Sichuanese jingle

1, ass is a kind of sour gas, which drills around in people's stomachs and comes out carelessly. Dinosaurs farted and ruminated and crossed the ocean to Italy. The king of Italy was watching a play and smelled this fart. He is very dissatisfied. He specially invited scientists to study this fart. The result of the study is that whoever loses is a fart. 2. The great man is not in the early stage. Lanterns hung on both sides and I didn't eat for three days. They bought three onions, three triangles, a big wax gourd and six horns around the pot. They bought two ninety-jiao fried dough sticks. Well, I'll recite this formula when I'm bored at the moment. )

3, say you are a melon, you are just a melon, get up in the middle of the night to sweep the dam, don't shout? .

The sun shines in the sky and the flowers smile at me. The bird said, good morning, good morning. Why are you charged? I went to bomb the school, and the principal didn't know. You get the gun, I get the gun. Bang, there are no birds in the school. (The tune of "The Sun Shines in the Sky") (Same rogue song, haha-I liked it then)

5, your grandmother, tiptoe, the car can't run away.

6. Hello, XX. Take a bath with swill, swim with rice soup (read the clouds), and move forward with feces.

7. On a foggy Sunday morning, xxx's team lined up, picked up machine guns, rushed to the ladies' room, took off their clothes and pants and played hooligans.

8. Report to the commander, Mo De wears pants, picks up a piece of cloth and sews a pair of fork pants (signed by a girl with personality).

9. The eighteen monsters at the forefront steal oil and then fry, first fry the X goblin and then fry the X monster (X is someone's surname).

10, silver carp, drink rice soup, smash the bowl, pick up the wife, the wife cries, go back to her mother's house, buy an umbrella, the umbrella is high, buy a knife, the knife is fast, the vegetables are good, the salt is long, buy a dog, and the dog bites your mother's pig grandmother.

1 1, Guaxi xi, flying planes, rubbing planes, riding motorcycles (driving Alto).

12, tell the gunner that if you eat wine, you eat urine.

13, fuck you, bitch, take forks everywhere; Your father Batman flew from the sky to the ground; Your grandmother, the chicken exploder, picked up the pole and grabbed it everywhere (your grandmother contra, picked up the machine gun and gong everywhere/your grandmother contra, and several somersaults crossed the river); Grandpa, fly swatter, kill flies without bleeding; Your sister, a little wild, lions and tigers use it to pull.

14, your mother hag, picked up a fork everywhere, your father Batman, flying in the sky, crawling on the ground; You bitches, sons of bitches, pick up poles and grab them everywhere.

15, tell me, fire, master eats wine, you eat urine, master flies, you sit on a rotten dustpan.

16. Be a good boy and ride into the street at once. Dear son, come and ask grandma ... (I forgot if I was cute when I was a child)

17, the sun came out, I climbed the pole, climbed the pole, I played with wires, and the wires released high-voltage electricity, which sent me to the palace of hell. I gave the king a cigarette and the king sent me to heaven. Year after year, I returned to this world. The tune of "Big Sedan" (singing this song at that time would be considered hooliganism)

18, XXX's head is the same as the earth, with mountains, water and rivers; So-and-so's waist is like a kitchen knife, cutting meat, vegetables and peppers; So-and-so's ass is like bread, five cents, just pick-

19, hello, hello, you take a bath in the river, your hair is more than meat. (corporate vision)

20, chickens crow, ducks crow, and everyone picks them up. (Hehe, this sentence is also impressive)

2 1, Tianma Meteor Boxing, Farting Wandering/Eating without giving money/Breaking kindergarten Lushan into a dragon bully, strong X Athena.

22. Dogs drive motorcycles and don't understand science.

23, 12345, go up the mountain to shoot tigers, tigers will eat people, blacks will close doors and go door to door, tigers will face tigers, just pointing to the middle thumb. (Children's songs are very smooth)

24. I slapped the lady and she said I was capable. I moved this young lady to Scacca.

Classic quotations in Sichuan dialect comedy

1. If you want to be smart, you should drink milk. If you want to be handsome, you should eat more rattan vegetables-Wang Baoqi.

