Couples' sexual humor jokes

Humor is to express inner conflict in a safe and non-threatening way. I collected some humorous jokes about couples for you. Let's have a look.

Selected humorous jokes of husband and wife

1) Couples stare at each other in the restaurant. You're so good. I want to eat you. Girl: I want to bite you too. The waiter standing at the table coughed and asked, What would you like to drink?

2) My husband once in a while. Two days later, my wife took a bite and said, What's wrong with you? It's either light or salty. The husband replied: this time I made up the salt I put less last time.

3) ? I met a girl the other day. I fell in love with her at first sight ? That's good! But why don't you go after her? I looked at her again. ?

4) The child pointed to the person in front and said to his mother: There is not a hair on that person's head! Mom: Keep your voice down so that others can hear you. Child: Doesn't he know?

5) A Jun showed his jokes to his deskmate, who laughed after reading them. A Jun asked excitedly: Is my joke good? The deskmate replied: Can this be called a joke?

6) M: We have been dating for so long, let's live together! My parents will never forgive me. What if we get married? W: I won't forgive myself.

7) When the hotel manager came to the restaurant, he said uneasily to all the guests: Sorry, the chef asked me to tell the guests that I hope you will be careful when chewing. He dropped his contact lens.

Customer: How much is the haircut? Barber: Ten yuan. Customer: It's so expensive! I am a bald man. Barber: Of course I know. One is for a haircut and the other is for a haircut.

9) The child came to his mother in tears, and her mother asked, What's the matter, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

10) Bookstore assistant with a straight face: Don't look, this is a book seller, not a library! Customer: What's your attitude? You didn't smile. Shop assistant: Are you here to buy a book or a smile?

1 1) customers complain that these apples are too expensive. The fruit shop assistant replied, don't say that. Look how red they are. Customer: You charge too much, of course they blush!

12) It was late at night, and the child began to cry while sleeping. Father decided to sing a lullaby to coax him. As a result, just after singing a few words, the next door protested: let the children cry!

13) The young man who just learned to ride a motorcycle accidentally hit an old woman. Young man: Grandma, I'm sorry! I'm not good at riding. Grandma: I'm not good at riding. I can play so accurately!

14) mom: lipstick is from a male classmate. Daughter: Yes. Mom: Girls shouldn't just accept gifts from boys. Give it to him quickly. Daughter: I want to return it. I put it in my mouth every day and give it back to him.

Classic humorous jokes about couples.

1) Husband and wife don't get along, sleep in separate rooms, don't talk to each other, and write a note if something happens. One day, my husband left his wife a note saying that I was going to work and would call me tomorrow. At his wife's bedside, An Lan fell asleep. The next day, when I woke up, it was gone. He was very angry and ran to question his wife. I looked at my wife's room and found her long gone. I couldn't go back to my room. I found a note on my pillow, which said, you damn fool, it's already halfway through, and I still can't get up.

2) If your wife asked you to go out and look for a job, what would you look for? New wife. Does your husband love you? Love, very much! I'm inseparable from him, and I don't even go to work. Does your wife object to your smoking at home? Oh, she objects to my smoking anywhere. She said that smoking for two people costs more than smoking for one person. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, she becomes a historian. You mean, she's hysterical No, she exposed me. She won't lose anything. I am very careful. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. No wonder all your children are healthy! Woman: Doctor, my husband always talks in his sleep. ......

3) In order to borrow a banana fan, the Monkey King got into the belly of Princess Iron Fan. Look at the following dialogue. Sister-in-law, I am already in your heart. ? Princess Iron Fan:? Get out of the way. Uncle, I can't stand it? Wukong:? Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon. Open your mouth quickly. ? Princess Iron Fan:? Obstruct? Niu listened at the door and left a divorce agreement? Away from home.

4) On his girlfriend's birthday, Guo Shuai spent a lot of money to buy a qq number and send it to his girlfriend. What does this number stand for? I love you all my life? . After I bought it, I couldn't log in at all, prompting that the password was wrong. Handsome boy takes a closer look, and the original number is

5) wife:? How does the fish-flavored shredded pork taste? Husband:? Just so-so ? Wife:? How about grilled eggplant? Husband:? Not bad. ? Wife:? How about Mapo tofu? Husband:? Not bad. ? Wife:? Can you die if you say a good fucking word? Husband:? The rice is so hard! ?

