Many parents pay great attention to their "face" and usually like to show great generosity in front of their friends. They teach their children that they must also have an adult's "mind". When they find that their children are in conflict with others, they always beat and scold their children first, no matter right or wrong, which shows that they are very "dignified".

This kind of indiscriminate beating and cursing by parents does great harm to children's mental health. Children will think that others will bully their parents and will not help them, so they can only suppress themselves, and they will not dare to resist others' bullying over time.

the third manifestation of "bullying": giving the children's things to others casually, and blaming the children for being stingy if they don't agree

In reality, many parents dispose of their children's toys without their children's consent, and educate their children not to be too stingy, otherwise they will be ignorant. In fact, parents only do this for their own face, but they don't consider the real needs as children at all.

When children grow up, others dare not fight for their own things, thinking that ". But children's ease can't win back the sympathy of others, but they will feel bullied, and the final result can only be worse and worse.

children should "let no one" before they are three years old.

At this time, they have already developed a basic sense of self. At this time, their independent consciousness begins to sprout. If they don't want their children to suffer in the future, parents should encourage the germination of their children's self-awareness. At this critical node of three years old, they can't let anything go.

After the age of three, it is mainly to discuss with children.

At this time, children have a basic understanding. Parents should explain their interests to their children, and after fully exchanging opinions and obtaining the children's ease, then make a decision. Don't do anything stupid to harm their children because of temporary face.

"Obedience" is not a fig leaf for bullying

Obedience education is not uncommon in many families, and many parents blindly ask their children to obey, so that they are deprived of their right to fight. As the saying goes, everything is two sides of the same body, and obedience is also divided into objects. For those children who bully themselves, it is the right way to fight back with dignity.

Parents should tell their children that they can be "disobedient" when they are bullied, bravely defend their rights and seek help from their parents, who should be their solid backing.

If you don't want your child to become a "soft persimmon" in life, you need parents to protect their children's legitimate rights, cultivate their self-awareness, and guard against their becoming a "pleasing personality".

ps: The pictures in this article are all from the Internet. If there is any infringement, please delete them.