2. You look like a pig with a bright and dirty heart and pretend to be a Hong Kong businessman. The teeth are brown, pretending to be an expert, the red flag in the house is not falling, and the colorful flags are still flying outside.

3. Men can retreat on the battlefield, but never fall down on the mahjong table-Wang Baoqi.

4. The Lake brothers said that all the eggs in the world together can't beat the stone-Wang Baoqi.

5. You are stubborn. Don't listen when you talk, and don't do it when you listen. If you do something wrong, you have to lie. If you lie, you won't admit it.

6. See if I don't turn your shrimp into a panda today-Flower Magpie said to Wang Baoqi.

7. I tell you that the miser is warm, patient and sincere before borrowing money, and he makes you happy; After borrowing money, it is cruel and heartless, which makes you sad.

8. Tian Cainong said: If people don't commit crimes against me, I won't commit crimes; People attack me, I give three points; If people commit crimes against me again, they will destroy the grass.

9. Yes, your baby has grown up-Xifeng.

10 yo, how dare I comb it out without some skill? wang baoqi

1 1, Brother Rake said that people are either addicted to bad habits or abnormal in silence-Wang Baoqi.

12, I don't know what a tire is. A "fetus" is the reincarnation of several generations-Wang Baoqi.

13, knives will rust if they are not sharpened, and people will lose weight if they don't eat meat-Wang Baoqi.

14, don't play with me there.

15, run, horse skull

16, don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital-steel pea said to the miser.

17, you are a cucumber, with a yellow accent, doing melon things-Tian Cainong.

18, you are the placenta, the skull is the fetus, and walking is the vegetable-sweet cowpea.

19. Ask the baby to practice sword, and the baby will practice sword, but if you don't practice epee, you will practice sword (base) instead of Jin Jian and bronze sword, and the baby prefers silver sword. Tian Cainong

20. Happiness can't be caged. Just wear cropped trousers. Say you are precious, you say you are in good health. It's easy to say, just like running grass.

2 1, Xifeng said: I want to drink pesticides, you give me a bottle; If I want to get on the crane, you give me a rope; If I want to jump into the well, you can cover it for me.

Wang Baoqi, I won't hit you in the face with spring today. You don't know why flowers are so red

23. Baoqi said to Brother Rake: There are plenty of herbs in the sea, and we don't look for them at all in our village. Small quantity and poor quality.

24. Wang Baoqi said: Give up Bora Baode Castle and give up pearls for agate.

25, Tian Cainong said: You don't want one, two, three, five, six, four (things) to find four.

26. When Gan bought a computer, he said that his head was full of ping-pong balls and glutinous rice balls hung under his eyebrows.

27. I am flat-chested, I am proud, and I save the country. I was late, I left early, and I saved electricity for the country.

28. If you don't correct it for a day, you will shout. Two days without smashing houses and uncovering tiles, three days without hammering and thundering.

29. The treasure said: Don't think that a grape will become a grape when it is dried up.

A tree will die if it is not skinned. People have no face and the world is invincible.

Tinker Bell: Super funny Tinker Bell

Phrases: Super funny rhymes 1. Fly to America in a hurry just to eat a hamburger; I have to say that I am the best actor when I meet a talent scout when I go out. How did these wonderful things happen? Dream!

2. Classification of students. Students who repeat grades are called: international students; Students with money at home are called gifted students; Students who doze off in class are called poor students.

3. Staring is a temper, and being beaten is the purpose. Although my arms are thin and explosive. Try it if you don't believe me!

A broken jar has its own broken lid, and an ugly ghost has its own ugly girl's love. As long as love is as deep as the sea, Asako can shine.

I missed you secretly last night, and my dream was full of salty tears. When I woke up, what blurred my vision in my dream was a pillow of saliva.

6. Get the word in the dream, change guns for guns. Originally a three-legged cat, it added a tiger waist. Walking is powerful and heroic. It's too bad to wake up and watch. The tiger has become a straw bag

7. The taste of first love: yogurt, sweet and sour; The taste of love: wine is easy to faint; The taste of marriage: tea, if you don't change it, the more you soak it, the weaker it will be. The taste of divorce: coffee, bitter but thought-provoking.