6) Take your daughter-in-law to climb the mountain. . Rest in the gazebo at the top of the mountain. Hug your daughter-in-law intimately and make a strong kiss, but she suddenly said, brother-in-law, don't do this! So many people were staring at me at that time. . .

7) Wife: What do you think of sex? Husband: I don't think so, but there are many ways. Wife: What do you think of me wearing a bikini to this seaside party? Dave: No! So people will think you got married after my money. Wife: Husband! Will my hair be ugly? Dave: No. Your ugliness has nothing to do with hair. Wife: Let's see if I broke my palm. Dave: Don't look, there must be. Wife: Why? Husband: Otherwise, how could my life be ruined by you? Wife: Boss, give my husband a bottle of rice wine. Boss: Is one bottle enough? Your husband is famous for his capacity for drinking. ......

8) A couple has been married for many years. Suddenly one day, the wife asked her husband, Do you like my beauty or my cuteness? ? The husband replied:? I like your humor. ?

9) The wife bought a lottery ticket and said to her husband, "If I win the lottery, I will buy a dress." Husband asked:? What if you can't win? The wife said, "Then buy it for me! ?

10) Husband: Shaving in the morning makes me feel young! Wife: Hum! In that case, you should shave before going to bed. Wife: Honey, I don't look like my mother in this dress, do I? Husband: No, like parents. Husband: If I didn't make a lot of money, how could I have this home? Wife: You're right. If I had no money, I wouldn't go into this house.

1 1) only to find that condoms have such a lovely name, called stop elf. . . So ... Ready to sing! On the right side of the left leg and the left side of the right leg, there is an elf. They are thin and transparent, smooth and beautiful. They travel freely in the big black forest, safe and considerate to prevent being fathers ~

12) Today, a good friend of mine announced that she was pregnant at a friend's party. We were so happy that I blurted out with excitement. Great! I must be a stepmother after the baby is born! ? Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I was wrong and quickly changed my mind. No, no, I mean stepmother. ? Actually, what I want to say is dopted mother.

Wife: Your new secretary is quite beautiful! Dave: Yes! Wife: What about aesthetics? Dave: Good. Wife: Are you considerate? Dave: That's great! Wife: Are you enthusiastic about your work? Dave: Just make do! Wife: How about getting dressed? Dave: Pretty fast?

Couples' sexual humor jokes

1) Wife: Will it be ugly if I cut this hairstyle? Husband: No! Wife: Really? Husband: Yes! Your ugliness has nothing to do with your hairstyle.

2) After refusing a man's proposal, a beautiful girl comforted him and said, But honey, you don't have to be too sad. I will always appreciate your good eyes.

3) When the female singer practices singing, the dog next door keeps barking. The female singer said, sir, can you stop your dog from barking? The neighbor replied, as long as you don't sing, it won't bark!

4) A boy followed the girl all the way and pestered her. When I got home, I saw that the man was still standing not far from the door and volunteered to blow him away. I really have no vision when I go out and shout. Only you will have a crush on my sister!

5) A: Guess what I will do after I get paid? Give it to my wife. No, put it in the bank. B: That's a man. A: Then give my wife the passbook.

6) Zi: What is sincerity? Father: Honesty means giving goods to customers today, knowing that they will go bankrupt tomorrow. Zi: What is wisdom? Father: Don't do such a stupid thing!

7) The intern asked the old doctor, why did you put the thermometer on your ear? The old doctor touched his ear and said in fear, it's over! I must have stuck a pen in someone's anus.

8) A: Alas, I failed. It doesn't matter! Failure is not shameful! Hmm! Failure is not shameful! Yes! Because failure is shameful!

9) The wife asked her husband: Do you like my tenderness and loveliness or my intelligence and beauty? Husband: I like your sense of humor!

10) a salesgirl in a department store, when she first fell in love and kissed her boyfriend for the first time, was unexpectedly madly in love and asked: Do you want anything else?

1 1) Passerby: Why are you begging? Beggar: Because I need money to buy wine. Passerby: Then why do you drink? Beggar: I have the courage to beg.

12) Cinema, Audience A: Hey, why did you throw the orange peel on the floor? Audience B: What, you want me to throw orange meat?

13) On the bus, a man found someone stealing his wallet. He simply pointed to the work permit in his pocket and said to the thief, take this out by the way. I am a policeman.