8. One thin and one fat two women meet. The thin woman said, if I were as fat as you, I would have died in the morning. The fat woman said: When I hang myself, I must use you as a rope.

9. The so-called finger-belly marriage means pointing to your girlfriend's belly and saying to your parents: Dad, Mom, we are getting married!

10. Couples in western countries always divorce because their lover is a baby. Look at the old man under the moon in China. They are experienced, so China's marriage lasts longer. When carrot saw the customer, he respectfully handed in his business card. The customer looked at the business card and asked, why is it called Korean ginseng? Carrot waist is small, people haha!

1 1. Today, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you: I struggled all night, and your face is so thick that I have no face to live in this world! Lord, forgive him! I killed myself.

12. Someone saw you today. You are still so charming. You walk slowly in a plaid vest. You look so detached. It is really cute. I don't know how you beat rabbits in those years.

13. One year, a man wrote more than 800 love letters to his girlfriend, and finally her girlfriend announced that she was getting married. The groom is the postman who delivered these letters to her.

14. The barber was chatting while helping the guests to shave their faces, and they were so excited that they didn't pay attention to shaving off the guests' eyebrows. The barber asked: Do you want to keep your eyebrows? Guest: Stay! Barber: Alas! Why didn't you say so earlier? Shaved off!

15. Husband: Honey, I was fired. Because of a little thing, it's so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after work last night. But they don't want to think, who dares to steal a tiger?

16. There are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind. And you: it is used to stew vermicelli!

17. Stop getting drunk. Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a glass and shouting, are you a brother? Brother did it! !

18. I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

19. If I leave in autumn, I will wait for you in the snow; If the world goes, I will love you in heaven; If I leave, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are not bad!

20. I know you pay attention to hygiene. Wash your hands carefully every time you go to the toilet. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You answer: I brought paper this time! !

2 1. It is a very happy thing to miss you; Nice to meet you. Loving you is what I will always do; Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing; However, lying to you just happened.

22. Every day, I pray to the Buddha for a long-lasting blooming rose. When it reaches 999, I will give it to you together. I said emotionally, my youngest son, I don't believe that the attracted bees won't sting you! !

23. It takes two people to applaud: the golden mean.

24. Crows in the world are generally black: halo effect.

25. Flies don't bite seamless eggs: generalize by one side.

26. Everyone is equal before opportunities: impossible.

27. People live and trees die: not necessarily.

28. If there is something, change it, and if there is nothing, add encouragement: killing people does not see blood.

29. In terms of qualifications, I have crossed more bridges than you.

30. When a fellow villager sees a fellow villager, his eyes are full of tears: murder is even worse.

3 1. Snow in front of every sweeper: The world is getting worse and worse.

32. Time is like cleavage, there will always be squeezing; The generation gap is like cleavage. You don't know how deep it is until you plunge into it. Personality is like cleavage, you can only see part of others; Luxury goods are like cleavage, you can only look at them.

33. I am really anxious to get angry, deal with hot issues coldly, dare to face hardships, take a straight road to turn around, don't regret what happened in the past, don't compare with what happened in front of me, work wholeheartedly and protect my health wholeheartedly.

34. Those who have jobs have no right to engage in greening, those who have the courage to engage in culture, those who have money and no right to engage in corruption, those who have no self-styled popularity, those who have little or no liberalization goals, those who have no land to talk over their heads, and those who have only one child.

Mandarin: the classic Mandarin.

Mandarin: Classic Mandarin 1. Today's four big fools: those who don't love themselves, those who take medicine without illness or disaster, those who sign contracts void, and those who giggle at mobile phones.

There are four kinds of soil today: mobile phones wear condoms, pagers wear handcuffs, men wear vests and women wear bras.

Four things that can't be provoked: drinking without eating vegetables, wearing a tie with bare arms, showing your breasts, and riding a bike for 80 miles.

4. Four happy things in the new life: chatting with friends, shopping with netizens, charging the phone bill, and making your lover happy.

5. Four tragedies in life: long drought meets rain; When you meet an old friend in a foreign country, you are a creditor; Wedding night, next door; When nominating the gold medal list, the names are repeated.

6. Four major troubles: no one arrived at the party, no one called the BB machine, the daughter-in-law didn't want to make trouble, and she had to wear a condom if she wanted to make trouble.

7. Four weaknesses: the boss's kidney, an official's manuscript, miss's tears, and the table of the Bureau of Statistics.

8. Four leisure activities: rich women, leaders' money, laid-off workers and scientific researchers.

9. Four Knows: I didn't know that the official was small until I arrived in Beijing. I didn't know that the building was small until I arrived in Shanghai. I didn't know that the money was small until I arrived in Shenzhen. I didn't know that my wife was old until I arrived in the box.

10. Four lectures: healthy atmosphere in the morning, loyalty at noon, luck in the afternoon and strength in the evening.

1 1. Four things can't be said: the bull market was quilted, honey was soaked, money was stolen, and Viagra was invalid.

12. Four evils: wine is a poison that penetrates the intestines, color is a steel knife that scrapes bones, gas is a tiger that goes down the mountain, and money is the root of trouble.

13. Men's four goods: 20-year-old men are futures, 30-year-old men are hot items, 40-year-old men are stocks, and 50-year-old men are jumping off buildings.

14. Men have four fears: fear of a young lady getting sick, fear of a lover getting pregnant, fear of people writing letters and fear of a wife committing suicide.

15. Men spend four flowers: first-class men have flowers outside their homes, second-class men look for flowers outside their homes, third-class men scratch around, and fourth-class men come home from work.

16. Men sleep four times: beggars sleep quietly, sleeping with their wives is tax payment, sleeping with their lovers is tax evasion, and sleeping with their sister-in-law is value-added sleep.

17. Men's Four Ghosts: Going home from work at night is a poor ghost, going home at 9 pm is an alcoholic, going home at 12 pm is a goat, and going home at 4 am is a gambler.

18. Men are four idiots: coming home from work, earning money, eating lobster and leaving a phone number for women.

19. Men have four ages: Pentium at twenty, Microsoft at thirty, Panasonic at forty and Lenovo at fifty.

20. Four iron buddies in the world: one iron went through the window together, two irons carried a gun together, three irons went whoring together, and four irons shared it together.

2 1. A man's four hopes: a cook at home, a good-looking one in the office, a bitch beside him and a young lady in the distance.

22. Four wishes of men: to marry a wife, you must marry Xiao Zhao; To make friends, you should be Ling Huchong; To be a man, it is best to be Qiao Feng; If you get married, you will get Wei Xiaobao.

23. Men have four major helplessness: it's boring to accompany their wives, it's too expensive to find a young lady, it's too tiring to have a lover, and it's most affordable not to get married.

24. Women's four ideals: men have broken heads and shells, send me money every day, and wait in line for me to choose, never getting old.

25. Fourth-class beauties: First-class beauties have crossed the ocean, second-class beauties are in Shenzhen and Zhuhai, third-class beauties are in Beijing and Shanghai, and fourth-class beauties are waiting for the sea.

26. The emergence of four loves: first love is like love at first sight, passionate love is like commitment, nostalgia is like obedience, and lovelorn is like you.

27. Four basic rules: drinking is basically based on delivery, smoking is basically based on supply, wages are basically unchanged, and wives are basically not used.

28. A lady is pretending, a gentleman is pretending, and blind date is often misleading.

29. There are no handsome, young, capable men with rich families.

30. Some people have their noses done, their eyelids cut, their breasts enlarged and their buttocks padded, but only their bones have not moved.

3 1. There are basically no women with beautiful appearance and virtuous personality.

32. It is normal for couples to quarrel and fight.

33. It is necessary to sing songs, dance and buy gifts.

34. My wife loves me, my mother loves me, and it is a dilemma for my mother-in-law to quarrel with her son.

35. Vegetables are grown, filial sons are made, and wives are coaxed out.

36. It's profitable to raise a daughter, but losing money to raise a son, which favors boys over girls.

37. Housewives have a hard time washing dishes, wiping tables and mopping floors.

38. Fashion should be bought, lipstick should be applied, mask should be applied, and women always like to dress up.

The TV is the wife's, the computer is the husband's and the rice cooker is the mother's.

40. Children are cute, husbands are handsome, and women always think so.

4 1. A good job needs a high salary. In order to support the family, men have a heavy burden on their shoulders.